The Two-Week Fog is Clearing

Whew! The last two weeks have been a complete blurr for me. After coming home from surgery I settled into a nice pattern of eating, taking pain meds, managing my drains and sleeping. Then one frightful night I awoke and could not pull myself out of bed. Sean had to give me quite a boost. Once in the bathroom, I felt very light-headed and thought I might pass out at any moment. Sean helped clean me up and get me back to bed. We wondered if he should call 911. It was hard to breath, my whole trunk felt like it had been beaten up by 5 middleweight champions, and my ears were ringing an unrecognizable, screechy sound, the room was spinning and I was frightened. We laid there and prayed. Slowly my breathing calmed and the ringing dissipated. My trunk still felt beaten and bruised, but as long as I stayed in one position it was tolerable. So, we went back to sleep. Well, kind of.......

In the morning I called my doctor. She ordered some stronger pain medicine and a muscle relaxer to help with the spasming in my trunk muscles. I really liked them. For the next week I took my pain medicine and muscle relaxers like clockwork. They were more important to me than food (although I still found plenty of things to eat......for some reason, my appetite survives even the most trying of times). I spent much of my time in bed having odd dreams as I floated between reality, semi-reality, and the unknown world that kept calling me back to the dream world. Somewhere in that existence I found time to do some important things. Like, school with my older two boys. Oh yeah, keeping up with the incredibly naive "Survivors" who were systematically being kicked off the island. I made sure I was lucid enough to find out what was going on with Jack and Kate and John and Ben on "Lost," otherwise I'd totally be lost when I came back to the real world.

The worst of all has been the emotional roller coaster ride. Instead of spending a few years curving through the line for the menopause 'ride,' I jumped right to the front seat when I decided to have my oophorectomy surgery. And instead of taking that slowly inclining part that gets you ready for the ride, I just woke up one night hanging over the crest of the tallest mountain. Whoosh! It all came at me at once.......hot flashes, tears, fatigue, more tears, more hot flashes, more emotions. My poor Sean.....He can't win for trying!!! And he's trying SO HARD!!!! I've been a blubbering weeble-wobble for over a week now.

And in the midst of ALL of this I'VE HAD SOME REALLY GOOD NEWS from pathology. I've just been too 'drugged' with medication and too emotionally/physically exhausted from the never ending menapause roller coaster to tell you all about it. Well here's the good news:

Endometrium: NO EVIDENCE of hyperplasia or malignancy
Ovaries: Benign Cysts
Left Breast: No evidence of residual in situ or invasive carcinoma
Right Breast: No evidence of in situ or invasive carcinoma on initial sections
Lymph Nodes on right: 1 of 17 lymph nodes positive for metastatic ductal carcinoma.

Basically, God has taken care of everything, whether it be from his direct hand or from the gift of chemotherapy that He has given modern medicine......either way, it is to his credit and to HIM alone that I give all the praise, all the glory, and all the thanks. All the areas that were once positive on MRI, (except for the one lymph node that was biopsied) no longer contain cancer cells.

What's next? I will meet with a radiation oncologist to determine if I need any radiation based on the 1 positive lymph node. Chances are slim. I will continue with Herceptin every 3 weeks for one year, and I will begin an arimatase inhibitor to block my body from using any other estrogen being produced by my adrenal glands.

But most importantly, I will take this day as the BEST MOTHER'S DAY of all. Because I'm here and Il have 4 of the most precious gifts from God, and I have 2 Moms whom I love and for whom I am very grateful. Happy Mother's Day Mom and Saundra!!!!!