How Can I Not Sing Praise?

I've been rather quiet on the blog this week. I've had many things happen but really haven't had the time to sit down and put my thoughts together. So, this one may be longer than most as I have a lot on my heart to share with you. I'll break it down by days (and this is but a glimpse):

SUNDAY: After church, I had a good looooooooooong nap. I woke up in time to get picked up by a friend and past co-worker, Celia. Every year she and I and some of our other past co-workers try to get together for dinner. What a wonderful group of therapists (speech, physical, and sometimes occupational, too)!!! What a wonderful group of friends!!! It's always good to catch up on the latest news and events in each other's lives. So, thank you to Ann, Andrea, Eric, Julie, Kristen and Celia for coming out! And a special thank you to Celia for getting us all together.....and to Julie for being so real with me as you relate your journey with breast cancer.

MONDAY: I've been involved in a Beth Moore study with other homeschooling moms since September. We've taken it slowly (rather than the typical every week meeting) so that we can still have time to work through her lesson plans in our very busy schedules. WOW! She is such a gifted teacher! She made the comment at the beginning that you know if God has given you the gift of teaching, if after hearing something yourself, you just can't wait to share those 'new' truths with someone else. Well, here are the wonderful truths that I 'just can't wait to share' with you. As much as these apply in my life.....I believe they apply in all of our lives.

First, let me give some background. This study is called, "A Woman's Heart: God's Dwelling Place." In this study we have briefly traveled through creation and on to Abraham's life when God called him out of Ur of Chaldees and into Canaan. Then we went on to Moses's life and the subsequent journey that the Israelites took into the 'wilderness' for 40 years. The entire study is meant to teach much about the tabernacle of the Old Testament and how it is a shadow of things eternal AND how it (along with the duties of the priests) is a foreshadow of Jesus Christ in the New Testament. Yes, it is a very in-depth look......oh, how I love it!!!

So, after finishing school with my boys and then taking another long nap, a friend picked me up and we went to the Beth Moore study. Monday's lesson was taught from Hebrews 7:25. Beth always goes back to the original Greek to help better understand scripture. In this verse we learn that Jesus THRIVES in interceding for us. Yes, he already has life......but in interceding for us, he has it MORE ABUNDANTLY. Think about it.....What is it you do in life that you just 'thrive' on?....What gives you 'more abundant life?'...... To me, it was such a revelation to consider my Savior, sitting at the right hand of His father.....doing what he longs to do most.....interceding for ME!!!.....interceding for YOU!!! Friends, I know some of the struggles you are going through right now, but I know someone who knows them completely. Not only that, but he 'goes to bat' for you EVERYDAY! 'Christ is the only one who can hang with you for the length and the depth of your need.' (a quote from Beth Moore). Hang onto Him!

"What has you bent over? (What has kept you completely unable to straighten up at all?....okay think spiritually here.....What 'monkey' is on your back?) Have you come to a place where you believe that this is WHO YOU ARE & that you CAN NOT CHANGE! God's release has come to you!!!! Your past does not get to prophecy your future. God's release has come to you!!!" ......another Beth quote, minus the ( )'s.

Okay, I'd better lay my passion aside for a bit......and move on.

TUESDAY: My hubby made plans for us to go out Tuesday night with another couple to celebrate my birthday. This would not have been possible without the wonderful gift of babysitting provided by Uncle Mike! My boys just LOVE him! When we left the house around 6:30 the temperature was around 55 degrees. 4 hours later.....it was 15 degrees! As we sat down for dinner, a HUGE cold front/storm/rain/snow/tornado weather system came through. We wondered if we'd be eating our dinners in the bathroom!!! But we had a lovely dinner together with Tiffini and Tom.

WEDNESDAY: I've considered asking God for a miracle (okay, truth is, I already did, but I'm pretty sure what the answer is). I've wondered if he could just get rid of Wednesday's entirely. He made the sun stand still for Joshua in the battle at Gibeon.....so I believe it's something utterly within His power to do. Still, I think my prayer is a little more selfish......I just want to avoid the 'bad news' days.

Something else I've been learning through Beth Moore: God stays consistent with our purpose! AND God allows our trials and tribulations if they fit into His purpose. Just as David served God's purpose in his own generaion (Acts 13:36), we are called to serve God's purpose in our generation. And in the midst of the trial, in the midst of the tribulation, God will prove himself completely trustworthy, completely faithful.......And remember....Jesus 'ever liveth' to make intercession for us as we face our trials and tribulations.

So, this Wednesday, I got a call from my surgeon regarding the biopsy that was taken last Friday. If a doctor calls with results, you automatically know that the news is not good. There were cancer cells in the lymph node in my right axillary area. Although not completely certain, my surgeon and the radiologist believe this is another primary cancer.....not a metastasis from the left side. I'm not sure if I'm sold on that theory, but regardless, once I finish my weekly treatments of Taxol/Herceptin, I am tentatively scheduled for a double mastectomy. They will have to remove about 2/3rds of the lymph nodes in my right axilla as well.

What do I do when I hear news like this? I cry. I look for the hand of God upon my life. I praise him in the midst of the storm and I thank Him for He is completely trustworthy and faithful. And do you know what, I have a lot to be thankful for in this situation. You see, my oldest sister Kelly has been 'pushing me/pressuring me/lovingly nudging me' (you pick) to get a breast MRI done. But, according to my doctors and even in my own 'research', doing this breast MRI seemed like an extra expense that was not necessary since my mammogram was so clear. Then when I had to undergo two surgeries on my left side, with still another surgery looming in the distance, I came to the point where I did want more information.

So, how is it I see God's hand on me? What was your point, Michelle? The point is....I am stubborn. And God is patient. Thankfully, God gave me a more stubborn sister (I say that with my heart filled with love, Kelly!) and he made sure my margins were not clear on the two surgeries I had. HE KNEW WHAT WAS GOING on when nobody else did. You know, sometimes I pray and ask God for things, forgetting that He is sovereign and that everything works out so much better when HIS WILL is done. Had I received my answer to my prayer, "Lord, let me just have to do this one surgery," then all of this 'other stuff' would have gone unseen for a very long time. Then what? Now, I don't want to give the impression that it's not right to pray and ask God for stuff. That's not true. He desires that we come to Him with EVERY need and desire of our heart. But we have to accept that at times the answer is 'Yes,' sometimes it is 'No,' and sometimes it is 'Wait.' And in the process, we discover that He walks with us through it all. He is completely trustworthy and faithful. Just like the Footprints in the Sand poem.....sometimes He walks beside us and sometimes He carries us. He never leaves us nor forsakes us.

THURSDAY: I had some songs from church lingering in my head all day on Wednesday, so I tracked down the CD's on Thursday and played them over and over and over again. I wrote down some of the lyrics to share with you......sorry, I can't remember the names of these songs......

SONG 1:
The name of the Lord be lifted up. The name of the King be glorified.
Your banner above the earth is great. The love for your people deep and wide......
Beautiful Jesus.........How can I not sing to you?
Beautiful Jesus.........How can I not sing to you?
You have opened up my mouth to tell all that you have done.
What kind of love is this that you gave your only son............
Beautiful Jesus......How can I not sing to you?
Beautiful Jesus......How can I not sing to you?
(Repeat all of the above)
How can I not sing praise to Jesus who delivered me?
How can I not sing praise for my redeemer rescued me?
(Repeat several times)


SONG 2:
I cry to you.........My spirit's overwhelmed.
I long for you......The words I want to say are gone.
I search for you..........I feel so distant from your touch.
I bring to you.......All I have, this broken praise.
Hear me in my silent cry......And as you lift me up.......you tell me......
I am free.....Free from these chains of silence
I will shout your name 'cause it was me that you redeemed!
I am free.....in the freedom that only comes from you.
I will worship you. 'Cause I am free.
(Repeat song)
You are freedom. You are freedom. You are freedom.
I am free. I am free.
You are freedom. You are freedom. You are freedom.
I am free. I am free.


SONG 3 (bits and pieces):
Take my faith to another place in you.
Open my mind....to dream the dreams you have for me.
I want to see this world the way you do.
Open my eyes....to all that you want me to be.

*****
Thursday night, friends from my homeschooling family and church family came over and cleaned our house. What a blessing to us! Sean and I took the boys out to dinner and a movie.....a rare treat! When we got home the boys ran all over the house to see all that had been done and then came back to give me a full report! How sweet! They particularly loved their magna-doodle notes, special treats, and clean sheets!

FRIDAY: Chemo day. Well, I'd like to report that it was smooth sailing..................but I can't. After receiving the pre-meds, my nurse stayed with me as she started the Taxol. Fairly quickly into it, I started feeling pressure in my chest and my throat began to swell. The pressure built up to the point that it felt like an elephant was standing on me. I couldn't even raise my chest muscles to take in a breath. But my nurse was 'johnny on the spot' and took care of everything and even sat with Sean and I for about 45 minutes after she gave me more benadryl and eventually restarted the Taxol. All I can say is.......ARGH.......

And I'm glad today is Saturday, a new day!!!! I'd better say 'Adeiu.' ADEIU....to you and you and you! :)

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Jeremiah 29:11-14. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord.

Psalm 139: 17-18. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you.

Isaiah 55:8-12. "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. You will go out in JOY and be led forth in PEACE; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands."

Psalm 46:10. "Be still, and know that I am God."