Catch and Release

(I wrote this for WeGrowMinistries, Parents Encouraging Parents Blog on Family Enrichment on October 10, 2010. 


“Come, follow me,” Jesus said, “and I will make you fishers of men.”

I thought I understood this verse……and then I took up fly fishing. There is more depth in Jesus’ words than I ever imagined.

1. A fisherman knows what kind of fish he’s trying to catch. He knows, according to the season, what interests the fish.
2. He understands his equipment. He knows where to cast the line and when to cast the line.
3. He appreciates that there are times to wait, times to pull the line in, and times to re-cast. He must be patient. When one lure doesn’t work, he’ll choose another.

We are all called to be fishers of men, but as parents our kids are our first priority. To understand the privilege of introducing Jesus to our kids, let’s apply these fly fishing principles to our parenting.

First, know your kids. Each child is unique with his own set of God-given interests and abilities that can change over time and with maturity.

Second, understand your limitations and God’s provision. No parent is perfect and no parent has all of the answers. Ask the Lord to give you wisdom and discernment. Seek Him for direction in how and when to reach the heart of your child.

Third, appreciate the process, be patient, and wait upon the Lord. I’m only just beginning to understand this aspect as my oldest son reaches his teen years. There are certainly times to speak into your child’s life. But as they grow and mature, you want them to recognize God’s voice above your own.

Share Jesus with your kids, everyday. Whether it be through His Word, through a story about what God has done in your life, through prayer, by your example or with your love…there are all kinds of ways to share Jesus with your kids. They will catch the vision of what it is to walk with Jesus as they watch you.

In many ways, Godly parenting is like the “catch and release” method of fishing. We are to “catch” our kids and reach their hearts for Jesus. Then, we must “release” them back into the world and continue modeling for them what it is to recognize Jesus-- each time they see Him. This is a daily process. The sooner we appreciate this fact, the more patient we will be with the process….and with ourselves….and with our kids.

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“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” Deuteronomy 6:4-7

“Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.” Psalm 34:8

Thanksgiving

It was three years ago that I really appreciated Thanksgiving for the first time.  That was when I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  In fact, I had my first appointment with my surgeon the day before Thanksgiving in 2007 and we scheduled my (first) surgery for the following Tuesday.  Has it really only been three years?  It seems like ten years have been added to my life since then.

Prior to that, it was always the time of family and togetherness that I looked forward to the most on Thanksgiving.  Of course, that is still important to me, but now I am just so thankful to be here.

I don't care if the stuffing is just right, or if the turkey is big enough to feed everyone.  Who cares if there are enough pies, or if decaf or caffeinated coffee is being served?  I'm just so thankful to be here. 

Why do we worry about whatever family tension may be a brewing?  We are together.  Can't we be thankful that we are together--whatever that looks like for me....for you. 

I can just see Jesus interceding for us and cheering us on as we come together with family! 
"You can do it!"       "Love your brother."        "Forgive your sister." 
     "Let it (whatever "it" is) go."       "Lay down your pride."      "Hug your mother."       
"Kiss your father."         "Play with your children."       "Engage with your grandparents."

There are so many things we can be thankful for!

Well, Happy Thanksgiving!  And pass the turkey, please!

The Dragonfly

(The following is something I wrote back in July for the Parents Encouraging Parents section of We Grow Ministries.  I thought I'd share it with you.  Since writing this, God has really been working in my life to help me respond better to my kids.  Praise the Lord!)

While sitting in the backyard, my ten year old came rushing up to me with a poor helpless dragonfly dangling from a stick. Its wings were drenched.

“Can you save him, Mommy?” asked my hopeful child.

Who knows what caused the demise of this dragonfly? Maybe it took a wrong turn. Maybe it zigged when it should have zagged. Regardless, the dragonfly had made a bad decision and was now paying the consequences.

I could relate. I was burdened down from poor choices I had been making as a parent. After some consistent wrong turns, I felt like a failure. Though God had blessed me with the job of parenting four boys, lately it felt more like a burden. Who was going to come and rescue me?

While the dragonfly rested in my care, I considered my current situation:

Why have I been so impatient with the boys? Over and over and over again, I find myself reacting to situations rather than responding. God calls me to respond with a gentle and quiet spirit (1 Peter 3:4). Yet often, my words have been harsh and my responses have been soaked in tones of irritation. Instead of ‘soaring on wings as eagles’ (Isaiah 40:31), or even flittering as a dragonfly, I’m drowning in regrets. It’s obvious by their constant nagging and berating of each other that I’ve set a poor example for them to follow.

Thirty minutes later, the dragonfly still clung to the stick upon my lap. I had never seen a dragonfly so close for such a long stretch of time. What beauty was in the creature’s shimmering wings and body! At every angle against the sunlight, the unmoving dragonfly glistened in colors of green, blue, and black.

Then an incredible thing happened. In slow motion, the wings opened and closed. Then the dragonfly walked off of the stick and onto my pant leg. Soon, it was flittering along the creek bank again.

There are times when I become burdened down as a parent. I can feel helpless, or even hopeless. Just as my son came to me to save the dragonfly, I come to God in desperation and I ask, “Can you save me from the mess I’ve made? Is there any hope?” Often my frustrations are the greatest when I recognize that my children’s shortcomings—those attitudes, behaviors, or sentiments that push my “I can’t take it anymore” buttons—are a mere reflection of my own shortcomings.

God is waiting for me to take some time and to come and to sit in His presence. As I unload my burdens and confess my sins, He is faithful and just to forgive me (1 John 1:9). It’s really, really hard for me to set apart time to pray and to read God’s Word. But when I do, I always find hope. I always find strength. I always find rest. I can just see God looking at me from every angle while I rest in His presence. I wonder, “Is the beauty that He created in me more evident in those times?” I’m sure it is, especially in my actions and in my responses. And I’m sure it is more evident to my children and to my husband.

When I come before the Lord with true transparency, He gives me the forgiveness and the grace I need to get up and to try again. Before long, I have the strength and the desire to ‘flitter’ down the path of Godly parenthood once again.

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Instead, it [your beauty] should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 1 Peter 3:4

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. I John 1:9

Casting for Recovery

Mid-Flex........Tippets.....

Clinch Knot.....Dry and Wet Flies.....Caddis......

These words, and many more, were added to my vocabulary over the past weekend in which I attended a retreat for women who have or have had breast cancer.  This was no ordinary weekend.

Fourteen women from all walks of life across the state of Indiana were "randomly" selected from a pool of applicants.  And I was one of them! 

Though it is true that our applications were randomly chosen by human hands, I believe that this particular weekend was meant for each one of us.  I could provide a list of examples that, to me, confirm that God's hand was in this orchestrating every detail; but for the sake of confidentiality, that will have to stay out of this blog entry.  From attendees to program coordinators and from medical professionals to fly-fishing and river helpers, this weekend was truly exceptional. 

Yes, I said FLY FISHING.

This weekend used the beautiful art and rhythm of fly fishing, combined with counseling and medical expertise, to bring each participant one step further in her road to recovery.  It was truly a tapestry of grace, love, compassion, respite, and healing. 

There are a few moments in life when you can walk away from something and know that the hands and feet that served you faithfully and lovingly were extensions of your Lord.  That is what this weekend felt like to me.

A huge thank you goes out to the hundreds of volunteers who make this retreat possible.  An even bigger one goes out to the women and men who made this specific weekend possible.  Thank you so much!

Now that I'm home I see that there are a few more words in my vocabulary whose depth of meaning were expanded because of Casting for Recovery.  Words like......

Compassion......Love......Servant's Heart.

Guidance........Graciousness.......Friendship.

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Casting for Recovery was founded in 1996 by a professional fly fisher and a reconstructive surgeon.  To find out more, or to tell a breast cancer survivor about this retreat, check out their website by clicking here.
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I lift up my eyes to the hills--where does my help come from?  My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.  Psalm 121:1-2

School Begins

One of my blogger and homeschool friends came up with a great way to start off her school year.  Seeing that I was lacking a great way to start mine, I borrowed some of her ideas 

Tomorrow, our oldest heads off for public school for the first time.  We are very excited for him.  So today, we officially kicked off our school year, for homeschool and public school, together. 

We started with the borrowed idea of having a time capsule.  So, as the boys sat at our round table for nearly two hours, they filled out four blank pages with the following information:

What are three things you are good at?
A self-portrait.
What do you dream about doing?
What will you do this year to improve in one area?

The answers were varied in thoughtfulness and creativity.  Some were completed with words and some with pictures.  You just never know what you're going to get with an assignment like this.  I decided not to interfere with their creative processes and was pleasantly surprised by most of their ideas (and as you will see, a little concerned about a few!)  So, in random order (to keep their anonymity) here are the answers I got to the above questions:

What are three things you are good at?  Soccer, climbing, thinking up ideas, art, reading, math, sports, camping.
A self-portrait.  Oh, I wish I could show you these.  The boys had so much fun and really worked hard on them.
What do you dream about doing?  Designing things for the Army, Becoming a Regional Service Manager, Being a Wizard (What?), Making Shoes, and Racing Cars. 
What will you do this year to improve in one area?  read more (YAY, he thought this up on his own!!), riting (boy, did he hit the nail on the head with that one!), brotherly love (Thank you, Jesus!), laying on the floor to do my math (hmm, maybe that will make all the difference!  Pun intended.)

After completing all the answers, we rolled up the papers and stuck them in our "time capsule"--a modified cardboard Sensodyne toothpaste box--to be opened on our last day of school.

Oh, yes, and during this process two of my boys decided to change their names.  Brenner would like to be called by his middle name, Isaiah.  Parker would like to be called Bubba--which is the name of a friend I had in high school.  (After my high school reunion last year, the boys asked me lots of questions about who I saw.  I mentioned seeing Bubba--who no longer goes by that name, but it's hard to think of him as anything else.  Well, apparently the boys loved the name and have debated for awhile as to who among them should be called Bubba.  I guess Parker won).   We'll see how long that lasts. 

We wrapped up our morning by brainstorming ideas for our daily schedule, our classroom rules, our chore rotation, quick lunch/snack ideas, and field trips.  During the field trip discussion, ideas like "a trip to Disney World, to the Grand Canyon, and to Kansas to see their cousins," kept coming up. I had to remind them that a field trip is a day trip, not a destination vacation.

May God's hand continue to be upon us this school year.  Teaching us, prodding us, growing us, speaking to us, and showing us how to live this life for Him!

Parents Encouraging Parents

It was through this blog that I discovered my love of writing. The jumbled thoughts inside my head line up and make more sense when I put them down. Though I don't blog as much as I used to, it's still therapeutic for me.

This summer a friend from church asked if I would consider writing some articles for the "Parents Encouraging Parents" section of her website, WeGrowMinistries.com. http://wegrowministries.com/

I decided to give it a try. Why not? So, let me know what you think. And if you have a moment, check out my friend's website.

Here is my first one:


When Rhonda Haslett, creator of WeGrowMinistries.com, asked if I would consider writing some articles in the "Parents Encouraging Parents" section of her ministry website, I was initially very honored and excited. Then, on my way home from church, panic set in.

"Who am I to encourage other parents? What could I say that would be helpful, or inspirational or encouraging, for that matter? I'm probably not a good example to follow, anyway? What's the use?"

Before the car turned into our neighborhood, I had dashed any hopes of producing one shred of encouragement...ever. The other five passengers in the car, which included my husband and four sons, were oblivious to the battle that had engulfed my mind during that twenty minute ride home from church. I consciously noted each bad choice I made throughout the rest of the day...which added to the reasons why I COULD NOT write encouraging articles to other parents. In fact, by the end of the day, it was official. I was the worst parent that had ever walked on this earth.

As a parent, can you relate to the battle that can take place within your soul? Do you desire to be Christ-like and to demonstrate the love of God to your children, yet feel like maybe God made a mistake when He choose you for this awesome role of parenting?

Did I handle that discipline issue the right way?

Have I failed in training my child to be a good steward...to be responsible...to show respect....to be kind...to know and to love God?

Why do I always have to tell him the same thing over and over and over and over and over again?

I promised myself I wouldn't react with anger today, and yet I just yelled at my child before I even got out of bed!

Can I just buy a T-shirt for the boy that reads, "Really, my parents are trying, but I have a free will AND I'm willing to use it!"

Argh! Parenthood has its challenges.

Honestly, I've wondered often in the last month if Rhonda picked the wrong mom. The idea of encouraging other parents may be difficult, especially when there are many days in a week when I'm the one who needs the encouragement. I mess up everyday as a parent. Every single day.

I suppose that is the beauty of "Parents Encouraging Parents." We are regular, ordinary parents just like you. We have not perfected parenthood, but we are willing to be transparent in both our failures and our successes. We are willing to learn and to grow and to apply God's Word to our lives. As we share what God is teaching us, we pray that you are encouraged along the way.

May each of us grow to become parents after God's own heart!

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But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness. Hebrews 3:13

All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work {including parenthood}. 2 Timothy 3:16

The Music Man

This summer has been super busy for my youngest two boys. In May they auditioned for Hendricks Civic Theatre's production of "The Music Man" and were asked to join the cast.

Initially practices were about three times a week for 2 to 3 hours at a time. But with the first performance coming up this Friday night, everyone has had to be there almost every night for the past two weeks. Now we're there for 4 hours at a stretch!! Four hours!!

There was a point about three weeks ago where I'd hear the boys say, "We have to go to practice again." But now that we are in Tech Week, which is the week that everything starts coming together with costumes, set, orchestra, and props, the boys are excited to be there--for four hours at a stretch....without any snacks! Whew!

"The Music Man" will be a two-hour performance, including an intermission. There are around 60 people in the cast. The boys are seeing first hand all of the work that goes into making the show a success.

Last night they came out in their costumes wearing derby hats, knickerbockers, long sleeve, buttoned-down shirts, suspenders, long socks and dark shoes. They were so adorable!!

If you're in the area and would care to enjoy some family entertainment, consider coming to see "The Music Man." Yes, I know, a shameless plug! The cost is $12/adults and $8/seniors and children. You can purchase tickets at the door. The performances are at Plainfield High School, starting at 8:00 p.m. on Friday and Saturday, and 2:30 p.m. on Sunday. The show is this weekend and next weekend.

If not for any other reason, you should come just to see two of the cutest River City Kids you've ever seen!!!

For Mrs. H

A dear friend sends me emails from time to time, encouraging me to write new posts on my blog when it's been dormant for awhile. So, this one is for you, Mr. H.....and for Mrs. H, your wife of noble character who is worth far more than rubies. (Proverbs 31:10)

I recently picked up a trilogy that I had read in college. It is about God's unrelenting pursuit after the heart of man. As the trilogy unfolds, the reader begins to grasp the power in the threefold nature of God's forgiveness. For we are called to forgive others, we are called to forgive ourselves, and we are called to receive God's forgiveness. It is through this forgiveness that we allow God's healing to wash over us. (I'm referring to the healing of our spirit man).

The authors weave a tapestry of scripture and faith throughout the pages to remind the readers that "God's way is often beyond man's understanding" and "God's plan for reconciliation is never exhausted." The depth and richness of the story meant so much to me over twenty years ago when I first read it, that I've never been able to part with it.

In the introduction of the last book are these words:

"Life is not lived without heartbreak, loss and tragedy; such is the human condition. As Job said, 'Man is born to trouble.'

But a person's moments on earth are merely a flicker. The joys and miseries of circumstances ultimately fade into nothingness, and all that remains is the character one carries from this life into the next. The physical world provides the training ground for the deeper life as we learn to respond to the God who made us. Temporal loss can be the price of timeless gain."

Having battled through two of the toughest years of my life.....Seeing loved ones struggle through some difficult situations.....Realizing that no one is immune to the heartbreak, loss and tragedy of life....The above words in italics bring me comfort....on so very many levels.

May each of us learn to respond more intimately to the God who made us. May we set our minds on things above.

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Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Colossians 3:12-14

Disappointed, yet Thankful

"God has unstrung my bow and afflicted me." This phrase from Job 30:11 smacked me in the face this week. That is exactly how I felt.

Torn apart. Without purpose. Disfigured once again.

I underwent my DIEP flap bilateral breast reconstruction last Thursday. It started and ended badly. Without sharing the details, the main result is that my body failed to provide my surgeon with the vessels needed to complete a successful transfer of my flaps. So, I awoke from my 9 hour surgery without breasts, with multiple incisions and several drains on my trunk, and subsequently, in a lot of pain. Imprisoned upon my hospital bed for the remainder of the evening, I was at the mercy of a small button that would hopefully summon my nursing angels through the night.

Certainly, during our struggles, there are times when God's presence seems so far away......................"But if I go to the east, he is not there; if I go to the west, I do not find him. When he is at work in the north, I do not see him; when he turns to the south, I catch no glimpse of him." Job 23:8,9.

And yet, He is there................................."But he knows the way that I take...." Job 23:10a.

Most of my days since surgery have been a blur. But one constant, even in the midst of my grumbling and sorrow, has been the ministering ways of God's Holy Spirit........................."Your hands shaped me and made me. Will you now turn and destroy me?...You gave me life and showed me kindness, and in your providence watched over my spirit." Job 10:8,12.

Does God cause all the bad in our life? No, but He allows it. In a fallen world, we are faced with trials and tribulation. We are not exempt. Yet, we have His son sitting at his right hand, interceding for us. His Holy Spirit comforting us............................"Even now my witness is in heaven; my advocate is on high. My intercessor is my friend as my eyes pour out tears to God; on behalf of a man he pleads with God as a man pleads for his friend." Job 16:19-21.

No, I do not have breasts. Can I be thankful for that?...................."Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18.

That's a tough one.

But, yes, I can be thankful in this circumstance, for God has given me a beautiful tummy tuck!!!!

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In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith--of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire--may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls. 1 Peter 1:6-9.

Walk a Mile

I've been thinking on that phrase lately......"If you could walk a mile in someone's shoes...."

Sometimes we see what others are doing around us and we make judgements about their decisions.....good or bad....especially if we have a strong opinion one way and the decision went the other way. I know I'm guilty of it.

I've been thinking on that phrase because we've had a couple of big decisions before us. Decisions that others will have a strong opinion on either way we go. Part of my nature, asks.....What will people think of us.....of our choices? Some may applaud. Some may shake their heads. Some may openly speak their dissatisfaction. Others may encourage. Some may say nothing. So, I suppose I've quietly been preparing myself for all that may come.

The first decision is about homeschooling. Sean and I knew without a doubt that God called us to homeschool each of our boys as they became of schooling age. We were scared about the idea, but pursued it nevertheless; because when God says, "Follow me in this!" you know He's 'got your back.'

So each new school year we've prayerfully considered what the next year will be. So far, we have continued with homeschooling because that is where we felt God led us.

There may be some changes for this upcoming year. Though a final decision has not been made, we are looking into our options for our oldest son who will be entering 7th grade next year. This is the first year where we have felt peace in heading toward the public school system. We are aware of the pro's and con's of both sides. We want our decision to be God-lead and not fear-lead. So we continue to pursue our options. And we pray that God will direct us and the path for Spencer.

The second decision is about reconstruction surgery. I decided last fall that I was ready to pursue reconstruction after my bilateral mastectomies. I had thought that I'd be okay to stay this way forever. A small part of me wonders, "Is it vanity edging its way into my thoughts when I consider this option?"

Is it? Is it vanity? I don't know. Maybe a little. Mostly, I consider it restoration. God has done an incredible work in my life through my breast cancer journey. He has restored unto me the joy of His salvation. I'm thankful He has raised a generation of doctors who can restore the body, too.

But I'd never ask you to walk a mile in my shoes to figure it out. Just pray for me, for my doctors, my nurses, my husband and my children, and my family as we move forward in a few weeks with my surgery.

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Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore unto me the joy of your salvation, and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
Psalm 51:10-12

Garage Sale is a Success!!!

Oh MY!!! God showed up and knocked our socks off!!!

I was hoping to raise $1000.

Well, at this point, $2,485.61 has been raised.

It was such an incredible event. So many donations from so many people. So many helpers who gave generously of themselves. So many hands, feet, and smiles graced our two day sale. So much love and so much fun!!

God is faithful!!!

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Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." Luke 6:37,38

Stop By

Today and tomorrow are the big days for the garage sale. So, here are some reasons why I think you should stop by:

• What a great way to help two boys who are awaiting their forever family. (As of early this morning, Tif and Tom are officially the parents of these precious boys!!!)
• We have had donations from so many people, even some who have never met Tif and Tom but felt compelled to reach out and bless them!!!
• Homemade Cookies!!!
• Tillie's Famous Chili Dogs!!! From what I hear, you will not be disappointed.

Well, considering I have to be up in five hours to start today, I better get some sleep. I'm just so excited. I can't wait to see what God will do!!!

Garage Sale Fundraiser for an Adoptive Family

Dear Family and Friends,

I'm having a garage sale at my home on April 9th and 10th to benefit a family who is adopting two boys from Ethiopia. ALL PROCEEDS will be going to this adoptive family. Tiffini is a long time friend of mine whom I've known since third grade. During my cancer treatments she helped my family by organizing meals and cleaning days. It is now a privilege for me to do something to help her and her family.

Adoption is very costly. Though a garage sale can't begin to cover the total cost they will incur, it will help make a small dent.

Tiffini and her husband, Tom, began the adoption process at the end of last year. This usually takes awhile, but God has sped their process along. It's truly amazing! They could be traveling as early as the end of April to pick up their boys.

I only know of a few people who actually read my blog anymore, so I have no idea if this will be an effective way to help raise awareness and money for this adoptive family. Every little bit helps, right?! So, if you are one of the few who checks in from time to time and you want to help, here are some simple things you can do to make this garage sale fundraiser a success:

• Consider donating items. Maybe you have been spring cleaning and have some stuff you are ready to pass along. Please, consider passing it my way! You can bring your stuff to my home between April 1st and April 8th. (If you don't know where I live, you can leave a comment on this blog with your email address, and I will give you directions.)
• Consider shopping at the garage sale. This sale will have contributions from many families. There's sure to be something here that you would like! There will also be face painting and balloon animals for the kids.
• Consider eating at the garage sale. We're planning on having some hot dogs, cookies, and soda at the sale. Stop by for a quick bite!!
• Finally, if you are a blogger or live in the area and know of other families who would want to donate items or visit the garage sale, then please pass this info along!!! Every little bit helps.
• Most importantly, PRAY! Please pray for this family, including the two brothers in Ethiopia. One child is in need of medical attention, so the sooner they can get here, the better!!!

Thank you so much for considering this opportunity to help an adoptive family. You can find out more about Tiffini and Tom, their adoption, and the incredible things God is doing through this process by checking out their blog at http://www.tomandtif-seven.blogspot.com/.

Blessings,

Michelle

P.S. After the event, I will be sure to post how much money is raised.

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Learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow. Isaiah 1:17

The Weight Barrier

Maybe you've heard of it. Not the sound barrier. The WEIGHT barrier.

Though I was warned it would happen, I politely smiled and thought, "Nope, it isn't going to happen to me." But, alas, the weight gain that can creep up on cancer survivors, not only crept up on me, it added over 50 pounds.

Well, I've been working very hard to shave off this added weight. For the first two months I focused on my diet which got rid of 15 pounds.

Then came the blood, sweat and tears. For the past two months I've been working out three to five days each week, usually 60 to 90 minutes each time. I've done cardio, weights, core work, pilates, yoga, water aerobics, lap swimming, total body toning workouts, and (my new favorite) ZUMBA!!! It's been grueling, painful, awkward, exhausting, but above all else.....very rewarding.

Many areas of my body are more tone, more flexible, definitely stronger, and more fit. I have more energy and can actually jog up a flight of stairs without passing out at the top!!! Yet, I've been hovering around a certain weight for weeks now. A woman is NOT supposed to talk about her weight, but this barrier has been plaguing me!

Yesterday morning, I FINALLY broke the barrier!!! I'm still far from a healthy weight, but with all the blood, sweat, and tears I've put into it, I just had to share the news.

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I was pushed back and about to fall, but the Lord helped me.
The Lord is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. Psalm 118:14

Happy Loving Day!

Last week my six year old stood beside our school room table with his arms behind his back. He asked, "Mommy, when is Happy Loving Day?"

"Happy what?"

"Happy Loving Day?"

It took me a moment to realize he meant Valentine's Day. "Oh, that's coming up very soon."

"Here, Mommy." He handed me a sweet handmade Valentine: a red heart pasted on white paper which said I love my mom, from Brenner. Then he gave me a great big bear hug.

Ah.....I hang onto moments like that, because it wasn't but a few days before, that this same boy was yelling.........

"I DON'T LIKE YOU, MOMMY!!! I WISH I DIDN'T LIVE IN THIS HOUSE!!!"

I've never before had one of my children say those words to me, except this one. And unfortunately, it is a pattern for him.

I was prepared for this, though I was sure it would NEVER happen to me. I mean really, why would a child whom I carried for 38 weeks, cared for with all of my heart, cherished with all of my soul....why would my child ever dream of saying anything like that!

A few years ago, a couple of ladies at church had a class based on the book, "Discovering Your Child's DQ Quotient." It's a personality book that does a good job of describing four personality types (with the understanding that there's always overlap and no one person is exactly like another). The four groups were appropriately labeled by animals: the bear, the porcupine, the monkey, and the lamb.

The monkey was described, among other positive things, as the child who may choose to use his words to hurt others. This was the child that would be more prone to name calling and saying things that could break a mother's heart. Though I knew Brenner was my little monkey, I was sure that this particular behavior would never arise.....until that dreadful day several months ago when the first words, "I HATE YOU!!" came from his lips. Thankfully, we've nipped those hateful words from his vocabulary, but he still has his moments....typically after he doesn't get what he wants, or he's disciplined for bad behavior. That's when the "I don't like you" or "I wish I didn't live in this house" comments arise.

So, though I was prepared that something like this could happen.....I lived in denial that it actually would happen.....and.....it happened. And I was not prepared for the hurt my heart would feel from it.

So, I keep my little Brenner's Valentine next to my homeschool desk to remind myself that it is my job to love this boy no matter what he says, no matter what he does, no matter how I feel in the moment.

I wonder, is that what God does? Does He hold onto the thanksgiving, praise, and adoration that I give him when things are going well in my life.....to remind Him that it is His job to love me no matter what I say and no matter what I do when I fail Him? No, God loves me in spite of what I say and in spite of what I do. But still, each one of my failings has caused Him pain. Pain that He suffered through His son, Jesus Christ.

So instead of a handmade Valentine sitting next to His desk, God has His resurrected Son sitting at the right hand of His throne. And His Son is daily interceding for me.....He is daily interceding for you......He is daily interceding for my son.....He is daily interceding for us.

Now that's love.

Happy Loving Day!

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I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. Eph. 1:17-21

But because Jesus lives forever, he has a permanent priesthood. Therefore he is able to save completely those who come to God through him, because he always lives to intercede for them. Hebrews 7:24,25

The Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will. Romans 8:26-27.

Reading Advice

The flu-bug has left the building!

So, today we went to the library. The boys love to get books, though a few of them rarely actually R-E-A-D the books they get.

What are their favorites? Spencer loves Hardy Boys, World Record's Books, Comic Books and Superhero books. Trevor prefers books on Dinosaurs, any kind of animal, and Superheros. Parker is partial to dragon books, 'how to draw' books, and Superheros. Brenner picks up whichever books are on the shelf in front of him and enjoys browsing through the superhero books his brothers get.

But today was a break-through on the reading aspect of books. Both Trevor and Parker found a series of books that are interesting enough that they WANT to read the stories. Trevor has found a series on puppies and Parker re-discovered Amelia Bedelia books. Yay!

As a homeschooling mom, the most taxing part of the job for me has been to teach my kids to read. Though my middle two can read, they are not what I would call fluent readers. So, I'm so thankful that they have found books that seem to make the words leap off the pages.

So, I'm curious. If you've had a child who less fluent in his/her reading, what things did you do to help him/her along? I could use some more help on this.

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My son, keep my words and store up my commands within you.
Keep my commands and you will live;
guard my teachings as the apple of your eye.
Bind them on your fingers; write them on the table of your heart.
Say to wisdom, "You are my sister," and call understanding your kinsman....
Proverbs 7:1-4

Flu Bug--GO AWAY!!!

This is certainly a very resilient flu bug we have captured in our home. After nearly four days of quarantining ourselves, the very elusive critter struck again. I was awakened early Thursday morning by a guttural sound that can make any mom jump straight out of bed from the deepest of sleep.

Poor little Brenner! Besides the flu, he didn't know what hit him.......me! As I jumped out of bed, I landed on him! Scooping him up quickly, I plodded to the bathroom.

Then, this morning, the last of our boys succumbed to the microscopic beast. His has been the most mild case. I am truly thankful for that.

Please say this is the end!

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Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil.
This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones.

Proverbs 3:5-8

Flu-Bug, Don't Bother Me

Immediately after my last post....in fact, it happened right after I pushed the 'publish post' icon....I heard strange sounds coming from one of the boys' bedrooms. It was late and they'd all been asleep for awhile.

You know it's not good when a child comes out of his room with one hand on his head and the other on his belly with these words on his lips, "Mommy, I don't feel so good. I think I'm going to......."

Yep. Puke. That and other things.

But every gross story has a silver lining, right? I suppose if your going to get the flu, or intestinal bug, or whatever this was, this is the kind you want to get. After 4 hours of puking, followed by 20 hours of sleeping on and off with a low grade fever, it was over. So, with some extra fluids and clean underwear, all was better!

Well, that is until son #2 came down with it two days later.

So we're in a holding pattern here and we're hoping no one else jumps on this GI ride.

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I was pushed back and about to fall, but the Lord helped me. The Lord is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. Psalm 118:13,14

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:14

So Long Ronald!

In the last two months our family has only been to McDonald's three times. Three times! That is quite an achievement for us. Do they give out World Records for self-control?!?

Usually, you could find me zipping through the drive-thru after a practice or game, between errands, while Sean was out of town, on the way home from the park....you name it. If there was an excuse to drive by, I jumped at the chance. Now, these stops weren't always for a full meal deal. Sometimes it was just for a "half and half Tea, light on the ice." (If you aren't familiar with the McD's jargon, that's a large half sweet and half unsweet tea, with little ice. Oh, how I miss my sweet tea.....but I digress).

We've made a real effort to eat healthier, and it's showing. Sean and I collectively have lost over 30 pounds. We're feeling better and looking better! (Though, I admit, I have a long way to go!)

And the boys are eating more variety than they ever have. One of our favorite treats is an afternoon smoothie. We blend together vanilla yogurt, strawberries with their green tops still on, blueberries, uncooked spinach (at least a cup full), a touch of orange juice, and chopped ice. It's very tasty!

Tonight, we had stir-fry with broccoli, carrots, mushrooms, red bell pepper, spinach, green onions, and left over ham poured atop brown rice. Though the younger two picked out the peppers and the mushrooms, they ate everything else...with some 'encouragement.'

All that being said, we still indulge from time to time in some tasty treats. So, I'm off to eat tonight's 'encouragement:' a cookie/brownie mixture we made for dessert!

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For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 2 Peter 1:4-8

Of Mice and Parkers

This year our oldest three boys are playing in our community's basketball leagues. It's been fun to watch them....and reminds me of all the years my family came to watch me.

Of course, when you're in second grade there's plenty to learn about basketball. The other night during Parker's first scrimmage he was confused about the whole 'offense/defense' thing. Sean noticed that Parker would 'stay on his man' during defense and then continued to guard him when he was on offense.

After practice, Sean tried to explain it to him. Frustrated with the details, Parker finally said, "So it's like cat and mouse. Sometimes I'm the cat and sometimes I'm the mouse."

Well.....at least he got the idea! So, if you hear us shouting from the sideline....'Stay on your mouse.....Stay on your the mouse!" just know that we're speaking Parker's language.

From the Front Burner to the Back

2009 was a difficult year for me. In fact, it seemed a lot tougher than the previous year when I had the majority of my breast cancer treatments. Maybe it was because I expected to bounce back quickly....and I haven't.

Breast cancer has been at the forefront of my mind. A new ache or pain...or one that wouldn't go away and my mind would worry, 'Breast cancer?' Strange signs and symptoms have plagued me throughout the year....unequal pupil sizes, lymphadema, neuropathic pain, depression, insomnia, menopause and all of its unlovely side effects......the list goes on. I didn't chronicle all of these on my blog because it was all I could do at times to endure them, manage them and move on.

Just a few weeks before Christmas I had a series of CT scans to rule out a spread of cancer to my liver and to the lymph nodes in my neck and collarbone area. Praise God, there was 'no sign of metastatic disease.'

But now I'm tired. I'm tired of allowing breast cancer to have such a power over me.....to allow it to stay at the forefront of my mind. It's like a boiling pot of water on the front burner of the stove. You can't forget it's there. You've got to be ever mindful of it. That makes me sad. To think that this 'enemy of my body' has had such control over the rest of my life.

And yet, there is hope. Since my last round of CT scans, I have discovered that the boiling pot of water has been moved to the back burner. In fact, it's not boiling all of the time. And that feels good. It feels light. It feels free.

I'm not sure how long it will take to get breast cancer 'off the stove' entirely. I'm not even sure that it's possible, but I do know that each day gets a little better.

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I will praise you, O Lord, among the nations; I will sing of you among the peoples.
For great is your love, reaching to the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies.
Be exalted, O God, above the heavens; let your glory be over all the earth.
Psalm 57:9-11