(The following is something I wrote back in July for the Parents Encouraging Parents section of We Grow Ministries. I thought I'd share it with you. Since writing this, God has really been working in my life to help me respond better to my kids. Praise the Lord!)
While sitting in the backyard, my ten year old came rushing up to me with a poor helpless dragonfly dangling from a stick. Its wings were drenched.
“Can you save him, Mommy?” asked my hopeful child.
Who knows what caused the demise of this dragonfly? Maybe it took a wrong turn. Maybe it zigged when it should have zagged. Regardless, the dragonfly had made a bad decision and was now paying the consequences.
I could relate. I was burdened down from poor choices I had been making as a parent. After some consistent wrong turns, I felt like a failure. Though God had blessed me with the job of parenting four boys, lately it felt more like a burden. Who was going to come and rescue me?
While the dragonfly rested in my care, I considered my current situation:
Why have I been so impatient with the boys? Over and over and over again, I find myself reacting to situations rather than responding. God calls me to respond with a gentle and quiet spirit (1 Peter 3:4). Yet often, my words have been harsh and my responses have been soaked in tones of irritation. Instead of ‘soaring on wings as eagles’ (Isaiah 40:31), or even flittering as a dragonfly, I’m drowning in regrets. It’s obvious by their constant nagging and berating of each other that I’ve set a poor example for them to follow.
Thirty minutes later, the dragonfly still clung to the stick upon my lap. I had never seen a dragonfly so close for such a long stretch of time. What beauty was in the creature’s shimmering wings and body! At every angle against the sunlight, the unmoving dragonfly glistened in colors of green, blue, and black.
Then an incredible thing happened. In slow motion, the wings opened and closed. Then the dragonfly walked off of the stick and onto my pant leg. Soon, it was flittering along the creek bank again.
There are times when I become burdened down as a parent. I can feel helpless, or even hopeless. Just as my son came to me to save the dragonfly, I come to God in desperation and I ask, “Can you save me from the mess I’ve made? Is there any hope?” Often my frustrations are the greatest when I recognize that my children’s shortcomings—those attitudes, behaviors, or sentiments that push my “I can’t take it anymore” buttons—are a mere reflection of my own shortcomings.
God is waiting for me to take some time and to come and to sit in His presence. As I unload my burdens and confess my sins, He is faithful and just to forgive me (1 John 1:9). It’s really, really hard for me to set apart time to pray and to read God’s Word. But when I do, I always find hope. I always find strength. I always find rest. I can just see God looking at me from every angle while I rest in His presence. I wonder, “Is the beauty that He created in me more evident in those times?” I’m sure it is, especially in my actions and in my responses. And I’m sure it is more evident to my children and to my husband.
When I come before the Lord with true transparency, He gives me the forgiveness and the grace I need to get up and to try again. Before long, I have the strength and the desire to ‘flitter’ down the path of Godly parenthood once again.
***********
Instead, it [your beauty] should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 1 Peter 3:4
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. I John 1:9
Showing posts with label Lessons Learned. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lessons Learned. Show all posts
Monday, October 11, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
Happy Loving Day!
Last week my six year old stood beside our school room table with his arms behind his back. He asked, "Mommy, when is Happy Loving Day?"
"Happy what?"
"Happy Loving Day?"
It took me a moment to realize he meant Valentine's Day. "Oh, that's coming up very soon."
"Here, Mommy." He handed me a sweet handmade Valentine: a red heart pasted on white paper which said I love my mom, from Brenner. Then he gave me a great big bear hug.
Ah.....I hang onto moments like that, because it wasn't but a few days before, that this same boy was yelling.........
"I DON'T LIKE YOU, MOMMY!!! I WISH I DIDN'T LIVE IN THIS HOUSE!!!"
I've never before had one of my children say those words to me, except this one. And unfortunately, it is a pattern for him.
I was prepared for this, though I was sure it would NEVER happen to me. I mean really, why would a child whom I carried for 38 weeks, cared for with all of my heart, cherished with all of my soul....why would my child ever dream of saying anything like that!
A few years ago, a couple of ladies at church had a class based on the book, "Discovering Your Child's DQ Quotient." It's a personality book that does a good job of describing four personality types (with the understanding that there's always overlap and no one person is exactly like another). The four groups were appropriately labeled by animals: the bear, the porcupine, the monkey, and the lamb.
The monkey was described, among other positive things, as the child who may choose to use his words to hurt others. This was the child that would be more prone to name calling and saying things that could break a mother's heart. Though I knew Brenner was my little monkey, I was sure that this particular behavior would never arise.....until that dreadful day several months ago when the first words, "I HATE YOU!!" came from his lips. Thankfully, we've nipped those hateful words from his vocabulary, but he still has his moments....typically after he doesn't get what he wants, or he's disciplined for bad behavior. That's when the "I don't like you" or "I wish I didn't live in this house" comments arise.
So, though I was prepared that something like this could happen.....I lived in denial that it actually would happen.....and.....it happened. And I was not prepared for the hurt my heart would feel from it.
So, I keep my little Brenner's Valentine next to my homeschool desk to remind myself that it is my job to love this boy no matter what he says, no matter what he does, no matter how I feel in the moment.
I wonder, is that what God does? Does He hold onto the thanksgiving, praise, and adoration that I give him when things are going well in my life.....to remind Him that it is His job to love me no matter what I say and no matter what I do when I fail Him? No, God loves me in spite of what I say and in spite of what I do. But still, each one of my failings has caused Him pain. Pain that He suffered through His son, Jesus Christ.
So instead of a handmade Valentine sitting next to His desk, God has His resurrected Son sitting at the right hand of His throne. And His Son is daily interceding for me.....He is daily interceding for you......He is daily interceding for my son.....He is daily interceding for us.
Now that's love.
Happy Loving Day!
**********
But because Jesus lives forever, he has a permanent priesthood. Therefore he is able to save completely those who come to God through him, because he always lives to intercede for them. Hebrews 7:24,25
The Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will. Romans 8:26-27.
"Happy what?"
"Happy Loving Day?"
It took me a moment to realize he meant Valentine's Day. "Oh, that's coming up very soon."
"Here, Mommy." He handed me a sweet handmade Valentine: a red heart pasted on white paper which said I love my mom, from Brenner. Then he gave me a great big bear hug.
Ah.....I hang onto moments like that, because it wasn't but a few days before, that this same boy was yelling.........
"I DON'T LIKE YOU, MOMMY!!! I WISH I DIDN'T LIVE IN THIS HOUSE!!!"
I've never before had one of my children say those words to me, except this one. And unfortunately, it is a pattern for him.
I was prepared for this, though I was sure it would NEVER happen to me. I mean really, why would a child whom I carried for 38 weeks, cared for with all of my heart, cherished with all of my soul....why would my child ever dream of saying anything like that!
A few years ago, a couple of ladies at church had a class based on the book, "Discovering Your Child's DQ Quotient." It's a personality book that does a good job of describing four personality types (with the understanding that there's always overlap and no one person is exactly like another). The four groups were appropriately labeled by animals: the bear, the porcupine, the monkey, and the lamb.
The monkey was described, among other positive things, as the child who may choose to use his words to hurt others. This was the child that would be more prone to name calling and saying things that could break a mother's heart. Though I knew Brenner was my little monkey, I was sure that this particular behavior would never arise.....until that dreadful day several months ago when the first words, "I HATE YOU!!" came from his lips. Thankfully, we've nipped those hateful words from his vocabulary, but he still has his moments....typically after he doesn't get what he wants, or he's disciplined for bad behavior. That's when the "I don't like you" or "I wish I didn't live in this house" comments arise.
So, though I was prepared that something like this could happen.....I lived in denial that it actually would happen.....and.....it happened. And I was not prepared for the hurt my heart would feel from it.
So, I keep my little Brenner's Valentine next to my homeschool desk to remind myself that it is my job to love this boy no matter what he says, no matter what he does, no matter how I feel in the moment.
I wonder, is that what God does? Does He hold onto the thanksgiving, praise, and adoration that I give him when things are going well in my life.....to remind Him that it is His job to love me no matter what I say and no matter what I do when I fail Him? No, God loves me in spite of what I say and in spite of what I do. But still, each one of my failings has caused Him pain. Pain that He suffered through His son, Jesus Christ.
So instead of a handmade Valentine sitting next to His desk, God has His resurrected Son sitting at the right hand of His throne. And His Son is daily interceding for me.....He is daily interceding for you......He is daily interceding for my son.....He is daily interceding for us.
Now that's love.
Happy Loving Day!
**********
I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. Eph. 1:17-21
The Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will. Romans 8:26-27.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
"Don't It Make Your Brown Eyes....."
".....Blue" would be the obvious answer. But then, were talking about my life, and obvious is rarely the answer!
Raising four boys has its fair share of misadventures. I can't tell you how many times Sean and I have shaken our heads at the things our boys have said or done.....things that make it quite obvious that God's angels are on high alert around here.
Case in point:
Two days ago, Spencer and Trevor were outside. Spencer had a metal baseball bat and a ball in his hands. Trevor had an imaginary battle of knights and dragons brewing in his mind. They stood a couple of feet apart, back to back. Neither one aware of the other's proximity.
Ball is tossed up, bat is swung, ball is missed. But, wait......as if on cue, Trevor turns his head and receives the full force of the metal bat right across the bridge of his nose.
Yes, folks, it looks like Spencer did knock one out of the park! And this knight was defeated by the dragon!
Poor Trevor! No, he didn't really get knocked out, but he did break his nose.
Raising four boys has its fair share of misadventures. I can't tell you how many times Sean and I have shaken our heads at the things our boys have said or done.....things that make it quite obvious that God's angels are on high alert around here.
Case in point:
Two days ago, Spencer and Trevor were outside. Spencer had a metal baseball bat and a ball in his hands. Trevor had an imaginary battle of knights and dragons brewing in his mind. They stood a couple of feet apart, back to back. Neither one aware of the other's proximity.
Ball is tossed up, bat is swung, ball is missed. But, wait......as if on cue, Trevor turns his head and receives the full force of the metal bat right across the bridge of his nose.
Yes, folks, it looks like Spencer did knock one out of the park! And this knight was defeated by the dragon!
Poor Trevor! No, he didn't really get knocked out, but he did break his nose.
Considering all of the things that could have been hit.....teeth, eyes, temple, skull.....the nose doesn't seem so bad. In fact, the ENT says that everything is still lined up and no surgery is needed.
On the way home from the doctor, I lovingly placed my hand on Trevor's shoulder. "Oh, sweetie, your still my beautiful brown-eyed boy."
"No, Mommy. Now, I'm your beautiful black-eyed boy."
***************
The Lord has established his throne in heaven, and his kingdom rules over all.
Praise the Lord, you his angels, you mighty ones who do his bidding, who obey his word.
Praise the Lord, all his heavenly hosts, you his servants who do his will.
Praise the Lord, all his works everywhere in his dominion.
Praise the Lord, O my soul.
Psalm 103:19-22
Thursday, August 13, 2009
It's All Greek to Me
My Grandmother's parents immigrated to the United States from Macedonia many years ago. Macedonia is just north of Greece.
To celebrate our family and its heritage, my Grandma's sisters and sisters-in-law organize an annual Greek reunion in August. Along with the typical American fare, we always have a variety of Greek food. Baklava and quiche are at the top of the list. This year, I tried everything and was pleasantly surprised. Though the piece of quiche with the quarter baked in alluded me, I found the food delicious.
As we ate, fellowshipped, and played a little Funny Money (an auction of items from our homes that we bid on with our $250 fake bills), I was reminded that family is important. Our heritage is important. Where we come from is important.
We may not have had the option to choose our family, where we were born, our parents or how many siblings we have or didn't have or still have. But they have been given to us for a reason, and some for only a season. To be loved and to be loved by.
Don't sweat the small stuff. Pray about the big stuff. And in the end....love. Love. Forgive. And love some more. And then forgive again.......
********
But we ought always to thank God for you, brothers (and sisters) loved by the Lord, because from the beginning God chose you to be saved through the sanctifying work of the Spirit and through belief in the truth. He called you to this through our gospel, that you might share in the glory of our Lord Jesus Christ. So then, brothers (and sisters), stand firm and hold to the teachings we passed on to you, whether by word of mouth or by letter. May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word. 2 Thessalonians 2:13-17.
To celebrate our family and its heritage, my Grandma's sisters and sisters-in-law organize an annual Greek reunion in August. Along with the typical American fare, we always have a variety of Greek food. Baklava and quiche are at the top of the list. This year, I tried everything and was pleasantly surprised. Though the piece of quiche with the quarter baked in alluded me, I found the food delicious.
As we ate, fellowshipped, and played a little Funny Money (an auction of items from our homes that we bid on with our $250 fake bills), I was reminded that family is important. Our heritage is important. Where we come from is important.
We may not have had the option to choose our family, where we were born, our parents or how many siblings we have or didn't have or still have. But they have been given to us for a reason, and some for only a season. To be loved and to be loved by.
Don't sweat the small stuff. Pray about the big stuff. And in the end....love. Love. Forgive. And love some more. And then forgive again.......
********
But we ought always to thank God for you, brothers (and sisters) loved by the Lord, because from the beginning God chose you to be saved through the sanctifying work of the Spirit and through belief in the truth. He called you to this through our gospel, that you might share in the glory of our Lord Jesus Christ. So then, brothers (and sisters), stand firm and hold to the teachings we passed on to you, whether by word of mouth or by letter. May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word. 2 Thessalonians 2:13-17.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
It can be done!
Sometimes you've just got to praise God.
What's the point in worrying. Right?
Easy to say. Hard to do. But it can be done.
Since my last post, I went to the eye doctor for a check-up and to order some new sunglasses. What was supposed to be an easy appointment, turned into another shocker. My doctor, a friend of the family who knows my recent history with breast cancer, noticed that my right pupil was just a tad bit larger than my left pupil. It could be nothing. Or it could be something.
Sometimes you've just got to praise God.
What's the point in worrying. Right?
Easy to say. Hard to do. But it can be done.
So all of a sudden, I've got an assortment of tests scheduled for next Tuesday afternoon.
Sometimes you've just got to praise God.
What's the point in worrying. Right?
Easy to say. Hard to do. But it can be done.
So, please join me in praising God.
It can be done!
***************
Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens. Psalm 68:19
Praise be to God, who has not rejected my prayer or withheld his love from me! Psalm 66:20
May the peoples praise you, O God; may all the peoples praise you. Psalm 67:3
Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Matthew 6:27
What's the point in worrying. Right?
Easy to say. Hard to do. But it can be done.
Since my last post, I went to the eye doctor for a check-up and to order some new sunglasses. What was supposed to be an easy appointment, turned into another shocker. My doctor, a friend of the family who knows my recent history with breast cancer, noticed that my right pupil was just a tad bit larger than my left pupil. It could be nothing. Or it could be something.
Sometimes you've just got to praise God.
What's the point in worrying. Right?
Easy to say. Hard to do. But it can be done.
So all of a sudden, I've got an assortment of tests scheduled for next Tuesday afternoon.
Sometimes you've just got to praise God.
What's the point in worrying. Right?
Easy to say. Hard to do. But it can be done.
So, please join me in praising God.
It can be done!
***************
Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens. Psalm 68:19
Praise be to God, who has not rejected my prayer or withheld his love from me! Psalm 66:20
May the peoples praise you, O God; may all the peoples praise you. Psalm 67:3
Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Matthew 6:27
Friday, March 20, 2009
No Matter What!
Recently, I've been wondering what the purpose of this blog is and I've come to the conclusion that what it all comes down to is hope and trust. Breast cancer and its treatments are difficult to walk through no matter who you are. But breast cancer isn't the only difficult thing to walk through. So if in some way, big or small, I can encourage someone out there who is walking through a difficult time, big or small, then I've accomplished the purpose of this blog.
Hope is something that every person needs. Of course, my hope is not in my doctors, or my treatments, or the people whom I love and cherish. My hope is in Jesus Christ. My hope tells me that no matter what may come, no matter what I may face, that He will never leave me.
What good is that? It's not just good. It is powerful. It is life changing. It is EVERYTHING!!!
Trust is something that only God can do 100% of the time. Trustworthiness. I trust a lot of people, but even so, those people will let me down from time to time. Not intentionally, of course, but by the sheer fact that they are imperfect human vessels, they will fail me now and then. (Just as I will fail them now and then). But God is 100% trustworthy. His Word provides a list of promises that He will keep, no matter what.
What good is that? It's not just good. It is powerful. It is life changing. It is EVERYTHING!!!!
So, today, I write this blog to encourage myself. To remind myself where my hope rests and to whom I can place my trust.
I had a chest X-ray on Wednesday, and have yet to get the results. I've had some chronic pain in three areas of my right rib cage and I've been experiencing a decline in my pulmonary function (which basically means, I'm getting short of breath with some basic tasks). It could be a number of reasons, and most have nothing to do with breast cancer.
But I wait, I hope, I trust. No matter what.
Hope is something that every person needs. Of course, my hope is not in my doctors, or my treatments, or the people whom I love and cherish. My hope is in Jesus Christ. My hope tells me that no matter what may come, no matter what I may face, that He will never leave me.
What good is that? It's not just good. It is powerful. It is life changing. It is EVERYTHING!!!
Trust is something that only God can do 100% of the time. Trustworthiness. I trust a lot of people, but even so, those people will let me down from time to time. Not intentionally, of course, but by the sheer fact that they are imperfect human vessels, they will fail me now and then. (Just as I will fail them now and then). But God is 100% trustworthy. His Word provides a list of promises that He will keep, no matter what.
What good is that? It's not just good. It is powerful. It is life changing. It is EVERYTHING!!!!
So, today, I write this blog to encourage myself. To remind myself where my hope rests and to whom I can place my trust.
I had a chest X-ray on Wednesday, and have yet to get the results. I've had some chronic pain in three areas of my right rib cage and I've been experiencing a decline in my pulmonary function (which basically means, I'm getting short of breath with some basic tasks). It could be a number of reasons, and most have nothing to do with breast cancer.
But I wait, I hope, I trust. No matter what.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Just Keep Swimming!
Look out Dori!
It wasn't long ago that I took up swimming....or was it that swimming took me up? Hmm.....maybe both.
I started with a floaty around my middle, a kickboard under my hands, and flippers on my feet. Taking the advice of that lovable blue fish from Finding Nemo, I went back every week and just kept swimming.
A few weeks ago the unthinkable happened. Without my floaty and without my kick board I swam an ENTIRE MILE in the pool. That's 34 downs....and 34 backs. Wow!!!
Is this bragging? It's not meant to be. (Though I don't mind a pat on the back....oh, thank you!)It's meant to encourage. Someone out there needs to hear the message. "Just keep _______!" Maybe it's swimming, maybe it's praying, maybe it's loving your teenager, maybe it's folding laundry, maybe it's praising God in the midst of the storm.
It wasn't long ago that I took up swimming.....or maybe it was swimming that took me up.
It wasn't long ago that I took up swimming....or was it that swimming took me up? Hmm.....maybe both.
I started with a floaty around my middle, a kickboard under my hands, and flippers on my feet. Taking the advice of that lovable blue fish from Finding Nemo, I went back every week and just kept swimming.
A few weeks ago the unthinkable happened. Without my floaty and without my kick board I swam an ENTIRE MILE in the pool. That's 34 downs....and 34 backs. Wow!!!
Is this bragging? It's not meant to be. (Though I don't mind a pat on the back....oh, thank you!)It's meant to encourage. Someone out there needs to hear the message. "Just keep _______!" Maybe it's swimming, maybe it's praying, maybe it's loving your teenager, maybe it's folding laundry, maybe it's praising God in the midst of the storm.
It wasn't long ago that I took up swimming.....or maybe it was swimming that took me up.
Monday, November 24, 2008
Psalm 131
My heart is not proud, O Lord,
my eyes are not haughty;
I do not concern myself
with great matters
or things too wonderful for me.
But I have stilled and
quieted my soul;
like a weaned child with
its mother,
like a weaned child is my
soul within me.
O Israel, put your hope in
the Lord
both now and forevermore.
**********
Thank you, Monica! What a perfect follow up to 'More than Watchmen Wait!'
my eyes are not haughty;
I do not concern myself
with great matters
or things too wonderful for me.
But I have stilled and
quieted my soul;
like a weaned child with
its mother,
like a weaned child is my
soul within me.
O Israel, put your hope in
the Lord
both now and forevermore.
**********
Thank you, Monica! What a perfect follow up to 'More than Watchmen Wait!'
Sunday, November 23, 2008
More than Watchmen Wait
Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord;
O Lord, hear my voice.
Let your ears be attentive
to my cry for mercy......
Psalm 130:1,2
I've been crying out loud to my Lord and he has been regenerating my soul.
I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
and in his word I put my hope.
My soul waits for the Lord
more than watchmen wait for the morning,
more than watchmen wait for the morning.
Psalm 130: 5,6
I wonder what it is like to be a watchmen waiting for the morning. The writer of this psalm thought it was important enough to mention it twice. So it must have some significance. At pre-dawn, he must feel tired, anxious, and weary after his constant vigil through the night. But what are his feelings toward the coming rays of light? I think he would be hopeful....he would be anticipating the new day.....Why? Is it because the new day would bring rest from his work?
I am tired, anxious and weary from my constant vigil as I continue with my treatments. I've put my hope in God, but not fully. Some of my hope has been in my 'work'---my research, good news, and my good days.
Tomorrow is a new day and I will rest from my 'work.' Sure, there will still be schooling and laundry and dishes and cleaning. That is not the rest I need. I will allow my soul to wait for the Lord. I will put my hope in his Word. I will be anxious for nothing, but in all things, through prayer and petition, will present my requests to God. In doing so, His peace will transcend all understanding and will guard my heart and my mind in Christ Jesus.
Tomorrow, in the midst of 6 times 8 equals 48 and /b/ says 'bu'......in the never ending cycle of dirty clothes and dishes.........and in the entropy that pervades my home.......Tomorrow, my soul will be still and know that God is God.
O 'Michelle,' put your hope in the Lord,
for with the Lord is unfailing love
and with him is full redemption.
Psalm 130:7 (personalized by substituting my name for Israel)
O Lord, hear my voice.
Let your ears be attentive
to my cry for mercy......
Psalm 130:1,2
I've been crying out loud to my Lord and he has been regenerating my soul.
I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
and in his word I put my hope.
My soul waits for the Lord
more than watchmen wait for the morning,
more than watchmen wait for the morning.
Psalm 130: 5,6
I wonder what it is like to be a watchmen waiting for the morning. The writer of this psalm thought it was important enough to mention it twice. So it must have some significance. At pre-dawn, he must feel tired, anxious, and weary after his constant vigil through the night. But what are his feelings toward the coming rays of light? I think he would be hopeful....he would be anticipating the new day.....Why? Is it because the new day would bring rest from his work?
I am tired, anxious and weary from my constant vigil as I continue with my treatments. I've put my hope in God, but not fully. Some of my hope has been in my 'work'---my research, good news, and my good days.
Tomorrow is a new day and I will rest from my 'work.' Sure, there will still be schooling and laundry and dishes and cleaning. That is not the rest I need. I will allow my soul to wait for the Lord. I will put my hope in his Word. I will be anxious for nothing, but in all things, through prayer and petition, will present my requests to God. In doing so, His peace will transcend all understanding and will guard my heart and my mind in Christ Jesus.
Tomorrow, in the midst of 6 times 8 equals 48 and /b/ says 'bu'......in the never ending cycle of dirty clothes and dishes.........and in the entropy that pervades my home.......Tomorrow, my soul will be still and know that God is God.
O 'Michelle,' put your hope in the Lord,
for with the Lord is unfailing love
and with him is full redemption.
Psalm 130:7 (personalized by substituting my name for Israel)
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Regeneration
I've thought to mention this many times, but have been hesitant. The truth is.....I'm a Star Trek fan. Okay...I said it. Now you know!
Well, the very first time the nurse accessed my port, I envisioned Seven of Nine plugging into her regeneration machine. The idea of being 'regenerated' helped me through my first chemo treatment. It also prompted me to dig into God's word. What could I find there about regeneration? This is what I found:
Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Psalm 51:10
The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. Psalm 23:1-3.
But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:31
Seven of Nine and her Regeneration Machine.......I love how God inspires me to dig deeper into His Word and to find his truths in this fallen world.
Well, the very first time the nurse accessed my port, I envisioned Seven of Nine plugging into her regeneration machine. The idea of being 'regenerated' helped me through my first chemo treatment. It also prompted me to dig into God's word. What could I find there about regeneration? This is what I found:
The law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul. (Psalm 19:7) Plugging into God's word.....every day.....is my greatest source for regeneration. As Paul tells us in Hebrews 4:12,13: For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.
Have you ever experienced the pain of having your soul spiritually 'uncovered and laid bare' before your Creator? It's kind of painful, isn't it? But the result is such freedom.
Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Psalm 51:10
The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. Psalm 23:1-3.
But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:31
Seven of Nine and her Regeneration Machine.......I love how God inspires me to dig deeper into His Word and to find his truths in this fallen world.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
A Beautiful Thing
To match each parent to the areas of service God has uniquely gifted him/her, in order for the various parts of God’s family to work together for His glory.
That is one of the purposes of the Homeschool Co-op we attend. This year our group added 16 new families, we began meeting in a new location, and we took our junior high and high school group in a new direction. There were plenty of reasons why it could have been a rocky start.
But...
But, God....
Our co-op has witnessed each parent using the unique gifts God has given her, and we've been blessed by 'the various parts of God's family working together for His glory.' And it is a beautiful thing. I am truly thankful for all the families who make up our group.
Recently, I attended a women's retreat from my sister's church. The ladies who met together and planned the retreat did such a great job. It was another example to me of each one using the unique gifts God has given her. I watched as 'the various parts of God's family worked together for His glory' and I was encouraged. It was a beautiful thing.
We were meant to live our daily lives with 'the various parts of God's family working together for His glory.' Can you imagine if each member in a family was able to live his or her life in this manner? It would be a beautiful thing.
********
My prayer is that those who are seeking would seek even more,
That those who are looking would look past the shore,
That the gifts that You've given would show themselves true,
And not lie unnoticed from lack of good use.
Give us strength to go forward, though mistakes, they will come.
May we give grace to all men, and not just to some.
Lord, strengthen the family...What a beautiful thing!
When we work for Your glory and crown you as King.
********
Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. I Peter 4:8-10
That is one of the purposes of the Homeschool Co-op we attend. This year our group added 16 new families, we began meeting in a new location, and we took our junior high and high school group in a new direction. There were plenty of reasons why it could have been a rocky start.
But...
But, God....
Our co-op has witnessed each parent using the unique gifts God has given her, and we've been blessed by 'the various parts of God's family working together for His glory.' And it is a beautiful thing. I am truly thankful for all the families who make up our group.
Recently, I attended a women's retreat from my sister's church. The ladies who met together and planned the retreat did such a great job. It was another example to me of each one using the unique gifts God has given her. I watched as 'the various parts of God's family worked together for His glory' and I was encouraged. It was a beautiful thing.
We were meant to live our daily lives with 'the various parts of God's family working together for His glory.' Can you imagine if each member in a family was able to live his or her life in this manner? It would be a beautiful thing.
********
My prayer is that those who are seeking would seek even more,
That those who are looking would look past the shore,
That the gifts that You've given would show themselves true,
And not lie unnoticed from lack of good use.
Give us strength to go forward, though mistakes, they will come.
May we give grace to all men, and not just to some.
Lord, strengthen the family...What a beautiful thing!
When we work for Your glory and crown you as King.
********
Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. I Peter 4:8-10
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Tut-Tut, It Looks Like Rain
Could you pray for me?
My energy level has picked up and as a result I've done more things. I've worked a few Saturdays. I played in the softball tournament. I rode some roller coasters. Slow down, slow down. That's easy to say, but when you've been limited for so long, it's hard to do. Well, maybe I have overdone it a bit because I've had some back pain that hasn't gone away for the past six weeks. So, my oncologist scheduled a bone scan for tomorrow morning.
I want to say, "Oh, I'm sure everything will be fine." But the truth is that I don't know what tomorrow will bring. I pray that everything will be fine and that with some further core strengthening exercises, my back will get stronger and the pain will go away. That is my prayer. I place that before my God.
The emotional ups and downs after major treatment for cancer can be hard. Every headache, every bone ache, every twinge or irregularity gets scrutinized by one's imaginings. It's like having a rain cloud over one's head. From day to day the cloud rarely changes, but one's perspective of the cloud can change from hour to hour.....if one let's it. Some days the cloud is just a passing thought, but on other days it encircles above, looming like a hurricane.
I refuse to let this cloud fester and grow within my mind. So, today whenever it's tried to gather strength, the picture I see is Edward Bear....."Who?" you ask. Well, Pooh, of course. I picture Pooh floating along with his blue balloon. Silly? Maybe. That's okay, God has given me a unique perspective and way of taking my thoughts captive...and it works for me! :)
Do you remember that story of Pooh trying to trick the bees in hopes of getting a little smackerel of honey. He disguises himself as a cloud and floats along while holding onto his big blue balloon. Christopher Robin walks beneath him wearing a raincoat, carrying an umbrella, and saying, "Tut-Tut, it looks like rain." In the end, Pooh's deception fails and he misses out on the honey. Christopher Robin eventually shoots the 'cloud' out of the sky to save Pooh.
So, I thank you for your prayers. Just because it looks like rain and smells like rain.....doesn't mean it always rains. Let's knock this cloud out of the sky!
*******
James 1:2-5 (Message)
Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way. If you don’t know what you’re doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You’ll get his help and won’t be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believing without a second thought.
My energy level has picked up and as a result I've done more things. I've worked a few Saturdays. I played in the softball tournament. I rode some roller coasters. Slow down, slow down. That's easy to say, but when you've been limited for so long, it's hard to do. Well, maybe I have overdone it a bit because I've had some back pain that hasn't gone away for the past six weeks. So, my oncologist scheduled a bone scan for tomorrow morning.
I want to say, "Oh, I'm sure everything will be fine." But the truth is that I don't know what tomorrow will bring. I pray that everything will be fine and that with some further core strengthening exercises, my back will get stronger and the pain will go away. That is my prayer. I place that before my God.
The emotional ups and downs after major treatment for cancer can be hard. Every headache, every bone ache, every twinge or irregularity gets scrutinized by one's imaginings. It's like having a rain cloud over one's head. From day to day the cloud rarely changes, but one's perspective of the cloud can change from hour to hour.....if one let's it. Some days the cloud is just a passing thought, but on other days it encircles above, looming like a hurricane.
I refuse to let this cloud fester and grow within my mind. So, today whenever it's tried to gather strength, the picture I see is Edward Bear....."Who?" you ask. Well, Pooh, of course. I picture Pooh floating along with his blue balloon. Silly? Maybe. That's okay, God has given me a unique perspective and way of taking my thoughts captive...and it works for me! :)
Do you remember that story of Pooh trying to trick the bees in hopes of getting a little smackerel of honey. He disguises himself as a cloud and floats along while holding onto his big blue balloon. Christopher Robin walks beneath him wearing a raincoat, carrying an umbrella, and saying, "Tut-Tut, it looks like rain." In the end, Pooh's deception fails and he misses out on the honey. Christopher Robin eventually shoots the 'cloud' out of the sky to save Pooh.
So, I thank you for your prayers. Just because it looks like rain and smells like rain.....doesn't mean it always rains. Let's knock this cloud out of the sky!
*******
James 1:2-5 (Message)
Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way. If you don’t know what you’re doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You’ll get his help and won’t be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believing without a second thought.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Don't Give Up
When I was first diagnosed a friend gave me a thin hot pink book. On the cover is part of the hand of a woman holding a sword. The book is Warrior Chicks: Rising Strong, Beautiful and Confident, by Holly Wagner. Although I had plenty of other important things to do while I received my Herceptin treatment today, I decided to finally take a peak between the covers of this book.
I was not disappointed!!!
Holly describes the difference between a soldier and a warrior. 'Soldier' is a position and 'Warrior' is an attitude. A soldier signs up to join the fight; a warrior stays until it is finished. I needed this encouragement as I round the bend of my primary treatment and find myself growing weary of the battle. Only 6 months to go....but it seems like an eternity. Holly writes, "Others are watching to see how we handle this battle. They want answers. And they are hoping we have some."
Most of us don't sign up for the battles we face. Yet there we are in the midst of them. We can face them as soldiers OR we can face them as warriors. To rise above it all. Rather than try to re-phrase Holly's words from pages 35-36 I want to share them with you. As you face the battle that is before you, I pray you will be encouraged to be the Warrior whom God has created you to be.
********
What battle are you in the middle of now? (If you are not in one right now, your turn is next week!)
Is it your marriage?
Well, there are those watching who need to see how to have a great one, so don't give up.
Please.
Is it raising children?
Well, there are those watching who need to see how to raise healthy ones, so don't give up.
Please.
Is it feeding the hungry?
Well, there are hungry people who need to be fed, so don't give up.
Please.
Is it coming out of an abusive relationship?
Well, there are those watching who need to see how to get out, too, so don't give up.
Please.
Is it overcoming depression?
Well, there are those watching who need to see how to do it, so don't give up.
Please.
******
Please, don't give up.
******
Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you. See, darkness covers the earth and thick darkness is over the peoples, but the Lord rises upon you and his glory appears over you. Nations will come to your light, and kings to the brightness of your dawn. Isaiah 60:1-3
I was not disappointed!!!
Holly describes the difference between a soldier and a warrior. 'Soldier' is a position and 'Warrior' is an attitude. A soldier signs up to join the fight; a warrior stays until it is finished. I needed this encouragement as I round the bend of my primary treatment and find myself growing weary of the battle. Only 6 months to go....but it seems like an eternity. Holly writes, "Others are watching to see how we handle this battle. They want answers. And they are hoping we have some."
Most of us don't sign up for the battles we face. Yet there we are in the midst of them. We can face them as soldiers OR we can face them as warriors. To rise above it all. Rather than try to re-phrase Holly's words from pages 35-36 I want to share them with you. As you face the battle that is before you, I pray you will be encouraged to be the Warrior whom God has created you to be.
********
What battle are you in the middle of now? (If you are not in one right now, your turn is next week!)
Is it your marriage?
Well, there are those watching who need to see how to have a great one, so don't give up.
Please.
Is it raising children?
Well, there are those watching who need to see how to raise healthy ones, so don't give up.
Please.
Is it feeding the hungry?
Well, there are hungry people who need to be fed, so don't give up.
Please.
Is it coming out of an abusive relationship?
Well, there are those watching who need to see how to get out, too, so don't give up.
Please.
Is it overcoming depression?
Well, there are those watching who need to see how to do it, so don't give up.
Please.
******
Please, don't give up.
******
Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you. See, darkness covers the earth and thick darkness is over the peoples, but the Lord rises upon you and his glory appears over you. Nations will come to your light, and kings to the brightness of your dawn. Isaiah 60:1-3
Sunday, July 27, 2008
FEAR (Part I)
I've been thinking about fear for awhile now, but have been afraid to share my thoughts!! :) Today, I had a pretty scary thing happen to me. It opened my eyes again to the fears that can consume us.
After church we went to lunch at Fazoli's. When our order was up, Spencer and I picked up the two trays. I wasn't in any hurry, but as I started to unload the bowls of fettuccine alfredo and spaghetti, the tray tipped and two of the dishes started to slide down. In my attempt to counterbalance the falling food, much of the hot pasta and sauces dumped onto my left hand. I've been burned before, but the fear that gripped my heart during this incident was like nothing I've ever experienced.
The fear was so real and so unsettling that my heart felt like it was transferred to another reality. I stood frozen for longer than I should have (at least it felt like an eternity). I didn't make a sound. I didn't even scream. I just stood there with burning hot pasta sitting atop my hand. All I could hear were the words of my physical therapist......Now that you've had your lymph nodes removed, skin care is of utmost importance. You have to take care of your skin. Avoid burns of any kind. Any kind of trauma to your arms and hands can be a precursor for lymphadema. And once lymphadema begins, it will be a chronic issue.......Finally, I was jarred back to my present reality. With images of lymphadema in my mind and with tears streaming down my face, I quickly wiped the food away and headed to the bathroom to run my skin under some lukewarm water.
To the passerby, I'm pretty sure it didn't look so bad and that my reaction was minor. I wasn't hysterical. I wasn't screaming or shouting or blaming. But the fear in my heart was real. It was all-consuming. It literally stopped me in my tracks. I couldn't move. This fear had a power over me.
When I returned to the table, the skin on the back of my hand was pretty red. It hurt. I told Sean about my fear and how I'm supposed to avoid burns for the rest of my life. This is why I'm so thankful that God gave me such a sensible, logical man!!! He said, "It's going to happen, honey. You can't avoid being burned for the rest of your life. Sooner or later it's going to happen. You can't worry about it, just accept it. And when it happens, we'll pray God's protection over you." It was as simple as that for him. It took awhile for that truth to soak into my spirit. But finally, the tears stopped coming and I rested in that truth. By the time we left the restaurant, my skin color was back to normal. There was a minor tenderness in the area of the burn, but no blisters. More importantly, I was no longer consumed by my fear of lymphadema.
Lymphadema is still a real risk for me, but I'm not afraid of it anymore. I won't be controlled by that fear. I will make wise choices, of course, and try to avoid burns, but accidents like today are bound to happen again.
Maybe I'll have more courage to share the other thoughts I have on fear in the next few weeks. There are so many fears that can consume us. There are many fears that control us, causing our hearts to stay in a perpetually unsettled state. These fears limit us and keep us from living the life of freedom that God has given us. Freedom to love....Freedom to give.....Freedom to receive.
*********
So do not fear, for I am with you: do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10
I will extol the Lord at all times; his praise will always be on my lips. My soul will boast in the Lord; let the afflicted hear and rejoice. Glorify the Lord with me; let us exalt his name together. I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Psalm 34:1-4
Monday, July 21, 2008
Someone Cares
A few deep thoughts keep running through my mind lately as I reflect on what I've been through and as I watch those around me struggling with their own trials in life. This entry is for anyone who finds themselves hurting. Maybe it's a physical hurt, but it can also be a hurt of an emotional or spiritual nature. I have been well cared for during this journey with breast cancer, but that doesn't mean that I've been exempt from the physical, emotional and spiritual hurting that comes from dealing with the disease. Particulary, I was thinking about how my journey with cancer began and how I wasn't sure what to do or say for those first few weeks before my 'official' diagnosis.
The day after I found my lump, we had our first cornhole party at our house. As is the nature of things here, it was a completely last minute, unplanned activity. In fact, Sean invited everyone over before he even had the set built. I remember getting home from work and thinking about the pain that persisted in my breast. I really wasn't sure what to do with it. Finding Sean at the borrowed sewing machine, stitching together his 6 inch by 6 inch red and blue bags was a good distraction for me. I took the empty bags to the front porch and started pouring 2 cups of corn into each one. As our friends arrived, we gave them needle and thread and had them hand stitch the bags closed. (Yeah, if you want to come to a party at our house....just know that you'll have to work!!) The night was loads of fun for everyone and a good distraction for me. Yet, I had this yearning inside to tell someone, to be comforted and prayed for.
I didn't mention anything to anyone that night about my lump. I was hoping it was nothing to be concerned about. (Hindsight is always 20/20!!) Even though there were some doubts in my mind, I didn't want to ruin a good party. Strange how we can believe a lie like that!
"No, Michelle, don't mention it to anyone. Keep it to yourself. Look how happy everyone is. No one wants to hear that you're worried about this lump. No one cares."
No one cares????..... That's exactly what Satan wants us to believe when we are hurting.
No one cares..... Is that true?
Two weekends later I had a Thanksgiving Celebration with my homeschool group on Friday night and a Junior Bible Quiz meet with some of my kids on Saturday. I'd had my mammogram, my ultrasound, and my core biopsy by then. All signs indicated cancer, but I had not received the official results. I was holding out hope that the radiologist's speculations were WRONG!! I went through the entire weekend with people all around me.....
And I didn't mentioning anything about my lump. I was hoping there was nothing to be concerned about (Can anyone say DENIAL???) Even though there were plenty of doubts in my mind, I didn't want to ruin a good celebration and day of quizzing. Strange how we can believe a lie like that?
"No, Michelle, don't mention it to anyone. Keep it to yourself. Look how busy everybody is. No one wants to hear that you're worried about this lump. No one cares."
No one cares???.......That's exactly what Satan wants us to believe when we are hurting.
No one cares....... Is that true?
It was the Monday before Thanksgiving when I found out officially that I had breast cancer. Seventeen days had passed by. Seventeen very agonizing days. My spirit and my mind were reeling as I contemplated all the 'what ifs' and the 'how comes.' Only a handful of my family and a couple of friends knew. Would things have been different had I been willing to seek help earlier? I don' t wonder if the outcome of the diagnosis would have been different. I wonder if my spirit and my mind would have had less turmoil in those early days had I sought prayer from the get-go. Because once I 'spilled the beans' a welcomed peace pervaded my soul. A peace that cannot be explained.
Are you hurting? Are you surrounded by people who could help you....people who could pray for you or cry with you.....people who could help lift a burden that you're carrying. Yet, all that you can think is that they're too busy.....or they're too happy.... or that no one cares. Or maybe you don't want to spoil a good time or ruin a good thing. Yet there you are.....still hurting. You have a smile on your face, but it's been disconnected from the pain that is in your heart. You're trying to move forward and pretend that everything is alright, but it's not.
Are you hurting? Reach out to someone. Someone does care.
********
All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." Humble ourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:5b-7
Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you... Psalm 55:22a
Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8
The day after I found my lump, we had our first cornhole party at our house. As is the nature of things here, it was a completely last minute, unplanned activity. In fact, Sean invited everyone over before he even had the set built. I remember getting home from work and thinking about the pain that persisted in my breast. I really wasn't sure what to do with it. Finding Sean at the borrowed sewing machine, stitching together his 6 inch by 6 inch red and blue bags was a good distraction for me. I took the empty bags to the front porch and started pouring 2 cups of corn into each one. As our friends arrived, we gave them needle and thread and had them hand stitch the bags closed. (Yeah, if you want to come to a party at our house....just know that you'll have to work!!) The night was loads of fun for everyone and a good distraction for me. Yet, I had this yearning inside to tell someone, to be comforted and prayed for.
I didn't mention anything to anyone that night about my lump. I was hoping it was nothing to be concerned about. (Hindsight is always 20/20!!) Even though there were some doubts in my mind, I didn't want to ruin a good party. Strange how we can believe a lie like that!
"No, Michelle, don't mention it to anyone. Keep it to yourself. Look how happy everyone is. No one wants to hear that you're worried about this lump. No one cares."
No one cares????..... That's exactly what Satan wants us to believe when we are hurting.
No one cares..... Is that true?
Two weekends later I had a Thanksgiving Celebration with my homeschool group on Friday night and a Junior Bible Quiz meet with some of my kids on Saturday. I'd had my mammogram, my ultrasound, and my core biopsy by then. All signs indicated cancer, but I had not received the official results. I was holding out hope that the radiologist's speculations were WRONG!! I went through the entire weekend with people all around me.....
And I didn't mentioning anything about my lump. I was hoping there was nothing to be concerned about (Can anyone say DENIAL???) Even though there were plenty of doubts in my mind, I didn't want to ruin a good celebration and day of quizzing. Strange how we can believe a lie like that?
"No, Michelle, don't mention it to anyone. Keep it to yourself. Look how busy everybody is. No one wants to hear that you're worried about this lump. No one cares."
No one cares???.......That's exactly what Satan wants us to believe when we are hurting.
No one cares....... Is that true?
It was the Monday before Thanksgiving when I found out officially that I had breast cancer. Seventeen days had passed by. Seventeen very agonizing days. My spirit and my mind were reeling as I contemplated all the 'what ifs' and the 'how comes.' Only a handful of my family and a couple of friends knew. Would things have been different had I been willing to seek help earlier? I don' t wonder if the outcome of the diagnosis would have been different. I wonder if my spirit and my mind would have had less turmoil in those early days had I sought prayer from the get-go. Because once I 'spilled the beans' a welcomed peace pervaded my soul. A peace that cannot be explained.
Are you hurting? Are you surrounded by people who could help you....people who could pray for you or cry with you.....people who could help lift a burden that you're carrying. Yet, all that you can think is that they're too busy.....or they're too happy.... or that no one cares. Or maybe you don't want to spoil a good time or ruin a good thing. Yet there you are.....still hurting. You have a smile on your face, but it's been disconnected from the pain that is in your heart. You're trying to move forward and pretend that everything is alright, but it's not.
Are you hurting? Reach out to someone. Someone does care.
********
All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." Humble ourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:5b-7
Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you... Psalm 55:22a
Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Pruning Seems Easier
When it comes to character training with my boys or myself, real pruning would seem easier. It would take less energy to just cut off a branch of pride, a vine of anger, a twig of deception, a limb of fear and a shoot of dissension? Just cut it off. Let it shrivel up and die, never to show it's ugly head again.
Pruning would still require some effort. Being a poor gardener myself, I have first hand experience in what happens when plants aren't cared for properly. What a mess! If we really did have these strange extensions of pride, anger, deception, etc. sprouting from our bodies, we'd be a mess, too. We'd get entwined so easily that nothing would get accomplished. It would take a vigilant gardener to keep our 'flora' healthy and strong. Of course if the gardener himself has his own faults, he'd quickly have his own extensions to deal with....I wonder if he'd turn out looking like Edward Scissorhands.
Of course, I can't really ask a plant its opinion on the matter. It's a plant. It doesn't have a spirit or a choice. Only the gardener does. Only the gardener decides what to prune, when to prune, how to prune...or if he even wants to prune. The plant is at the mercy of the gardener.
I suppose......am I really saying this??.......I suppose I'd rather keep 'butting' heads with my kiddos. Hopefully, it will be less frequent if I stay consistent and if I discipline with love. I'd rather it be their choice to choose right from wrong. Their choice to lay down their pride. And it's my choice as to how I respond.
Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for being our gardener. May we accept your pruning so that we may be fruitful. Thank you for giving us choice. May we choose to be a blessing for life!
**********
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Hebrews 12:1
"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful." John 15:1-2
Pruning would still require some effort. Being a poor gardener myself, I have first hand experience in what happens when plants aren't cared for properly. What a mess! If we really did have these strange extensions of pride, anger, deception, etc. sprouting from our bodies, we'd be a mess, too. We'd get entwined so easily that nothing would get accomplished. It would take a vigilant gardener to keep our 'flora' healthy and strong. Of course if the gardener himself has his own faults, he'd quickly have his own extensions to deal with....I wonder if he'd turn out looking like Edward Scissorhands.
Of course, I can't really ask a plant its opinion on the matter. It's a plant. It doesn't have a spirit or a choice. Only the gardener does. Only the gardener decides what to prune, when to prune, how to prune...or if he even wants to prune. The plant is at the mercy of the gardener.
I suppose......am I really saying this??.......I suppose I'd rather keep 'butting' heads with my kiddos. Hopefully, it will be less frequent if I stay consistent and if I discipline with love. I'd rather it be their choice to choose right from wrong. Their choice to lay down their pride. And it's my choice as to how I respond.
Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for being our gardener. May we accept your pruning so that we may be fruitful. Thank you for giving us choice. May we choose to be a blessing for life!
**********
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Hebrews 12:1
"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful." John 15:1-2
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Duck Walking 101
There are some basic do's and don't's a parent covers with their children as they grow up. Like, don't run with sharp objects, look before you cross the street, don't talk to strangers when mommy and daddy aren't around. For the hundreds of things that you DO talk to them about, there are millions of things that you just don't foresee happening.
Well, one of those millions of things happened to us this week. Although Sean and I have covered the one about not playing on the staircase, apparently we weren't specific enough. I was in the kitchen talking on the phone with Sean who was in Chicago, when we both heard the rumble, boom, crash, scream. Trevor had just fallen down the stairs and was screaming, "I can't look at it! I can't look at it!" I quickly told Sean, "I think Trevor just broke his arm. I've got to go!" Then I hung up and went into frantic mommy mode.
First......get Trevor calmed down. He was screaming, "Call 911. Take me to Riley," as he came around the corner. His left forearm was crooked and his arm was hanging limp by his side. No blood....that's good! After getting him comfortable on the couch, we moved on to step two.
Second....find someone to watch the other three boys. I made one call after another.....nobody was home. No time to leave messages. Got to hurry. In between unanswered rings, I was barking out orders to my oldest, one right after another......he wasn't sure which one to do first. (Looking back, I'm so proud of him. He did an amazing job considering my frantic state.) "Make an ice pack and get it on Trevor's arm.....Tell Parker to get out of the tub and get dressed......Run next door and see if you boys can go there." Praise God, Tammy was home!
Third.....get Trevor to the hospital. Now that we were safely in the car and on our way to the hospital, I had a chance to find out HOW Trevor came to tumbling down the stairs. Whereas my oldest can tell you one detail after another in relating a story, but has difficulty 'summing' it up, Trevor can 'sum' it all up in 10 words or less. Getting the details can be harder than pulling teeth! Just like his daddy, that one is!
Me: Trevor, what happened?
Trevor: I fell like a rock down the stairs.
Me: Yes, I heard you falling. But HOW did that happen?
Trevor: I don't know.
Me: What were you doing? We're you trying to slide head first?
Trevor: No..........It's hard to explain, mommy. Obviously he was still in a lot of pain from the trauma, and the fact that he couldn't move his arm to show me what he was doing, made it that much harder for him to describe.
Me: Honey, I want you to try really hard to think about what you were doing before you fell down the stairs. Can you tell me?
Trevor: You know how sometimes Brenner and me like to squat down like ducks and take little steps to our room. We were doing that.
Me: Did you just get too close to the stairs?
Trevor: No, I was trying to walk down the stairs like a duck. I got down one step and then I tried to hop down to the next one." Then with tears and the realization that he'd be in another cast for another long summer, "Why do these things happen to me? Why did God let me break my arm?"
Me: At this point I'm using every bit of restraint I have not to point out the obvious. A lecture wouldn't fix his arm or calm his fears. "Oh, honey, I know it hurts. We're almost to the hospital. They're going to take good care of you." And then I prayed that it would be so!
Trevor had to wait nearly 5 long hours before they could fix his arm. Initially they tried to do it with him awake. Nope, not gonna happen! So he had to wait for another emergency surgery to finish up before he was put under general anesthesia. The orthopedic doctor was able to realign the two broken forearm bones (without making any incisions) and then set the arm in a neon green cast. Trevor's not at all happy about his circumstances and the long summer ahead with a broken arm. He'll miss church camp next week and football for yet another season. No more swimming or riding his bike for several weeks. He's a trooper and will get through it, but I still feel so bad for him.
Looking back I realize that Trevor was pretty accurate with his 8-word description of the event. He did fall like a rock down the stairs......head over heels one time before crash landing. If you're a parent, you might want to add one more thing to your Parenting 101 list of do's and don't's. Don't duckwalk or duckhop down the stairs!
Thank you, Tammy, for taking care of my other three boys on such short notice. Thank you, Kelly and Jacob, Mom and Dad for coming to the hospital. You'll never really understand how that ministered to my Trevor. Dad, you're the best! Thank you for searching high and low for a deck of cards, for showing Trevor the secret to one of your card tricks, and for staying with me to the wee hours of the morning. Mom, you're my hero! Thank you for picking up the other three and getting them tucked safely into bed......and for being in Martha-mode with my laundry! :)
Well, one of those millions of things happened to us this week. Although Sean and I have covered the one about not playing on the staircase, apparently we weren't specific enough. I was in the kitchen talking on the phone with Sean who was in Chicago, when we both heard the rumble, boom, crash, scream. Trevor had just fallen down the stairs and was screaming, "I can't look at it! I can't look at it!" I quickly told Sean, "I think Trevor just broke his arm. I've got to go!" Then I hung up and went into frantic mommy mode.
First......get Trevor calmed down. He was screaming, "Call 911. Take me to Riley," as he came around the corner. His left forearm was crooked and his arm was hanging limp by his side. No blood....that's good! After getting him comfortable on the couch, we moved on to step two.
Second....find someone to watch the other three boys. I made one call after another.....nobody was home. No time to leave messages. Got to hurry. In between unanswered rings, I was barking out orders to my oldest, one right after another......he wasn't sure which one to do first. (Looking back, I'm so proud of him. He did an amazing job considering my frantic state.) "Make an ice pack and get it on Trevor's arm.....Tell Parker to get out of the tub and get dressed......Run next door and see if you boys can go there." Praise God, Tammy was home!
Third.....get Trevor to the hospital. Now that we were safely in the car and on our way to the hospital, I had a chance to find out HOW Trevor came to tumbling down the stairs. Whereas my oldest can tell you one detail after another in relating a story, but has difficulty 'summing' it up, Trevor can 'sum' it all up in 10 words or less. Getting the details can be harder than pulling teeth! Just like his daddy, that one is!
Me: Trevor, what happened?
Trevor: I fell like a rock down the stairs.
Me: Yes, I heard you falling. But HOW did that happen?
Trevor: I don't know.
Me: What were you doing? We're you trying to slide head first?
Trevor: No..........It's hard to explain, mommy. Obviously he was still in a lot of pain from the trauma, and the fact that he couldn't move his arm to show me what he was doing, made it that much harder for him to describe.
Me: Honey, I want you to try really hard to think about what you were doing before you fell down the stairs. Can you tell me?
Trevor: You know how sometimes Brenner and me like to squat down like ducks and take little steps to our room. We were doing that.
Me: Did you just get too close to the stairs?
Trevor: No, I was trying to walk down the stairs like a duck. I got down one step and then I tried to hop down to the next one." Then with tears and the realization that he'd be in another cast for another long summer, "Why do these things happen to me? Why did God let me break my arm?"
Me: At this point I'm using every bit of restraint I have not to point out the obvious. A lecture wouldn't fix his arm or calm his fears. "Oh, honey, I know it hurts. We're almost to the hospital. They're going to take good care of you." And then I prayed that it would be so!
Trevor had to wait nearly 5 long hours before they could fix his arm. Initially they tried to do it with him awake. Nope, not gonna happen! So he had to wait for another emergency surgery to finish up before he was put under general anesthesia. The orthopedic doctor was able to realign the two broken forearm bones (without making any incisions) and then set the arm in a neon green cast. Trevor's not at all happy about his circumstances and the long summer ahead with a broken arm. He'll miss church camp next week and football for yet another season. No more swimming or riding his bike for several weeks. He's a trooper and will get through it, but I still feel so bad for him.
Looking back I realize that Trevor was pretty accurate with his 8-word description of the event. He did fall like a rock down the stairs......head over heels one time before crash landing. If you're a parent, you might want to add one more thing to your Parenting 101 list of do's and don't's. Don't duckwalk or duckhop down the stairs!
Thank you, Tammy, for taking care of my other three boys on such short notice. Thank you, Kelly and Jacob, Mom and Dad for coming to the hospital. You'll never really understand how that ministered to my Trevor. Dad, you're the best! Thank you for searching high and low for a deck of cards, for showing Trevor the secret to one of your card tricks, and for staying with me to the wee hours of the morning. Mom, you're my hero! Thank you for picking up the other three and getting them tucked safely into bed......and for being in Martha-mode with my laundry! :)
Monday, June 16, 2008
Belly Button Blues
Since my surgeries at the end of April, I've had one irritation after another with my oophorectomy incisions. Today was my third trip back to my gynecologist. It's not her fault. Apparently my body doesn't like the dissolving stitches that she used. Instead of quietly dissolving, they've been doing their best to find their way out in the most annoying ways, particularly in my belly button. Dr. R has used as much TLC as she can to help me heal, but it's not always pain-free. On my second trip, she had to give me TWO lidocaine shots in my belly button before she dug out 2 of the pesky stitches.....Can you say 'OOOOOOOUUUUUUUCH!'. We thought that would do it, but no, there was one more peaking out today. Thankfully, no shots were involved. So, hopefully that will be it. I'll continue to diligently clean the area twice a day, and pray that it will heal soon.
My belly button blues have been a constant irritation for weeks. Yet, I've been rather patient and diligent in dealing with the issue, waiting for healing to come. I would be remiss not to mention the parallel I see in my life as a mother...............
As a mom, I deal with character training in my kids several times day. The truth is I often see it as a 'constant irritation.' It's extremely easy to loose sight of the goal and to get frustrated with the whole process. At times I can be patient, but at other times I just wish my kids would get it the first time! Why don't they just get it? Do I have to explain this or teach that one more time? Didn't we just deal with that last week/ yesterday/ten minutes ago!
Like my Belly Button Blues, character training takes patience, diligence, A LOT of prayer and a WHOLE LOT of love. More than that, it takes a good Doctor. I'm glad I have one. He is always available to give me some TLC and direction as I work through the issues. But seeing Him can be a painful and often humbling process. He sees those pesky weaknesses in my life and does his best to bring them to the surface so that I can be a better mom. Getting them 'plucked' out can be as painful as those pesky stitches in my belly! Thankfully, He doesn't point his finger at me and say, "Why don't you just get it? Do I have to explain this one more time? Didn't we just deal with that last week/yesterday/ ten minutes ago!" Instead, He says, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Corinthians 12:9)
*********
All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work. 2 Timothy 3:16
"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye." Matthew 7:3-5
My belly button blues have been a constant irritation for weeks. Yet, I've been rather patient and diligent in dealing with the issue, waiting for healing to come. I would be remiss not to mention the parallel I see in my life as a mother...............
As a mom, I deal with character training in my kids several times day. The truth is I often see it as a 'constant irritation.' It's extremely easy to loose sight of the goal and to get frustrated with the whole process. At times I can be patient, but at other times I just wish my kids would get it the first time! Why don't they just get it? Do I have to explain this or teach that one more time? Didn't we just deal with that last week/ yesterday/ten minutes ago!
Like my Belly Button Blues, character training takes patience, diligence, A LOT of prayer and a WHOLE LOT of love. More than that, it takes a good Doctor. I'm glad I have one. He is always available to give me some TLC and direction as I work through the issues. But seeing Him can be a painful and often humbling process. He sees those pesky weaknesses in my life and does his best to bring them to the surface so that I can be a better mom. Getting them 'plucked' out can be as painful as those pesky stitches in my belly! Thankfully, He doesn't point his finger at me and say, "Why don't you just get it? Do I have to explain this one more time? Didn't we just deal with that last week/yesterday/ ten minutes ago!" Instead, He says, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Corinthians 12:9)
*********
All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work. 2 Timothy 3:16
"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye." Matthew 7:3-5
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Motivation for Today and Frogs for the Moment
This week I returned for the second test of the clinical study on the effects of chemotherapy on the brain. (My first experience was in January...see "Define Panacea.") It was more of the same and I'm happy to say it was just as much fun. I know.....I'm a nerd!!! My most favorite moment was defining 'panacea.' (Of course, I still have trouble with calendar and number.....Try defining those words....It's not as easy as you may think!)
In the midst my 'fun,' I was pleasantly surprised by what I learned.
First, I was reminded that motivation is important. Apparently, in this study, it takes more effort to keep the non-cancer participants motivated during the long day of testing and for the duration of the study (3 test days spread out over 18 months). It takes less effort to motivate the cancer participants. Both groups are given a monetary incentive, which makes the time commitment worth the effort. Yet, cancer participants seem to have a stronger belief that their involvement will help researchers, and subsequently other cancer patients in the future......That's what gets us through the 8-9 hour long day. What is the motivation? Believing that something you are doing can make a difference. Motivation is important, and it goes beyond this clinical study. I don't want to live my life with the mentality of the non-cancer participants: "I can't wait to get through this day" or "How much will I get (or where's my reward?)" I want to make a difference.....wherever God wants me to make it.
Second, I was reminded that unexpected nuggets of truth and discovery are wrapped up in our experiences. I miss them altogether when life becomes one 'to do' list after another. As a mom, balancing the 'to do' with 'the moment' requires energy and a willing spirit. For example, everyday I have a plan, or at least some semblance of a plan. That plan usually involves going somewhere, or not.....doing something, or not.....seeing someone, or not. It quite often involves my 4 children.....my 4 very active boy-children....my 4 very active boy-children who rarely understand how important it is to me that the plan run smoothly. Sure, we can get from point A to point B.....but, unfortunately, HOW we get there can sometimes make or break this mom's day.
Case in point: Vacation Bible School. It would be nice to take the kids to VBS and have them all: 1) Walk to their classes, 2) Speak respectfully to their teachers, 3) Listen and not interrupt the lessons, and 4) Walk with me to the car when VBS is over. These are ALL good plans and ALL good expectations. But guess what? They are children. They get excited. They get distracted. They get hungry. They get overstimulated. And sometimes......when you least expect it....when you've almost reached point B...... a frog hops haphazardly along the sidewalk as you're leaving the building. What does a boy do when he sees a frog hopping along.....imagine 4 boys doing that!!!! (Well, it happened to me....with 2 extra boys in tow!!!)
Okay...I had a point.....hmmmm......I lost my point......Where was I headed with that?.....Just a minute........oh, there it is....................
There are wonderful nuggets of truth and discovery just waiting to be found...IF we'll just take a moment, in our attempt to complete our 'to-do's', to notice. These nuggets aren't accidents. They aren't coincidences or random happenings. They have purpose, just as we have purpose. Though we may never understand their purpose, the significance of their presence in our lives is not diminished.
I believe God really wanted me 'to get' this point about experiencing the unexpected....about taking my 'horse blinders' off from time to time.....about experiencing the moment and waiting on the 'to-do's.' My lesson was wrapped up in form of a frolicsome amphibian! Do you remember that frog at VBS? Well, I wished it had never hopped along our path. My plan involved getting home ASAP and that was what was going to happen!!! So I did NOT let the boys play with it. It worked....although it wasn't very pretty. There was some frustration ....some yelling.... some anxiety...... some cajoling and corralling. When we got home, the boys were playing outside for about 20 minutes when all of a sudden one of them says, "Hey! There's a frog! Look! There's a FROG!!" Screams, giggles, scurrying and frantic hopping ensued. In the eight years that we've lived in this neighborhood, we've seen only 2 or 3 frogs. So, finding a frog is rare! Coincidence? No way! Divine intervention to drive home a point? I think so!
God, as I fight this mental and physical fatigue, may I not be discouraged with the unfamiliar pace with which I trudge forward. Grant me a willing spirit to sustain me. Lord, thank you for reminding me to stay motivated. Help me to find and to do things that please you and bring you glory. May I make a difference today. And Lord, I just wanted to thank you for the frogs. That was a great way to get my attention and a wonderful lesson to share with my sons. May we be ready for whatever you would have us to do. May we take time for the unplanned nuggets of truth and discovery that you bring across our path......even the green ones that hop!
*********
In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps. Proverbs 16:9
In the midst my 'fun,' I was pleasantly surprised by what I learned.
First, I was reminded that motivation is important. Apparently, in this study, it takes more effort to keep the non-cancer participants motivated during the long day of testing and for the duration of the study (3 test days spread out over 18 months). It takes less effort to motivate the cancer participants. Both groups are given a monetary incentive, which makes the time commitment worth the effort. Yet, cancer participants seem to have a stronger belief that their involvement will help researchers, and subsequently other cancer patients in the future......That's what gets us through the 8-9 hour long day. What is the motivation? Believing that something you are doing can make a difference. Motivation is important, and it goes beyond this clinical study. I don't want to live my life with the mentality of the non-cancer participants: "I can't wait to get through this day" or "How much will I get (or where's my reward?)" I want to make a difference.....wherever God wants me to make it.
Second, I was reminded that unexpected nuggets of truth and discovery are wrapped up in our experiences. I miss them altogether when life becomes one 'to do' list after another. As a mom, balancing the 'to do' with 'the moment' requires energy and a willing spirit. For example, everyday I have a plan, or at least some semblance of a plan. That plan usually involves going somewhere, or not.....doing something, or not.....seeing someone, or not. It quite often involves my 4 children.....my 4 very active boy-children....my 4 very active boy-children who rarely understand how important it is to me that the plan run smoothly. Sure, we can get from point A to point B.....but, unfortunately, HOW we get there can sometimes make or break this mom's day.
Case in point: Vacation Bible School. It would be nice to take the kids to VBS and have them all: 1) Walk to their classes, 2) Speak respectfully to their teachers, 3) Listen and not interrupt the lessons, and 4) Walk with me to the car when VBS is over. These are ALL good plans and ALL good expectations. But guess what? They are children. They get excited. They get distracted. They get hungry. They get overstimulated. And sometimes......when you least expect it....when you've almost reached point B...... a frog hops haphazardly along the sidewalk as you're leaving the building. What does a boy do when he sees a frog hopping along.....imagine 4 boys doing that!!!! (Well, it happened to me....with 2 extra boys in tow!!!)
Okay...I had a point.....hmmmm......I lost my point......Where was I headed with that?.....Just a minute........oh, there it is....................
There are wonderful nuggets of truth and discovery just waiting to be found...IF we'll just take a moment, in our attempt to complete our 'to-do's', to notice. These nuggets aren't accidents. They aren't coincidences or random happenings. They have purpose, just as we have purpose. Though we may never understand their purpose, the significance of their presence in our lives is not diminished.
I believe God really wanted me 'to get' this point about experiencing the unexpected....about taking my 'horse blinders' off from time to time.....about experiencing the moment and waiting on the 'to-do's.' My lesson was wrapped up in form of a frolicsome amphibian! Do you remember that frog at VBS? Well, I wished it had never hopped along our path. My plan involved getting home ASAP and that was what was going to happen!!! So I did NOT let the boys play with it. It worked....although it wasn't very pretty. There was some frustration ....some yelling.... some anxiety...... some cajoling and corralling. When we got home, the boys were playing outside for about 20 minutes when all of a sudden one of them says, "Hey! There's a frog! Look! There's a FROG!!" Screams, giggles, scurrying and frantic hopping ensued. In the eight years that we've lived in this neighborhood, we've seen only 2 or 3 frogs. So, finding a frog is rare! Coincidence? No way! Divine intervention to drive home a point? I think so!
God, as I fight this mental and physical fatigue, may I not be discouraged with the unfamiliar pace with which I trudge forward. Grant me a willing spirit to sustain me. Lord, thank you for reminding me to stay motivated. Help me to find and to do things that please you and bring you glory. May I make a difference today. And Lord, I just wanted to thank you for the frogs. That was a great way to get my attention and a wonderful lesson to share with my sons. May we be ready for whatever you would have us to do. May we take time for the unplanned nuggets of truth and discovery that you bring across our path......even the green ones that hop!
*********
In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps. Proverbs 16:9
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Turtle Chelle
Slowly.......in fact, too slowly......I'm recovering from my surgeries. Yesterday, I was trying to explain to Sean how strange I feel. And it dawned on me.....turtle shell.
I feel as if I've acquired a turtle shell around my rib cage. It's very restrictive. Certainly, this will go away as my body continues to heal, but in the meantime, I have this odd 'shell-like' feeling on my trunk......like an extra rib cage.....or like a suite of armor that I can't take off. Hmmm....Maybe I could pass for the fifth Ninja Turtle?.......Wouldn't my boys like that!!! Cowabunga Dude!!!
Well, now that you're envisioning me as Leonardo, Michelangelo or Donatello (what's the name of the fourth one?), let me switch gears........
There's a strange comfort I find in my turtle shell. I can use it as a good excuse to shut myself off from the world around me. I can tuck my little head and arms in and 'hide.' I could easily find myself retreating into the isolation this temporary shell has to offer me. But I have to ask myself? Why? What good would that do? To whom would that serve? And if I find temporary comfort in escaping from the world around me, who's to say that I would ever want to come out again?
Don't worry, I'm not falling into a depression. Well, maybe I did take a little 'dip' this week. It's not too hard to travel down that road. Escaping....hiding.....isolating oneself......It does have it's appeal...for the short run. But in the long run, it's a very dangerous road to travel.
If you're there, or have been there, you know what I'm talking about. I'm not a doctor. I don't have all the right answers or solutions, but I do know that the only one who benefits from our depression....the only one who cheers us on to take a deeper step into the 'Pit of Despair' (you have to say that like the guy in Princess Bride)........the only benefactor is satan.
If you find yourself carrying around your own 'spiritual' or 'emotional' turtle shell this week, I just want to encourage you to call a friend. Poke your head out......and see that not all is lost. Reach your arms out......and find comfort in companionship. Take a step out of the pit......and discover that satan is a liar.
*******
"The God of peace will soon crush Satan under your feet. The grace of our Lord Jesus be with you." Romans 16:20
"But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved." Hebrews 10:39
I feel as if I've acquired a turtle shell around my rib cage. It's very restrictive. Certainly, this will go away as my body continues to heal, but in the meantime, I have this odd 'shell-like' feeling on my trunk......like an extra rib cage.....or like a suite of armor that I can't take off. Hmmm....Maybe I could pass for the fifth Ninja Turtle?.......Wouldn't my boys like that!!! Cowabunga Dude!!!
Well, now that you're envisioning me as Leonardo, Michelangelo or Donatello (what's the name of the fourth one?), let me switch gears........
There's a strange comfort I find in my turtle shell. I can use it as a good excuse to shut myself off from the world around me. I can tuck my little head and arms in and 'hide.' I could easily find myself retreating into the isolation this temporary shell has to offer me. But I have to ask myself? Why? What good would that do? To whom would that serve? And if I find temporary comfort in escaping from the world around me, who's to say that I would ever want to come out again?
Don't worry, I'm not falling into a depression. Well, maybe I did take a little 'dip' this week. It's not too hard to travel down that road. Escaping....hiding.....isolating oneself......It does have it's appeal...for the short run. But in the long run, it's a very dangerous road to travel.
If you're there, or have been there, you know what I'm talking about. I'm not a doctor. I don't have all the right answers or solutions, but I do know that the only one who benefits from our depression....the only one who cheers us on to take a deeper step into the 'Pit of Despair' (you have to say that like the guy in Princess Bride)........the only benefactor is satan.
If you find yourself carrying around your own 'spiritual' or 'emotional' turtle shell this week, I just want to encourage you to call a friend. Poke your head out......and see that not all is lost. Reach your arms out......and find comfort in companionship. Take a step out of the pit......and discover that satan is a liar.
*******
"The God of peace will soon crush Satan under your feet. The grace of our Lord Jesus be with you." Romans 16:20
"But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved." Hebrews 10:39
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