Disappointed, yet Thankful

"God has unstrung my bow and afflicted me." This phrase from Job 30:11 smacked me in the face this week. That is exactly how I felt.

Torn apart. Without purpose. Disfigured once again.

I underwent my DIEP flap bilateral breast reconstruction last Thursday. It started and ended badly. Without sharing the details, the main result is that my body failed to provide my surgeon with the vessels needed to complete a successful transfer of my flaps. So, I awoke from my 9 hour surgery without breasts, with multiple incisions and several drains on my trunk, and subsequently, in a lot of pain. Imprisoned upon my hospital bed for the remainder of the evening, I was at the mercy of a small button that would hopefully summon my nursing angels through the night.

Certainly, during our struggles, there are times when God's presence seems so far away......................"But if I go to the east, he is not there; if I go to the west, I do not find him. When he is at work in the north, I do not see him; when he turns to the south, I catch no glimpse of him." Job 23:8,9.

And yet, He is there................................."But he knows the way that I take...." Job 23:10a.

Most of my days since surgery have been a blur. But one constant, even in the midst of my grumbling and sorrow, has been the ministering ways of God's Holy Spirit........................."Your hands shaped me and made me. Will you now turn and destroy me?...You gave me life and showed me kindness, and in your providence watched over my spirit." Job 10:8,12.

Does God cause all the bad in our life? No, but He allows it. In a fallen world, we are faced with trials and tribulation. We are not exempt. Yet, we have His son sitting at his right hand, interceding for us. His Holy Spirit comforting us............................"Even now my witness is in heaven; my advocate is on high. My intercessor is my friend as my eyes pour out tears to God; on behalf of a man he pleads with God as a man pleads for his friend." Job 16:19-21.

No, I do not have breasts. Can I be thankful for that?...................."Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18.

That's a tough one.

But, yes, I can be thankful in this circumstance, for God has given me a beautiful tummy tuck!!!!

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In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith--of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire--may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls. 1 Peter 1:6-9.

Flu Bug--GO AWAY!!!

This is certainly a very resilient flu bug we have captured in our home. After nearly four days of quarantining ourselves, the very elusive critter struck again. I was awakened early Thursday morning by a guttural sound that can make any mom jump straight out of bed from the deepest of sleep.

Poor little Brenner! Besides the flu, he didn't know what hit him.......me! As I jumped out of bed, I landed on him! Scooping him up quickly, I plodded to the bathroom.

Then, this morning, the last of our boys succumbed to the microscopic beast. His has been the most mild case. I am truly thankful for that.

Please say this is the end!

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Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil.
This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones.

Proverbs 3:5-8

Flu-Bug, Don't Bother Me

Immediately after my last post....in fact, it happened right after I pushed the 'publish post' icon....I heard strange sounds coming from one of the boys' bedrooms. It was late and they'd all been asleep for awhile.

You know it's not good when a child comes out of his room with one hand on his head and the other on his belly with these words on his lips, "Mommy, I don't feel so good. I think I'm going to......."

Yep. Puke. That and other things.

But every gross story has a silver lining, right? I suppose if your going to get the flu, or intestinal bug, or whatever this was, this is the kind you want to get. After 4 hours of puking, followed by 20 hours of sleeping on and off with a low grade fever, it was over. So, with some extra fluids and clean underwear, all was better!

Well, that is until son #2 came down with it two days later.

So we're in a holding pattern here and we're hoping no one else jumps on this GI ride.

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I was pushed back and about to fall, but the Lord helped me. The Lord is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. Psalm 118:13,14

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:14