Of Mice and Parkers

This year our oldest three boys are playing in our community's basketball leagues. It's been fun to watch them....and reminds me of all the years my family came to watch me.

Of course, when you're in second grade there's plenty to learn about basketball. The other night during Parker's first scrimmage he was confused about the whole 'offense/defense' thing. Sean noticed that Parker would 'stay on his man' during defense and then continued to guard him when he was on offense.

After practice, Sean tried to explain it to him. Frustrated with the details, Parker finally said, "So it's like cat and mouse. Sometimes I'm the cat and sometimes I'm the mouse."

Well.....at least he got the idea! So, if you hear us shouting from the sideline....'Stay on your mouse.....Stay on your the mouse!" just know that we're speaking Parker's language.

The Best Course of All

On the Thursday night of our trip to Idaho, we were treated to a seven-course meal by the ranch's chef. With each course, the chef would step out from the comfort zone of his kitchen and into the candlelit dining room to describe the upcoming portion of the meal. It was a delightful experience.

While scouring the pantry and refrigerator at lunchtime today, the memory of our seven-course meal popped into my mind. (Oh, the memories.......) It was apparent we needed something to 'spice up' our meager pickings. A trip to the store would fix the problem, but a trip at the moment wasn't possible. So, we turned our rather odd lunch into a feast of sorts.

1st Course: The smooth, cool, refreshing taste of......applesauce......served in a coffee cup.
2nd Course: Crunchy and flavorful, yet melt in your mouth, squares of......graham crackers.
3rd Course: The cool, crunchy, and slippery combination of.............sliced dill pickles.
4th Course: The warm, soothing soup of............Ramon Noodles....served in the rinsed out coffee cup.
5th Course: The sweet taste of leftover..............sugar cookies....(served early because the next course was still in the oven).
6th Course: Who can resist straight from the oven crescent rolls?
7th Course: (Dropped off by our neighbor during our 4th course). Mint chocolate candies.

Doesn't that all sound delicious and nutritious?! The boys enjoyed it. As we were cleaning up, Parker ran over and said,

"But mom, you forgot the best course of all......this one." And he gave me a great big bear hug. That boy can melt a heart in an instant.

*******************
Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him....Come, my children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the Lord. Whoever of you loves life and desires to see many good days, keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking lies. Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it. Psalm 34:8,12-14.

O Christmas Tree!

Our annual hunt for the perfect Christmas tree was today. Rather than going to a Christmas tree farm as we always have, five out of six of us opted for a less messy and frigid experience. So, we went to a store with cut trees.

Boy, were we surprised to find that trees, which are already cut, are two to three times more expensive than the ones you cut down yourself.

So, one out of six of us got his wish........and we drove to a Christmas tree farm.

We weren't prepared for this change in plans. No gloves, no scarves, no hats. Though, we sure did look good as we marched around the cold and muddy farm wearing our church clothes and shoes.

This farm had all the 'bells and whistles' to make one's Christmas tree experience a wonderful memory. It started with a hayride out to the field in the frigid air. Remember...no hats, no gloves, no scarves. After Sean cut down our perfect tree, the boys hauled it away on a trolley. Workers put a tag on the tree and gave us a matching tag so we could be sure to picked up our perfect tree back at the barn. Another blustery ride on the hay wagon....no hats, no gloves, no scarves. The crew at the tree barn promptly grabbed our tree, shook out the loose needles, and wrapped it up with twine. A worker handed Sean the 'check' and we were ushered into the gift shop to pay for the tree.

Oh, it was warm in the gift shop. It was warm, there was free hot cocoa for everyone, many beautiful ornaments and knickknacks to peruse and ........SANTA! This really was turning out to be a wonderful experience.

After paying for our tree, drinking our fill of hot cocoa and feeling the warmth return to our fingertips, we headed out of the gift shop to retrieve our perfect white pine Christmas tree.......but the only tree left on the ground was....... not .....our ......tree!!!

Hmmm....let's look on the other side of the building.....no......wait.....doesn't the top of that tree on that blue van halfway down the parking lot look a lot like the top of our perfect white pine Christmas tree. Ummmm...what should we do? Do we run after them and say, 'Excuse me, you've tied our tree to the top of your van.' Oh No! The van is backing up....it's leaving....it's gone.......it's......gone. Our perfect white pine Christmas tree is gone!

Taking another hayride was out of the question. The first experience, though cold, was fun. The second experience would just be.....cold. One of the workers witnessed the energy and excitement drain from our crew the moment the blue van drove off with our perfect Christmas tree.

"Why don't you go over to the side of the barn and pick out any one of the cut trees that you see?"

So.......six out of six of us got what we wanted in a round-a-bout-sort-of-way and we ended up with a very expensive and lovely Fraser fir at half the price.

************************************
O Christmas Tree! O Christmas Tree!
How richly God has decked thee!
O Christmas Tree! O Christmas Tree!
How richly God has decked thee!
Thou bidst us true and faithful be,
And trust in God unchangingly!
O Christmas Tree! O Christmas Tree!
How richly God has decked thee!
(a traditional German carol, author unknown)

Tapioca Pudding

Recently, a hail storm blew over our neck of the woods and left quite an 'impression' on Sean's Buick. So Sean investigated the cost to fix those dents. Calls to our insurance agent, estimates on the work, etc. and so on. Personally, I'm not in any big hurry to fix those dents. Though we have good insurance, there's still a big chunk to pay for the deductible. Sean agreed.....for now.

Then it hit me! Why should we spend all that money fixing dents in a car that works fine, when we could spend that money flattening out the dents on my frame. During my cancer treatment, I spent little time on my body. Now, I see a bunch of dents and bulges that were not there before. There are some that can only be fixed with the touch of a surgeon's hand; but there is certainly something I could do to fix my flabby arms and dent-filled legs!

A couple of friends reminded me of a place nearby that allows summer memberships. It provides 'babysitting' while mom works out, and indoor/outdoor swimming for the family, plus many more opportunities. I might just have to look into it. The cost is about the same as the deductible on our car insurance.

Forget the Buick. It runs fine. You can't even see the dents unless you're really looking for them. My frame is more important! It is time. Time to flatten my tummy, tone up my arms, and pound out those dents in my tapioca-pudding legs!

********

Ahhhhh.....pudding! That was one of the words in the fourth group (of the cognitive study)!!
********

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. Hebrews 12:1-3

Cognitive Effects Study

On Tuesday I finished up my third and final session for the research study entitled, "Cognitive Effects of Breast Cancer Treatment: A Brain Imaging Study."

In preparation for this post I re-read the Informed Consent Statement that I signed and found an error in the section, "Benefits of Taking Part in the Study." It read....There is no benefit to you from participating in this study. I beg to differ.

So far, I've already thought of several personal benefits in my experience:

• THREE days out of the house in the company of adults.
• Free lunch (if you spend less than 6 dollars).
• An uninterrupted 30 minute nap in the MRI tunnel while listening to music of MY OWN choosing (not that I don't like Adventures in Odyssey or K-Love or Kid's Bible songs).
• Yummy Blueberry Muffins and Apple Juice after the blood draw.
• $150 for each visit. As I left Tuesday morning, I said to Sean..."I'm headed out to do my job for today."
• A feeling of doing something good for others.
• Checking off my exercise for the day.....those tunnels that get you from point A to point B to point C and back go on and on and on and on....
• Getting paid to exercise my brain for the day. For someone like me who likes Sudoku or Ken-Ken or cryptograms, Tuesday's cognitive testing, though challenging, was extremely fun. Let's see if I can still remember those words.......envelope, stapler, glue....lettuce, cabbage, broccoli, celery.....racket, baseball....what was that fourth group????? Ugh???
• Did I mention the $150/visit?

Thanks to Dr. M and Dory (and I suppose Dr. S...though I never met him) for your diligence in your research. Hopefully doctors will better understand the effects of chemotherapy on the brain.

P.S. Dory....It was Mrs. Brown, with a soccer ball, on route 30.......but ONLY after the 9 came after the 1.....which WAS NOT on the list!

********

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:12-13 (Paul writing to the saints in Christ Jesus at Philippi).

Half Dead?

I just love the literal mind of younger children. Two days ago, Parker was reading about the Good Samaritan in his Bible reader. When he read that the man was left half dead by the side of the road, he stopped and thought for a moment. He's a day dreamer by nature so I often find myself 'nudging' him back to the present. Just as I was about to 'nudge' him he said this:

What does that mean, Mommy?
What does what mean, Parker?
Half dead?
That's a good question, Parker.
Does it mean he was dead from here [Parker placed his hands on the middle of his torso] down? [He motions to his feet.]

I just shook my head.....again......

*********
"Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?"
"What is written in the Law?" he {Jesus} replied. "How do you read it?"
He answered: "'Love the Lord your God with all our heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"
"You have answered correctly," Jesus replied. "Do this and you will live."
John 10: 25b-28

Parker's Ponderings and a Prayer Request

Recently I had the incredible opportunity to be a team member for a Women's Discipleship Walk through my church. It was a wonderful time watching God work in the lives of so many women, including my own.

Of course, these opportunities are always surrounded with chaos for me. In this case, Sean's return flight home from an out-of-state work trip didn't land until many hours after I was supposed to be at the campground. Thankfully, I had some help from some friends and family and was able to get each boy 'shipped off' for a sleep over at various locations.

One homeschooling friend was brave enough to take Parker. Miriam has three older children between 6th and 9th grade. So for my seven year old Parker, who flourishes in the company of older kids and adults, it was the perfect place for him to be.

Miriam says she could write a book of all the funny-odd-strange sayings that came out of Parker's mouth on his visit to her house. But for now, she's offered this conversation that took place at the Lego table between Parker and her 8th grade son, Sean:

Parker: Sean, do you have a female?
Sean: Uh? A Lego female figure?
Parker: No, you know...a female.
Sean: Aaaa....
Parker: A female that you're going to marry.
Sean: O-o-o-h-h...no I don't have one yet.

Oh, the funny things that kids say. And for the record, we're considering making Parker wear a T-shirt that reads, "My parents take no responsibility for the things that come out of my mouth!"

*******
A Simple Thank You: I do want to take the opportunity to thank so many who check this site and who continually keep me and my family in prayer. I'm often amazed at the number of people who say that they continue to read this blog, checking in to see what they can pray about for me. Soon, I will try to update more on my current physical, emotional, spiritual state. But for now, I ask for continued prayers for increased strength and stamina, for decreased pain in my right chest wall and right arm, for continued peace when odd symptoms pop up, and for a Christ-like mind and attitude as I walk through this on-going battle to take back my life. I'm having a fine-needle aspiration tomorrow due to a nodule present on the left side of my thyroid. Nodules are common. In fact, I've had this nodule for a couple of years. Many people have them. Over 95-99% of them are benign. But the only way to make sure it's not malignant is to do a biopsy. Given my recent history, the new endocrinologist I'm seeing thinks it's best to be sure. And so I go.......

Mrs. Potato Head

As I child, I was fascinated by Mr. Potato Head. I remember how neat it was to change his eyes, his mouth, his arms, his feet.

Little did I know that I'd grow up and become a Mrs. Potato Head. During my bald stage, I could choose between wigs or scarves, and I could change the look of my brows with the stroke of my pencil.

Just a couple of weeks ago, I had the rare opportunity to try on different sized 'thing-a-ma-bobs.' Hmm....choices....choices. Do I go big or do I stick with comfort? After much deliberation and varying proportions, I finally made a decision. Because of some lymphadema issues I'm experiencing, I went with a version that can stick directly to my skin. Very cool!

It used to be that, at night, I could just brush my teeth and go to bed. Now, I've also got to brush my 'doodge-a-ma-flops' before tucking them into their own special box. What an odd experience! I'm reminiscent of the Walton nights and feel a certain urge to say, "Goodnight Thing One" ..."Goodnight Thing Two." And as I lay my head upon my pillow, I can almost hear their muffled responses ......"Good night, Mrs. Potato Head!" :)

Snakes, Snails...and Soy Sauce?

My family has been so blessed during this journey with wonderful homecooked meals from many people. I can not begin to explain how much they lifted a burden during the more intense times of my treatment. We even had several meals come precooked and ready for the freezer so that we could pull them out whenever we needed them.

Of course, the boys haven't always seen these gestures of love as favorable. There's something about seeing food prepared in a way you've never had it that can really mess with a kid's palate. Overall, I'd say they did well, though. I never did have to make something different for them to eat....though on occasion I did have to butter some extra pieces of bread! :)

A few months ago, the boys started mentioning that they really missed the meals that I cooked. As sweet as that was to hear, I had to laugh because cooking has never been one of my strengths. Even Sean was a little perplexed when he heard their requests. He should know. He grew up with a mom who could make a feast out of nothing, and then he married me....As long as I keep a good supply of ketchup, barbeque sauce and soy sauce handy, Sean is content with whatever I make. Bless him, Lord, for being so gracious to me!

Tonight, I made one of their all time favorites. It's called 'Snakes, Snails, and Puppy Dog Tails.' Honestly, I have no idea why we named it that. It's a mixture of peas, rice and pieces of polska kielbalsa. There's still controversy at the table as to which ingredients are the snakes, which are the snails, and which are the puppy dog tails. How sweet it was to see my Parker's eyes light up when he saw what I was cooking! With great anticipation, he ran to tell all of his brothers.

We sat at the table. All six of us. Five of us barely able to keep our forks out of our bowls before the prayer.

Then after we prayed, the sixth said....with a smile...."Could you pass the soy sauce, please?"

Burning the Candle at Both Ends

The three older boys have been busy these last two weeks with Music Camp. They've had practice every morning for three hours in preparation for their performance tonight of "Race to Win!" This is Trevor's third year, Parker's second year, and Spencer's first year to go to this camp. I'm really looking forward to the show!!

The other night Parker was getting out of the bath tub and complaining about being sooooooo tired. The combination of going to bed late and getting up for Music Camp has taken it's toll on his 6 year old body. Using the 'burning the candle at both ends' analogy, I tried to explain to Parker why he was so tired, and that I would do better as a mommy in making sure he got enough rest.

Last night, as Sean was putting Parker to bed, Parker was explaining to his daddy how he felt poorly the other day.

Sean: What do you think it was from?
Parker: Well, you see, I had two candles on both sides of my head. It was from going to bed too late and getting up too early.

After tucking Parker in, Sean came to ask me what in the world that was about. After about 5 minutes of laughing my head off, I was finally able to explain to my concrete husband why Parker had 'two candles on either side of his head.' What a hoot!! It was good to laugh like that.

************
Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens. Our God is a God who saves; from the Sovereign Lord comes escape from death. Psalm 68: 19,20

Mr. Independent is Ready

My youngest won't turn five until mid-September, but I've considered starting him in Kindergarten this year. I hadn't made up my mind until today, when he and I had the following conversation:

Brenner: Mommy, are you going to sign me up for school at home this year?
Mommy: I've thought about it. Do you want me to?
Brenner: Yes, but not today. We can start tomorrow. I won't whine or cry or anything.
Mommy: Well that's good to hear. What makes you say that?
Brenner: 'Cause school takes WAAAAAAAAAAAY too long if you whine and cry. I want to get it done faster.

Apparently, this wise young boy has already learned an important lesson!!

Ode to My Hair (Part IV)

It wasn't very long ago,
That nothing on my head did grow.
'Til finally on that wondrous day
Some new found hairs were on display!!!
What joy! What hope! What happy bliss!
Those hairs upon my head were missed.
To have them back was a relief.
The time felt long, but it was brief.
Each passing day I did await
To see what my new hair would state.

Curly or straight? or thick again?
Brown or gray? or would it be thin?
My brows and lashes....what if they
never again saw the light of day?
So many things I wanted to know.....
I'd have to wait for my hair to grow!!
Others had said that they were surprised
To find less hair on their arms and thighs.
To have that kind of unplanned result
Wouldn't be all that difficult!

After several weeks, and frequent glances
I see that my hair has had some enhances.
Along with the brown, there is sprinkled more grey.
Although it seems straight, there are curls on the way.
I'm thrilled with the head full of hair that I've got,
But the other parts of my body......I'm not!
The hairs on my legs, in my pits and my toes,
The ones on my arms, on my belly and nose,
And EVEN the single lone hair from my chin,
Each one has come back with an unruly friend!!!

Ah well! So it goes. I should not complain.
The last thing I want is to sound like I'm vain.
I'm wonderf'ly blessed to have breath in my being
To lift up my voice, to give praises, and sing
To God who has sheltered me during this trial,
Who has given me courage and helped me to smile.
Without Him I'd perish. But with Him....I live!
Glory and Honor to Him do I give.
It's not about hair or where it might grow.
It's really about the Savior I know!

General Ramblings and Praises

I've had plenty of ideas to posts....just not enough time to put them down. I did want to mention some praise reports.

*My port finally feels at home in my body....just under my left collar bone and beside my sternum. No more strange feelings when I turn my head or laugh or cough. In the last week I've even been able to lie down on my belly for about an hour at a time at night. I haven't been able to do that comfortably for almost eight months.

*My radiation treatments are going well. I've completed 13 and have 15 to go. There's been minimal darkening of the skin in the radiated area and only a minor irritation in the area under my armpit.

*My hair keeps growing!!! Look out for 'Ode to My Hair' Part IV!!!

*A dear friend of mine and her family is having a ladies softball tournament in Brownsburg on September 13th. The proceeds are to benefit 4 families, including mine. If you want more information, you can check out her foundation's website at: www.sweetmelissafoundation.org


I just had to mention a conversation I had over the weekend with Grama while Parker sat with us enjoying his popsicle. I said something about 'putting my foot in my mouth,' and Parker interjected, "Oh, yeah.....I've done that!" Grama and I laughed hysterically. We knew Parker was not thinking of figurative feet!!!!

May you find joy in your day today. Even in the midst of the heaviest of life's circumstances, may an unexpected smile tweak your face and a giggle cross your path. May you place your burdens at the feet of Jesus and leave them there for Him to carry.

********
"Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens. Our God is a God who saves; from the Sovereign Lord comes escape from death." Psalm 68:19-20

Jesus speaking to his disciples....."Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete." John 16:17

The Ultimate Survivor

My wonderful, gracious, and patient mother-in-law......may she be awarded a special medal of honor!!!.......anyway, as I was saying......My wonderful, kind, generous mother-in-law offered to watch my younger two boys for me while I healed up from my surgery.

So on Monday, April 28th, Sean and I met her on the north side of town. She drove over an hour to pick up my babies (okay, so they're 4 and 6....they're still my babies), and then whisked them away while visions of 'sugarplums' danced in their heads. You see the best things about Grama's house, besides Grama and Papa, are the endless reserves of Popsicles and homemade cookies.

At the end of each week, I'd call to talk to the boys and to check in with Grama. At the end of each call, the conversation would go something like this:

Me: Well, I'm doing a little better. When do you want us to pick up the boys?
Grama: Michelle (long pause), are you sure? I'll keep them another week if you need me to.
Me: (Long pause......tears beginning to form in my eyes....throat swelling as I attempt to hold back my emotions)....Are you sure?
Grama: Yes, I'm sure.
Me: (Crying)....Okay......

So, it's been almost THREE weeks. I have missed those boys. I couldn't stand it any longer. So, we drove up north today and picked them up. My how they have grown!!!! I just had to share the conversations Grama heard from my boys:

Parker: Grama, you have two chins!
(Grama was....well....a bit speechless. Before she could respond, Brenner said.......)
Brenner: Well, not really Parker. Really, it's only one.
******
Parker: Don't you know, Grama, they make cream nowadays for those wrinkles. You put it on and ...... poof!
******
Papa was going mushroom hunting with his special mushroom stick. Brenner, who still says the /d/ sound for the /st/ sound said, "Papa, let me see your /st/ick." Papa looked at him a bit confused. Brenner said it again, more emphatically, "Papa.....let me see your /st/ick!" Luckily, Grama was nearby and could translate for Papa.....before Papa thought to wash Brenner's mouth out with soap!!!!!
******
Brenner: Is Papa the boss of this house?
Grama: Yes.
Brenner: So.....you're the boss of Papa? And........you're the boss of the cat and Papa's the boss of the dog.
******
Brenner developed an itchy rash on his face and trunk (probably poison ivy from all the rolling around in the grass and running through the fir trees). So, Grama gave him plenty of oatmeal baths. On his last night, while lying on his back as he soaked in the tub, Brenner produced a matter-of-fact statement while demonstrating what his 'boy part' could do: "You know, Grama, it stretches."
******
Grama: I'm going to really miss you boys.
Brenner: Well, Grama, I will be in your heart and I will be in Papa's heart.
******
Parker: (When he found out he was coming back home....) I've had fun Grama, but I've got to get home and get some rest. All of this rough-housing has tuckered me out.
******
Parker: (When he saw me today) Yeah, Mommy, I taught Grama everything she didn't know.


Well, it's good to have ALL my boys home again. How I've missed them! I've re-thought the medal of honor that Grama should get. Really, when you think about it, she's had to outwit, outplay, and outlast a 4 year old and a 6 year old for over 20 days. She's the Ultimate Survivor. I'm sorry I don't have a million dollars to give you, Saundra.......but I know there are treasures in heaven just waiting for you!!!!!!

********
Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where, moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Matthew 6:19-21

Top 10 Silver-Linings

Okay, yesterday I was feeling a bit blue...which is to be expected. Today, I'm feeling.....hmm.....let's say I'm feeling silver. That may not be the right color, but I'll go with that. As I drifted off to sleep last night (which took forever with two cups of coffee in my system) I started looking for the silver lining in my present circumstances. So I thought to myself, "What good things do I have to look forward to as a result of my double mastectomies?" Hmm.......think, think, think. Okay, I came up with a few and thought I'd share them in David Letterman style.

Here are "The Top Ten Silver Linings in Having a Double Mastectomy!"

Number "TEN": I needed some good reason to start getting those abs back in shape.

Number "NINE": Just think how freeing it will be to not have to reach for a bra every morning.

Number "EIGHT": I can purchase any size prosthesis that I want to.....Hmm....Do they make a Dolly Parton size?

Number "SEVEN": I'll sleep more comfortably on my belly.

Number "SIX": No more sports bras during exercise.


Number "FIVE": Less bra-time means less laundry! (Always looking at the practical side of things)

Number "FOUR": Should I decide to become a tree-hugger, I'll have more room to hug bigger trees!

Number "THR3E": When I'm older and in a Rehab Unit, the Occupational Therapist won't have to teach me how to put my bra on independently! (That one's for you, Julie!)

Number "TWO": No more headlight jokes and no more mammograms.

AND the Number "ONE" Silver Lining in Having a Double Mastectomy : This just may be what I need to improve my handicap on the golf course!

Genetic Variants of Survivor and Lost

The results are in! No mutation was detected in the BRCA 1. Yippee! The BRCA 2 was a bit different, but not alarming. It was not a yes, nor a no, but a 'genetic variant of uncertain significance.' That's quite a mouthful. I do not carry the specific code for the BRCA 2 gene, which is good news for me and my family. If I understood the geneticist correctly, I am the first person tested to have this specific variant. So that means 'the contribution of this variant to the relative risk of breast or ovarian cancer cannot be established solely from this analysis.' .....That's another mouthful!!

My wonderful, darling husband has speculated to what my genetic variant is contributing. (He's made several suggestions, but I shall only mention this one......) He thinks it has something to do with my need to see my favorite TV programs, of which there are only two. Survivor and Lost. I tape them and watch them after the kiddos are in bed.

Last week, I forgot to record Survivor. I'm not sure which upset me more......forgetting to tape Survivor or being upset with myself for being upset for forgetting to tape Survivor. That probably doesn't make sense, but I get upset when unimportant things frustrate me...."Michelle, it's just a show. Who cares who was voted off? It doesn't matter who went to exile island or what new alliances were made. It's JUST a show." Whew, at least I didn't forget to tape Lost. That would be a tragedy!

If Sean is right, then it wouldn't take long to find my gene variant in other people. I could trace it in my family tree. I'd start with my sister Kelly. She's certainly a carrier of the 'need for TV gene,' especially of the 'Survivor and Lost' variant. We can thank our Dad for passing it to us. And without a doubt, I know where my Dad got it. (I love you, Grandma Keva!!!)

I could easily get tied up in the details of this genetic test. I could question the uncertainties and allow my thoughts to overtake me. But I am determined to keep my thoughts captive and to continue to trust in my Lord for He is forever faithful. A little bit of odd humor seems to help, too!

*******

I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. Ephesians 1:17

Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth. Worship the Lord with gladness; come before him with joyful songs. Know that the Lord is God. It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture. Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations. Psalm 100:1-5

Can I 'Fix' That?

Last week Sean and I went to part one of a three part clinical study focused on educating couples who are going through cancer. After finishing our first session on 'Effective Communication,' Sean came up with a great joke about 'fixing' problems. I'll do my best to re-tell it, but I know he would do a better job.

A lady walks into an Auto Shop. Her head is hanging low as if the weight of the world is on her shoulders.

Mechanic: Good morning, can I help you?
Lady: Yes, do you see that red car outside? The one with the dented fender and rust stains around the wheel doodga-ma-flops.
Mechanic: Mm-hmmm.
Lady: Well, it is giving me fits. I've noticed that it clangs when I turn my steering wheel right and it clunks when I turn it the left.
Mechanic: Really?
Lady: Yes, and for at least a week the driver's window won't go down. Do you have any idea what I have to go through to get my Starbucks at the drive through every morning?
Mechanic: I'm sure that is frustrating. Are there any other problems?
Lady: Well, now that you mention it, I do have to use sticky tape to keep my rear view mirror in place. Every fourth day, the 'stickyness' gets loose and I have to get MORE sticky tape. Ugh, what a headache!
Mechanic: Well, ma'am, I can fix all of those problems. I can have it ready for you by 5:00 tonight. Would that be alright with you?
Lady: Fix it? What? You want to fix it?
Mechanic: Well, ma'am, this is an auto shop and it is obvious your automobile has some issues.
Lady: Oh........No, I don't want you to FIX it! I just needed to tell you about it.
Mechanic: You don't want me to fix it?
Lady: Of course not. Don't be silly. I must say that just having you listen... ....well....... I'm feeling much better already. Thank you so much.

The lady leaves the shop with head held high and a new spring in her step, while the mechanic, wondering what in the world just happened, just sits and shakes his head.

Ode To My Hair (Part 3)

It wasn't but a week ago, I noticed something new.
Instead of hair upon my head, my scalp was showing through.
A knitted cap or fancy scarf could cover up the sight.
But they did make my head to ache and itch and scratch at night.

I'd had enough the other night and wanted to be brave.
and contemplated for a time, if it was time to shave
the straggly hairs upon my head that stuck out all about,
or should I wait another week before I tried that out.

Sean looked at me, and smiled so sweet, not wanting to persuade.
He knew the choice was up to me, and let me contemplate.
And finally at a half past ten, I knew just what to do.
And Sean took out his little kit and bid my hair adieu.

I couldn't look. I feared the worst. What was I soon to see?
A bumpy, knobby, wrinkly head, a scar or two, or three.
I asked my man to step outside, to give me time alone
That I may peer upon my head in private.....on my own.

With eyes shut tight, I reached up high and felt my prickly hair.
Then slowly, peeked...then quickly looked...and finally stood and stared.
It's not so bad. I see no bumps or scars or wrinkly skin.
In fact, the lone hair that stuck out's no longer on my chin.

What unexpected freedom came! What unexpected joy!
If I could have but one wish now, I'm sure that I'd employ
That every woman have this chance to feel the freedom of
A barren head, a hairless chin, and love from up above.

It's hard to lay aside our pride. It's hard to lay things down.
To things we've had for oh so long, like hair upon our crown.
If hair, or job, or child, or dream, before the Lord you've placed...
I pray that God will fill you up with his unending grace.

'WhatNot' and Updates

My mom has always had an interesting and colorful vocabulary using words like 'whatnot,' 'doodge-a-ma-flops,' and 'thing-a-ma-jigs.' They are comforting words to me....reminders of days gone by. They feel at home in my mouth but I've tried for years to keep a 'lid' on them. Typically, words like that are met with chuckles and strange looks when uttered by a younger generation. (I still include myself in the 'younger' generation, whether I really am or not!) Yet the older I get, the more I find those words slipping out during conversations. It just can't be helped.

This past month I've had a whirlwind of activity with doctor's appointments, chemotherapy infusions, tests and whatnot. Since finding out that I would need a double mastectomy on my thing-a-ma-jigs, I've been researching my options for reconstruction. The Wellness Center, near Keystone at the Crossing, had a panel discussion of women who'd had mastectomies and who'd chosen various options for reconstruction. Very timely for me! After the discussion, there was a private show-n-tell session for women who wanted to see the results of the surgeries. Now that may sound odd to you, but for someone like me who's looked at hundreds of pictures of reconstruction, it was a great opportunity. Pictures just don't tell the whole story. I tip my hat off to those brave ladies who humbly showed me their new 'thing-a-ma-bobs.'

Based on my circumstances, I've decided to delay reconstruction. Whether that will be for 2 months or 10 years.....I do not know. Initially, I felt this HUGE pressure to figure it all out before I had my surgery. But now I realize that this decision can wait for as long as I want it to. That's a relief to me. One main reason for delaying reconstruction is that I may need to undergo radiation therapy on my right side after my surgery. Radiation has a powerful effect on the skin and underlying tissues in which it is directed. This has the potential of deforming any reconstruction that has taken place.

Okay, enough talk about that! On to other 'what-cha-ma-call-its' and 'do-hickeys'.....

Considering the unexpected results of my breast MRI (with the involvement of my lymph nodes on my right side), my oncologist and I have decided that it would be wise to have some further tests run. Next week I will have a bone scan and some CAT scans to have a better 'look-see' at the rest of my body. We are praying that no abnormalities, anomalies or doodge-a-ma-flops will show up.

And what about my hair? Well, it is 'fur sure and fur certain' ....(I just finished listening to Part 1 of Beverly Lewis' novel, The Parting....which is about an Amish family).... that I will be losing it all in the next week or two. The thinning out process began on day 17 and has continued ever since. I've always maintained that I was born for the '80's. I have an ENORMOUS amount of hair on my head. I never had to work for 'big hair,' never had to tease my 'bangs' or any part of my hair to make it full. Once the 80's ended, I was in trouble. For the past 18 years I've tried everything I could to get my hair to look thinner. Well, I couldn't do any of the time consuming things, like using a straightening iron......there's no time for that when you're raising four boys AND when enjoy an extra hour of sleep every morning. I never thought of chemotherapy as the solution. But here I am, thinning out every day. It'll grow back.....eventually. In the mean time, I'll be composing my third rendition of 'Ode to My Hair.'

Well, that's about it for me today. Let me know if you have other expressions that your mother or grandmother used to say so I can add it to my repertoire (but, keep it clean! :)).

*********

Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
Isaiah 40: 28-31

Vivian's 5-Day Pineapple Upside Down Cake

If there's one thing I loved most about my great grandma, it was how she could tell a story. She had the knack for drawing you in, giving just enough information, knowing when to pause, and when to sum it all up. There was rarely a time when her stories didn't include her humor and her wit.

The following is a story that Grandma Vivian told me in September, 2005. On this day were were celebrating her son Jude's 80th birthday. Now, to be fair, my memory's not always the sharpest when it comes to details, but I'll try to remember it the way it happened.

Grandma: Hey, have you tried my 5-Day Pineapple Upside-Down Cake?
Me: Not yet.......how do you make a a 5-Day Pineapple Upside-Down Cake, Grandma?
Grandma: Well, I'll tell you. You see, on DAY ONE, I looked around my kitchen to see what ingredients I needed to buy. I had only one egg and the recipe called for two. And, I was out of crushed pineapple.......but I heard that the Dollar General down the way had some fresh cans in stock.
Me: When did you get the crushed pineapple, Grandma?
Grandma: On DAY TWO. You should of seen the lady at the check out when I told her I was making my son's favorite dessert for his 80th birthday. She looked at me and asked, "His 80th birthday? Well, how old are you?" I told her......98.....and walked out of the store. I think she was surprised to see me drive myself away.
Me: I'm sure she was, Grandma. I bet she'll never forget you.
Grandma: So, on DAY THREE, I borrowed two eggs from my neighbor.
Me: Why two eggs, Grandma? I thought you already had one and just needed one more.
Grandma: Well, what do you think I had for breakfast that morning?
Me: Oh.........
Grandma: Well, on DAY FOUR, I got out my mixing bowls and pans. Then, this morning..... which was DAY FIVE........ I had that cake out of the oven before 9:00 a.m. And it's in the kitchen if you want to give it a try.
Me: I can't wait.

Every time I think of that story, I think about how a mother, even at the age of 98, desires to share her love with her child. I think of my independent, energetic, and witty Great Grandma who loved to perform, loved to bring us together with games, and loved the Pacers SO much that each year she would cover her apartment door with every single newspaper picture about them that she could find (oh, would she be disappointed in them today!). She stopped driving her car just a few months after that birthday celebration in September 2005. She'd always said that when she gave up her car, then she'd be giving up her independence. It was only a few months after she'd 'turned in her keys', that she passed away in March 2006.

Grandma's 5-Day Pineapple Upside Down Cake also reminds me that it's okay to slow down. Waiting can be good. Taking as much delight in the process as in the end result can be very fulfilling. Who knows who I might meet along the way? Who knows what I'll learn? If I try to do it too quickly, chances are I'll miss something important. I might still get the same 'end' result......like a pineapple upside cake....but maybe I wouldn't enjoy it as much as I would have enjoyed it had I just slowed down a little bit. And of course, if I take my time.....I may have a much more interesting story to tell when I get done.