I'm D-U-N....Done!!!

I received the best Christmas present ever on Tuesday of this week:

MY LAST HERCEPTIN TREATMENT!!!!!

Hip-Hip.......Hooray!!!!
Hip-Hip.......Hooray!!!!
Hip-Hip.......Hooray!!!!
*********

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good.
His love endures forever.
Give thanks to the God of gods.
His love endures forever.
Give thanks to the Lord of lords:
His love endures forever.

to him who alone does great wonders,
His love endures forever.
who by his understanding made the heavens,
His love endures forever.
who spread out the earth upon the waters,
His love endures forever.
who made the great lights-
His love endures forever.
the sun to govern the day,
His love endures forever.
the moon and stars to govern the night;
His love endures forever.......

to the One who remembered us in our low estate
His love endures forever.
and freed us from our enemies,
His love endures forever.
and who gives food to every creature.
His love endures forever.

Give thanks to the God of heaven.
His love endures forever.

Psalm 136:1-9,23-26

You'd Really Like It Here

It's been awhile. Many things have happened here in the last month, but one thing stands out. Through a series of well placed inquiries and investigations, Sean and I were able to take a trip with our boys to the place where 'dreams come true.' Yes, we went to Disney World!!!

I'm very proud of my man, but this trip cemented in my mind that he is a whiz, that he is brave, and that he is an incredible provider!!! First, he turned in most of his reward points from his overnight trips for work and got us free tickets to SeaWorld and a rental car for seven days!!! Second, he used priceline.com to secure, at a very good price, two adjoining rooms at the Holiday Inn and plane tickets for all six of us. Why Holiday Inn....because all four boys can eat there for free for breakfast and dinner!!! Another bonus!!!! Third, he used a great tip from our friend Tisha, to buy us 4 day passes to Disney World, plus a one day pass to a specialty park. The cost of these tickets was nearly half what it would have cost had we bought the tickets at full price.

What a wonderful, fabulous, exciting time we had as a family! So many memories were made there. One of the best memories of all was how the trip began.

This trip was a complete surprise to the boys. We kept it hush, hush around them. So, the Friday after Thanksgiving, the boys spent the night with my mom and dad so that Sean and I could pack up everything for the trip. On Saturday, Mimi and Papa (my mom and dad) spent the day entertaining the boys. They nonchalantly mentioned that they wanted to take the boys to see the new airport. As they walked through the mid-way, checking out all the new structures and all the people, heads bobbing from left to right, and up and down to see this impressive place......there stood Sean and me. One by one their eyes fell on us and all the backpacks and suitcases surrounding us. "What are you guys doing here?" they asked. "Oh, we thought it would be a good time to take a trip. Anyone want to go to Disney World?"

The looks on their faces and there expressions were priceless.
"You mean, now! You mean, all of us!"
"We're going today......in a plane!!"
"What?! What?! Are you serious?"
"Mommy, did you pack my swimsuit?"

Nearly every day we'd call Mimi and Papa to tell them of the previous days festivities and the plans for our new day. They enjoyed the updates. Of course, their heartstrings were pulled each time they spoke to Parker. "Mimi, you really need to come down here with us. Can't you just come down tomorrow? You'd really like it here."

Psalm 131

My heart is not proud, O Lord,

my eyes are not haughty;

I do not concern myself

with great matters

or things too wonderful for me.

But I have stilled and

quieted my soul;

like a weaned child with

its mother,

like a weaned child is my

soul within me.



O Israel, put your hope in

the Lord

both now and forevermore.



**********

Thank you, Monica! What a perfect follow up to 'More than Watchmen Wait!'

More than Watchmen Wait

Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord;
O Lord, hear my voice.
Let your ears be attentive
to my cry for mercy......
Psalm 130:1,2

I've been crying out loud to my Lord and he has been regenerating my soul.

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
and in his word I put my hope.
My soul waits for the Lord
more than watchmen wait for the morning,
more than watchmen wait for the morning.
Psalm 130: 5,6

I wonder what it is like to be a watchmen waiting for the morning. The writer of this psalm thought it was important enough to mention it twice. So it must have some significance. At pre-dawn, he must feel tired, anxious, and weary after his constant vigil through the night. But what are his feelings toward the coming rays of light? I think he would be hopeful....he would be anticipating the new day.....Why? Is it because the new day would bring rest from his work?

I am tired, anxious and weary from my constant vigil as I continue with my treatments. I've put my hope in God, but not fully. Some of my hope has been in my 'work'---my research, good news, and my good days.

Tomorrow is a new day and I will rest from my 'work.' Sure, there will still be schooling and laundry and dishes and cleaning. That is not the rest I need. I will allow my soul to wait for the Lord. I will put my hope in his Word. I will be anxious for nothing, but in all things, through prayer and petition, will present my requests to God. In doing so, His peace will transcend all understanding and will guard my heart and my mind in Christ Jesus.

Tomorrow, in the midst of 6 times 8 equals 48 and /b/ says 'bu'......in the never ending cycle of dirty clothes and dishes.........and in the entropy that pervades my home.......Tomorrow, my soul will be still and know that God is God.

O 'Michelle,' put your hope in the Lord,
for with the Lord is unfailing love
and with him is full redemption.
Psalm 130:7 (personalized by substituting my name for Israel)

Regeneration

I've thought to mention this many times, but have been hesitant. The truth is.....I'm a Star Trek fan. Okay...I said it. Now you know!

Well, the very first time the nurse accessed my port, I envisioned Seven of Nine plugging into her regeneration machine. The idea of being 'regenerated' helped me through my first chemo treatment. It also prompted me to dig into God's word. What could I find there about regeneration? This is what I found:

The law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul. (Psalm 19:7) Plugging into God's word.....every day.....is my greatest source for regeneration. As Paul tells us in Hebrews 4:12,13: For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.

Have you ever experienced the pain of having your soul spiritually 'uncovered and laid bare' before your Creator? It's kind of painful, isn't it? But the result is such freedom.

Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Psalm 51:10

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. Psalm 23:1-3.

But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:31

Seven of Nine and her Regeneration Machine.......I love how God inspires me to dig deeper into His Word and to find his truths in this fallen world.

Staying Afloat

It was a year ago yesterday that I had my mammogram, ultrasound and core biopsy. That was the day the radiologist told me he was pretty sure it was cancer.

Sometimes I'd like to find that doctor and talk to him. He had said within a year it would all be a distant bad memory. I'd have a lumpectomy, maybe chemo, and radiation. He even said most women can keep working without much interruption in their lives. Yes, he meant well, but he should have just kept quiet. I don't hold any bad thoughts toward him, but he got it all wrong with me.

Maybe that's why I've been feeling a bit blue these days. It's one year later and that 'distant bad memory' is still in my present. They (meaning my doctors) tell me I'm in remission (though I don't have any tests that officially say so). That does give me some relief. But I still have to finish my Herceptin treatments through January. Of course, instant menopause and tamoxifen haven't helped my topsy-turvy emotional and non-hormonal state of mind.

So, here's the part where I tell it as it is. What do you do when there are more bad days than good days? I'm past the intense phase of surgeries, chemo and radiation. Now I'm adjusting to the emotional ups-and-downs of dealing with body image, chronic pain, short and long term side effects. How do I stay afloat with homeschooling, household management, continued doctor and physical therapy appointments, and treatments. Honestly, there are many days that I'd rather stay in bed.

I've got some good ideas...... like prayer, rest, healthy eating, good supplements, talking with someone. These have all been helpful to me, but apparently not enough. One thing that I've been avoiding, delaying, putting off (you name it!!!) is exercise. Of course, this is one of the most important things I could be doing for myself.

For about six weeks, I've been exploring the idea of swimming. It would help my range of motion and strength in both arms, as well as help with my lymphadema and chronic chest wall pain on the right side. Plus, exercise in general is good for one's mood. 'I've been meaning to'......(how many times have I said that?!?)......call a couple with whom I used to swim a few years ago. I couldn't find the evening swim times anywhere and I knew they would know. But..... 'I just never got around to it' (oh yeah, I've heard that before).

Well, I serve a God who cares about me. He cares about every little intimate detail of my life. No, He didn't spare me from a pretty tough year, but He never let me walk it alone, either.

Well, guess who I ran into the other night? Yep, my swimming friends!!!! I haven't seen them for over 2 years. The moment I saw them I thanked God for loving me so much. The following night, I was in the pool.

What a sight! Swimming, though not my preferred method of exercise, is ideal for my circumstances. The problem.....I really can't swim. It's amazing how flippers, a kick board, and a floatation device around the waist can keep this non-swimmer afloat!!! Within a few laps, I was able to toss out the kick board and swim free style (yes, I kept the floaty around my waist!)

I'm praying that adding exercise will help the emotional ups and downs I've been having. Instead of bobbing up and down in the endless sea of 'life after cancer'.....I pray I'll struggle less, and stay afloat more, now that I've added swimming to my weekly repertoire.

***************
We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain, where Jesus, who went before us, has entered on our behalf. He has become a high priest forever, in the order of Melchizedek. Hebrews 6:19-20

A Beautiful Thing

To match each parent to the areas of service God has uniquely gifted him/her, in order for the various parts of God’s family to work together for His glory.

That is one of the purposes of the Homeschool Co-op we attend. This year our group added 16 new families, we began meeting in a new location, and we took our junior high and high school group in a new direction. There were plenty of reasons why it could have been a rocky start.

But...

But, God....

Our co-op has witnessed each parent using the unique gifts God has given her, and we've been blessed by 'the various parts of God's family working together for His glory.' And it is a beautiful thing. I am truly thankful for all the families who make up our group.

Recently, I attended a women's retreat from my sister's church. The ladies who met together and planned the retreat did such a great job. It was another example to me of each one using the unique gifts God has given her. I watched as 'the various parts of God's family worked together for His glory' and I was encouraged. It was a beautiful thing.

We were meant to live our daily lives with 'the various parts of God's family working together for His glory.' Can you imagine if each member in a family was able to live his or her life in this manner? It would be a beautiful thing.

********
My prayer is that those who are seeking would seek even more,
That those who are looking would look past the shore,
That the gifts that You've given would show themselves true,
And not lie unnoticed from lack of good use.
Give us strength to go forward, though mistakes, they will come.
May we give grace to all men, and not just to some.
Lord, strengthen the family...What a beautiful thing!
When we work for Your glory and crown you as King.
********

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. I Peter 4:8-10

He is Our Help

Talking about finances is not something I like to mention on this blog. But I must share the goodness of my God and how he has provided for our family in this area during this year.

The diagnosis of cancer can affect much more than the body. It certainly has the potential to affect the pocketbook. Yet, I am once again reminded that God is our provider.....in all things.

At the beginning of this year, anticipating the extra expenses and the decrease in income, we readjusted our mortgage so that our property taxes were no longer included in the monthly payment. That certainly helped get us through the many months that I was not working. But of course, November was approaching. That's when the property taxes were due....and we owe on two properties (which is another long story). Every time we set aside money for that payment, a new medical expense would come through and deplete our savings.

My mom and dad gave us an unexpected monetary gift in the spring. That helped pay for many of the expenses that we had been putting on our VISA and lifted a heavy load.

Sean has great insurance through his company. I praise God for that provision. But even with his insurance, our out-of-pocket expenses have been hefty. For the most part, we have been able to stay on top of them. How? Well, by God's provision, of course. Sean had submitted a resume months ago for an adjunct teacher's position at a local technical college. He was surprised to get a call just a couple of weeks before the fall session started. Within days, he taught a mock class in front of the administrators of the school and was offered the teaching job. In fact, they asked him to teach the same class in two of their locations. Of course, this did not get in the way of Sean's day job! He has worked diligently and been able to work his regular job AND teach two classes each week! God has been so good to work this out for him.....for us. It's been a sacrifice on all of us, but through his second job, we have been able to keep up with most of the medical bills that have come through.....but we still haven't been able to put anything back for those pesky property taxes.

How did God provide for those? Well, he sent the Sweet Melissa Foundation. Two weeks ago, Sweet Melissa came to our house with a check for $3000. WOW!!! That's really all I can say.....WOW!!! We were so humbled and appreciative of this gift for we know that it took many hands many hours to put it all together.....and even more hands and more generous hearts to bring it to fruition. WOW!!!

We did all that we could do to get through this tough year......but all we could do was not enough. It was God who orchestrated everything and took care of us. He provided us the opportunity to re-finance at the beginning of the year, He provided through my Mom and Dad, He provided through Sean's teaching job, and He provided through the Sweet Melissa Foundation. He has provided in soooooooooo many other ways. I give Him the glory and I say, "Thank You, Lord!"

***********
We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even as we put our hope in you. Psalm 33:20-22

Popping-Up

My second son, Trevor, celebrated his ninth birthday this week. I can't believe how quickly time has gone by, how quickly he has grown. Of all my boys, he seems to have his growth roots dug into the richest soil.

To celebrate his special day, we started with our tradition of daddy taking the birthday boy out to breakfast. Then a few days later, on Friday night, Trevor had some of his friends come over for a birthday party/sleep over.

We were supposed to be camping this weekend with some friends and their church family, but Spencer had a play-off football game on Saturday afternoon. It's been a tradition for the last few years to go camping in October with these friends. We only see them once or twice a year, but they are like family. I was the most bummed for having to miss the camping trip. "We can do it, Sean. We can still camp and then drive back for the game. " I tried, but I knew he was right. Yes, I'm whining and complaining. It's not an attractive quality. I should stop.

Anyway, we decided to pop up our camper next to the house and let Trevor and his buddies spend the night in it. We stocked the refrigerator with Gatorade and put out some yummy snacks. After pizza, presents, cupcakes, ice cream, and a few hours of playing outside, the boys went right into the camper for a game of Risk while watching Star Wars IV (on the smallest TV/VCR set possible....I think it's a 9 inch screen!!!) Most of them were up by 6:30 this morning, but they just hung out in the camper playing games. Sean and I slept until 8:15!!! It was time for pancakes and sausage, and then a few rounds of 'Capture the Flag.' Those boys had a blast!!! Sean and I decided this was the best way for the boys to celebrate with their friends.

Tomorrow, we'll have our final celebration for Trevor's ninth birthday (and his cousin's thirteenth birthday). My mom is cooking up a mighty fine lunch for everyone at her house. It's not every year that the boys get to celebrate their birthday three times.....but it's not every year that you turn nine, either!

Happy Birthday to My Treasure!

What's in a Name?

This weekend I was blessed to take part in a baby shower for my cousin, Laura.

I love baby showers! I love babies! I especially love looking in Baby Name books to see the meaning behind the names. You know, God knew us before we were born. He calls us by name.

Today, my Parker found the Baby Name book and was browsing through it to find out the meanings of the names in our family. Besides being a good school lesson (searching alphabetically for a word), it was an encouragement to me. After going through every one's first and middle name, we came to my middle name....Kimberly.

I don't think I've ever looked at the meaning of my middle name before.

Kimberly: Seeker of Truth. Blessed are those who keep His testimonies, who seek Him with the whole heart! Psalm 119:2.

Thank you, Lord, for this blessing today. I needed these encouraging words which came through the curiosity of my seven year old; but were directed through you. Thank you, Lord, for your perfect timing!

So, what's in your name?

*******
A good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold. Proverbs 22:1

"I tell you the truth, the man who does not enter the sheep pen by the gate, but climbs in by some other way, is a thief and a robber. The man who enters by the gate is the shepherd of his sheep. The watchman opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice. But they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do not recognize a stranger's voice." John 10:1-5

For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile--the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, for, "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved." Romans 10:12-13

Letting the Wind Out

Thank you, friends, for your prayers today. That balloon was knocked clear out of the sky! I got a call around 4:30 from my oncologist's nurse. My bone scan was normal!!! Not only am I excited for the good news, I'm also grateful for the speediness in getting the results.

Hear my prayer, O Lord;
Let my cry for help come to you.
Do not hide your face from me
when I am in distress.
Turn your ear to me;
when I call, answer me quickly.
(Psalm 102:1-2)

Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth.
Worship the Lord with gladness;
come before him with joyful songs.
Know that the Lord is God.
It is he who made us, and we are his;
we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.
Enter his gates with thanksgiving
and his courts with praise;
give thanks to him and praise his name.
For the Lord is good and his love endures forever;
his faithfulness continues through all generations.
(Psalm 100)

Tut-Tut, It Looks Like Rain

Could you pray for me?

My energy level has picked up and as a result I've done more things. I've worked a few Saturdays. I played in the softball tournament. I rode some roller coasters. Slow down, slow down. That's easy to say, but when you've been limited for so long, it's hard to do. Well, maybe I have overdone it a bit because I've had some back pain that hasn't gone away for the past six weeks. So, my oncologist scheduled a bone scan for tomorrow morning.

I want to say, "Oh, I'm sure everything will be fine." But the truth is that I don't know what tomorrow will bring. I pray that everything will be fine and that with some further core strengthening exercises, my back will get stronger and the pain will go away. That is my prayer. I place that before my God.

The emotional ups and downs after major treatment for cancer can be hard. Every headache, every bone ache, every twinge or irregularity gets scrutinized by one's imaginings. It's like having a rain cloud over one's head. From day to day the cloud rarely changes, but one's perspective of the cloud can change from hour to hour.....if one let's it. Some days the cloud is just a passing thought, but on other days it encircles above, looming like a hurricane.

I refuse to let this cloud fester and grow within my mind. So, today whenever it's tried to gather strength, the picture I see is Edward Bear....."Who?" you ask. Well, Pooh, of course. I picture Pooh floating along with his blue balloon. Silly? Maybe. That's okay, God has given me a unique perspective and way of taking my thoughts captive...and it works for me! :)

Do you remember that story of Pooh trying to trick the bees in hopes of getting a little smackerel of honey. He disguises himself as a cloud and floats along while holding onto his big blue balloon. Christopher Robin walks beneath him wearing a raincoat, carrying an umbrella, and saying, "Tut-Tut, it looks like rain." In the end, Pooh's deception fails and he misses out on the honey. Christopher Robin eventually shoots the 'cloud' out of the sky to save Pooh.

So, I thank you for your prayers. Just because it looks like rain and smells like rain.....doesn't mean it always rains. Let's knock this cloud out of the sky!

*******
James 1:2-5 (Message)
Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way. If you don’t know what you’re doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You’ll get his help and won’t be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believing without a second thought.

Mrs. Potato Head

As I child, I was fascinated by Mr. Potato Head. I remember how neat it was to change his eyes, his mouth, his arms, his feet.

Little did I know that I'd grow up and become a Mrs. Potato Head. During my bald stage, I could choose between wigs or scarves, and I could change the look of my brows with the stroke of my pencil.

Just a couple of weeks ago, I had the rare opportunity to try on different sized 'thing-a-ma-bobs.' Hmm....choices....choices. Do I go big or do I stick with comfort? After much deliberation and varying proportions, I finally made a decision. Because of some lymphadema issues I'm experiencing, I went with a version that can stick directly to my skin. Very cool!

It used to be that, at night, I could just brush my teeth and go to bed. Now, I've also got to brush my 'doodge-a-ma-flops' before tucking them into their own special box. What an odd experience! I'm reminiscent of the Walton nights and feel a certain urge to say, "Goodnight Thing One" ..."Goodnight Thing Two." And as I lay my head upon my pillow, I can almost hear their muffled responses ......"Good night, Mrs. Potato Head!" :)

Softball Tournament

Yesterday was the Women's Slow-Pitch Softball Tournament. It was wonderful! The Sweet Melissa Foundation did an excellent job organizing everything. There were twelve teams all together. The weather was PERFECT!!

One thing many of my team members realized as the day progressed.....our bodies ain't what they used to be!!! The problem was that our minds weren't aware of this dilemma. On one occasion there was a fly ball coming into the outfield, right between me and my friend Julie. I ran toward it like I would have twenty years ago, truly convinced that I could catch it. HA!! The ball went right on past me while I continued running. Of course, now I was going in the wrong direction, but I couldn't stop myself. In fact, I was certain that at any moment I would tumble head over heals and eventually find myself flat on the ground or, worse yet, smashed into the fence. Whew! It was close. I used every muscle fiber in my legs that hasn't been used for the last 10 years to slow down. And today...I'm paying for it. Ouch! But it's okay. It was SO MUCH FUN!!!

Team Chellebugs didn't come home with the winning trophy, but we had a lot of fun trying!

To my Teammates (in order of how long I've known you):
Thank you, Kelly, Kris and Angie!! (37 years) .....
Thank you, Julie and Caryn!! (~32 years) .....
Thank you, Alicia (22 years) and McKenzie (18 years)!! ....
Thank you, Sandy (19 years)!!.....
Thank you, Celia (13 years) and Ursula (12 years)!!......
Thank you, Ronda (~9 years) and Cindy (~1 year)!!.....
Thank you, Mary Beth, April and Alicia (for coming out and supporting me even though we'd never met before)!!

To my 'Support Staff' (:)):
Thank you Dad and Mike for coaching!! Thanks for making me sit the bench from time to time, too. That was a good idea! Thank you Mike for helping Mom with the scorekeeping. Thank you Mom for being our cheerleader and supplier of all things (bubble gum, sunscreen, drinks!!). Thank you Riley for being the best bat girl! And thank you, Tiffini, Miriam, Erin, Jeff, and Kevin for hanging out at the diamonds all day! And Sean....you are my all time #1 favorite fan....Thank you for helping me be a part of this day! And Thank you to so many more of you who came out during the day to watch the event. And finally, thank you to those who supported the event with your time, your talents and your treasures.

Well, now I must try to get up from this chair and get to bed. It'll be hard. This body of mine ain't what it used to be. Every muscle from head to toe is screaming with every move I make!!

To Die is Gain

Before I explain my title, I wanted to thank many of you who have been emailing me and asking how I am. Now that homeschool is back in session things have been rather busy here. Between schooling and football practices and other extracurricular activities......treatments, doctor and physical therapy appointments.....oh, yes, and the never ending cycles of life (the dish cycle, the washing cycle, and the eating and cleaning cycles)......well, I haven't had much time to do my 'blog' therapy. I've missed it.

Tomorrow (Saturday) is the 2nd Annual Striking Out Breast Cancer Tournament through the Sweet Melissa Foundation. We continue to pray that the rain will miss us!!!

I've struggled with how to share the following information. It just breaks my heart. One of the benefitting families for the tournament has recently had a tremendous loss. Yvonne, a wife and mother of four, lost her fight with cancer almost 2 weeks ago. Although I didn't know Yvonne, as I'd only met her once, I could tell that she was a beautiful, kind-hearted person. My heart just broke for her family when I heard the news. Please, pray for Yvonne's family as they continue to grieve.

When I was first diagnosed with breast cancer, death crossed my mind.......for a moment. And with that thought came the verse from Philippians, the epistle written by Paul as he awaited his trial. He wrote in Chapter 1, verses 20-22:

"I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know!"

I think of Yvonne again. And I say, "You go, girl! You fought with courage, and now you have been set free!"

I think of Yvonne's family again, and I grieve with them. For it's never easy for those of us on this side of the finish line.

Screaming Therapy

A couple of weeks ago we had the rare opportunity to take off for three days. We packed up the pop-up camper and headed south to Lincoln State Park and Holiday World. I checked with my surgeon prior to 'take-off' and she said that I was 'cleared' to ride any roller coaster I wanted to. My port wouldn't be a problem. Yippee!!!

We had a BLAST!!!!! At first, I took Brenner and Parker to ride all of the kiddie rides and Sean took Spencer and Trevor to ride the BIG rides. After awhile, we discovered that Parker was tall enough to ride most of the BIG rides if an adult rode with him. He was begging me and I was easily persuaded.

So, I did.
And I screamed the entire ride!

When Parker found out that you could wait in line to sit in the front seat, he begged, "Please, Mommy! Let's go on the Raven!"

So, I did. And we sat in the front.
And I screamed the entire ride!

By then, the whole family was back together, so we walked over to another BIG ride. The Voyage. Spencer had had enough of the big rides by this point. He stayed with Brenner while the rest of us jumped into line. (Thankfully, it wasn't a crowded day and we didn't have to wait long for any of the rides).

Trevor said, "Will you ride with me, mommy?"......"Absolutely," I said.

So, I did.
And I screamed the entire ride!

Wow! What a day! I think that was the best cancer therapy I've had yet. You can really let out a lot of unsuspecting, pent up anxiety with unadulterated screaming. Whew! I know the boys had a great trip, but of all of us, I enjoyed it the most!

Snakes, Snails...and Soy Sauce?

My family has been so blessed during this journey with wonderful homecooked meals from many people. I can not begin to explain how much they lifted a burden during the more intense times of my treatment. We even had several meals come precooked and ready for the freezer so that we could pull them out whenever we needed them.

Of course, the boys haven't always seen these gestures of love as favorable. There's something about seeing food prepared in a way you've never had it that can really mess with a kid's palate. Overall, I'd say they did well, though. I never did have to make something different for them to eat....though on occasion I did have to butter some extra pieces of bread! :)

A few months ago, the boys started mentioning that they really missed the meals that I cooked. As sweet as that was to hear, I had to laugh because cooking has never been one of my strengths. Even Sean was a little perplexed when he heard their requests. He should know. He grew up with a mom who could make a feast out of nothing, and then he married me....As long as I keep a good supply of ketchup, barbeque sauce and soy sauce handy, Sean is content with whatever I make. Bless him, Lord, for being so gracious to me!

Tonight, I made one of their all time favorites. It's called 'Snakes, Snails, and Puppy Dog Tails.' Honestly, I have no idea why we named it that. It's a mixture of peas, rice and pieces of polska kielbalsa. There's still controversy at the table as to which ingredients are the snakes, which are the snails, and which are the puppy dog tails. How sweet it was to see my Parker's eyes light up when he saw what I was cooking! With great anticipation, he ran to tell all of his brothers.

We sat at the table. All six of us. Five of us barely able to keep our forks out of our bowls before the prayer.

Then after we prayed, the sixth said....with a smile...."Could you pass the soy sauce, please?"

The Best Barber

I've taken all of my boys for their first haircuts. What a sweet memory of them sitting in the big chair, wrapped in their smocks, eyes wide open and then sometimes shut tight as the beautician trimmed away their baby hairs that had grown for so long. Each one emerged as a new creation....no longer my babies, but toddlers. Ready to take on the world with attitude!

Well last week, I experienced my 'first' haircut since chemotherapy. I sat in a big chair and was wrapped in a smock. Sometimes my eyes were wide open and then sometimes shut as the barber trimmed around my tender ears. My hair hasn't been growing for too long, but it was becoming unruly on the borders. It needed a pick me up.

The best part of the ENTIRE experience was having my new hairs trimmed by the Best and Most Seasoned Barber in Broadripple.....my Grampa Jude! He is so dear to me! Grampa, who is in his eighties, continues to work three days each week at the barber shop. He's been cutting some of his patron's hairs for over 50 years!!

I surprised him when I walked in after my dad on that Monday afternoon. He didn't hesitate to help me out. He trimmed my frizzled fringes and had me looking good again. I walked out of there ready to take on the world! Thank you, Grampa!

And, Dad, thank you for the wonderful trip there and back on your motorcycle! I really enjoyed your company and the sweet ride!

Prayers for a Friend

We had the opportunity to get away this week. What a treat for all of us! (I'll share more about that later).

While we were gone we found out that a friend of ours was in a life-threatening accident. He's the husband to Jill, daddy to Kylie, and friend to many. The accident has affected his vertebra and spinal cord at L-1 (just below the rib cage) and has caused burns over 30% of his body. He's in critical condition right now and is in and out of surgery and physical therapy each day to care for his burns and his range of motion. His name is RD.

Please, pray for him. Pray for his family and loved ones who are ministering to him and to each other. God's presence is there and His power and love has been revealed, even in the midst of these circumstances. If you know RD, you can find out more information on his Caring Bridge Web page. He posted a video to thank those who have been praying and those who have been taking care of his family, and to encourage us to continue. In the midst of his pain he is giving glory to God! What a testimony to RD's faith and God's love!

*******
Hear, O Lord, and answer me, for I am poor and needy.
Guard my life, for I am devoted to you.
You are my God; save your servant who trusts in you.
Have mercy on me, O Lord, for I call to you all day long.
Bring joy to your servant, for to you, O Lord, I lift up my soul.

You are forgiving and good, O Lord, abounding in love to all who call to you.
Hear my prayer, O Lord: listen to my cry for mercy.
In the day of my trouble I will call to you, for you will answer me.
Among the gods there is none like you, O Lord;
no deeds can compare with yours.
All the nations you have made will come and worship before you, O Lord;
they will bring glory to your name.
For you are great and do marvelous deeds; you alone are God.

Teach me your way, O Lord, and I will walk in your truth;
give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name.
I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart;
I will glorify your name forever.
For great is your love toward me;
you have delivered me from the depths of the grave.

Psalm 86:1-13

Camp Compassion

Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Luke 6:37,38

My family was blessed this week. I mean REALLY blessed. Seeds of compassion were sown into our lives by an unlikely group. About a dozen 6th, 7th and 8th grade students, along with 3 brave adults, came for a few hours on Thursday. While they cleaned my home and entertained my children, I was able to go to a doctor's appointment.

These young men and young women came with arms ready to serve. And they did it with a cheerful spirit. My family wasn't the only recipient of their 'good measure.' They were part of Camp Compassion. For an entire week, they (and two other teams) have been ministering to people in our church and in our community.

I just want to send out a special thank you to Pastor Rob and Pastor Rhonda for putting it all together. What a wonderful way to see Luke 6:37,38 in action!!! And THANK YOU to the White Crew! You Rock!

God is faithful. His promises are true. He has provided for me and my family in so many unique and unexpected ways during this journey! Thank you, Lord.

Spiritual Windows

About 3 years ago, Sean got an idea in his head......the kind that inspires him to charge full steam ahead. Within 6 months we had a new home sitting next to our existing home!

During the construction process, before dry wall was in place, I would sneak over after school or during naps to write scripture on the 2 by 4's. I picked out different scriptures for different areas of the home (kitchen, bedrooms, bathrooms, office, school room, entry....you get the idea). As usual, God's timing is perfect. I wrote these verses down a couple of years ago (both in a notebook and all over my new home) and then tucked them away and forgot about them. While cleaning out one of my dresser drawers a few weeks ago, I discovered my notebook of verses. God used these verses once again to speak life into my spirit at a time when my soul was downcast.

Here are some of the verses written over my windows......verses that speak of the light of God in our lives.....verses that speak of our reflection of his light in this world. May the spiritual windows to your spirit be encouraged today! May His light dispel whatever darkness you are allowing to reside in the recesses of our mind, body, and soul.

The Lord is God, and he has made his light shine upon us. Ps 118:27

The Lord is my light and my salvation--whom shall I fear? Ps. 27:1

You are the light of the world, a city on a hill cannot be hidden. Mt. 5:14

Jesus said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life." John 8:12

Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you. Isa. 60:1

And God said, "Let there be light," and there was light. Gen. 1:3

You are my lamp, O Lord; the Lord turns darkness into light. 2 Sam 22:29

Let the light of your face shine upon us, O Lord. Ps 4:6

The unfolding of your words gives light, it gives understanding to the simple. Ps 199:130

For God....made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ. 2 Cor 4:6

God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. 1 John 1:5

Latest Praises and Prayer Requests

Thank you so much for your continued prayers for me and my family! Thank you for the encouraging cards and emails, too. They're treasured in my heart and filling up my love tank! Here are some updates:

Belly Button: My blues are over! I should have mentioned this awhile back, but all is well with my incision from my oophorectomy. Those two last pesky stitches that my GYN took out did the trick!

Radiation: Although radiation is over, my skin is very irritated in my armpit. In the last couple of days, the irritation has grown. So I continue to use some special cream and pray that will do the trick. If not, I might have to try something else.

Cast: Praise God! Trevor got his cast off today!!!! Poor little arm. It looks like it's not seen the light of day in 6 weeks....Oh, that's right...It hasn't! Although new bone has grown to connect the breaks, it may take another year or two for the bone to remodel itself back to its intended shape. In the meantime, Trevor has a skinny, bumpy, weak forearm. He's not allowed to ride anything with wheels or to run. He could easily rebreak it if fell. The orthopod reassures me that within the year, Trevor's arm will be strong and less bumpy again. To celebrate, we went to my sister's pool. The first time Trevor got in he said he couldn't breathe. I think the shock of the cool water was a bit overwhelming to the neglected skin on his arm. He didn't stay in very long. After some time, he tried again and ended up staying in for 2 hours. Oh, I was so glad! Please pray that common sense resides in his 8 year old brain!!!

Work: I've been very patient waiting for strength to return in my arms, stability in my shoulders, and energy to my body. I miss my second job (or maybe it's my third.....mom...homeschool....PT). I miss working with patients, helping them regain their independence and strength. And I KNOW my co-workers have missed me since they've had to pick up more weekends than usual over the last 8 months. So, although I'm still not going full speed, I decided to slowly ease myself back into my 'paid vacation days.' Pray that I will be wise.

Fundraiser/Softball Tournament: My team is ready.....The Chellebugs!! The tournament is set for Saturday, Sept. 13th. There are four families affected by cancer who are benefiting from the event. If you get hungry next week, eat at Papa Joe Jr's on August 5th, 6th and 7th Papa Joe Jr's will be donating a portion of their sales from lunch and dinner.....Check out Saturday's Flyer for more details. Members of the Sweet Melissa Foundation have been working very hard to get things ready. Please come out to the tournament in September and support their efforts.....and come and give me a hug!!! I'll be on the red team.

Thanks again! God is moving. He's faithful. He's sovereign.

Don't Give Up

When I was first diagnosed a friend gave me a thin hot pink book. On the cover is part of the hand of a woman holding a sword. The book is Warrior Chicks: Rising Strong, Beautiful and Confident, by Holly Wagner. Although I had plenty of other important things to do while I received my Herceptin treatment today, I decided to finally take a peak between the covers of this book.

I was not disappointed!!!

Holly describes the difference between a soldier and a warrior. 'Soldier' is a position and 'Warrior' is an attitude. A soldier signs up to join the fight; a warrior stays until it is finished. I needed this encouragement as I round the bend of my primary treatment and find myself growing weary of the battle. Only 6 months to go....but it seems like an eternity. Holly writes, "Others are watching to see how we handle this battle. They want answers. And they are hoping we have some."

Most of us don't sign up for the battles we face. Yet there we are in the midst of them. We can face them as soldiers OR we can face them as warriors. To rise above it all. Rather than try to re-phrase Holly's words from pages 35-36 I want to share them with you. As you face the battle that is before you, I pray you will be encouraged to be the Warrior whom God has created you to be.

********
What battle are you in the middle of now? (If you are not in one right now, your turn is next week!)

Is it your marriage?

Well, there are those watching who need to see how to have a great one, so don't give up.

Please.

Is it raising children?

Well, there are those watching who need to see how to raise healthy ones, so don't give up.

Please.

Is it feeding the hungry?

Well, there are hungry people who need to be fed, so don't give up.

Please.

Is it coming out of an abusive relationship?

Well, there are those watching who need to see how to get out, too, so don't give up.

Please.

Is it overcoming depression?

Well, there are those watching who need to see how to do it, so don't give up.

Please.
******

Please, don't give up.

******
Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you. See, darkness covers the earth and thick darkness is over the peoples, but the Lord rises upon you and his glory appears over you. Nations will come to your light, and kings to the brightness of your dawn. Isaiah 60:1-3

FEAR (Part I)

I've been thinking about fear for awhile now, but have been afraid to share my thoughts!! :) Today, I had a pretty scary thing happen to me. It opened my eyes again to the fears that can consume us.

After church we went to lunch at Fazoli's. When our order was up, Spencer and I picked up the two trays. I wasn't in any hurry, but as I started to unload the bowls of fettuccine alfredo and spaghetti, the tray tipped and two of the dishes started to slide down. In my attempt to counterbalance the falling food, much of the hot pasta and sauces dumped onto my left hand. I've been burned before, but the fear that gripped my heart during this incident was like nothing I've ever experienced.

The fear was so real and so unsettling that my heart felt like it was transferred to another reality. I stood frozen for longer than I should have (at least it felt like an eternity). I didn't make a sound. I didn't even scream. I just stood there with burning hot pasta sitting atop my hand. All I could hear were the words of my physical therapist......Now that you've had your lymph nodes removed, skin care is of utmost importance. You have to take care of your skin. Avoid burns of any kind. Any kind of trauma to your arms and hands can be a precursor for lymphadema. And once lymphadema begins, it will be a chronic issue.......Finally, I was jarred back to my present reality. With images of lymphadema in my mind and with tears streaming down my face, I quickly wiped the food away and headed to the bathroom to run my skin under some lukewarm water.

To the passerby, I'm pretty sure it didn't look so bad and that my reaction was minor. I wasn't hysterical. I wasn't screaming or shouting or blaming. But the fear in my heart was real. It was all-consuming. It literally stopped me in my tracks. I couldn't move. This fear had a power over me.

When I returned to the table, the skin on the back of my hand was pretty red. It hurt. I told Sean about my fear and how I'm supposed to avoid burns for the rest of my life. This is why I'm so thankful that God gave me such a sensible, logical man!!! He said, "It's going to happen, honey. You can't avoid being burned for the rest of your life. Sooner or later it's going to happen. You can't worry about it, just accept it. And when it happens, we'll pray God's protection over you." It was as simple as that for him. It took awhile for that truth to soak into my spirit. But finally, the tears stopped coming and I rested in that truth. By the time we left the restaurant, my skin color was back to normal. There was a minor tenderness in the area of the burn, but no blisters. More importantly, I was no longer consumed by my fear of lymphadema.

Lymphadema is still a real risk for me, but I'm not afraid of it anymore. I won't be controlled by that fear. I will make wise choices, of course, and try to avoid burns, but accidents like today are bound to happen again.

Maybe I'll have more courage to share the other thoughts I have on fear in the next few weeks. There are so many fears that can consume us. There are many fears that control us, causing our hearts to stay in a perpetually unsettled state. These fears limit us and keep us from living the life of freedom that God has given us. Freedom to love....Freedom to give.....Freedom to receive.

*********

So do not fear, for I am with you: do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

I will extol the Lord at all times; his praise will always be on my lips. My soul will boast in the Lord; let the afflicted hear and rejoice. Glorify the Lord with me; let us exalt his name together. I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Psalm 34:1-4

Round-Up is Almost Done

Just prior to my final submission to having radiation I had a discussion with my medical oncologist and husband. It went something like this:

Me: It's not so much that I don't want to do radiation, it's the surgery to remove my port and put another one in that I'm dreading.....all because of a suspected 15% chance of local recurrence.

Sean: Why do we need to do radiation? What does it do?

Me: It's like weed killer on a garden, Sean. It's supposed to keep the weeds from coming back....well, not the weeds....the cancer......you know what I mean.......that's just how I see it.

Dr. M: Hmm....Round-Up for the Chest Wall.....That's one way of looking at it.

Well, one port surgery and 27 radiation treatments later......and I've just about finished my round-up. Only one more to go!!! As much as I'd like to celebrate, I really can't yet. Sure it's great that my final radiation treatment is on Monday, but I still have my Herceptin treatments through January. That's when I'll be ready to P..A..R..T..Y!!

Help me, Lord, to stay positive. I'm really getting tired of it all. Help me to run this race with your strength and your peace. Continue to give me courage and boldness. May I continue to rejoice in you and give you praise, for GREAT is Your faithfulness!!

***********
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:4-7

Someone Cares

A few deep thoughts keep running through my mind lately as I reflect on what I've been through and as I watch those around me struggling with their own trials in life. This entry is for anyone who finds themselves hurting. Maybe it's a physical hurt, but it can also be a hurt of an emotional or spiritual nature. I have been well cared for during this journey with breast cancer, but that doesn't mean that I've been exempt from the physical, emotional and spiritual hurting that comes from dealing with the disease. Particulary, I was thinking about how my journey with cancer began and how I wasn't sure what to do or say for those first few weeks before my 'official' diagnosis.

The day after I found my lump, we had our first cornhole party at our house. As is the nature of things here, it was a completely last minute, unplanned activity. In fact, Sean invited everyone over before he even had the set built. I remember getting home from work and thinking about the pain that persisted in my breast. I really wasn't sure what to do with it. Finding Sean at the borrowed sewing machine, stitching together his 6 inch by 6 inch red and blue bags was a good distraction for me. I took the empty bags to the front porch and started pouring 2 cups of corn into each one. As our friends arrived, we gave them needle and thread and had them hand stitch the bags closed. (Yeah, if you want to come to a party at our house....just know that you'll have to work!!) The night was loads of fun for everyone and a good distraction for me. Yet, I had this yearning inside to tell someone, to be comforted and prayed for.

I didn't mention anything to anyone that night about my lump. I was hoping it was nothing to be concerned about. (Hindsight is always 20/20!!) Even though there were some doubts in my mind, I didn't want to ruin a good party. Strange how we can believe a lie like that!

"No, Michelle, don't mention it to anyone. Keep it to yourself. Look how happy everyone is. No one wants to hear that you're worried about this lump. No one cares."

No one cares????..... That's exactly what Satan wants us to believe when we are hurting.

No one cares..... Is that true?

Two weekends later I had a Thanksgiving Celebration with my homeschool group on Friday night and a Junior Bible Quiz meet with some of my kids on Saturday. I'd had my mammogram, my ultrasound, and my core biopsy by then. All signs indicated cancer, but I had not received the official results. I was holding out hope that the radiologist's speculations were WRONG!! I went through the entire weekend with people all around me.....

And I didn't mentioning anything about my lump. I was hoping there was nothing to be concerned about (Can anyone say DENIAL???) Even though there were plenty of doubts in my mind, I didn't want to ruin a good celebration and day of quizzing. Strange how we can believe a lie like that?

"No, Michelle, don't mention it to anyone. Keep it to yourself. Look how busy everybody is. No one wants to hear that you're worried about this lump. No one cares."

No one cares???.......That's exactly what Satan wants us to believe when we are hurting.

No one cares....... Is that true?

It was the Monday before Thanksgiving when I found out officially that I had breast cancer. Seventeen days had passed by. Seventeen very agonizing days. My spirit and my mind were reeling as I contemplated all the 'what ifs' and the 'how comes.' Only a handful of my family and a couple of friends knew. Would things have been different had I been willing to seek help earlier? I don' t wonder if the outcome of the diagnosis would have been different. I wonder if my spirit and my mind would have had less turmoil in those early days had I sought prayer from the get-go. Because once I 'spilled the beans' a welcomed peace pervaded my soul. A peace that cannot be explained.

Are you hurting? Are you surrounded by people who could help you....people who could pray for you or cry with you.....people who could help lift a burden that you're carrying. Yet, all that you can think is that they're too busy.....or they're too happy.... or that no one cares. Or maybe you don't want to spoil a good time or ruin a good thing. Yet there you are.....still hurting. You have a smile on your face, but it's been disconnected from the pain that is in your heart. You're trying to move forward and pretend that everything is alright, but it's not.

Are you hurting? Reach out to someone. Someone does care.

********
All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." Humble ourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:5b-7

Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you... Psalm 55:22a

Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8

Burning the Candle at Both Ends

The three older boys have been busy these last two weeks with Music Camp. They've had practice every morning for three hours in preparation for their performance tonight of "Race to Win!" This is Trevor's third year, Parker's second year, and Spencer's first year to go to this camp. I'm really looking forward to the show!!

The other night Parker was getting out of the bath tub and complaining about being sooooooo tired. The combination of going to bed late and getting up for Music Camp has taken it's toll on his 6 year old body. Using the 'burning the candle at both ends' analogy, I tried to explain to Parker why he was so tired, and that I would do better as a mommy in making sure he got enough rest.

Last night, as Sean was putting Parker to bed, Parker was explaining to his daddy how he felt poorly the other day.

Sean: What do you think it was from?
Parker: Well, you see, I had two candles on both sides of my head. It was from going to bed too late and getting up too early.

After tucking Parker in, Sean came to ask me what in the world that was about. After about 5 minutes of laughing my head off, I was finally able to explain to my concrete husband why Parker had 'two candles on either side of his head.' What a hoot!! It was good to laugh like that.

************
Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens. Our God is a God who saves; from the Sovereign Lord comes escape from death. Psalm 68: 19,20

Pruning Seems Easier

When it comes to character training with my boys or myself, real pruning would seem easier. It would take less energy to just cut off a branch of pride, a vine of anger, a twig of deception, a limb of fear and a shoot of dissension? Just cut it off. Let it shrivel up and die, never to show it's ugly head again.

Pruning would still require some effort. Being a poor gardener myself, I have first hand experience in what happens when plants aren't cared for properly. What a mess! If we really did have these strange extensions of pride, anger, deception, etc. sprouting from our bodies, we'd be a mess, too. We'd get entwined so easily that nothing would get accomplished. It would take a vigilant gardener to keep our 'flora' healthy and strong. Of course if the gardener himself has his own faults, he'd quickly have his own extensions to deal with....I wonder if he'd turn out looking like Edward Scissorhands.

Of course, I can't really ask a plant its opinion on the matter. It's a plant. It doesn't have a spirit or a choice. Only the gardener does. Only the gardener decides what to prune, when to prune, how to prune...or if he even wants to prune. The plant is at the mercy of the gardener.

I suppose......am I really saying this??.......I suppose I'd rather keep 'butting' heads with my kiddos. Hopefully, it will be less frequent if I stay consistent and if I discipline with love. I'd rather it be their choice to choose right from wrong. Their choice to lay down their pride. And it's my choice as to how I respond.

Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for being our gardener. May we accept your pruning so that we may be fruitful. Thank you for giving us choice. May we choose to be a blessing for life!

**********
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Hebrews 12:1

"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful." John 15:1-2

Mr. Independent is Ready

My youngest won't turn five until mid-September, but I've considered starting him in Kindergarten this year. I hadn't made up my mind until today, when he and I had the following conversation:

Brenner: Mommy, are you going to sign me up for school at home this year?
Mommy: I've thought about it. Do you want me to?
Brenner: Yes, but not today. We can start tomorrow. I won't whine or cry or anything.
Mommy: Well that's good to hear. What makes you say that?
Brenner: 'Cause school takes WAAAAAAAAAAAY too long if you whine and cry. I want to get it done faster.

Apparently, this wise young boy has already learned an important lesson!!

Ode to My Hair (Part IV)

It wasn't very long ago,
That nothing on my head did grow.
'Til finally on that wondrous day
Some new found hairs were on display!!!
What joy! What hope! What happy bliss!
Those hairs upon my head were missed.
To have them back was a relief.
The time felt long, but it was brief.
Each passing day I did await
To see what my new hair would state.

Curly or straight? or thick again?
Brown or gray? or would it be thin?
My brows and lashes....what if they
never again saw the light of day?
So many things I wanted to know.....
I'd have to wait for my hair to grow!!
Others had said that they were surprised
To find less hair on their arms and thighs.
To have that kind of unplanned result
Wouldn't be all that difficult!

After several weeks, and frequent glances
I see that my hair has had some enhances.
Along with the brown, there is sprinkled more grey.
Although it seems straight, there are curls on the way.
I'm thrilled with the head full of hair that I've got,
But the other parts of my body......I'm not!
The hairs on my legs, in my pits and my toes,
The ones on my arms, on my belly and nose,
And EVEN the single lone hair from my chin,
Each one has come back with an unruly friend!!!

Ah well! So it goes. I should not complain.
The last thing I want is to sound like I'm vain.
I'm wonderf'ly blessed to have breath in my being
To lift up my voice, to give praises, and sing
To God who has sheltered me during this trial,
Who has given me courage and helped me to smile.
Without Him I'd perish. But with Him....I live!
Glory and Honor to Him do I give.
It's not about hair or where it might grow.
It's really about the Savior I know!

Clinical Trial

After an early radiation appointment this morning, I drove downtown for my Herceptin treatment and to begin my enrollment in a clinical trial. I haven't mentioned anything about this trial on my blog, but I have been diligently researching it behind the scenes to determine if participating was worth it. Unlike the other studies I have done, this is a trial. That means I will be taking a medication for a lengthy time (3 years) to determine if it will help reduce the risk of recurrence in women with early stage breast cancer who are in remission. I've asked many doctors and nurses who are and who are not connected with my current treatment; I've spent many evenings looking at the potential risks and benefits of the drug; I've prayed about it; I've discussed it with my husband. I say all of this to ease concerns of friends and family who are reading this. My decision to enroll was taken with great care. As with any clinical trial, if I find I do not tolerate the drug well or for whatever reason decide to stop, I can do that.

So the first obvious question is......What drug am I going to be taking?
The answer.........Bisphosphonates. These are the same drugs prescribed for osteoporosis, only at greater dosages. The clinical trial is looking at three different bisphosphonates to determine which one can provide the best benefit with the least amount of side effects (which are mostly gastrointestinal in nature). Bisphosphonates are currently being used to treat patients whose cancer has spread to their bones. There are already some good results from other trials indicating that bisphosphonates can reduce recurrence for women with early stage breast cancer.

The next probable question is.......Why? Why would you do this?
The answer.........That's hard to explain completely, but here are some of my thoughts:

*I'm 37 years old and, because of my decision to remove my ovaries, I am in menopause. I believe my oophorectomy was the right choice for me. Taking Vitamin D and calcium combined with eating healthy and exercise are good options to keep my bones healthy, but taking hormones to help maintain my bone health is not an option. So, I'm at risk for osteoporosis. I see a benefit in taking the bisphosphonates. I don't know when my days will be numbered (only God does), but I want to be as healthy and as strong as I can be for however long He grants me....just like my Great Grandma Vivian, who was treated for breast cancer in her mid-50's and was a survivor for over 40 years!!!

* A few Saturdays ago I met a woman I didn't know. We were at the All-Alumni weekend of our Alma mater......alumni of the same college, but having graduated nearly 30 years a part from one another. She noticed my short hair, quietly came up to me and gently said, "May I ask you a personal question?.....Is your hair just starting to grow out?" Of which I answered, "Yes." She proceeded to tell me that she was a 5 year survivor and had been one of the women who took part in the Herceptin clinical trial. The results of that trail made a big impact in the oncology world. Up until that time there was not an effective treatment for women whose cancer was Her2 positive. It was because of her courage and the many women like her, that I am blessed to be receiving Herceptin today. I had been asking God to confirm in my heart which may I was to go forward with the bisphosphonate clinical trial. I truly felt that the unlikely meeting of this woman and me was ordained by God.

* Strange, but true.....I had a physical therapy appointment just a few days after Trevor had broken his arm. While the PT was working out some of my scar tissue, I was telling her about Trevor's unhappy event. She looked at me and said, "Does he have osteogenic imperfecta type A like you do?"........I had no idea what she was talking about.....so I asked, "What do you mean?" She said, "Well, the whites of your eyes have a very mild blue tint to them. That's a fairly good sign that you have a mild form of it and you could have passed that on to your son." She's a very knowledgeable lady and had in fact studied a family with two girls who'd had this same genetic defect. Apparently every summer the two girls would end up with a broken bone of some sort. Now, I don't know if Trevor or I really do have this bone imperfection, but I do know that of all my sisters I've had the most broken bones (and of all his brothers, Trevor holds the record). Regardless, it made me think, "I may really need these bisphosphonates more than I know."

* I'm sure I could tell you many more things about how this decision was made........but I can't remember them right now!!!! Except, I have gained about as much knowledge as is possible in finding out more about it, I have prayed about it and asked God to give me direction and discernment and wisdom, AND I have submitted the whole thing before my husband who has given me his blessing in moving forward.

Sooooooooo, I started the clinical trial today. After a creatinin blood test to make sure my kidneys were working properly, I was randomized to one of three arms of the trial. That means that this trial is studying three different bisphosphonates. Neither I, nor my doctor have the option to choose which one I take. It's chosen by the computer. One of the drugs is given intravenously (once a month for 6 months, then every 3 months after that....for 3 years). The other two drugs are in pill form and are taken orally every day for 3 years. Considering the fact that I have a nice new PowerPort, that I'm to avoid blood draws from either arm for quite some time and therefore needed a good reason (in my own mind) to keep my port after my Herceptin infusions end in January, AND that I hate the idea of taking a pill EVERY DAY for 3 years (I'm already taking more than I'm used to)......I was hoping for the IV drug.

Annnnnnnnnnd, (written that way because I know that I take way to long to explain things and I'm just as happy as you that this blog entry is coming to an end) that's what I got. The IV form of the bisphosphonate!!!!!

Whew! Well, it's been a long day.....Radiation....Herceptin....Zometa......dead tadpole (oh, that's whole other tale that won't be told tonight.....Sorry, Beth....We were not good tadpole keepers).

Before I sign off: Thank you, Hillary, for keeping my younger two boys all day. Thank you, Sandy, for joining me for lunch on a day that you could have gone home early from work. And, to Mr. and Mrs. G, thank you for the wonderful stew, biscuits and dessert. What a blessing to come home to some good home cooking!!! I'm so sorry I missed seeing you.

General Ramblings and Praises

I've had plenty of ideas to posts....just not enough time to put them down. I did want to mention some praise reports.

*My port finally feels at home in my body....just under my left collar bone and beside my sternum. No more strange feelings when I turn my head or laugh or cough. In the last week I've even been able to lie down on my belly for about an hour at a time at night. I haven't been able to do that comfortably for almost eight months.

*My radiation treatments are going well. I've completed 13 and have 15 to go. There's been minimal darkening of the skin in the radiated area and only a minor irritation in the area under my armpit.

*My hair keeps growing!!! Look out for 'Ode to My Hair' Part IV!!!

*A dear friend of mine and her family is having a ladies softball tournament in Brownsburg on September 13th. The proceeds are to benefit 4 families, including mine. If you want more information, you can check out her foundation's website at: www.sweetmelissafoundation.org


I just had to mention a conversation I had over the weekend with Grama while Parker sat with us enjoying his popsicle. I said something about 'putting my foot in my mouth,' and Parker interjected, "Oh, yeah.....I've done that!" Grama and I laughed hysterically. We knew Parker was not thinking of figurative feet!!!!

May you find joy in your day today. Even in the midst of the heaviest of life's circumstances, may an unexpected smile tweak your face and a giggle cross your path. May you place your burdens at the feet of Jesus and leave them there for Him to carry.

********
"Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens. Our God is a God who saves; from the Sovereign Lord comes escape from death." Psalm 68:19-20

Jesus speaking to his disciples....."Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete." John 16:17

A Nice Break

Last week didn't turn out as I had planned......and that's a good thing. Initially, I thought I'd have a week to myself without any of the boys. I'd have time to get my house back in order, time to get in some important planning meetings for the homeschool co-op, and time to read a good book and rest. Trevor's unexpected trip to the ER changed that.

Spencer went off to Church Camp without Trevor. Parker and Brenner went off with Mimi and Papaw for a week of camping. Sean was in and out of town with his work. Trevor and I stayed home.

It turns out that Spencer had a blast on his trip to Wise, West Virginia. He went caving and swimming, completed a ropes course and ate LOTS of food....More importantly, he had the opportunity to 'grow in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men.' (Luke 2:52) He grew up just a little bit more while he was away. I'm so proud of Spencer.

Parker and Brenner had a blast on their trip to Turkey Run and Raccoon Lake with Mimi and Papaw. They rode bikes, splashed in the lake, played at the playground, met new friends and ate LOTS of food.....More importantly, they had a special time with their grandparents.....What a wonderful memory they will have of their trip in the big RV with Mimi and Papaw!!!!! Brenner, at 4 1/2, learned how to ride without his training wheels on the trip. Boy, was he excited to show us his new feat when he got home. "Children's children are a crown to the aged, and parents are the pride of their children." (Prov. 17:6) "Know therefore that the Lord your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commands." (Deut. 7:9) I'm so proud of Parker and Brenner.

Trevor had a blast staying home. He spent two days and one night with one of his best buddies. He had a date just with me, some time just with his daddy, and a date with me and his daddy.....ALL in one week. He certainly doesn't usually get that kind of one-on-one time. I'm so glad he had it!!! Of all my boys, he asks the least of me. I'm a busy mom, and sometimes I forget to take the extra one-on-one time that really ministers to the spirits of my boys. "Even a child is known by his actions, by whether his conduct is pure and right." (Proverbs 20:11) I'm so proud of Trevor.

I had a blast, too. I had time to organize some of my house and attend some important meetings, time to visit with friends and read part of book, and time to rest. But most importantly, I had time for Trevor.

Thank you, Lord!!

**********
I read this morning that 'sons will be like olive shoots around your table.' (Ps 128:3). Well, I don't know how fast olive shoots grow, but if its anything like my boys.....look out!!! In the last three months, the boys collectively have grown 2 1/2 inches!!! Trevor grew 1 inch. Brenner grew 3/4 inch. Parker grew 1/2 inch. Spencer grew 1/4 inch. If they keep this up they'll be all grown and out the door in no time!!!.....oh, I miss them already! :)

Duck Walking 101

There are some basic do's and don't's a parent covers with their children as they grow up. Like, don't run with sharp objects, look before you cross the street, don't talk to strangers when mommy and daddy aren't around. For the hundreds of things that you DO talk to them about, there are millions of things that you just don't foresee happening.

Well, one of those millions of things happened to us this week. Although Sean and I have covered the one about not playing on the staircase, apparently we weren't specific enough. I was in the kitchen talking on the phone with Sean who was in Chicago, when we both heard the rumble, boom, crash, scream. Trevor had just fallen down the stairs and was screaming, "I can't look at it! I can't look at it!" I quickly told Sean, "I think Trevor just broke his arm. I've got to go!" Then I hung up and went into frantic mommy mode.

First......get Trevor calmed down. He was screaming, "Call 911. Take me to Riley," as he came around the corner. His left forearm was crooked and his arm was hanging limp by his side. No blood....that's good! After getting him comfortable on the couch, we moved on to step two.

Second....find someone to watch the other three boys. I made one call after another.....nobody was home. No time to leave messages. Got to hurry. In between unanswered rings, I was barking out orders to my oldest, one right after another......he wasn't sure which one to do first. (Looking back, I'm so proud of him. He did an amazing job considering my frantic state.) "Make an ice pack and get it on Trevor's arm.....Tell Parker to get out of the tub and get dressed......Run next door and see if you boys can go there." Praise God, Tammy was home!

Third.....get Trevor to the hospital. Now that we were safely in the car and on our way to the hospital, I had a chance to find out HOW Trevor came to tumbling down the stairs. Whereas my oldest can tell you one detail after another in relating a story, but has difficulty 'summing' it up, Trevor can 'sum' it all up in 10 words or less. Getting the details can be harder than pulling teeth! Just like his daddy, that one is!

Me: Trevor, what happened?
Trevor: I fell like a rock down the stairs.
Me: Yes, I heard you falling. But HOW did that happen?
Trevor: I don't know.
Me: What were you doing? We're you trying to slide head first?
Trevor: No..........It's hard to explain, mommy. Obviously he was still in a lot of pain from the trauma, and the fact that he couldn't move his arm to show me what he was doing, made it that much harder for him to describe.
Me: Honey, I want you to try really hard to think about what you were doing before you fell down the stairs. Can you tell me?
Trevor: You know how sometimes Brenner and me like to squat down like ducks and take little steps to our room. We were doing that.
Me: Did you just get too close to the stairs?
Trevor: No, I was trying to walk down the stairs like a duck. I got down one step and then I tried to hop down to the next one." Then with tears and the realization that he'd be in another cast for another long summer, "Why do these things happen to me? Why did God let me break my arm?"
Me: At this point I'm using every bit of restraint I have not to point out the obvious. A lecture wouldn't fix his arm or calm his fears. "Oh, honey, I know it hurts. We're almost to the hospital. They're going to take good care of you." And then I prayed that it would be so!

Trevor had to wait nearly 5 long hours before they could fix his arm. Initially they tried to do it with him awake. Nope, not gonna happen! So he had to wait for another emergency surgery to finish up before he was put under general anesthesia. The orthopedic doctor was able to realign the two broken forearm bones (without making any incisions) and then set the arm in a neon green cast. Trevor's not at all happy about his circumstances and the long summer ahead with a broken arm. He'll miss church camp next week and football for yet another season. No more swimming or riding his bike for several weeks. He's a trooper and will get through it, but I still feel so bad for him.

Looking back I realize that Trevor was pretty accurate with his 8-word description of the event. He did fall like a rock down the stairs......head over heels one time before crash landing. If you're a parent, you might want to add one more thing to your Parenting 101 list of do's and don't's. Don't duckwalk or duckhop down the stairs!

Thank you, Tammy, for taking care of my other three boys on such short notice. Thank you, Kelly and Jacob, Mom and Dad for coming to the hospital. You'll never really understand how that ministered to my Trevor. Dad, you're the best! Thank you for searching high and low for a deck of cards, for showing Trevor the secret to one of your card tricks, and for staying with me to the wee hours of the morning. Mom, you're my hero! Thank you for picking up the other three and getting them tucked safely into bed......and for being in Martha-mode with my laundry! :)

"Tag, You're It!!"

I've been tagged......with a meme......and although I know what a Mimi is, I've never heard of a 'meme.' (I'm still very knew to the blogging world!!!) But I'm happy to play along. Thankfully, I was able to find out the rules by going back to the blog of the one who tagged me.....(Thanks, Judy @ http://midsummermeanderings.blogspot.com/ )........So here it goes:

The rules of the game get posted at the beginning:
1. Each player answers the questions about themselves.
2. At the end of the post, the player then tags five people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they’ve been tagged and asking them to read the player’s blog.
3. Let the person who tagged you know when you’ve posted your answer.

Q. What were you doing five years ago today?
1. Sean and I made the official decision to homeschool....Spencer was to start Kindergarten in the Fall. We were a bit leery about what our friends and family would think and how they would react because there weren't many homeschoolers in our circle of friends/family at that time.
2. Well, I know I wasn't eating bon-bons every day, though I'd sometimes dream about it!!!! I had three boys who were 5 years old and under.....with another on the way!!!!
3. I was past the half-way mark of my fifth pregnancy.....and just starting to breathe easier. Our fourth son, Peter Michael, was Heavenborn during my second trimester and I was afraid it might happen again.
4. I was working as a Physical Therapist one day each week at a hospital in Indy. It was like a mini-vacation from my Real Job As a Mom.....only I got paid for it!!!!
5. I was thrilled for my husband. God had provided him with a wonderful job that he really wanted AND he was enjoying, too!! That's always a bonus.

Q. 5 things on your to do list today.
1. Find some phoo-phoo creamer for my coffee!!!! I can't drink it black or with milk. I NEED Hazelnut creamer.....we were out....and Sean, who usually makes the trip to the store in the morning when we find ourselves in this predicament (because he wants it just as much as me....though he'd never admit it), was OUT OF TOWN!!!!
2. Radiation. My third radiation treatment was scheduled for 9:45.....but the office called at 9:10 to tell me that the machine was down and could I make it later in the day? I was thinking, "Uh.....that may not be as simple as you think. My husband is out of town, my childcare was lined up for the designated time (9:45), I've got other appointments today and I can't just walk in there with my four boys." BUT, I said, "Well, you can call me on my cell phone up until 1:00, but I doubt I can make it in the afternoon." I did get a call (when I was doing my to-do list #3) and was able to get in at 12:30.
3. Dog Food. Must get dog food. Poor thing has been out of food for almost 2 days and is relying on our table scraps....though I'm sure she didn't mind that at all!!! So, I decided to go ahead and go to my friend's house (who was going to watch the boys while I went to my radiation appointment), only I stayed, too, and we visited. Then, the boys and I left at 10:30 and headed to Wal-Mart for Dog Food........oh, yes....and don't forget the Hazelnut Creamer ......and bread.....and fruit.....some yogurt.....we're out of cereal, too. It donned on me that I hadn't made a trip like this with all 4 boys for over 8 months!!!! So although some of you may think I'm crazy, it was a WONDERFUL trip just knowing I had the energy to do it!!!
4. Oncology Visit and Herceptin Infusion. You just never know how this is going to work out. Either everything goes well and in a timely manner....OR.....not. Today it was a not. Everything went well, it just wasn't timely. Thankfully, my dear neighbor who was watching my boys was not in any hurry to go anywhere or be anywhere. So, for my boys, I'm sure they were glad my appointment lasted FOREVER. They had a blast at their friend's house!
5. Read......I'm reading another book by one of my favorite fiction authors....Ted Dekker. Though I'm not so sure I'm sold on this particular book. But I had PLENTY of time to read while I waited for my doctor.

Q. 5 snacks you enjoy:
1. Apples with peanut butter.
2. Whatchamacallit Candy Bars (haven't had one in years!)
3. Kettle Popcorn.
4. Applesauce with mini-chocolate chips on top.
5. Peanut Butter Cookies.

Q. 5 things you would do if you were a billionaire:
1. Buy a house with lots of acreage, including creeks and trees to climb. My husband could retire and be the gentleman farmer he's always wanted to be (well, that is, that's what he told me last year when I asked him a similar question).
2. Do and Give to many short-term missions trips over-sees, especially in Africa.
3. Take a very long vacation to Italy and Greece. My grandma is 100% Macedonian but was born in the USA. Her parents immigrated here. I would love to take her and all of the Christ family to Macedonia (north Greece).
4. Adopt as many children as Sean would let me.
5. Invest wisely and then give the rest to those in need and to various research (like breast cancer).

Q. 5 jobs you have had.
1. Yogurt Server
2. Activities Leader for a Nursing Home
3. Camp Counselor at Bradford Woods
4. Resident Assistant in my dorm in college (paid for room and board!!)
5. Physical Therapist

Q. 5 people you want to tag.
(This one's hard, because I'm so new to blogging!!! Ladies, if you've done this before, just refer me to your blog entry!!)
1. Monica @ http://monica-shineagain.blogspot.com/
2. Tisha @ http://tisha-myrestingplace.blogspot.com/
3. Rachel @ http://jacksonfamilynews.blogspot.com/
4. Michelle @ http://glorious-mayhem.blogspot.com/
5. Ronda @ http://rondasnotes.blogspot.com/

Belly Button Blues

Since my surgeries at the end of April, I've had one irritation after another with my oophorectomy incisions. Today was my third trip back to my gynecologist. It's not her fault. Apparently my body doesn't like the dissolving stitches that she used. Instead of quietly dissolving, they've been doing their best to find their way out in the most annoying ways, particularly in my belly button. Dr. R has used as much TLC as she can to help me heal, but it's not always pain-free. On my second trip, she had to give me TWO lidocaine shots in my belly button before she dug out 2 of the pesky stitches.....Can you say 'OOOOOOOUUUUUUUCH!'. We thought that would do it, but no, there was one more peaking out today. Thankfully, no shots were involved. So, hopefully that will be it. I'll continue to diligently clean the area twice a day, and pray that it will heal soon.

My belly button blues have been a constant irritation for weeks. Yet, I've been rather patient and diligent in dealing with the issue, waiting for healing to come. I would be remiss not to mention the parallel I see in my life as a mother...............

As a mom, I deal with character training in my kids several times day. The truth is I often see it as a 'constant irritation.' It's extremely easy to loose sight of the goal and to get frustrated with the whole process. At times I can be patient, but at other times I just wish my kids would get it the first time! Why don't they just get it? Do I have to explain this or teach that one more time? Didn't we just deal with that last week/ yesterday/ten minutes ago!

Like my Belly Button Blues, character training takes patience, diligence, A LOT of prayer and a WHOLE LOT of love. More than that, it takes a good Doctor. I'm glad I have one. He is always available to give me some TLC and direction as I work through the issues. But seeing Him can be a painful and often humbling process. He sees those pesky weaknesses in my life and does his best to bring them to the surface so that I can be a better mom. Getting them 'plucked' out can be as painful as those pesky stitches in my belly! Thankfully, He doesn't point his finger at me and say, "Why don't you just get it? Do I have to explain this one more time? Didn't we just deal with that last week/yesterday/ ten minutes ago!" Instead, He says, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Corinthians 12:9)

*********
All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work. 2 Timothy 3:16

"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye." Matthew 7:3-5

Motivation for Today and Frogs for the Moment

This week I returned for the second test of the clinical study on the effects of chemotherapy on the brain. (My first experience was in January...see "Define Panacea.") It was more of the same and I'm happy to say it was just as much fun. I know.....I'm a nerd!!! My most favorite moment was defining 'panacea.' (Of course, I still have trouble with calendar and number.....Try defining those words....It's not as easy as you may think!)

In the midst my 'fun,' I was pleasantly surprised by what I learned.

First, I was reminded that motivation is important. Apparently, in this study, it takes more effort to keep the non-cancer participants motivated during the long day of testing and for the duration of the study (3 test days spread out over 18 months). It takes less effort to motivate the cancer participants. Both groups are given a monetary incentive, which makes the time commitment worth the effort. Yet, cancer participants seem to have a stronger belief that their involvement will help researchers, and subsequently other cancer patients in the future......That's what gets us through the 8-9 hour long day. What is the motivation? Believing that something you are doing can make a difference. Motivation is important, and it goes beyond this clinical study. I don't want to live my life with the mentality of the non-cancer participants: "I can't wait to get through this day" or "How much will I get (or where's my reward?)" I want to make a difference.....wherever God wants me to make it.



Second, I was reminded that unexpected nuggets of truth and discovery are wrapped up in our experiences. I miss them altogether when life becomes one 'to do' list after another. As a mom, balancing the 'to do' with 'the moment' requires energy and a willing spirit. For example, everyday I have a plan, or at least some semblance of a plan. That plan usually involves going somewhere, or not.....doing something, or not.....seeing someone, or not. It quite often involves my 4 children.....my 4 very active boy-children....my 4 very active boy-children who rarely understand how important it is to me that the plan run smoothly. Sure, we can get from point A to point B.....but, unfortunately, HOW we get there can sometimes make or break this mom's day.

Case in point: Vacation Bible School. It would be nice to take the kids to VBS and have them all: 1) Walk to their classes, 2) Speak respectfully to their teachers, 3) Listen and not interrupt the lessons, and 4) Walk with me to the car when VBS is over. These are ALL good plans and ALL good expectations. But guess what? They are children. They get excited. They get distracted. They get hungry. They get overstimulated. And sometimes......when you least expect it....when you've almost reached point B...... a frog hops haphazardly along the sidewalk as you're leaving the building. What does a boy do when he sees a frog hopping along.....imagine 4 boys doing that!!!! (Well, it happened to me....with 2 extra boys in tow!!!)

Okay...I had a point.....hmmmm......I lost my point......Where was I headed with that?.....Just a minute........oh, there it is....................


There are wonderful nuggets of truth and discovery just waiting to be found...IF we'll just take a moment, in our attempt to complete our 'to-do's', to notice. These nuggets aren't accidents. They aren't coincidences or random happenings. They have purpose, just as we have purpose. Though we may never understand their purpose, the significance of their presence in our lives is not diminished.

I believe God really wanted me 'to get' this point about experiencing the unexpected....about taking my 'horse blinders' off from time to time.....about experiencing the moment and waiting on the 'to-do's.' My lesson was wrapped up in form of a frolicsome amphibian! Do you remember that frog at VBS? Well, I wished it had never hopped along our path. My plan involved getting home ASAP and that was what was going to happen!!! So I did NOT let the boys play with it. It worked....although it wasn't very pretty. There was some frustration ....some yelling.... some anxiety...... some cajoling and corralling. When we got home, the boys were playing outside for about 20 minutes when all of a sudden one of them says, "Hey! There's a frog! Look! There's a FROG!!" Screams, giggles, scurrying and frantic hopping ensued. In the eight years that we've lived in this neighborhood, we've seen only 2 or 3 frogs. So, finding a frog is rare! Coincidence? No way! Divine intervention to drive home a point? I think so!

God, as I fight this mental and physical fatigue, may I not be discouraged with the unfamiliar pace with which I trudge forward. Grant me a willing spirit to sustain me. Lord, thank you for reminding me to stay motivated. Help me to find and to do things that please you and bring you glory. May I make a difference today. And Lord, I just wanted to thank you for the frogs. That was a great way to get my attention and a wonderful lesson to share with my sons. May we be ready for whatever you would have us to do. May we take time for the unplanned nuggets of truth and discovery that you bring across our path......even the green ones that hop!

*********
In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps. Proverbs 16:9