When I was little my family would take an occasional road trip. My special spot was to sleep on the floor board of the back seat. I'd have my pillow and my blanket and would just cuddle up while the hum of the car and rhythm of the road would rock me to sleep. I didn't have a care in the world. My daddy was driving. I knew I was safe.
This week I feel as if I jumped into the backseat of the car again. I've let go all the cares of this world for a few days. I've cuddled up with my pillows (I think I counted 6 of them) and my blanket. The muffled sounds of my boys voices through my closed door have replaced the gentle hum of the car. And of course, the painkillers have helped to gently lull me to sleep. My Heavenly daddy is driving. I know that I am safe.
I can't even begin to tell you all the love that I have received this last week since I started this journey. I've had extra care for my kids, extra help with meals, and a whole lot of extra prayers from ALL over. It has made all the difference to me in my recovery.
Thank You!!!
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
GREAT News today!!
"I will extol the Lord at all times;
his praise will always be on my lips.
My soul will boast in the Lord;
let the afflicted hear and rejoice.
Glorify the Lord WITH ME;
let us exalt his name together.
I sought the Lord, and he answered me;
he delivered me from all my fears.
Those who look to him are radiant;
their faces are never covered with shame.
The poor man called, and the Lord heard him;
he saved him out of all his troubles.
The angel of the Lord encamps around those
who fear him,
and he delivers them.
TASTE AND SEE that the Lord is good;
blessed is the man who takes refuge in him."
Psalm 34:1-8
My surgery went well this morning. I drifted off to sleep while commenting on the cute head covers everyone was wearing.......and woke up to the news that the pathologist did not detect any cancer in my sentinel nodes. I remember asking my husband to sing the song, "God is so good," and drifted back to sleep before he finished the first line!
So, I'M HOME TONIGHT!!! My kids and my family have been taken care of with such love by the medical staff, my family and my friends. What a blessing to me!
The absolute worst part of the day was receiving 4 injections around my breast an hour prior to surgery. OH MY!!! But I am able to find some comic relief in the 4 beautiful blue marks that remain. First, blue is my favorite color. Second, well, how do I say this? What goes in must come out! My boys got a big kick out of that!!!
Glorify the Lord with me; let us exalt his name together!!!
his praise will always be on my lips.
My soul will boast in the Lord;
let the afflicted hear and rejoice.
Glorify the Lord WITH ME;
let us exalt his name together.
I sought the Lord, and he answered me;
he delivered me from all my fears.
Those who look to him are radiant;
their faces are never covered with shame.
The poor man called, and the Lord heard him;
he saved him out of all his troubles.
The angel of the Lord encamps around those
who fear him,
and he delivers them.
TASTE AND SEE that the Lord is good;
blessed is the man who takes refuge in him."
Psalm 34:1-8
My surgery went well this morning. I drifted off to sleep while commenting on the cute head covers everyone was wearing.......and woke up to the news that the pathologist did not detect any cancer in my sentinel nodes. I remember asking my husband to sing the song, "God is so good," and drifted back to sleep before he finished the first line!
So, I'M HOME TONIGHT!!! My kids and my family have been taken care of with such love by the medical staff, my family and my friends. What a blessing to me!
The absolute worst part of the day was receiving 4 injections around my breast an hour prior to surgery. OH MY!!! But I am able to find some comic relief in the 4 beautiful blue marks that remain. First, blue is my favorite color. Second, well, how do I say this? What goes in must come out! My boys got a big kick out of that!!!
Glorify the Lord with me; let us exalt his name together!!!
Monday, November 26, 2007
Who's Driving this Car?
I'm a pretty good driver....for the most part. If you're a relative of mine you may have a different perspective on that. It's been a while (although the memories have not faded for some) since I backed into my mother-in-law's car, or forgot to put my van in park and then watched it slowly crunch into my mom and dad's new garage door, or scraped up against my husband's brand new truck......oops!
When it comes to 'driving' through life, I'd rather not be behind the wheel. I tried that once, for an extended period of time, and found myself in a hopeless state. I was alive, but I felt dead inside. I was pretty much just living for myself. It's been many years since then and I've learned some lessons:
Lesson #1: I'm taking God with me wherever I go.
Lesson #2: If I'm really smart, I'll let Him drive.
Lesson #3: There's no need to worry when He's behind the wheel.
Lesson #4: If I don't like the road I'm on, make sure I'm heeding lesson #2, and then refer to Lesson #3.
Since the moment I was initially told that I had breast cancer, my lessons learned were put into action. Not expecting the kind of news I was hearing, and not having anyone with me, I decided right then and there that I needed to pray. My radiologist was caught by surprise when I asked him to pray with me. I held onto his hand and just poured out my heart to God. When I was done, and to my delight, he prayed too!!! And since that moment many of my friends and family, and others that I do not even know, have been praying for me and with me.
I am doing well. It's as if a huge bubble of God's peace is surrounding me and protecting me. I'd like to stay there. A friend encouraged me to never doubt in the dark what God has spoken to my heart in the light. I will hold onto that and will cling desperately to His truths when the dark times come.
And I will let Him stay behind the driver's seat.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all of your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5,6
When it comes to 'driving' through life, I'd rather not be behind the wheel. I tried that once, for an extended period of time, and found myself in a hopeless state. I was alive, but I felt dead inside. I was pretty much just living for myself. It's been many years since then and I've learned some lessons:
Lesson #1: I'm taking God with me wherever I go.
Lesson #2: If I'm really smart, I'll let Him drive.
Lesson #3: There's no need to worry when He's behind the wheel.
Lesson #4: If I don't like the road I'm on, make sure I'm heeding lesson #2, and then refer to Lesson #3.
Since the moment I was initially told that I had breast cancer, my lessons learned were put into action. Not expecting the kind of news I was hearing, and not having anyone with me, I decided right then and there that I needed to pray. My radiologist was caught by surprise when I asked him to pray with me. I held onto his hand and just poured out my heart to God. When I was done, and to my delight, he prayed too!!! And since that moment many of my friends and family, and others that I do not even know, have been praying for me and with me.
I am doing well. It's as if a huge bubble of God's peace is surrounding me and protecting me. I'd like to stay there. A friend encouraged me to never doubt in the dark what God has spoken to my heart in the light. I will hold onto that and will cling desperately to His truths when the dark times come.
And I will let Him stay behind the driver's seat.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all of your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths." Proverbs 3:5,6
Sunday, November 25, 2007
The Curve in the Road
Have you ever been living your life when something unexpected comes and practically knocks you off your feet? Maybe you hit a big bump in the road, maybe it's a pot hole, or maybe a sharp curve comes out of nowhere which completely takes you by surprise? You'd really like to do anything BUT take the road before you, but you have no choice. The road is there and you must go. What do you do? Who do you take and what do you bring with you? When you wake up each morning you know that you're still on that road. It hasn't changed.
I'd like to share my journey with you...my unexpected sharp turn. Partly, I write for my own therapeutic reasons. Partly, I write to give hope to someone out there who needs to find hope. Partly, I write because I have so many loved ones and friends who want to support me through my journey and this is one way for me to bring them along.
It started on Thursday morning, November 1st, 2007. I was getting ready for our last homeschool co-op class day and mentally running through the checklist of things I needed to bring for the morning. The shower was nice and hot. In fact it was so nice, that I lingered there longer than I needed to (I'm sure other mothers can related to that feeling!!!) Well, in the midst of this quiet and peaceful state, I felt a stabbing pain in my breast. Instinctively, I reached up to the spot and was surprised to find a cyst-like growth about the size of a grape. 'How odd!' I thought.
I'd been doing monthly self-breast exams for over a year and had never felt anything there before. 'It's probably just a cyst.' I continued with my day and went into the weekend with the ever-present feeling of discomfort whenever I moved my left arm across my body. Had I not been working that weekend, I may not have been so aware of the discomfort. But as a physical therapist, you are constantly reaching forward and lifting things and the discomfort was putting doubts in my mind. 'Maybe I should have this checked out.'
I decided not to mess around. When I called Monday morning and told the secretary about the painful lump that had developed, she got me in to see my doctor THAT day!!! After my examination, my doctor was pretty sure that it was just a cyst. The edges felt pretty smooth, the lump felt symmetrical and squishy, and most cancerous lumps are not painful. But she wanted me to go ahead with a mammogram, just to be sure. I was okay with that. But feeling a bit relieved at the news, I opted to wait for the next available appointment at the hospital that was closer to my home.
So after a week, I went in for my mammogram. I went alone. 'No need to bother anyone with this. It's just a cyst. A squish here and a pinch there, a nice pretty picture, and I'll be on my way.' But that was not to be the case. After the mammogram, I had an ultrasound. As I looked at the monitor, it was clear the mass was not symmetrical and the edges were not smooth. 'Hmm, that's odd!' I thought. Then the radiologist walked in and sat next to me. As the words, "This is the hardest part of my job....." were uttered from his mouth, I was sure he was in the wrong room. It was if the road sign was now in CAPITAL letters shouting, 'LOOK OUT FOR THE SHARP CURVE AHEAD!!' But when he mentioned that he could only be 85-90% sure of what he was saying, I was determined to hold onto that 10-15%. My next step was a core-biopsy, which they were able to perform that day. Until the core-biopsy pathology report came in, I felt stalled at a fork in the road. All I could do was sit and wait. How I choose to do that was important, not only for my well-being, but also for my family. I had a weekend full of activities and I made the choice not to fill too many people in on the details of the week. There were, in my mind, still too many unknowns, and not any clear answers.
Finally, on Monday, November 19th, 2007, I received the final report. Invasive ductile carcinoma. Now, it's nearly a week later and I am scheduled for surgery in two days. Some of my treatment has already been decided. Some of my treatment is dependent on the results of my surgery. Today, I've only shared with you how I came upon this curve in the road. Maybe tomorrow I can share with you who and what I'm bringing with me on this journey. But before I sign off, I want to share the words to the refrain of my most favorite hymn.... and the inspiration for the name of my blog:
Great is Thy faithfulness! Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning, new mercies I see;
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided,
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord unto me.
(Great is Thy Faithfulness by Thomas O. Chisholm)
I'd like to share my journey with you...my unexpected sharp turn. Partly, I write for my own therapeutic reasons. Partly, I write to give hope to someone out there who needs to find hope. Partly, I write because I have so many loved ones and friends who want to support me through my journey and this is one way for me to bring them along.
It started on Thursday morning, November 1st, 2007. I was getting ready for our last homeschool co-op class day and mentally running through the checklist of things I needed to bring for the morning. The shower was nice and hot. In fact it was so nice, that I lingered there longer than I needed to (I'm sure other mothers can related to that feeling!!!) Well, in the midst of this quiet and peaceful state, I felt a stabbing pain in my breast. Instinctively, I reached up to the spot and was surprised to find a cyst-like growth about the size of a grape. 'How odd!' I thought.
I'd been doing monthly self-breast exams for over a year and had never felt anything there before. 'It's probably just a cyst.' I continued with my day and went into the weekend with the ever-present feeling of discomfort whenever I moved my left arm across my body. Had I not been working that weekend, I may not have been so aware of the discomfort. But as a physical therapist, you are constantly reaching forward and lifting things and the discomfort was putting doubts in my mind. 'Maybe I should have this checked out.'
I decided not to mess around. When I called Monday morning and told the secretary about the painful lump that had developed, she got me in to see my doctor THAT day!!! After my examination, my doctor was pretty sure that it was just a cyst. The edges felt pretty smooth, the lump felt symmetrical and squishy, and most cancerous lumps are not painful. But she wanted me to go ahead with a mammogram, just to be sure. I was okay with that. But feeling a bit relieved at the news, I opted to wait for the next available appointment at the hospital that was closer to my home.
So after a week, I went in for my mammogram. I went alone. 'No need to bother anyone with this. It's just a cyst. A squish here and a pinch there, a nice pretty picture, and I'll be on my way.' But that was not to be the case. After the mammogram, I had an ultrasound. As I looked at the monitor, it was clear the mass was not symmetrical and the edges were not smooth. 'Hmm, that's odd!' I thought. Then the radiologist walked in and sat next to me. As the words, "This is the hardest part of my job....." were uttered from his mouth, I was sure he was in the wrong room. It was if the road sign was now in CAPITAL letters shouting, 'LOOK OUT FOR THE SHARP CURVE AHEAD!!' But when he mentioned that he could only be 85-90% sure of what he was saying, I was determined to hold onto that 10-15%. My next step was a core-biopsy, which they were able to perform that day. Until the core-biopsy pathology report came in, I felt stalled at a fork in the road. All I could do was sit and wait. How I choose to do that was important, not only for my well-being, but also for my family. I had a weekend full of activities and I made the choice not to fill too many people in on the details of the week. There were, in my mind, still too many unknowns, and not any clear answers.
Finally, on Monday, November 19th, 2007, I received the final report. Invasive ductile carcinoma. Now, it's nearly a week later and I am scheduled for surgery in two days. Some of my treatment has already been decided. Some of my treatment is dependent on the results of my surgery. Today, I've only shared with you how I came upon this curve in the road. Maybe tomorrow I can share with you who and what I'm bringing with me on this journey. But before I sign off, I want to share the words to the refrain of my most favorite hymn.... and the inspiration for the name of my blog:
Great is Thy faithfulness! Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning, new mercies I see;
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided,
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord unto me.
(Great is Thy Faithfulness by Thomas O. Chisholm)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)