(The following is something I wrote back in July for the Parents Encouraging Parents section of We Grow Ministries. I thought I'd share it with you. Since writing this, God has really been working in my life to help me respond better to my kids. Praise the Lord!)
While sitting in the backyard, my ten year old came rushing up to me with a poor helpless dragonfly dangling from a stick. Its wings were drenched.
“Can you save him, Mommy?” asked my hopeful child.
Who knows what caused the demise of this dragonfly? Maybe it took a wrong turn. Maybe it zigged when it should have zagged. Regardless, the dragonfly had made a bad decision and was now paying the consequences.
I could relate. I was burdened down from poor choices I had been making as a parent. After some consistent wrong turns, I felt like a failure. Though God had blessed me with the job of parenting four boys, lately it felt more like a burden. Who was going to come and rescue me?
While the dragonfly rested in my care, I considered my current situation:
Why have I been so impatient with the boys? Over and over and over again, I find myself reacting to situations rather than responding. God calls me to respond with a gentle and quiet spirit (1 Peter 3:4). Yet often, my words have been harsh and my responses have been soaked in tones of irritation. Instead of ‘soaring on wings as eagles’ (Isaiah 40:31), or even flittering as a dragonfly, I’m drowning in regrets. It’s obvious by their constant nagging and berating of each other that I’ve set a poor example for them to follow.
Thirty minutes later, the dragonfly still clung to the stick upon my lap. I had never seen a dragonfly so close for such a long stretch of time. What beauty was in the creature’s shimmering wings and body! At every angle against the sunlight, the unmoving dragonfly glistened in colors of green, blue, and black.
Then an incredible thing happened. In slow motion, the wings opened and closed. Then the dragonfly walked off of the stick and onto my pant leg. Soon, it was flittering along the creek bank again.
There are times when I become burdened down as a parent. I can feel helpless, or even hopeless. Just as my son came to me to save the dragonfly, I come to God in desperation and I ask, “Can you save me from the mess I’ve made? Is there any hope?” Often my frustrations are the greatest when I recognize that my children’s shortcomings—those attitudes, behaviors, or sentiments that push my “I can’t take it anymore” buttons—are a mere reflection of my own shortcomings.
God is waiting for me to take some time and to come and to sit in His presence. As I unload my burdens and confess my sins, He is faithful and just to forgive me (1 John 1:9). It’s really, really hard for me to set apart time to pray and to read God’s Word. But when I do, I always find hope. I always find strength. I always find rest. I can just see God looking at me from every angle while I rest in His presence. I wonder, “Is the beauty that He created in me more evident in those times?” I’m sure it is, especially in my actions and in my responses. And I’m sure it is more evident to my children and to my husband.
When I come before the Lord with true transparency, He gives me the forgiveness and the grace I need to get up and to try again. Before long, I have the strength and the desire to ‘flitter’ down the path of Godly parenthood once again.
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Instead, it [your beauty] should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 1 Peter 3:4
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. I John 1:9
