Define Panacea

I had the most interesting day yesterday (Thursday). A few weeks after being diagnosed with breast cancer I received a call about participating in a clinical study about the cognitive effects of chemotherapy on breast cancer patients. Having a background in biology, I immediately was drawn into the idea. The study itself would have no impact on which treatment I chose, so there was no 'risk' involved.

If you haven't heard the slang term 'chemo brain' (of which I am not fond) or if you've never really known anyone who's been through chemotherapy, you may not realize that one of the biggest complaints from patients is short term memory loss and word finding problems during the chemotherapy treatments and for a time afterward. Sometimes patients describe it as 'being in a fog' or 'just slower in processing things.' This particular study I agreed to participate in included a battery of tests to assess skills in fine motor movement, word finding, spatial awareness and memory recall, as well as a functional brain MRI. This full gamut of 'testing' is repeated 3 times. Once before chemotherapy begins, once 4-6 months into treatment, and finally about 15 months after the initial treatment. The day of testing is long. There's the fasting blood draw, the MRI which takes about 90 minutes, and the battery of tests which can take up to 4 hours!!! Include in that time some paperwork and eating two meals and you have a very full day. Well, that's what I did yesterday. I left my house at 8:30 a.m. and got back home at 7:00 p.m.

Doesn't that sound like fun??? Well, it was 'just what the doctor ordered' for me! Imagine. My kids were taken care of all day by my mom and dad (Bless them, Lord!!!) with plenty of school work to keep them busy. Not only did I not have to prepare or clean up any meals, but I had a huge variety of choices from which to pick....AND it was free. Except for the functional portion of the MRI, I had uninterrupted time to talk with God in a most peculiar setting! In fact, had I not spent time with Him in that wee-little-loud tunnel, I would not have lasted as long as they needed me too. I was able to stroll along on the University campus, all by myself, without a care around me.....my eyes didn't have to dart this way and that, my brain didn't have to keep counting...1,2,3,4......1,2,3,4....( if you're a mother of young children you know what I'm talking about!!)

Okay, Michelle, but what about taking the day to go shopping? Wouldn't that be a little less intense, a little more 'fun'? Well, to my mother's chagrin, I did not inherit the 'shopping gene.' Granted I don't mind doing it from time to time, but it does not produce that euphoric state in me as it does in my mother and my 3 sisters!!! But, science?....testing? That's altogether different. Somewhere down the course of my ancestors I did receive that 'nerdish' gene that often makes me a bit odd. I don't mind. I LOVE IT, in fact, I THRIVED in it, yesterday!!! It was SO MUCH FUN!!! It was intense, that's for sure. It was nerve-wracking at times.....I just don't have the time or space to go into all the different 'tests,' but there were a few times when my brain was stretched to capacity. Oh, that felt good! (Yes, I know, that's a very odd statement.) But the greatest thing of all was that because my day was so full and the tasks were so far removed from anything related to breast cancer, my thoughts never drifted to today. I didn't have a myriad of worries bombarding my brain about today......I didn't have to take any thoughts captive. I lived in the moment. And it was such a gift from God to me! Oh yeah, did I mention that I also get paid!!!! BONUS!!!

Okay, to top it all off.....this is AWESOME....are you ready for this? My mom and dad kept the boys overnight. Seven of my dearest friends came over and CLEANED MY HOUSE. I'm not talking about a little sweeping here and a little dusting there! They CLEANED MY HOUSE up and down, side to side, in and out! My floorboards, my windows, my doors, MY TOILETS, my fans, MY SHOWER, my counters.....OH MY GOODNESS! Every nook and cranny.....clean. Sean was away all week for work. He pulled in the drive just before 7:00. I pulled in the drive just after 7:00. And by 7:20 we were out the door for a date night WHILE my friends CLEANED MY HOUSE!!!! They CLEANED MY HOUSE and they did it with SO MUCH LOVE that it overwhelms me!! I still cry every time I think about it. When Sean and I got home, there was a bundle of letters wrapped with a precious pink bow sitting on my table. On it were these words: For Michelle to be read tomorrow during your treatment....from those who love you and are praying for you today. What a treasure to me! Sincere, genuine love.

"Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality." Romans 12:9-13.

Today I begin my 12 weeks of Taxol/Herceptin. I'm so full of the goodness of my God and the love of friends and family. His peace which surpasses ALL understanding is filled to overflowing in my spirit. I am not afraid.

A final thought: In one of the 'battery of tests' from yesterday, I had to define some words. The very last word had me stumped. Panacea. I have to chuckle when I think about it. God knows me so well. I couldn't just leave that word undefined in my head. I had to know what it meant. I looked it up this morning and read these words: Panacea -- a remedy for all diseases, evils, or difficulties; a cure-all.

Jesus.....my panacea!! :) Isn't God good!