Talking about finances is not something I like to mention on this blog. But I must share the goodness of my God and how he has provided for our family in this area during this year.
The diagnosis of cancer can affect much more than the body. It certainly has the potential to affect the pocketbook. Yet, I am once again reminded that God is our provider.....in all things.
At the beginning of this year, anticipating the extra expenses and the decrease in income, we readjusted our mortgage so that our property taxes were no longer included in the monthly payment. That certainly helped get us through the many months that I was not working. But of course, November was approaching. That's when the property taxes were due....and we owe on two properties (which is another long story). Every time we set aside money for that payment, a new medical expense would come through and deplete our savings.
My mom and dad gave us an unexpected monetary gift in the spring. That helped pay for many of the expenses that we had been putting on our VISA and lifted a heavy load.
Sean has great insurance through his company. I praise God for that provision. But even with his insurance, our out-of-pocket expenses have been hefty. For the most part, we have been able to stay on top of them. How? Well, by God's provision, of course. Sean had submitted a resume months ago for an adjunct teacher's position at a local technical college. He was surprised to get a call just a couple of weeks before the fall session started. Within days, he taught a mock class in front of the administrators of the school and was offered the teaching job. In fact, they asked him to teach the same class in two of their locations. Of course, this did not get in the way of Sean's day job! He has worked diligently and been able to work his regular job AND teach two classes each week! God has been so good to work this out for him.....for us. It's been a sacrifice on all of us, but through his second job, we have been able to keep up with most of the medical bills that have come through.....but we still haven't been able to put anything back for those pesky property taxes.
How did God provide for those? Well, he sent the Sweet Melissa Foundation. Two weeks ago, Sweet Melissa came to our house with a check for $3000. WOW!!! That's really all I can say.....WOW!!! We were so humbled and appreciative of this gift for we know that it took many hands many hours to put it all together.....and even more hands and more generous hearts to bring it to fruition. WOW!!!
We did all that we could do to get through this tough year......but all we could do was not enough. It was God who orchestrated everything and took care of us. He provided us the opportunity to re-finance at the beginning of the year, He provided through my Mom and Dad, He provided through Sean's teaching job, and He provided through the Sweet Melissa Foundation. He has provided in soooooooooo many other ways. I give Him the glory and I say, "Thank You, Lord!"
***********
We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even as we put our hope in you. Psalm 33:20-22
Showing posts with label Breast Cancer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Breast Cancer. Show all posts
Monday, November 3, 2008
Monday, October 6, 2008
Letting the Wind Out
Thank you, friends, for your prayers today. That balloon was knocked clear out of the sky! I got a call around 4:30 from my oncologist's nurse. My bone scan was normal!!! Not only am I excited for the good news, I'm also grateful for the speediness in getting the results.
Hear my prayer, O Lord;
Let my cry for help come to you.
Do not hide your face from me
when I am in distress.
Turn your ear to me;
when I call, answer me quickly.
(Psalm 102:1-2)
Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth.
Worship the Lord with gladness;
come before him with joyful songs.
Know that the Lord is God.
It is he who made us, and we are his;
we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.
Enter his gates with thanksgiving
and his courts with praise;
give thanks to him and praise his name.
For the Lord is good and his love endures forever;
his faithfulness continues through all generations.
(Psalm 100)
Hear my prayer, O Lord;
Let my cry for help come to you.
Do not hide your face from me
when I am in distress.
Turn your ear to me;
when I call, answer me quickly.
(Psalm 102:1-2)
Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth.
Worship the Lord with gladness;
come before him with joyful songs.
Know that the Lord is God.
It is he who made us, and we are his;
we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.
Enter his gates with thanksgiving
and his courts with praise;
give thanks to him and praise his name.
For the Lord is good and his love endures forever;
his faithfulness continues through all generations.
(Psalm 100)
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Tut-Tut, It Looks Like Rain
Could you pray for me?
My energy level has picked up and as a result I've done more things. I've worked a few Saturdays. I played in the softball tournament. I rode some roller coasters. Slow down, slow down. That's easy to say, but when you've been limited for so long, it's hard to do. Well, maybe I have overdone it a bit because I've had some back pain that hasn't gone away for the past six weeks. So, my oncologist scheduled a bone scan for tomorrow morning.
I want to say, "Oh, I'm sure everything will be fine." But the truth is that I don't know what tomorrow will bring. I pray that everything will be fine and that with some further core strengthening exercises, my back will get stronger and the pain will go away. That is my prayer. I place that before my God.
The emotional ups and downs after major treatment for cancer can be hard. Every headache, every bone ache, every twinge or irregularity gets scrutinized by one's imaginings. It's like having a rain cloud over one's head. From day to day the cloud rarely changes, but one's perspective of the cloud can change from hour to hour.....if one let's it. Some days the cloud is just a passing thought, but on other days it encircles above, looming like a hurricane.
I refuse to let this cloud fester and grow within my mind. So, today whenever it's tried to gather strength, the picture I see is Edward Bear....."Who?" you ask. Well, Pooh, of course. I picture Pooh floating along with his blue balloon. Silly? Maybe. That's okay, God has given me a unique perspective and way of taking my thoughts captive...and it works for me! :)
Do you remember that story of Pooh trying to trick the bees in hopes of getting a little smackerel of honey. He disguises himself as a cloud and floats along while holding onto his big blue balloon. Christopher Robin walks beneath him wearing a raincoat, carrying an umbrella, and saying, "Tut-Tut, it looks like rain." In the end, Pooh's deception fails and he misses out on the honey. Christopher Robin eventually shoots the 'cloud' out of the sky to save Pooh.
So, I thank you for your prayers. Just because it looks like rain and smells like rain.....doesn't mean it always rains. Let's knock this cloud out of the sky!
*******
James 1:2-5 (Message)
Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way. If you don’t know what you’re doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You’ll get his help and won’t be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believing without a second thought.
My energy level has picked up and as a result I've done more things. I've worked a few Saturdays. I played in the softball tournament. I rode some roller coasters. Slow down, slow down. That's easy to say, but when you've been limited for so long, it's hard to do. Well, maybe I have overdone it a bit because I've had some back pain that hasn't gone away for the past six weeks. So, my oncologist scheduled a bone scan for tomorrow morning.
I want to say, "Oh, I'm sure everything will be fine." But the truth is that I don't know what tomorrow will bring. I pray that everything will be fine and that with some further core strengthening exercises, my back will get stronger and the pain will go away. That is my prayer. I place that before my God.
The emotional ups and downs after major treatment for cancer can be hard. Every headache, every bone ache, every twinge or irregularity gets scrutinized by one's imaginings. It's like having a rain cloud over one's head. From day to day the cloud rarely changes, but one's perspective of the cloud can change from hour to hour.....if one let's it. Some days the cloud is just a passing thought, but on other days it encircles above, looming like a hurricane.
I refuse to let this cloud fester and grow within my mind. So, today whenever it's tried to gather strength, the picture I see is Edward Bear....."Who?" you ask. Well, Pooh, of course. I picture Pooh floating along with his blue balloon. Silly? Maybe. That's okay, God has given me a unique perspective and way of taking my thoughts captive...and it works for me! :)
Do you remember that story of Pooh trying to trick the bees in hopes of getting a little smackerel of honey. He disguises himself as a cloud and floats along while holding onto his big blue balloon. Christopher Robin walks beneath him wearing a raincoat, carrying an umbrella, and saying, "Tut-Tut, it looks like rain." In the end, Pooh's deception fails and he misses out on the honey. Christopher Robin eventually shoots the 'cloud' out of the sky to save Pooh.
So, I thank you for your prayers. Just because it looks like rain and smells like rain.....doesn't mean it always rains. Let's knock this cloud out of the sky!
*******
James 1:2-5 (Message)
Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way. If you don’t know what you’re doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You’ll get his help and won’t be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believing without a second thought.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Mrs. Potato Head
As I child, I was fascinated by Mr. Potato Head. I remember how neat it was to change his eyes, his mouth, his arms, his feet.
Little did I know that I'd grow up and become a Mrs. Potato Head. During my bald stage, I could choose between wigs or scarves, and I could change the look of my brows with the stroke of my pencil.
Just a couple of weeks ago, I had the rare opportunity to try on different sized 'thing-a-ma-bobs.' Hmm....choices....choices. Do I go big or do I stick with comfort? After much deliberation and varying proportions, I finally made a decision. Because of some lymphadema issues I'm experiencing, I went with a version that can stick directly to my skin. Very cool!
It used to be that, at night, I could just brush my teeth and go to bed. Now, I've also got to brush my 'doodge-a-ma-flops' before tucking them into their own special box. What an odd experience! I'm reminiscent of the Walton nights and feel a certain urge to say, "Goodnight Thing One" ..."Goodnight Thing Two." And as I lay my head upon my pillow, I can almost hear their muffled responses ......"Good night, Mrs. Potato Head!" :)
Little did I know that I'd grow up and become a Mrs. Potato Head. During my bald stage, I could choose between wigs or scarves, and I could change the look of my brows with the stroke of my pencil.
Just a couple of weeks ago, I had the rare opportunity to try on different sized 'thing-a-ma-bobs.' Hmm....choices....choices. Do I go big or do I stick with comfort? After much deliberation and varying proportions, I finally made a decision. Because of some lymphadema issues I'm experiencing, I went with a version that can stick directly to my skin. Very cool!
It used to be that, at night, I could just brush my teeth and go to bed. Now, I've also got to brush my 'doodge-a-ma-flops' before tucking them into their own special box. What an odd experience! I'm reminiscent of the Walton nights and feel a certain urge to say, "Goodnight Thing One" ..."Goodnight Thing Two." And as I lay my head upon my pillow, I can almost hear their muffled responses ......"Good night, Mrs. Potato Head!" :)
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Softball Tournament
Yesterday was the Women's Slow-Pitch Softball Tournament. It was wonderful! The Sweet Melissa Foundation did an excellent job organizing everything. There were twelve teams all together. The weather was PERFECT!!
One thing many of my team members realized as the day progressed.....our bodies ain't what they used to be!!! The problem was that our minds weren't aware of this dilemma. On one occasion there was a fly ball coming into the outfield, right between me and my friend Julie. I ran toward it like I would have twenty years ago, truly convinced that I could catch it. HA!! The ball went right on past me while I continued running. Of course, now I was going in the wrong direction, but I couldn't stop myself. In fact, I was certain that at any moment I would tumble head over heals and eventually find myself flat on the ground or, worse yet, smashed into the fence. Whew! It was close. I used every muscle fiber in my legs that hasn't been used for the last 10 years to slow down. And today...I'm paying for it. Ouch! But it's okay. It was SO MUCH FUN!!!
Team Chellebugs didn't come home with the winning trophy, but we had a lot of fun trying!
To my Teammates (in order of how long I've known you):
Thank you, Kelly, Kris and Angie!! (37 years) .....
Thank you, Julie and Caryn!! (~32 years) .....
Thank you, Alicia (22 years) and McKenzie (18 years)!! ....
Thank you, Sandy (19 years)!!.....
Thank you, Celia (13 years) and Ursula (12 years)!!......
Thank you, Ronda (~9 years) and Cindy (~1 year)!!.....
Thank you, Mary Beth, April and Alicia (for coming out and supporting me even though we'd never met before)!!
To my 'Support Staff' (:)):
Thank you Dad and Mike for coaching!! Thanks for making me sit the bench from time to time, too. That was a good idea! Thank you Mike for helping Mom with the scorekeeping. Thank you Mom for being our cheerleader and supplier of all things (bubble gum, sunscreen, drinks!!). Thank you Riley for being the best bat girl! And thank you, Tiffini, Miriam, Erin, Jeff, and Kevin for hanging out at the diamonds all day! And Sean....you are my all time #1 favorite fan....Thank you for helping me be a part of this day! And Thank you to so many more of you who came out during the day to watch the event. And finally, thank you to those who supported the event with your time, your talents and your treasures.
Well, now I must try to get up from this chair and get to bed. It'll be hard. This body of mine ain't what it used to be. Every muscle from head to toe is screaming with every move I make!!
One thing many of my team members realized as the day progressed.....our bodies ain't what they used to be!!! The problem was that our minds weren't aware of this dilemma. On one occasion there was a fly ball coming into the outfield, right between me and my friend Julie. I ran toward it like I would have twenty years ago, truly convinced that I could catch it. HA!! The ball went right on past me while I continued running. Of course, now I was going in the wrong direction, but I couldn't stop myself. In fact, I was certain that at any moment I would tumble head over heals and eventually find myself flat on the ground or, worse yet, smashed into the fence. Whew! It was close. I used every muscle fiber in my legs that hasn't been used for the last 10 years to slow down. And today...I'm paying for it. Ouch! But it's okay. It was SO MUCH FUN!!!
Team Chellebugs didn't come home with the winning trophy, but we had a lot of fun trying!
To my Teammates (in order of how long I've known you):
Thank you, Kelly, Kris and Angie!! (37 years) .....
Thank you, Julie and Caryn!! (~32 years) .....
Thank you, Alicia (22 years) and McKenzie (18 years)!! ....
Thank you, Sandy (19 years)!!.....
Thank you, Celia (13 years) and Ursula (12 years)!!......
Thank you, Ronda (~9 years) and Cindy (~1 year)!!.....
Thank you, Mary Beth, April and Alicia (for coming out and supporting me even though we'd never met before)!!
To my 'Support Staff' (:)):
Thank you Dad and Mike for coaching!! Thanks for making me sit the bench from time to time, too. That was a good idea! Thank you Mike for helping Mom with the scorekeeping. Thank you Mom for being our cheerleader and supplier of all things (bubble gum, sunscreen, drinks!!). Thank you Riley for being the best bat girl! And thank you, Tiffini, Miriam, Erin, Jeff, and Kevin for hanging out at the diamonds all day! And Sean....you are my all time #1 favorite fan....Thank you for helping me be a part of this day! And Thank you to so many more of you who came out during the day to watch the event. And finally, thank you to those who supported the event with your time, your talents and your treasures.
Well, now I must try to get up from this chair and get to bed. It'll be hard. This body of mine ain't what it used to be. Every muscle from head to toe is screaming with every move I make!!
Friday, September 12, 2008
To Die is Gain
Before I explain my title, I wanted to thank many of you who have been emailing me and asking how I am. Now that homeschool is back in session things have been rather busy here. Between schooling and football practices and other extracurricular activities......treatments, doctor and physical therapy appointments.....oh, yes, and the never ending cycles of life (the dish cycle, the washing cycle, and the eating and cleaning cycles)......well, I haven't had much time to do my 'blog' therapy. I've missed it.
Tomorrow (Saturday) is the 2nd Annual Striking Out Breast Cancer Tournament through the Sweet Melissa Foundation. We continue to pray that the rain will miss us!!!
I've struggled with how to share the following information. It just breaks my heart. One of the benefitting families for the tournament has recently had a tremendous loss. Yvonne, a wife and mother of four, lost her fight with cancer almost 2 weeks ago. Although I didn't know Yvonne, as I'd only met her once, I could tell that she was a beautiful, kind-hearted person. My heart just broke for her family when I heard the news. Please, pray for Yvonne's family as they continue to grieve.
When I was first diagnosed with breast cancer, death crossed my mind.......for a moment. And with that thought came the verse from Philippians, the epistle written by Paul as he awaited his trial. He wrote in Chapter 1, verses 20-22:
"I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know!"
I think of Yvonne again. And I say, "You go, girl! You fought with courage, and now you have been set free!"
I think of Yvonne's family again, and I grieve with them. For it's never easy for those of us on this side of the finish line.
Tomorrow (Saturday) is the 2nd Annual Striking Out Breast Cancer Tournament through the Sweet Melissa Foundation. We continue to pray that the rain will miss us!!!
I've struggled with how to share the following information. It just breaks my heart. One of the benefitting families for the tournament has recently had a tremendous loss. Yvonne, a wife and mother of four, lost her fight with cancer almost 2 weeks ago. Although I didn't know Yvonne, as I'd only met her once, I could tell that she was a beautiful, kind-hearted person. My heart just broke for her family when I heard the news. Please, pray for Yvonne's family as they continue to grieve.
When I was first diagnosed with breast cancer, death crossed my mind.......for a moment. And with that thought came the verse from Philippians, the epistle written by Paul as he awaited his trial. He wrote in Chapter 1, verses 20-22:
"I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know!"
I think of Yvonne again. And I say, "You go, girl! You fought with courage, and now you have been set free!"
I think of Yvonne's family again, and I grieve with them. For it's never easy for those of us on this side of the finish line.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Screaming Therapy
A couple of weeks ago we had the rare opportunity to take off for three days. We packed up the pop-up camper and headed south to Lincoln State Park and Holiday World. I checked with my surgeon prior to 'take-off' and she said that I was 'cleared' to ride any roller coaster I wanted to. My port wouldn't be a problem. Yippee!!!
We had a BLAST!!!!! At first, I took Brenner and Parker to ride all of the kiddie rides and Sean took Spencer and Trevor to ride the BIG rides. After awhile, we discovered that Parker was tall enough to ride most of the BIG rides if an adult rode with him. He was begging me and I was easily persuaded.
So, I did.
And I screamed the entire ride!
When Parker found out that you could wait in line to sit in the front seat, he begged, "Please, Mommy! Let's go on the Raven!"
So, I did. And we sat in the front.
And I screamed the entire ride!
By then, the whole family was back together, so we walked over to another BIG ride. The Voyage. Spencer had had enough of the big rides by this point. He stayed with Brenner while the rest of us jumped into line. (Thankfully, it wasn't a crowded day and we didn't have to wait long for any of the rides).
Trevor said, "Will you ride with me, mommy?"......"Absolutely," I said.
So, I did.
And I screamed the entire ride!
Wow! What a day! I think that was the best cancer therapy I've had yet. You can really let out a lot of unsuspecting, pent up anxiety with unadulterated screaming. Whew! I know the boys had a great trip, but of all of us, I enjoyed it the most!
We had a BLAST!!!!! At first, I took Brenner and Parker to ride all of the kiddie rides and Sean took Spencer and Trevor to ride the BIG rides. After awhile, we discovered that Parker was tall enough to ride most of the BIG rides if an adult rode with him. He was begging me and I was easily persuaded.
So, I did.
And I screamed the entire ride!
When Parker found out that you could wait in line to sit in the front seat, he begged, "Please, Mommy! Let's go on the Raven!"
So, I did. And we sat in the front.
And I screamed the entire ride!
By then, the whole family was back together, so we walked over to another BIG ride. The Voyage. Spencer had had enough of the big rides by this point. He stayed with Brenner while the rest of us jumped into line. (Thankfully, it wasn't a crowded day and we didn't have to wait long for any of the rides).
Trevor said, "Will you ride with me, mommy?"......"Absolutely," I said.
So, I did.
And I screamed the entire ride!
Wow! What a day! I think that was the best cancer therapy I've had yet. You can really let out a lot of unsuspecting, pent up anxiety with unadulterated screaming. Whew! I know the boys had a great trip, but of all of us, I enjoyed it the most!
Monday, August 25, 2008
Snakes, Snails...and Soy Sauce?
My family has been so blessed during this journey with wonderful homecooked meals from many people. I can not begin to explain how much they lifted a burden during the more intense times of my treatment. We even had several meals come precooked and ready for the freezer so that we could pull them out whenever we needed them.
Of course, the boys haven't always seen these gestures of love as favorable. There's something about seeing food prepared in a way you've never had it that can really mess with a kid's palate. Overall, I'd say they did well, though. I never did have to make something different for them to eat....though on occasion I did have to butter some extra pieces of bread! :)
A few months ago, the boys started mentioning that they really missed the meals that I cooked. As sweet as that was to hear, I had to laugh because cooking has never been one of my strengths. Even Sean was a little perplexed when he heard their requests. He should know. He grew up with a mom who could make a feast out of nothing, and then he married me....As long as I keep a good supply of ketchup, barbeque sauce and soy sauce handy, Sean is content with whatever I make. Bless him, Lord, for being so gracious to me!
Tonight, I made one of their all time favorites. It's called 'Snakes, Snails, and Puppy Dog Tails.' Honestly, I have no idea why we named it that. It's a mixture of peas, rice and pieces of polska kielbalsa. There's still controversy at the table as to which ingredients are the snakes, which are the snails, and which are the puppy dog tails. How sweet it was to see my Parker's eyes light up when he saw what I was cooking! With great anticipation, he ran to tell all of his brothers.
We sat at the table. All six of us. Five of us barely able to keep our forks out of our bowls before the prayer.
Then after we prayed, the sixth said....with a smile...."Could you pass the soy sauce, please?"
Of course, the boys haven't always seen these gestures of love as favorable. There's something about seeing food prepared in a way you've never had it that can really mess with a kid's palate. Overall, I'd say they did well, though. I never did have to make something different for them to eat....though on occasion I did have to butter some extra pieces of bread! :)
A few months ago, the boys started mentioning that they really missed the meals that I cooked. As sweet as that was to hear, I had to laugh because cooking has never been one of my strengths. Even Sean was a little perplexed when he heard their requests. He should know. He grew up with a mom who could make a feast out of nothing, and then he married me....As long as I keep a good supply of ketchup, barbeque sauce and soy sauce handy, Sean is content with whatever I make. Bless him, Lord, for being so gracious to me!
Tonight, I made one of their all time favorites. It's called 'Snakes, Snails, and Puppy Dog Tails.' Honestly, I have no idea why we named it that. It's a mixture of peas, rice and pieces of polska kielbalsa. There's still controversy at the table as to which ingredients are the snakes, which are the snails, and which are the puppy dog tails. How sweet it was to see my Parker's eyes light up when he saw what I was cooking! With great anticipation, he ran to tell all of his brothers.
We sat at the table. All six of us. Five of us barely able to keep our forks out of our bowls before the prayer.
Then after we prayed, the sixth said....with a smile...."Could you pass the soy sauce, please?"
Sunday, August 24, 2008
The Best Barber
I've taken all of my boys for their first haircuts. What a sweet memory of them sitting in the big chair, wrapped in their smocks, eyes wide open and then sometimes shut tight as the beautician trimmed away their baby hairs that had grown for so long. Each one emerged as a new creation....no longer my babies, but toddlers. Ready to take on the world with attitude!
Well last week, I experienced my 'first' haircut since chemotherapy. I sat in a big chair and was wrapped in a smock. Sometimes my eyes were wide open and then sometimes shut as the barber trimmed around my tender ears. My hair hasn't been growing for too long, but it was becoming unruly on the borders. It needed a pick me up.
The best part of the ENTIRE experience was having my new hairs trimmed by the Best and Most Seasoned Barber in Broadripple.....my Grampa Jude! He is so dear to me! Grampa, who is in his eighties, continues to work three days each week at the barber shop. He's been cutting some of his patron's hairs for over 50 years!!
I surprised him when I walked in after my dad on that Monday afternoon. He didn't hesitate to help me out. He trimmed my frizzled fringes and had me looking good again. I walked out of there ready to take on the world! Thank you, Grampa!
And, Dad, thank you for the wonderful trip there and back on your motorcycle! I really enjoyed your company and the sweet ride!
Well last week, I experienced my 'first' haircut since chemotherapy. I sat in a big chair and was wrapped in a smock. Sometimes my eyes were wide open and then sometimes shut as the barber trimmed around my tender ears. My hair hasn't been growing for too long, but it was becoming unruly on the borders. It needed a pick me up.
The best part of the ENTIRE experience was having my new hairs trimmed by the Best and Most Seasoned Barber in Broadripple.....my Grampa Jude! He is so dear to me! Grampa, who is in his eighties, continues to work three days each week at the barber shop. He's been cutting some of his patron's hairs for over 50 years!!
I surprised him when I walked in after my dad on that Monday afternoon. He didn't hesitate to help me out. He trimmed my frizzled fringes and had me looking good again. I walked out of there ready to take on the world! Thank you, Grampa!
And, Dad, thank you for the wonderful trip there and back on your motorcycle! I really enjoyed your company and the sweet ride!
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Spiritual Windows
About 3 years ago, Sean got an idea in his head......the kind that inspires him to charge full steam ahead. Within 6 months we had a new home sitting next to our existing home!
During the construction process, before dry wall was in place, I would sneak over after school or during naps to write scripture on the 2 by 4's. I picked out different scriptures for different areas of the home (kitchen, bedrooms, bathrooms, office, school room, entry....you get the idea). As usual, God's timing is perfect. I wrote these verses down a couple of years ago (both in a notebook and all over my new home) and then tucked them away and forgot about them. While cleaning out one of my dresser drawers a few weeks ago, I discovered my notebook of verses. God used these verses once again to speak life into my spirit at a time when my soul was downcast.
Here are some of the verses written over my windows......verses that speak of the light of God in our lives.....verses that speak of our reflection of his light in this world. May the spiritual windows to your spirit be encouraged today! May His light dispel whatever darkness you are allowing to reside in the recesses of our mind, body, and soul.
The Lord is God, and he has made his light shine upon us. Ps 118:27
The Lord is my light and my salvation--whom shall I fear? Ps. 27:1
You are the light of the world, a city on a hill cannot be hidden. Mt. 5:14
Jesus said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life." John 8:12
Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you. Isa. 60:1
And God said, "Let there be light," and there was light. Gen. 1:3
You are my lamp, O Lord; the Lord turns darkness into light. 2 Sam 22:29
Let the light of your face shine upon us, O Lord. Ps 4:6
The unfolding of your words gives light, it gives understanding to the simple. Ps 199:130
For God....made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ. 2 Cor 4:6
God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. 1 John 1:5
During the construction process, before dry wall was in place, I would sneak over after school or during naps to write scripture on the 2 by 4's. I picked out different scriptures for different areas of the home (kitchen, bedrooms, bathrooms, office, school room, entry....you get the idea). As usual, God's timing is perfect. I wrote these verses down a couple of years ago (both in a notebook and all over my new home) and then tucked them away and forgot about them. While cleaning out one of my dresser drawers a few weeks ago, I discovered my notebook of verses. God used these verses once again to speak life into my spirit at a time when my soul was downcast.
Here are some of the verses written over my windows......verses that speak of the light of God in our lives.....verses that speak of our reflection of his light in this world. May the spiritual windows to your spirit be encouraged today! May His light dispel whatever darkness you are allowing to reside in the recesses of our mind, body, and soul.
The Lord is God, and he has made his light shine upon us. Ps 118:27
The Lord is my light and my salvation--whom shall I fear? Ps. 27:1
You are the light of the world, a city on a hill cannot be hidden. Mt. 5:14
Jesus said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life." John 8:12
Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you. Isa. 60:1
And God said, "Let there be light," and there was light. Gen. 1:3
You are my lamp, O Lord; the Lord turns darkness into light. 2 Sam 22:29
Let the light of your face shine upon us, O Lord. Ps 4:6
The unfolding of your words gives light, it gives understanding to the simple. Ps 199:130
For God....made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ. 2 Cor 4:6
God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. 1 John 1:5
Friday, August 1, 2008
Latest Praises and Prayer Requests
Thank you so much for your continued prayers for me and my family! Thank you for the encouraging cards and emails, too. They're treasured in my heart and filling up my love tank! Here are some updates:
Belly Button: My blues are over! I should have mentioned this awhile back, but all is well with my incision from my oophorectomy. Those two last pesky stitches that my GYN took out did the trick!
Radiation: Although radiation is over, my skin is very irritated in my armpit. In the last couple of days, the irritation has grown. So I continue to use some special cream and pray that will do the trick. If not, I might have to try something else.
Cast: Praise God! Trevor got his cast off today!!!! Poor little arm. It looks like it's not seen the light of day in 6 weeks....Oh, that's right...It hasn't! Although new bone has grown to connect the breaks, it may take another year or two for the bone to remodel itself back to its intended shape. In the meantime, Trevor has a skinny, bumpy, weak forearm. He's not allowed to ride anything with wheels or to run. He could easily rebreak it if fell. The orthopod reassures me that within the year, Trevor's arm will be strong and less bumpy again. To celebrate, we went to my sister's pool. The first time Trevor got in he said he couldn't breathe. I think the shock of the cool water was a bit overwhelming to the neglected skin on his arm. He didn't stay in very long. After some time, he tried again and ended up staying in for 2 hours. Oh, I was so glad! Please pray that common sense resides in his 8 year old brain!!!
Belly Button: My blues are over! I should have mentioned this awhile back, but all is well with my incision from my oophorectomy. Those two last pesky stitches that my GYN took out did the trick!
Radiation: Although radiation is over, my skin is very irritated in my armpit. In the last couple of days, the irritation has grown. So I continue to use some special cream and pray that will do the trick. If not, I might have to try something else.
Cast: Praise God! Trevor got his cast off today!!!! Poor little arm. It looks like it's not seen the light of day in 6 weeks....Oh, that's right...It hasn't! Although new bone has grown to connect the breaks, it may take another year or two for the bone to remodel itself back to its intended shape. In the meantime, Trevor has a skinny, bumpy, weak forearm. He's not allowed to ride anything with wheels or to run. He could easily rebreak it if fell. The orthopod reassures me that within the year, Trevor's arm will be strong and less bumpy again. To celebrate, we went to my sister's pool. The first time Trevor got in he said he couldn't breathe. I think the shock of the cool water was a bit overwhelming to the neglected skin on his arm. He didn't stay in very long. After some time, he tried again and ended up staying in for 2 hours. Oh, I was so glad! Please pray that common sense resides in his 8 year old brain!!!
Work: I've been very patient waiting for strength to return in my arms, stability in my shoulders, and energy to my body. I miss my second job (or maybe it's my third.....mom...homeschool....PT). I miss working with patients, helping them regain their independence and strength. And I KNOW my co-workers have missed me since they've had to pick up more weekends than usual over the last 8 months. So, although I'm still not going full speed, I decided to slowly ease myself back into my 'paid vacation days.' Pray that I will be wise.
Fundraiser/Softball Tournament: My team is ready.....The Chellebugs!! The tournament is set for Saturday, Sept. 13th. There are four families affected by cancer who are benefiting from the event. If you get hungry next week, eat at Papa Joe Jr's on August 5th, 6th and 7th Papa Joe Jr's will be donating a portion of their sales from lunch and dinner.....Check out Saturday's Flyer for more details. Members of the Sweet Melissa Foundation have been working very hard to get things ready. Please come out to the tournament in September and support their efforts.....and come and give me a hug!!! I'll be on the red team.
Thanks again! God is moving. He's faithful. He's sovereign.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Don't Give Up
When I was first diagnosed a friend gave me a thin hot pink book. On the cover is part of the hand of a woman holding a sword. The book is Warrior Chicks: Rising Strong, Beautiful and Confident, by Holly Wagner. Although I had plenty of other important things to do while I received my Herceptin treatment today, I decided to finally take a peak between the covers of this book.
I was not disappointed!!!
Holly describes the difference between a soldier and a warrior. 'Soldier' is a position and 'Warrior' is an attitude. A soldier signs up to join the fight; a warrior stays until it is finished. I needed this encouragement as I round the bend of my primary treatment and find myself growing weary of the battle. Only 6 months to go....but it seems like an eternity. Holly writes, "Others are watching to see how we handle this battle. They want answers. And they are hoping we have some."
Most of us don't sign up for the battles we face. Yet there we are in the midst of them. We can face them as soldiers OR we can face them as warriors. To rise above it all. Rather than try to re-phrase Holly's words from pages 35-36 I want to share them with you. As you face the battle that is before you, I pray you will be encouraged to be the Warrior whom God has created you to be.
********
What battle are you in the middle of now? (If you are not in one right now, your turn is next week!)
Is it your marriage?
Well, there are those watching who need to see how to have a great one, so don't give up.
Please.
Is it raising children?
Well, there are those watching who need to see how to raise healthy ones, so don't give up.
Please.
Is it feeding the hungry?
Well, there are hungry people who need to be fed, so don't give up.
Please.
Is it coming out of an abusive relationship?
Well, there are those watching who need to see how to get out, too, so don't give up.
Please.
Is it overcoming depression?
Well, there are those watching who need to see how to do it, so don't give up.
Please.
******
Please, don't give up.
******
Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you. See, darkness covers the earth and thick darkness is over the peoples, but the Lord rises upon you and his glory appears over you. Nations will come to your light, and kings to the brightness of your dawn. Isaiah 60:1-3
I was not disappointed!!!
Holly describes the difference between a soldier and a warrior. 'Soldier' is a position and 'Warrior' is an attitude. A soldier signs up to join the fight; a warrior stays until it is finished. I needed this encouragement as I round the bend of my primary treatment and find myself growing weary of the battle. Only 6 months to go....but it seems like an eternity. Holly writes, "Others are watching to see how we handle this battle. They want answers. And they are hoping we have some."
Most of us don't sign up for the battles we face. Yet there we are in the midst of them. We can face them as soldiers OR we can face them as warriors. To rise above it all. Rather than try to re-phrase Holly's words from pages 35-36 I want to share them with you. As you face the battle that is before you, I pray you will be encouraged to be the Warrior whom God has created you to be.
********
What battle are you in the middle of now? (If you are not in one right now, your turn is next week!)
Is it your marriage?
Well, there are those watching who need to see how to have a great one, so don't give up.
Please.
Is it raising children?
Well, there are those watching who need to see how to raise healthy ones, so don't give up.
Please.
Is it feeding the hungry?
Well, there are hungry people who need to be fed, so don't give up.
Please.
Is it coming out of an abusive relationship?
Well, there are those watching who need to see how to get out, too, so don't give up.
Please.
Is it overcoming depression?
Well, there are those watching who need to see how to do it, so don't give up.
Please.
******
Please, don't give up.
******
Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you. See, darkness covers the earth and thick darkness is over the peoples, but the Lord rises upon you and his glory appears over you. Nations will come to your light, and kings to the brightness of your dawn. Isaiah 60:1-3
Sunday, July 27, 2008
FEAR (Part I)
I've been thinking about fear for awhile now, but have been afraid to share my thoughts!! :) Today, I had a pretty scary thing happen to me. It opened my eyes again to the fears that can consume us.
After church we went to lunch at Fazoli's. When our order was up, Spencer and I picked up the two trays. I wasn't in any hurry, but as I started to unload the bowls of fettuccine alfredo and spaghetti, the tray tipped and two of the dishes started to slide down. In my attempt to counterbalance the falling food, much of the hot pasta and sauces dumped onto my left hand. I've been burned before, but the fear that gripped my heart during this incident was like nothing I've ever experienced.
The fear was so real and so unsettling that my heart felt like it was transferred to another reality. I stood frozen for longer than I should have (at least it felt like an eternity). I didn't make a sound. I didn't even scream. I just stood there with burning hot pasta sitting atop my hand. All I could hear were the words of my physical therapist......Now that you've had your lymph nodes removed, skin care is of utmost importance. You have to take care of your skin. Avoid burns of any kind. Any kind of trauma to your arms and hands can be a precursor for lymphadema. And once lymphadema begins, it will be a chronic issue.......Finally, I was jarred back to my present reality. With images of lymphadema in my mind and with tears streaming down my face, I quickly wiped the food away and headed to the bathroom to run my skin under some lukewarm water.
To the passerby, I'm pretty sure it didn't look so bad and that my reaction was minor. I wasn't hysterical. I wasn't screaming or shouting or blaming. But the fear in my heart was real. It was all-consuming. It literally stopped me in my tracks. I couldn't move. This fear had a power over me.
When I returned to the table, the skin on the back of my hand was pretty red. It hurt. I told Sean about my fear and how I'm supposed to avoid burns for the rest of my life. This is why I'm so thankful that God gave me such a sensible, logical man!!! He said, "It's going to happen, honey. You can't avoid being burned for the rest of your life. Sooner or later it's going to happen. You can't worry about it, just accept it. And when it happens, we'll pray God's protection over you." It was as simple as that for him. It took awhile for that truth to soak into my spirit. But finally, the tears stopped coming and I rested in that truth. By the time we left the restaurant, my skin color was back to normal. There was a minor tenderness in the area of the burn, but no blisters. More importantly, I was no longer consumed by my fear of lymphadema.
Lymphadema is still a real risk for me, but I'm not afraid of it anymore. I won't be controlled by that fear. I will make wise choices, of course, and try to avoid burns, but accidents like today are bound to happen again.
Maybe I'll have more courage to share the other thoughts I have on fear in the next few weeks. There are so many fears that can consume us. There are many fears that control us, causing our hearts to stay in a perpetually unsettled state. These fears limit us and keep us from living the life of freedom that God has given us. Freedom to love....Freedom to give.....Freedom to receive.
*********
So do not fear, for I am with you: do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10
I will extol the Lord at all times; his praise will always be on my lips. My soul will boast in the Lord; let the afflicted hear and rejoice. Glorify the Lord with me; let us exalt his name together. I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Psalm 34:1-4
Round-Up is Almost Done
Just prior to my final submission to having radiation I had a discussion with my medical oncologist and husband. It went something like this:
Me: It's not so much that I don't want to do radiation, it's the surgery to remove my port and put another one in that I'm dreading.....all because of a suspected 15% chance of local recurrence.
Sean: Why do we need to do radiation? What does it do?
Me: It's like weed killer on a garden, Sean. It's supposed to keep the weeds from coming back....well, not the weeds....the cancer......you know what I mean.......that's just how I see it.
Dr. M: Hmm....Round-Up for the Chest Wall.....That's one way of looking at it.
Well, one port surgery and 27 radiation treatments later......and I've just about finished my round-up. Only one more to go!!! As much as I'd like to celebrate, I really can't yet. Sure it's great that my final radiation treatment is on Monday, but I still have my Herceptin treatments through January. That's when I'll be ready to P..A..R..T..Y!!
Help me, Lord, to stay positive. I'm really getting tired of it all. Help me to run this race with your strength and your peace. Continue to give me courage and boldness. May I continue to rejoice in you and give you praise, for GREAT is Your faithfulness!!
***********
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:4-7
Me: It's not so much that I don't want to do radiation, it's the surgery to remove my port and put another one in that I'm dreading.....all because of a suspected 15% chance of local recurrence.
Sean: Why do we need to do radiation? What does it do?
Me: It's like weed killer on a garden, Sean. It's supposed to keep the weeds from coming back....well, not the weeds....the cancer......you know what I mean.......that's just how I see it.
Dr. M: Hmm....Round-Up for the Chest Wall.....That's one way of looking at it.
Well, one port surgery and 27 radiation treatments later......and I've just about finished my round-up. Only one more to go!!! As much as I'd like to celebrate, I really can't yet. Sure it's great that my final radiation treatment is on Monday, but I still have my Herceptin treatments through January. That's when I'll be ready to P..A..R..T..Y!!
Help me, Lord, to stay positive. I'm really getting tired of it all. Help me to run this race with your strength and your peace. Continue to give me courage and boldness. May I continue to rejoice in you and give you praise, for GREAT is Your faithfulness!!
***********
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:4-7
Monday, July 21, 2008
Someone Cares
A few deep thoughts keep running through my mind lately as I reflect on what I've been through and as I watch those around me struggling with their own trials in life. This entry is for anyone who finds themselves hurting. Maybe it's a physical hurt, but it can also be a hurt of an emotional or spiritual nature. I have been well cared for during this journey with breast cancer, but that doesn't mean that I've been exempt from the physical, emotional and spiritual hurting that comes from dealing with the disease. Particulary, I was thinking about how my journey with cancer began and how I wasn't sure what to do or say for those first few weeks before my 'official' diagnosis.
The day after I found my lump, we had our first cornhole party at our house. As is the nature of things here, it was a completely last minute, unplanned activity. In fact, Sean invited everyone over before he even had the set built. I remember getting home from work and thinking about the pain that persisted in my breast. I really wasn't sure what to do with it. Finding Sean at the borrowed sewing machine, stitching together his 6 inch by 6 inch red and blue bags was a good distraction for me. I took the empty bags to the front porch and started pouring 2 cups of corn into each one. As our friends arrived, we gave them needle and thread and had them hand stitch the bags closed. (Yeah, if you want to come to a party at our house....just know that you'll have to work!!) The night was loads of fun for everyone and a good distraction for me. Yet, I had this yearning inside to tell someone, to be comforted and prayed for.
I didn't mention anything to anyone that night about my lump. I was hoping it was nothing to be concerned about. (Hindsight is always 20/20!!) Even though there were some doubts in my mind, I didn't want to ruin a good party. Strange how we can believe a lie like that!
"No, Michelle, don't mention it to anyone. Keep it to yourself. Look how happy everyone is. No one wants to hear that you're worried about this lump. No one cares."
No one cares????..... That's exactly what Satan wants us to believe when we are hurting.
No one cares..... Is that true?
Two weekends later I had a Thanksgiving Celebration with my homeschool group on Friday night and a Junior Bible Quiz meet with some of my kids on Saturday. I'd had my mammogram, my ultrasound, and my core biopsy by then. All signs indicated cancer, but I had not received the official results. I was holding out hope that the radiologist's speculations were WRONG!! I went through the entire weekend with people all around me.....
And I didn't mentioning anything about my lump. I was hoping there was nothing to be concerned about (Can anyone say DENIAL???) Even though there were plenty of doubts in my mind, I didn't want to ruin a good celebration and day of quizzing. Strange how we can believe a lie like that?
"No, Michelle, don't mention it to anyone. Keep it to yourself. Look how busy everybody is. No one wants to hear that you're worried about this lump. No one cares."
No one cares???.......That's exactly what Satan wants us to believe when we are hurting.
No one cares....... Is that true?
It was the Monday before Thanksgiving when I found out officially that I had breast cancer. Seventeen days had passed by. Seventeen very agonizing days. My spirit and my mind were reeling as I contemplated all the 'what ifs' and the 'how comes.' Only a handful of my family and a couple of friends knew. Would things have been different had I been willing to seek help earlier? I don' t wonder if the outcome of the diagnosis would have been different. I wonder if my spirit and my mind would have had less turmoil in those early days had I sought prayer from the get-go. Because once I 'spilled the beans' a welcomed peace pervaded my soul. A peace that cannot be explained.
Are you hurting? Are you surrounded by people who could help you....people who could pray for you or cry with you.....people who could help lift a burden that you're carrying. Yet, all that you can think is that they're too busy.....or they're too happy.... or that no one cares. Or maybe you don't want to spoil a good time or ruin a good thing. Yet there you are.....still hurting. You have a smile on your face, but it's been disconnected from the pain that is in your heart. You're trying to move forward and pretend that everything is alright, but it's not.
Are you hurting? Reach out to someone. Someone does care.
********
All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." Humble ourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:5b-7
Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you... Psalm 55:22a
Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8
The day after I found my lump, we had our first cornhole party at our house. As is the nature of things here, it was a completely last minute, unplanned activity. In fact, Sean invited everyone over before he even had the set built. I remember getting home from work and thinking about the pain that persisted in my breast. I really wasn't sure what to do with it. Finding Sean at the borrowed sewing machine, stitching together his 6 inch by 6 inch red and blue bags was a good distraction for me. I took the empty bags to the front porch and started pouring 2 cups of corn into each one. As our friends arrived, we gave them needle and thread and had them hand stitch the bags closed. (Yeah, if you want to come to a party at our house....just know that you'll have to work!!) The night was loads of fun for everyone and a good distraction for me. Yet, I had this yearning inside to tell someone, to be comforted and prayed for.
I didn't mention anything to anyone that night about my lump. I was hoping it was nothing to be concerned about. (Hindsight is always 20/20!!) Even though there were some doubts in my mind, I didn't want to ruin a good party. Strange how we can believe a lie like that!
"No, Michelle, don't mention it to anyone. Keep it to yourself. Look how happy everyone is. No one wants to hear that you're worried about this lump. No one cares."
No one cares????..... That's exactly what Satan wants us to believe when we are hurting.
No one cares..... Is that true?
Two weekends later I had a Thanksgiving Celebration with my homeschool group on Friday night and a Junior Bible Quiz meet with some of my kids on Saturday. I'd had my mammogram, my ultrasound, and my core biopsy by then. All signs indicated cancer, but I had not received the official results. I was holding out hope that the radiologist's speculations were WRONG!! I went through the entire weekend with people all around me.....
And I didn't mentioning anything about my lump. I was hoping there was nothing to be concerned about (Can anyone say DENIAL???) Even though there were plenty of doubts in my mind, I didn't want to ruin a good celebration and day of quizzing. Strange how we can believe a lie like that?
"No, Michelle, don't mention it to anyone. Keep it to yourself. Look how busy everybody is. No one wants to hear that you're worried about this lump. No one cares."
No one cares???.......That's exactly what Satan wants us to believe when we are hurting.
No one cares....... Is that true?
It was the Monday before Thanksgiving when I found out officially that I had breast cancer. Seventeen days had passed by. Seventeen very agonizing days. My spirit and my mind were reeling as I contemplated all the 'what ifs' and the 'how comes.' Only a handful of my family and a couple of friends knew. Would things have been different had I been willing to seek help earlier? I don' t wonder if the outcome of the diagnosis would have been different. I wonder if my spirit and my mind would have had less turmoil in those early days had I sought prayer from the get-go. Because once I 'spilled the beans' a welcomed peace pervaded my soul. A peace that cannot be explained.
Are you hurting? Are you surrounded by people who could help you....people who could pray for you or cry with you.....people who could help lift a burden that you're carrying. Yet, all that you can think is that they're too busy.....or they're too happy.... or that no one cares. Or maybe you don't want to spoil a good time or ruin a good thing. Yet there you are.....still hurting. You have a smile on your face, but it's been disconnected from the pain that is in your heart. You're trying to move forward and pretend that everything is alright, but it's not.
Are you hurting? Reach out to someone. Someone does care.
********
All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." Humble ourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:5b-7
Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you... Psalm 55:22a
Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Ode to My Hair (Part IV)
It wasn't very long ago,
That nothing on my head did grow.
'Til finally on that wondrous day
Some new found hairs were on display!!!
What joy! What hope! What happy bliss!
Those hairs upon my head were missed.
To have them back was a relief.
The time felt long, but it was brief.
Each passing day I did await
To see what my new hair would state.
Curly or straight? or thick again?
Brown or gray? or would it be thin?
My brows and lashes....what if they
never again saw the light of day?
So many things I wanted to know.....
I'd have to wait for my hair to grow!!
Others had said that they were surprised
To find less hair on their arms and thighs.
To have that kind of unplanned result
Wouldn't be all that difficult!
After several weeks, and frequent glances
I see that my hair has had some enhances.
Along with the brown, there is sprinkled more grey.
Although it seems straight, there are curls on the way.
I'm thrilled with the head full of hair that I've got,
But the other parts of my body......I'm not!
The hairs on my legs, in my pits and my toes,
The ones on my arms, on my belly and nose,
And EVEN the single lone hair from my chin,
Each one has come back with an unruly friend!!!
Ah well! So it goes. I should not complain.
The last thing I want is to sound like I'm vain.
I'm wonderf'ly blessed to have breath in my being
To lift up my voice, to give praises, and sing
To God who has sheltered me during this trial,
Who has given me courage and helped me to smile.
Without Him I'd perish. But with Him....I live!
Glory and Honor to Him do I give.
It's not about hair or where it might grow.
It's really about the Savior I know!
That nothing on my head did grow.
'Til finally on that wondrous day
Some new found hairs were on display!!!
What joy! What hope! What happy bliss!
Those hairs upon my head were missed.
To have them back was a relief.
The time felt long, but it was brief.
Each passing day I did await
To see what my new hair would state.
Curly or straight? or thick again?
Brown or gray? or would it be thin?
My brows and lashes....what if they
never again saw the light of day?
So many things I wanted to know.....
I'd have to wait for my hair to grow!!
Others had said that they were surprised
To find less hair on their arms and thighs.
To have that kind of unplanned result
Wouldn't be all that difficult!
After several weeks, and frequent glances
I see that my hair has had some enhances.
Along with the brown, there is sprinkled more grey.
Although it seems straight, there are curls on the way.
I'm thrilled with the head full of hair that I've got,
But the other parts of my body......I'm not!
The hairs on my legs, in my pits and my toes,
The ones on my arms, on my belly and nose,
And EVEN the single lone hair from my chin,
Each one has come back with an unruly friend!!!
Ah well! So it goes. I should not complain.
The last thing I want is to sound like I'm vain.
I'm wonderf'ly blessed to have breath in my being
To lift up my voice, to give praises, and sing
To God who has sheltered me during this trial,
Who has given me courage and helped me to smile.
Without Him I'd perish. But with Him....I live!
Glory and Honor to Him do I give.
It's not about hair or where it might grow.
It's really about the Savior I know!
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Clinical Trial
After an early radiation appointment this morning, I drove downtown for my Herceptin treatment and to begin my enrollment in a clinical trial. I haven't mentioned anything about this trial on my blog, but I have been diligently researching it behind the scenes to determine if participating was worth it. Unlike the other studies I have done, this is a trial. That means I will be taking a medication for a lengthy time (3 years) to determine if it will help reduce the risk of recurrence in women with early stage breast cancer who are in remission. I've asked many doctors and nurses who are and who are not connected with my current treatment; I've spent many evenings looking at the potential risks and benefits of the drug; I've prayed about it; I've discussed it with my husband. I say all of this to ease concerns of friends and family who are reading this. My decision to enroll was taken with great care. As with any clinical trial, if I find I do not tolerate the drug well or for whatever reason decide to stop, I can do that.
So the first obvious question is......What drug am I going to be taking?
The answer.........Bisphosphonates. These are the same drugs prescribed for osteoporosis, only at greater dosages. The clinical trial is looking at three different bisphosphonates to determine which one can provide the best benefit with the least amount of side effects (which are mostly gastrointestinal in nature). Bisphosphonates are currently being used to treat patients whose cancer has spread to their bones. There are already some good results from other trials indicating that bisphosphonates can reduce recurrence for women with early stage breast cancer.
The next probable question is.......Why? Why would you do this?
The answer.........That's hard to explain completely, but here are some of my thoughts:
*I'm 37 years old and, because of my decision to remove my ovaries, I am in menopause. I believe my oophorectomy was the right choice for me. Taking Vitamin D and calcium combined with eating healthy and exercise are good options to keep my bones healthy, but taking hormones to help maintain my bone health is not an option. So, I'm at risk for osteoporosis. I see a benefit in taking the bisphosphonates. I don't know when my days will be numbered (only God does), but I want to be as healthy and as strong as I can be for however long He grants me....just like my Great Grandma Vivian, who was treated for breast cancer in her mid-50's and was a survivor for over 40 years!!!
* A few Saturdays ago I met a woman I didn't know. We were at the All-Alumni weekend of our Alma mater......alumni of the same college, but having graduated nearly 30 years a part from one another. She noticed my short hair, quietly came up to me and gently said, "May I ask you a personal question?.....Is your hair just starting to grow out?" Of which I answered, "Yes." She proceeded to tell me that she was a 5 year survivor and had been one of the women who took part in the Herceptin clinical trial. The results of that trail made a big impact in the oncology world. Up until that time there was not an effective treatment for women whose cancer was Her2 positive. It was because of her courage and the many women like her, that I am blessed to be receiving Herceptin today. I had been asking God to confirm in my heart which may I was to go forward with the bisphosphonate clinical trial. I truly felt that the unlikely meeting of this woman and me was ordained by God.
* Strange, but true.....I had a physical therapy appointment just a few days after Trevor had broken his arm. While the PT was working out some of my scar tissue, I was telling her about Trevor's unhappy event. She looked at me and said, "Does he have osteogenic imperfecta type A like you do?"........I had no idea what she was talking about.....so I asked, "What do you mean?" She said, "Well, the whites of your eyes have a very mild blue tint to them. That's a fairly good sign that you have a mild form of it and you could have passed that on to your son." She's a very knowledgeable lady and had in fact studied a family with two girls who'd had this same genetic defect. Apparently every summer the two girls would end up with a broken bone of some sort. Now, I don't know if Trevor or I really do have this bone imperfection, but I do know that of all my sisters I've had the most broken bones (and of all his brothers, Trevor holds the record). Regardless, it made me think, "I may really need these bisphosphonates more than I know."
* I'm sure I could tell you many more things about how this decision was made........but I can't remember them right now!!!! Except, I have gained about as much knowledge as is possible in finding out more about it, I have prayed about it and asked God to give me direction and discernment and wisdom, AND I have submitted the whole thing before my husband who has given me his blessing in moving forward.
Sooooooooo, I started the clinical trial today. After a creatinin blood test to make sure my kidneys were working properly, I was randomized to one of three arms of the trial. That means that this trial is studying three different bisphosphonates. Neither I, nor my doctor have the option to choose which one I take. It's chosen by the computer. One of the drugs is given intravenously (once a month for 6 months, then every 3 months after that....for 3 years). The other two drugs are in pill form and are taken orally every day for 3 years. Considering the fact that I have a nice new PowerPort, that I'm to avoid blood draws from either arm for quite some time and therefore needed a good reason (in my own mind) to keep my port after my Herceptin infusions end in January, AND that I hate the idea of taking a pill EVERY DAY for 3 years (I'm already taking more than I'm used to)......I was hoping for the IV drug.
Annnnnnnnnnd, (written that way because I know that I take way to long to explain things and I'm just as happy as you that this blog entry is coming to an end) that's what I got. The IV form of the bisphosphonate!!!!!
Whew! Well, it's been a long day.....Radiation....Herceptin....Zometa......dead tadpole (oh, that's whole other tale that won't be told tonight.....Sorry, Beth....We were not good tadpole keepers).
Before I sign off: Thank you, Hillary, for keeping my younger two boys all day. Thank you, Sandy, for joining me for lunch on a day that you could have gone home early from work. And, to Mr. and Mrs. G, thank you for the wonderful stew, biscuits and dessert. What a blessing to come home to some good home cooking!!! I'm so sorry I missed seeing you.
So the first obvious question is......What drug am I going to be taking?
The answer.........Bisphosphonates. These are the same drugs prescribed for osteoporosis, only at greater dosages. The clinical trial is looking at three different bisphosphonates to determine which one can provide the best benefit with the least amount of side effects (which are mostly gastrointestinal in nature). Bisphosphonates are currently being used to treat patients whose cancer has spread to their bones. There are already some good results from other trials indicating that bisphosphonates can reduce recurrence for women with early stage breast cancer.
The next probable question is.......Why? Why would you do this?
The answer.........That's hard to explain completely, but here are some of my thoughts:
*I'm 37 years old and, because of my decision to remove my ovaries, I am in menopause. I believe my oophorectomy was the right choice for me. Taking Vitamin D and calcium combined with eating healthy and exercise are good options to keep my bones healthy, but taking hormones to help maintain my bone health is not an option. So, I'm at risk for osteoporosis. I see a benefit in taking the bisphosphonates. I don't know when my days will be numbered (only God does), but I want to be as healthy and as strong as I can be for however long He grants me....just like my Great Grandma Vivian, who was treated for breast cancer in her mid-50's and was a survivor for over 40 years!!!
* A few Saturdays ago I met a woman I didn't know. We were at the All-Alumni weekend of our Alma mater......alumni of the same college, but having graduated nearly 30 years a part from one another. She noticed my short hair, quietly came up to me and gently said, "May I ask you a personal question?.....Is your hair just starting to grow out?" Of which I answered, "Yes." She proceeded to tell me that she was a 5 year survivor and had been one of the women who took part in the Herceptin clinical trial. The results of that trail made a big impact in the oncology world. Up until that time there was not an effective treatment for women whose cancer was Her2 positive. It was because of her courage and the many women like her, that I am blessed to be receiving Herceptin today. I had been asking God to confirm in my heart which may I was to go forward with the bisphosphonate clinical trial. I truly felt that the unlikely meeting of this woman and me was ordained by God.
* Strange, but true.....I had a physical therapy appointment just a few days after Trevor had broken his arm. While the PT was working out some of my scar tissue, I was telling her about Trevor's unhappy event. She looked at me and said, "Does he have osteogenic imperfecta type A like you do?"........I had no idea what she was talking about.....so I asked, "What do you mean?" She said, "Well, the whites of your eyes have a very mild blue tint to them. That's a fairly good sign that you have a mild form of it and you could have passed that on to your son." She's a very knowledgeable lady and had in fact studied a family with two girls who'd had this same genetic defect. Apparently every summer the two girls would end up with a broken bone of some sort. Now, I don't know if Trevor or I really do have this bone imperfection, but I do know that of all my sisters I've had the most broken bones (and of all his brothers, Trevor holds the record). Regardless, it made me think, "I may really need these bisphosphonates more than I know."
* I'm sure I could tell you many more things about how this decision was made........but I can't remember them right now!!!! Except, I have gained about as much knowledge as is possible in finding out more about it, I have prayed about it and asked God to give me direction and discernment and wisdom, AND I have submitted the whole thing before my husband who has given me his blessing in moving forward.
Sooooooooo, I started the clinical trial today. After a creatinin blood test to make sure my kidneys were working properly, I was randomized to one of three arms of the trial. That means that this trial is studying three different bisphosphonates. Neither I, nor my doctor have the option to choose which one I take. It's chosen by the computer. One of the drugs is given intravenously (once a month for 6 months, then every 3 months after that....for 3 years). The other two drugs are in pill form and are taken orally every day for 3 years. Considering the fact that I have a nice new PowerPort, that I'm to avoid blood draws from either arm for quite some time and therefore needed a good reason (in my own mind) to keep my port after my Herceptin infusions end in January, AND that I hate the idea of taking a pill EVERY DAY for 3 years (I'm already taking more than I'm used to)......I was hoping for the IV drug.
Annnnnnnnnnd, (written that way because I know that I take way to long to explain things and I'm just as happy as you that this blog entry is coming to an end) that's what I got. The IV form of the bisphosphonate!!!!!
Whew! Well, it's been a long day.....Radiation....Herceptin....Zometa......dead tadpole (oh, that's whole other tale that won't be told tonight.....Sorry, Beth....We were not good tadpole keepers).
Before I sign off: Thank you, Hillary, for keeping my younger two boys all day. Thank you, Sandy, for joining me for lunch on a day that you could have gone home early from work. And, to Mr. and Mrs. G, thank you for the wonderful stew, biscuits and dessert. What a blessing to come home to some good home cooking!!! I'm so sorry I missed seeing you.
Monday, July 7, 2008
General Ramblings and Praises
I've had plenty of ideas to posts....just not enough time to put them down. I did want to mention some praise reports.
*My port finally feels at home in my body....just under my left collar bone and beside my sternum. No more strange feelings when I turn my head or laugh or cough. In the last week I've even been able to lie down on my belly for about an hour at a time at night. I haven't been able to do that comfortably for almost eight months.
*My radiation treatments are going well. I've completed 13 and have 15 to go. There's been minimal darkening of the skin in the radiated area and only a minor irritation in the area under my armpit.
*My hair keeps growing!!! Look out for 'Ode to My Hair' Part IV!!!
*A dear friend of mine and her family is having a ladies softball tournament in Brownsburg on September 13th. The proceeds are to benefit 4 families, including mine. If you want more information, you can check out her foundation's website at: www.sweetmelissafoundation.org
I just had to mention a conversation I had over the weekend with Grama while Parker sat with us enjoying his popsicle. I said something about 'putting my foot in my mouth,' and Parker interjected, "Oh, yeah.....I've done that!" Grama and I laughed hysterically. We knew Parker was not thinking of figurative feet!!!!
May you find joy in your day today. Even in the midst of the heaviest of life's circumstances, may an unexpected smile tweak your face and a giggle cross your path. May you place your burdens at the feet of Jesus and leave them there for Him to carry.
********
"Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens. Our God is a God who saves; from the Sovereign Lord comes escape from death." Psalm 68:19-20
Jesus speaking to his disciples....."Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete." John 16:17
*My port finally feels at home in my body....just under my left collar bone and beside my sternum. No more strange feelings when I turn my head or laugh or cough. In the last week I've even been able to lie down on my belly for about an hour at a time at night. I haven't been able to do that comfortably for almost eight months.
*My radiation treatments are going well. I've completed 13 and have 15 to go. There's been minimal darkening of the skin in the radiated area and only a minor irritation in the area under my armpit.
*My hair keeps growing!!! Look out for 'Ode to My Hair' Part IV!!!
*A dear friend of mine and her family is having a ladies softball tournament in Brownsburg on September 13th. The proceeds are to benefit 4 families, including mine. If you want more information, you can check out her foundation's website at: www.sweetmelissafoundation.org
I just had to mention a conversation I had over the weekend with Grama while Parker sat with us enjoying his popsicle. I said something about 'putting my foot in my mouth,' and Parker interjected, "Oh, yeah.....I've done that!" Grama and I laughed hysterically. We knew Parker was not thinking of figurative feet!!!!
May you find joy in your day today. Even in the midst of the heaviest of life's circumstances, may an unexpected smile tweak your face and a giggle cross your path. May you place your burdens at the feet of Jesus and leave them there for Him to carry.
********
"Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens. Our God is a God who saves; from the Sovereign Lord comes escape from death." Psalm 68:19-20
Jesus speaking to his disciples....."Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete." John 16:17
Monday, June 16, 2008
Belly Button Blues
Since my surgeries at the end of April, I've had one irritation after another with my oophorectomy incisions. Today was my third trip back to my gynecologist. It's not her fault. Apparently my body doesn't like the dissolving stitches that she used. Instead of quietly dissolving, they've been doing their best to find their way out in the most annoying ways, particularly in my belly button. Dr. R has used as much TLC as she can to help me heal, but it's not always pain-free. On my second trip, she had to give me TWO lidocaine shots in my belly button before she dug out 2 of the pesky stitches.....Can you say 'OOOOOOOUUUUUUUCH!'. We thought that would do it, but no, there was one more peaking out today. Thankfully, no shots were involved. So, hopefully that will be it. I'll continue to diligently clean the area twice a day, and pray that it will heal soon.
My belly button blues have been a constant irritation for weeks. Yet, I've been rather patient and diligent in dealing with the issue, waiting for healing to come. I would be remiss not to mention the parallel I see in my life as a mother...............
As a mom, I deal with character training in my kids several times day. The truth is I often see it as a 'constant irritation.' It's extremely easy to loose sight of the goal and to get frustrated with the whole process. At times I can be patient, but at other times I just wish my kids would get it the first time! Why don't they just get it? Do I have to explain this or teach that one more time? Didn't we just deal with that last week/ yesterday/ten minutes ago!
Like my Belly Button Blues, character training takes patience, diligence, A LOT of prayer and a WHOLE LOT of love. More than that, it takes a good Doctor. I'm glad I have one. He is always available to give me some TLC and direction as I work through the issues. But seeing Him can be a painful and often humbling process. He sees those pesky weaknesses in my life and does his best to bring them to the surface so that I can be a better mom. Getting them 'plucked' out can be as painful as those pesky stitches in my belly! Thankfully, He doesn't point his finger at me and say, "Why don't you just get it? Do I have to explain this one more time? Didn't we just deal with that last week/yesterday/ ten minutes ago!" Instead, He says, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Corinthians 12:9)
*********
All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work. 2 Timothy 3:16
"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye." Matthew 7:3-5
My belly button blues have been a constant irritation for weeks. Yet, I've been rather patient and diligent in dealing with the issue, waiting for healing to come. I would be remiss not to mention the parallel I see in my life as a mother...............
As a mom, I deal with character training in my kids several times day. The truth is I often see it as a 'constant irritation.' It's extremely easy to loose sight of the goal and to get frustrated with the whole process. At times I can be patient, but at other times I just wish my kids would get it the first time! Why don't they just get it? Do I have to explain this or teach that one more time? Didn't we just deal with that last week/ yesterday/ten minutes ago!
Like my Belly Button Blues, character training takes patience, diligence, A LOT of prayer and a WHOLE LOT of love. More than that, it takes a good Doctor. I'm glad I have one. He is always available to give me some TLC and direction as I work through the issues. But seeing Him can be a painful and often humbling process. He sees those pesky weaknesses in my life and does his best to bring them to the surface so that I can be a better mom. Getting them 'plucked' out can be as painful as those pesky stitches in my belly! Thankfully, He doesn't point his finger at me and say, "Why don't you just get it? Do I have to explain this one more time? Didn't we just deal with that last week/yesterday/ ten minutes ago!" Instead, He says, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Corinthians 12:9)
*********
All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work. 2 Timothy 3:16
"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye." Matthew 7:3-5
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Motivation for Today and Frogs for the Moment
This week I returned for the second test of the clinical study on the effects of chemotherapy on the brain. (My first experience was in January...see "Define Panacea.") It was more of the same and I'm happy to say it was just as much fun. I know.....I'm a nerd!!! My most favorite moment was defining 'panacea.' (Of course, I still have trouble with calendar and number.....Try defining those words....It's not as easy as you may think!)
In the midst my 'fun,' I was pleasantly surprised by what I learned.
First, I was reminded that motivation is important. Apparently, in this study, it takes more effort to keep the non-cancer participants motivated during the long day of testing and for the duration of the study (3 test days spread out over 18 months). It takes less effort to motivate the cancer participants. Both groups are given a monetary incentive, which makes the time commitment worth the effort. Yet, cancer participants seem to have a stronger belief that their involvement will help researchers, and subsequently other cancer patients in the future......That's what gets us through the 8-9 hour long day. What is the motivation? Believing that something you are doing can make a difference. Motivation is important, and it goes beyond this clinical study. I don't want to live my life with the mentality of the non-cancer participants: "I can't wait to get through this day" or "How much will I get (or where's my reward?)" I want to make a difference.....wherever God wants me to make it.
Second, I was reminded that unexpected nuggets of truth and discovery are wrapped up in our experiences. I miss them altogether when life becomes one 'to do' list after another. As a mom, balancing the 'to do' with 'the moment' requires energy and a willing spirit. For example, everyday I have a plan, or at least some semblance of a plan. That plan usually involves going somewhere, or not.....doing something, or not.....seeing someone, or not. It quite often involves my 4 children.....my 4 very active boy-children....my 4 very active boy-children who rarely understand how important it is to me that the plan run smoothly. Sure, we can get from point A to point B.....but, unfortunately, HOW we get there can sometimes make or break this mom's day.
Case in point: Vacation Bible School. It would be nice to take the kids to VBS and have them all: 1) Walk to their classes, 2) Speak respectfully to their teachers, 3) Listen and not interrupt the lessons, and 4) Walk with me to the car when VBS is over. These are ALL good plans and ALL good expectations. But guess what? They are children. They get excited. They get distracted. They get hungry. They get overstimulated. And sometimes......when you least expect it....when you've almost reached point B...... a frog hops haphazardly along the sidewalk as you're leaving the building. What does a boy do when he sees a frog hopping along.....imagine 4 boys doing that!!!! (Well, it happened to me....with 2 extra boys in tow!!!)
Okay...I had a point.....hmmmm......I lost my point......Where was I headed with that?.....Just a minute........oh, there it is....................
There are wonderful nuggets of truth and discovery just waiting to be found...IF we'll just take a moment, in our attempt to complete our 'to-do's', to notice. These nuggets aren't accidents. They aren't coincidences or random happenings. They have purpose, just as we have purpose. Though we may never understand their purpose, the significance of their presence in our lives is not diminished.
I believe God really wanted me 'to get' this point about experiencing the unexpected....about taking my 'horse blinders' off from time to time.....about experiencing the moment and waiting on the 'to-do's.' My lesson was wrapped up in form of a frolicsome amphibian! Do you remember that frog at VBS? Well, I wished it had never hopped along our path. My plan involved getting home ASAP and that was what was going to happen!!! So I did NOT let the boys play with it. It worked....although it wasn't very pretty. There was some frustration ....some yelling.... some anxiety...... some cajoling and corralling. When we got home, the boys were playing outside for about 20 minutes when all of a sudden one of them says, "Hey! There's a frog! Look! There's a FROG!!" Screams, giggles, scurrying and frantic hopping ensued. In the eight years that we've lived in this neighborhood, we've seen only 2 or 3 frogs. So, finding a frog is rare! Coincidence? No way! Divine intervention to drive home a point? I think so!
God, as I fight this mental and physical fatigue, may I not be discouraged with the unfamiliar pace with which I trudge forward. Grant me a willing spirit to sustain me. Lord, thank you for reminding me to stay motivated. Help me to find and to do things that please you and bring you glory. May I make a difference today. And Lord, I just wanted to thank you for the frogs. That was a great way to get my attention and a wonderful lesson to share with my sons. May we be ready for whatever you would have us to do. May we take time for the unplanned nuggets of truth and discovery that you bring across our path......even the green ones that hop!
*********
In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps. Proverbs 16:9
In the midst my 'fun,' I was pleasantly surprised by what I learned.
First, I was reminded that motivation is important. Apparently, in this study, it takes more effort to keep the non-cancer participants motivated during the long day of testing and for the duration of the study (3 test days spread out over 18 months). It takes less effort to motivate the cancer participants. Both groups are given a monetary incentive, which makes the time commitment worth the effort. Yet, cancer participants seem to have a stronger belief that their involvement will help researchers, and subsequently other cancer patients in the future......That's what gets us through the 8-9 hour long day. What is the motivation? Believing that something you are doing can make a difference. Motivation is important, and it goes beyond this clinical study. I don't want to live my life with the mentality of the non-cancer participants: "I can't wait to get through this day" or "How much will I get (or where's my reward?)" I want to make a difference.....wherever God wants me to make it.
Second, I was reminded that unexpected nuggets of truth and discovery are wrapped up in our experiences. I miss them altogether when life becomes one 'to do' list after another. As a mom, balancing the 'to do' with 'the moment' requires energy and a willing spirit. For example, everyday I have a plan, or at least some semblance of a plan. That plan usually involves going somewhere, or not.....doing something, or not.....seeing someone, or not. It quite often involves my 4 children.....my 4 very active boy-children....my 4 very active boy-children who rarely understand how important it is to me that the plan run smoothly. Sure, we can get from point A to point B.....but, unfortunately, HOW we get there can sometimes make or break this mom's day.
Case in point: Vacation Bible School. It would be nice to take the kids to VBS and have them all: 1) Walk to their classes, 2) Speak respectfully to their teachers, 3) Listen and not interrupt the lessons, and 4) Walk with me to the car when VBS is over. These are ALL good plans and ALL good expectations. But guess what? They are children. They get excited. They get distracted. They get hungry. They get overstimulated. And sometimes......when you least expect it....when you've almost reached point B...... a frog hops haphazardly along the sidewalk as you're leaving the building. What does a boy do when he sees a frog hopping along.....imagine 4 boys doing that!!!! (Well, it happened to me....with 2 extra boys in tow!!!)
Okay...I had a point.....hmmmm......I lost my point......Where was I headed with that?.....Just a minute........oh, there it is....................
There are wonderful nuggets of truth and discovery just waiting to be found...IF we'll just take a moment, in our attempt to complete our 'to-do's', to notice. These nuggets aren't accidents. They aren't coincidences or random happenings. They have purpose, just as we have purpose. Though we may never understand their purpose, the significance of their presence in our lives is not diminished.
I believe God really wanted me 'to get' this point about experiencing the unexpected....about taking my 'horse blinders' off from time to time.....about experiencing the moment and waiting on the 'to-do's.' My lesson was wrapped up in form of a frolicsome amphibian! Do you remember that frog at VBS? Well, I wished it had never hopped along our path. My plan involved getting home ASAP and that was what was going to happen!!! So I did NOT let the boys play with it. It worked....although it wasn't very pretty. There was some frustration ....some yelling.... some anxiety...... some cajoling and corralling. When we got home, the boys were playing outside for about 20 minutes when all of a sudden one of them says, "Hey! There's a frog! Look! There's a FROG!!" Screams, giggles, scurrying and frantic hopping ensued. In the eight years that we've lived in this neighborhood, we've seen only 2 or 3 frogs. So, finding a frog is rare! Coincidence? No way! Divine intervention to drive home a point? I think so!
God, as I fight this mental and physical fatigue, may I not be discouraged with the unfamiliar pace with which I trudge forward. Grant me a willing spirit to sustain me. Lord, thank you for reminding me to stay motivated. Help me to find and to do things that please you and bring you glory. May I make a difference today. And Lord, I just wanted to thank you for the frogs. That was a great way to get my attention and a wonderful lesson to share with my sons. May we be ready for whatever you would have us to do. May we take time for the unplanned nuggets of truth and discovery that you bring across our path......even the green ones that hop!
*********
In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps. Proverbs 16:9
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