In the last two months our family has only been to McDonald's three times. Three times! That is quite an achievement for us. Do they give out World Records for self-control?!?
Usually, you could find me zipping through the drive-thru after a practice or game, between errands, while Sean was out of town, on the way home from the park....you name it. If there was an excuse to drive by, I jumped at the chance. Now, these stops weren't always for a full meal deal. Sometimes it was just for a "half and half Tea, light on the ice." (If you aren't familiar with the McD's jargon, that's a large half sweet and half unsweet tea, with little ice. Oh, how I miss my sweet tea.....but I digress).
We've made a real effort to eat healthier, and it's showing. Sean and I collectively have lost over 30 pounds. We're feeling better and looking better! (Though, I admit, I have a long way to go!)
And the boys are eating more variety than they ever have. One of our favorite treats is an afternoon smoothie. We blend together vanilla yogurt, strawberries with their green tops still on, blueberries, uncooked spinach (at least a cup full), a touch of orange juice, and chopped ice. It's very tasty!
Tonight, we had stir-fry with broccoli, carrots, mushrooms, red bell pepper, spinach, green onions, and left over ham poured atop brown rice. Though the younger two picked out the peppers and the mushrooms, they ate everything else...with some 'encouragement.'
All that being said, we still indulge from time to time in some tasty treats. So, I'm off to eat tonight's 'encouragement:' a cookie/brownie mixture we made for dessert!
*******
For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 2 Peter 1:4-8
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Good News
Just wanted to update that my x-ray was normal!!! My ribs and my lungs looked good. Thank you to so many who have prayed with me and for me during these past two days.
It is amazing how many emotions one goes through in the waiting. Thank you, HoneySean, for helping me keep my thoughts captive AND for reminding me that no matter what, our hope is secure. It is an anchor, even when the waves of life feel like they are crashing all around us.
Thank you, Jesus.
It is amazing how many emotions one goes through in the waiting. Thank you, HoneySean, for helping me keep my thoughts captive AND for reminding me that no matter what, our hope is secure. It is an anchor, even when the waves of life feel like they are crashing all around us.
Thank you, Jesus.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
My Radiation Meltdown
Decisions are always difficult for me to make, but once made it's very hard to change my mind. Very Hard! This past week has been VERY HARD because I've been fighting 'tooth and nail' with my preconceived ideas about radiation. I've been battling it out in my mind for several days, stuck between 'a rock and a hard place.'
Based on my own research, I was 80% sure I wouldn't have to do radiation. When I met with my radiation oncologist, Dr. W., he was 80% sure I would have to do radiation. But he was waffling. He felt that radiation was the better option, but was trying to talk himself out of recommending it. So my sister and I left the office hopeful that he'd call me the next day and say radiation wasn't necessary.
Dr. W., bless Him Lord, went back over all of my previous tests, pathology reports, surgery details, etc. He even called other radiation oncologists in the country to get their input. He called me the next day. Based on my 'young' age and the lymph node which still tested positive after chemo, he highly recommended I go forward with radiation. Although the lymph node had shrunk during chemo, it hadn't disappeared. The cancer cells present were 'protruding' from the lymph node....rather than nicely contained inside it like a pit inside a plum. But the biggest frustration for me.....the 'booger' as I call it.....is that I would have to go back to surgery to have my infusion port removed from my right chest wall and a new one placed in my left chest wall.
Well, my stubborn soul didn't want to hear any of this. I did NOT want to go back for anymore surgeries anytime soon. I was just beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel and with all of this information the light grew fainter as the tunnel grew longer. I was waiting for some glorious sign from heaven that this was not the road I would have to go down. But that sign was not apparent to me.
So, Sean and I met with Dr. W. again. During this meeting I had a 'moment' I will refer to as... "My Radiation Meltdown." I was holding out hope that Dr. W. would miraculously say with 100% certainty that I didn't need to do radiation. But instead he discussed the chances of local recurrence and other bad things that could happen if that occurred. Also lingering within other recesses of my mind was the unresolved argument Sean and I had just before walking into the appointment....completely unrelated to cancer......just stuff that pops up in marital relationships. I could not contain the irrational and emotional frustration that welled up within me any longer. My poor husband and Dr. W. They didn't have a chance! Picture in your mind the three of us sitting within arms reach of each other in a circle. I'm crying hysterically, Sean is fed up with the whole cancer thing, and Dr. W is waiting for us to make a decision.
Michelle: Okay, Dr. W. You've been talking percentages. So, what would you say are my chances of walking out of this room, getting into my car and getting into an accident on my way home? Even though I know there is that risk, I still get into my car every day. Every day! Is it 5%, 10%, 15%? Do you know?
Dr. W: (Looking over at Sean...looking at me....probably trying to figure out where that came from but not having a chance to respond before this popped out of my mouth...)
Michelle: Okay, Sean, Let's say we have 5 living children (I say this as I hold up my hand in front of his face, fingers extended, wiggling one at a time). Let's say we have to decide which 4 to keep. Which one are you going to get rid of, Sean? Which one?
Sean: Honey....
Dr. W: (With sincere concern for my ballistic state....) Would you like to speak to one of our Chaplains?
Michelle: No.
We left the office soon after that. Even I knew that I was in no shape to continue the discussion. Radiation was the recommendation....which meant having another surgery. (That was the Rock I was avoiding).....Of course, not doing it meant potential greater risks in the future.....Would I be willing to ignore those risks? (That was the Hard Place). We had to decide how we would move forward.
We prayed, I cried; we discussed, I cried; we ate, I cried; we slept, I cried. Time was not on our side. Finally, we decided to go forward with radiation. I've not completely resolved the battle within me. There's a fingernail and maybe a tooth or two that are still hanging on and not letting go. But that is something I will have to work out with my Lord. In the meantime, I have surgery scheduled for Monday morning.
Based on my own research, I was 80% sure I wouldn't have to do radiation. When I met with my radiation oncologist, Dr. W., he was 80% sure I would have to do radiation. But he was waffling. He felt that radiation was the better option, but was trying to talk himself out of recommending it. So my sister and I left the office hopeful that he'd call me the next day and say radiation wasn't necessary.
Dr. W., bless Him Lord, went back over all of my previous tests, pathology reports, surgery details, etc. He even called other radiation oncologists in the country to get their input. He called me the next day. Based on my 'young' age and the lymph node which still tested positive after chemo, he highly recommended I go forward with radiation. Although the lymph node had shrunk during chemo, it hadn't disappeared. The cancer cells present were 'protruding' from the lymph node....rather than nicely contained inside it like a pit inside a plum. But the biggest frustration for me.....the 'booger' as I call it.....is that I would have to go back to surgery to have my infusion port removed from my right chest wall and a new one placed in my left chest wall.
Well, my stubborn soul didn't want to hear any of this. I did NOT want to go back for anymore surgeries anytime soon. I was just beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel and with all of this information the light grew fainter as the tunnel grew longer. I was waiting for some glorious sign from heaven that this was not the road I would have to go down. But that sign was not apparent to me.
So, Sean and I met with Dr. W. again. During this meeting I had a 'moment' I will refer to as... "My Radiation Meltdown." I was holding out hope that Dr. W. would miraculously say with 100% certainty that I didn't need to do radiation. But instead he discussed the chances of local recurrence and other bad things that could happen if that occurred. Also lingering within other recesses of my mind was the unresolved argument Sean and I had just before walking into the appointment....completely unrelated to cancer......just stuff that pops up in marital relationships. I could not contain the irrational and emotional frustration that welled up within me any longer. My poor husband and Dr. W. They didn't have a chance! Picture in your mind the three of us sitting within arms reach of each other in a circle. I'm crying hysterically, Sean is fed up with the whole cancer thing, and Dr. W is waiting for us to make a decision.
Michelle: Okay, Dr. W. You've been talking percentages. So, what would you say are my chances of walking out of this room, getting into my car and getting into an accident on my way home? Even though I know there is that risk, I still get into my car every day. Every day! Is it 5%, 10%, 15%? Do you know?
Dr. W: (Looking over at Sean...looking at me....probably trying to figure out where that came from but not having a chance to respond before this popped out of my mouth...)
Michelle: Okay, Sean, Let's say we have 5 living children (I say this as I hold up my hand in front of his face, fingers extended, wiggling one at a time). Let's say we have to decide which 4 to keep. Which one are you going to get rid of, Sean? Which one?
Sean: Honey....
Dr. W: (With sincere concern for my ballistic state....) Would you like to speak to one of our Chaplains?
Michelle: No.
We left the office soon after that. Even I knew that I was in no shape to continue the discussion. Radiation was the recommendation....which meant having another surgery. (That was the Rock I was avoiding).....Of course, not doing it meant potential greater risks in the future.....Would I be willing to ignore those risks? (That was the Hard Place). We had to decide how we would move forward.
We prayed, I cried; we discussed, I cried; we ate, I cried; we slept, I cried. Time was not on our side. Finally, we decided to go forward with radiation. I've not completely resolved the battle within me. There's a fingernail and maybe a tooth or two that are still hanging on and not letting go. But that is something I will have to work out with my Lord. In the meantime, I have surgery scheduled for Monday morning.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Can I 'Fix' That?
Last week Sean and I went to part one of a three part clinical study focused on educating couples who are going through cancer. After finishing our first session on 'Effective Communication,' Sean came up with a great joke about 'fixing' problems. I'll do my best to re-tell it, but I know he would do a better job.
A lady walks into an Auto Shop. Her head is hanging low as if the weight of the world is on her shoulders.
Mechanic: Good morning, can I help you?
Lady: Yes, do you see that red car outside? The one with the dented fender and rust stains around the wheel doodga-ma-flops.
Mechanic: Mm-hmmm.
Lady: Well, it is giving me fits. I've noticed that it clangs when I turn my steering wheel right and it clunks when I turn it the left.
Mechanic: Really?
Lady: Yes, and for at least a week the driver's window won't go down. Do you have any idea what I have to go through to get my Starbucks at the drive through every morning?
Mechanic: I'm sure that is frustrating. Are there any other problems?
Lady: Well, now that you mention it, I do have to use sticky tape to keep my rear view mirror in place. Every fourth day, the 'stickyness' gets loose and I have to get MORE sticky tape. Ugh, what a headache!
Mechanic: Well, ma'am, I can fix all of those problems. I can have it ready for you by 5:00 tonight. Would that be alright with you?
Lady: Fix it? What? You want to fix it?
Mechanic: Well, ma'am, this is an auto shop and it is obvious your automobile has some issues.
Lady: Oh........No, I don't want you to FIX it! I just needed to tell you about it.
Mechanic: You don't want me to fix it?
Lady: Of course not. Don't be silly. I must say that just having you listen... ....well....... I'm feeling much better already. Thank you so much.
The lady leaves the shop with head held high and a new spring in her step, while the mechanic, wondering what in the world just happened, just sits and shakes his head.
A lady walks into an Auto Shop. Her head is hanging low as if the weight of the world is on her shoulders.
Mechanic: Good morning, can I help you?
Lady: Yes, do you see that red car outside? The one with the dented fender and rust stains around the wheel doodga-ma-flops.
Mechanic: Mm-hmmm.
Lady: Well, it is giving me fits. I've noticed that it clangs when I turn my steering wheel right and it clunks when I turn it the left.
Mechanic: Really?
Lady: Yes, and for at least a week the driver's window won't go down. Do you have any idea what I have to go through to get my Starbucks at the drive through every morning?
Mechanic: I'm sure that is frustrating. Are there any other problems?
Lady: Well, now that you mention it, I do have to use sticky tape to keep my rear view mirror in place. Every fourth day, the 'stickyness' gets loose and I have to get MORE sticky tape. Ugh, what a headache!
Mechanic: Well, ma'am, I can fix all of those problems. I can have it ready for you by 5:00 tonight. Would that be alright with you?
Lady: Fix it? What? You want to fix it?
Mechanic: Well, ma'am, this is an auto shop and it is obvious your automobile has some issues.
Lady: Oh........No, I don't want you to FIX it! I just needed to tell you about it.
Mechanic: You don't want me to fix it?
Lady: Of course not. Don't be silly. I must say that just having you listen... ....well....... I'm feeling much better already. Thank you so much.
The lady leaves the shop with head held high and a new spring in her step, while the mechanic, wondering what in the world just happened, just sits and shakes his head.
Monday, March 10, 2008
Couples and Cancer
True to form, I've enlisted Sean and myself into a clinical study. This one is for women who are in the midst of treatment for breast cancer and their spouses. Before you start thinking that I've begged or manipulated my husband into doing this with me, the truth is that he is a willing participant. Reluctant? Okay, maybe reluctant. But he is willing. He is SO good to me!
We will meet with the Principal Investigator three times to discuss the following issues: effective communication, intimacy and sexuality, and coping with stress and seeking social support. Prior to each meeting, we each have to fill out a survey with a multitude of questions. As contemplative as I am, it took me over an hour to fill out my first survey. I'm not sure about Sean, but I'm guessing he breezed right through his. Of course, I have to laugh at his logical way of looking at things. Before we left to go to our first meeting, I asked how he was doing with his survey....
Michelle: Are you enjoying your survey questions, honey? (Having already completed the survey myself, I was guessing that for Sean the survey was close to the equivalence of torture.)
Sean: I don't like them. All of the questions are leading questions.
Michelle: What do you mean?
Sean: Well, like this one......Since I feel that my body has betrayed me, ya-da-ya-da-ya-da...(I can't remember the rest of the question)......This question is already making the assumption that you feel betrayed by your body.......What if you don't?
Michelle: (feeling a bit confused as to why his survey would have that question....but thankful that he was at least making an attempt to do his homework and that we were having this dialogue....I pressed forward.) Are there other leading questions?
Sean: They're ALL leading questions. (Sean is not prone to exaggeration, but having already completed the survey, I knew they weren't ALL leading questions.....I think he was getting a bit frustrated.)
Michelle: I'm not so sure they're ALL leading questions. But you make a good point. So, how are you answering those?
Sean: (With imaginary pen in his hand, he starts writing in the air).....I'm just writing 'leading question'.....'leading question'......'leading question'......next to all of them.
Michelle: (A grin on my face as I imagine the principal investigator reading through Sean's packet.....and wondering if he's truly such a logical/concrete thinker......a lawyer......or just avoiding the questions) Well, honey, I guess that makes sense. (And then I think to myself..."They're going to have to re-write the whole thing now....if they want any info from Sean.")
Our first meeting was last week. The topic: Effective Communication. The points that I remember were: 1) Try to make alone time for each other so that you can keep communication going. Sometimes we make the assumption that our spouse knows what we're thinking, knows how we're feeling, knows our anxieties. But the truth is that good communication requires that we say what we are feeling in a constructive helpful way. We've got to make time for each other ....uninterrupted, alone time.....for this to happen effectively; 2) Both partners have to adapt during this time....Men have to listen and express their feeling more often and give up the desire to 'fix' the problem....Women have to turn to friends and other support systems when their husbands are 'maxed out' on listening; 3) Good communication requires listening.....listening without interrupting the other shows respect and builds trust.
Whether dealing with breast cancer or just dealing with every day life, I think these tips are valid for any couple. Something Sean and I have done for awhile now....although not as often as we could....is something called, 'Couch Time.' It's a time for us to sit on the couch and discuss our day or whatever is on our mind. The time can range from 10 minutes to 30 minutes and we do this when the kids are home, running all about. But the 'rule' is that the kids are not allowed to interrupt us or sit on the couch with us. (Because we have a couple of kids who are 90% followers of rules....always looking for ways to test the boundaries....we had to change that rule to.....nobody can touch the couch except for mommy and daddy). We had heard about this 'couch time' at a weekend marriage retreat we went to about 9 years ago. We found that as hard as it was for the kids to 'give' mommy and daddy time to themselves, it was good for them to see that mommy and daddy wanted to be together. That our relationship was IMPORTANT. And eventually, even the smallest learned to go and entertain himself during mommy and daddy's 'couch time.' Having a house full of young kids for 10 years now, it has been a good addition to our marriage. Waiting until the end of the day, when both of us are exhausted, just isn't the same and doesn't show the kids how important we are to one another.
Sean and I have been challenged by the other two points our whole marriage. Breast cancer has just allowed us to face those issues more head on.....no more sweeping them under the rug for another day. He is learning to share his feelings more and trying not to 'fix' the problems and I'm learning to be a better listener and encourager. It has been said that cancer is not good for relationships, but good relationships can be made stronger by hardship. I definitely see the latter to be true for us. I absolutely LOVE my husband. Sean is a wonderful treasure to me and God continues to unlock more treasures in the man that I married nearly 13 years ago. And I am grateful that in the midst of our hardship, we are growing together.
********
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. Ephesians 4:32, 5:1
Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Colossians 3:12-14
We will meet with the Principal Investigator three times to discuss the following issues: effective communication, intimacy and sexuality, and coping with stress and seeking social support. Prior to each meeting, we each have to fill out a survey with a multitude of questions. As contemplative as I am, it took me over an hour to fill out my first survey. I'm not sure about Sean, but I'm guessing he breezed right through his. Of course, I have to laugh at his logical way of looking at things. Before we left to go to our first meeting, I asked how he was doing with his survey....
Michelle: Are you enjoying your survey questions, honey? (Having already completed the survey myself, I was guessing that for Sean the survey was close to the equivalence of torture.)
Sean: I don't like them. All of the questions are leading questions.
Michelle: What do you mean?
Sean: Well, like this one......Since I feel that my body has betrayed me, ya-da-ya-da-ya-da...(I can't remember the rest of the question)......This question is already making the assumption that you feel betrayed by your body.......What if you don't?
Michelle: (feeling a bit confused as to why his survey would have that question....but thankful that he was at least making an attempt to do his homework and that we were having this dialogue....I pressed forward.) Are there other leading questions?
Sean: They're ALL leading questions. (Sean is not prone to exaggeration, but having already completed the survey, I knew they weren't ALL leading questions.....I think he was getting a bit frustrated.)
Michelle: I'm not so sure they're ALL leading questions. But you make a good point. So, how are you answering those?
Sean: (With imaginary pen in his hand, he starts writing in the air).....I'm just writing 'leading question'.....'leading question'......'leading question'......next to all of them.
Michelle: (A grin on my face as I imagine the principal investigator reading through Sean's packet.....and wondering if he's truly such a logical/concrete thinker......a lawyer......or just avoiding the questions) Well, honey, I guess that makes sense. (And then I think to myself..."They're going to have to re-write the whole thing now....if they want any info from Sean.")
Our first meeting was last week. The topic: Effective Communication. The points that I remember were: 1) Try to make alone time for each other so that you can keep communication going. Sometimes we make the assumption that our spouse knows what we're thinking, knows how we're feeling, knows our anxieties. But the truth is that good communication requires that we say what we are feeling in a constructive helpful way. We've got to make time for each other ....uninterrupted, alone time.....for this to happen effectively; 2) Both partners have to adapt during this time....Men have to listen and express their feeling more often and give up the desire to 'fix' the problem....Women have to turn to friends and other support systems when their husbands are 'maxed out' on listening; 3) Good communication requires listening.....listening without interrupting the other shows respect and builds trust.
Whether dealing with breast cancer or just dealing with every day life, I think these tips are valid for any couple. Something Sean and I have done for awhile now....although not as often as we could....is something called, 'Couch Time.' It's a time for us to sit on the couch and discuss our day or whatever is on our mind. The time can range from 10 minutes to 30 minutes and we do this when the kids are home, running all about. But the 'rule' is that the kids are not allowed to interrupt us or sit on the couch with us. (Because we have a couple of kids who are 90% followers of rules....always looking for ways to test the boundaries....we had to change that rule to.....nobody can touch the couch except for mommy and daddy). We had heard about this 'couch time' at a weekend marriage retreat we went to about 9 years ago. We found that as hard as it was for the kids to 'give' mommy and daddy time to themselves, it was good for them to see that mommy and daddy wanted to be together. That our relationship was IMPORTANT. And eventually, even the smallest learned to go and entertain himself during mommy and daddy's 'couch time.' Having a house full of young kids for 10 years now, it has been a good addition to our marriage. Waiting until the end of the day, when both of us are exhausted, just isn't the same and doesn't show the kids how important we are to one another.
Sean and I have been challenged by the other two points our whole marriage. Breast cancer has just allowed us to face those issues more head on.....no more sweeping them under the rug for another day. He is learning to share his feelings more and trying not to 'fix' the problems and I'm learning to be a better listener and encourager. It has been said that cancer is not good for relationships, but good relationships can be made stronger by hardship. I definitely see the latter to be true for us. I absolutely LOVE my husband. Sean is a wonderful treasure to me and God continues to unlock more treasures in the man that I married nearly 13 years ago. And I am grateful that in the midst of our hardship, we are growing together.
********
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. Ephesians 4:32, 5:1
Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Colossians 3:12-14
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