Today has been a flurry of emotions. This morning I was dancing with my husband to Gloria Estafan's song, 'The Rhythm is Gonna to Get Ya." Crazy, I know, but the rhythm just took over and we had a fun moment of being silly while we listened to Sean's new speakers and Gloria's very catchy song.
Later, Sean and I and the boys went to the Children's Museum. I saw a woman there who'd obviously completed her chemotherapy. She stood there unashamed with peach fuzz hair on her head and I thought she looked beautiful. I wanted to tell her so, but I knew if I tried I would probably cry....so we smiled at each other and she commented on how cute our 4th son looked in his dress shirt and tie and high water pants...and we both laughed and the moment was gone.
When we returned home, my thoughts returned to yesterday's follow-up appointment from my second surgery. Unfortunately, the margins were still not clear...a few more DCIS's were found in a completely different location. This was not news I wanted...who would? And so this means yet another surgery. Exactly what kind, I haven't decided.
It's really hard to know how much to share on a blog. I have a smorgasbord of thoughts and emotions I could unload at this moment, but I don't know if that's what I am supposed to do. What I do know is that God brought to mind a journal entry I wrote (in a separate notebook) on the first day Sean and I met with my surgeon. So, I shall share that with you.
'Wednesday, November 21st, 2007
Sean and I are on our way to see Dr. R about my recent diagnosis of breast cancer. I don't know what info, statistics, procedures I will be told about today, but I am not afraid. I am not worried. My God goes before me. He covers me like a mother hen protects her chicks; he hems me in. Through Jesus Christ I am victorious no matter what NEWS, PLANS, OUTLOOKS I hear. And I'm writing this now while I rest in His peace. This journey may take me to some dark valleys and lonely places, but I will remember what God has revealed to me in the secret place and in the light. I will remember and hold on to HIM, NO MATTER WHAT!'
If you, too, are going through a trial of your own, I pray that you will rest in God's peace and will hold on to Him....No Matter What!
Psalm 34: 1-8
'I will extol the Lord at all times: his praise will always be on my lips.
My soul will boast in the Lord; let the afflicted hear and rejoice.
Glorify the Lord with me; let us exalt his name together.
I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.
Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.
This poor man** called, and the Lord heard him; he saved him out of all his troubles.
The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them.
Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.'
**Why does David call himself, 'this poor man?' My bible commentary says that the Hebrew word David uses for being poor indicates a lack of resources, not just money. God provided for David when he did not have the wherewithal to see his way through the oppressive circumstances that otherwise would have destroyed him.
2 comments:
Wow, Michelle. I'm so sorry to hear that there is yet another surgery ahead. I'll be praying that as you seek the wisdom of God that it will be clear which direction you should go next. I took care of a patient the other day who had the blue dye going through her system. I didn't quite understand what you were talking about until I saw it with my eyes. I told her about you and your boy's Colts comment. That made her smile.
I love verses from Is.40:27-31. For you my dear one. "God doens't come and go. God lasts. He's Creator of all you can see or imagine. He doesn't get tired out, doesn't pause to catch his breath. And He knows everything, inside and out. He energizes those who get tired, gives fresh strength to dropouts...but those who wait upon God get fresh strength. They spread their wings and soar like eagles...Praise Him
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