The Curve in the Road

Have you ever been living your life when something unexpected comes and practically knocks you off your feet? Maybe you hit a big bump in the road, maybe it's a pot hole, or maybe a sharp curve comes out of nowhere which completely takes you by surprise? You'd really like to do anything BUT take the road before you, but you have no choice. The road is there and you must go. What do you do? Who do you take and what do you bring with you? When you wake up each morning you know that you're still on that road. It hasn't changed.

I'd like to share my journey with you...my unexpected sharp turn. Partly, I write for my own therapeutic reasons. Partly, I write to give hope to someone out there who needs to find hope. Partly, I write because I have so many loved ones and friends who want to support me through my journey and this is one way for me to bring them along.

It started on Thursday morning, November 1st, 2007. I was getting ready for our last homeschool co-op class day and mentally running through the checklist of things I needed to bring for the morning. The shower was nice and hot. In fact it was so nice, that I lingered there longer than I needed to (I'm sure other mothers can related to that feeling!!!) Well, in the midst of this quiet and peaceful state, I felt a stabbing pain in my breast. Instinctively, I reached up to the spot and was surprised to find a cyst-like growth about the size of a grape. 'How odd!' I thought.

I'd been doing monthly self-breast exams for over a year and had never felt anything there before. 'It's probably just a cyst.' I continued with my day and went into the weekend with the ever-present feeling of discomfort whenever I moved my left arm across my body. Had I not been working that weekend, I may not have been so aware of the discomfort. But as a physical therapist, you are constantly reaching forward and lifting things and the discomfort was putting doubts in my mind. 'Maybe I should have this checked out.'

I decided not to mess around. When I called Monday morning and told the secretary about the painful lump that had developed, she got me in to see my doctor THAT day!!! After my examination, my doctor was pretty sure that it was just a cyst. The edges felt pretty smooth, the lump felt symmetrical and squishy, and most cancerous lumps are not painful. But she wanted me to go ahead with a mammogram, just to be sure. I was okay with that. But feeling a bit relieved at the news, I opted to wait for the next available appointment at the hospital that was closer to my home.

So after a week, I went in for my mammogram. I went alone. 'No need to bother anyone with this. It's just a cyst. A squish here and a pinch there, a nice pretty picture, and I'll be on my way.' But that was not to be the case. After the mammogram, I had an ultrasound. As I looked at the monitor, it was clear the mass was not symmetrical and the edges were not smooth. 'Hmm, that's odd!' I thought. Then the radiologist walked in and sat next to me. As the words, "This is the hardest part of my job....." were uttered from his mouth, I was sure he was in the wrong room. It was if the road sign was now in CAPITAL letters shouting, 'LOOK OUT FOR THE SHARP CURVE AHEAD!!' But when he mentioned that he could only be 85-90% sure of what he was saying, I was determined to hold onto that 10-15%. My next step was a core-biopsy, which they were able to perform that day. Until the core-biopsy pathology report came in, I felt stalled at a fork in the road. All I could do was sit and wait. How I choose to do that was important, not only for my well-being, but also for my family. I had a weekend full of activities and I made the choice not to fill too many people in on the details of the week. There were, in my mind, still too many unknowns, and not any clear answers.

Finally, on Monday, November 19th, 2007, I received the final report. Invasive ductile carcinoma. Now, it's nearly a week later and I am scheduled for surgery in two days. Some of my treatment has already been decided. Some of my treatment is dependent on the results of my surgery. Today, I've only shared with you how I came upon this curve in the road. Maybe tomorrow I can share with you who and what I'm bringing with me on this journey. But before I sign off, I want to share the words to the refrain of my most favorite hymn.... and the inspiration for the name of my blog:

Great is Thy faithfulness! Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning, new mercies I see;
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided,
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord unto me.
(Great is Thy Faithfulness by Thomas O. Chisholm)