It was a year ago yesterday that I had my mammogram, ultrasound and core biopsy. That was the day the radiologist told me he was pretty sure it was cancer.
Sometimes I'd like to find that doctor and talk to him. He had said within a year it would all be a distant bad memory. I'd have a lumpectomy, maybe chemo, and radiation. He even said most women can keep working without much interruption in their lives. Yes, he meant well, but he should have just kept quiet. I don't hold any bad thoughts toward him, but he got it all wrong with me.
Maybe that's why I've been feeling a bit blue these days. It's one year later and that 'distant bad memory' is still in my present. They (meaning my doctors) tell me I'm in remission (though I don't have any tests that officially say so). That does give me some relief. But I still have to finish my Herceptin treatments through January. Of course, instant menopause and tamoxifen haven't helped my topsy-turvy emotional and non-hormonal state of mind.
So, here's the part where I tell it as it is. What do you do when there are more bad days than good days? I'm past the intense phase of surgeries, chemo and radiation. Now I'm adjusting to the emotional ups-and-downs of dealing with body image, chronic pain, short and long term side effects. How do I stay afloat with homeschooling, household management, continued doctor and physical therapy appointments, and treatments. Honestly, there are many days that I'd rather stay in bed.
I've got some good ideas...... like prayer, rest, healthy eating, good supplements, talking with someone. These have all been helpful to me, but apparently not enough. One thing that I've been avoiding, delaying, putting off (you name it!!!) is exercise. Of course, this is one of the most important things I could be doing for myself.
For about six weeks, I've been exploring the idea of swimming. It would help my range of motion and strength in both arms, as well as help with my lymphadema and chronic chest wall pain on the right side. Plus, exercise in general is good for one's mood. 'I've been meaning to'......(how many times have I said that?!?)......call a couple with whom I used to swim a few years ago. I couldn't find the evening swim times anywhere and I knew they would know. But..... 'I just never got around to it' (oh yeah, I've heard that before).
Well, I serve a God who cares about me. He cares about every little intimate detail of my life. No, He didn't spare me from a pretty tough year, but He never let me walk it alone, either.
Well, guess who I ran into the other night? Yep, my swimming friends!!!! I haven't seen them for over 2 years. The moment I saw them I thanked God for loving me so much. The following night, I was in the pool.
What a sight! Swimming, though not my preferred method of exercise, is ideal for my circumstances. The problem.....I really can't swim. It's amazing how flippers, a kick board, and a floatation device around the waist can keep this non-swimmer afloat!!! Within a few laps, I was able to toss out the kick board and swim free style (yes, I kept the floaty around my waist!)
I'm praying that adding exercise will help the emotional ups and downs I've been having. Instead of bobbing up and down in the endless sea of 'life after cancer'.....I pray I'll struggle less, and stay afloat more, now that I've added swimming to my weekly repertoire.
***************
We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain, where Jesus, who went before us, has entered on our behalf. He has become a high priest forever, in the order of Melchizedek. Hebrews 6:19-20
Friday, November 14, 2008
Thursday, November 6, 2008
A Beautiful Thing
To match each parent to the areas of service God has uniquely gifted him/her, in order for the various parts of God’s family to work together for His glory.
That is one of the purposes of the Homeschool Co-op we attend. This year our group added 16 new families, we began meeting in a new location, and we took our junior high and high school group in a new direction. There were plenty of reasons why it could have been a rocky start.
But...
But, God....
Our co-op has witnessed each parent using the unique gifts God has given her, and we've been blessed by 'the various parts of God's family working together for His glory.' And it is a beautiful thing. I am truly thankful for all the families who make up our group.
Recently, I attended a women's retreat from my sister's church. The ladies who met together and planned the retreat did such a great job. It was another example to me of each one using the unique gifts God has given her. I watched as 'the various parts of God's family worked together for His glory' and I was encouraged. It was a beautiful thing.
We were meant to live our daily lives with 'the various parts of God's family working together for His glory.' Can you imagine if each member in a family was able to live his or her life in this manner? It would be a beautiful thing.
********
My prayer is that those who are seeking would seek even more,
That those who are looking would look past the shore,
That the gifts that You've given would show themselves true,
And not lie unnoticed from lack of good use.
Give us strength to go forward, though mistakes, they will come.
May we give grace to all men, and not just to some.
Lord, strengthen the family...What a beautiful thing!
When we work for Your glory and crown you as King.
********
Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. I Peter 4:8-10
That is one of the purposes of the Homeschool Co-op we attend. This year our group added 16 new families, we began meeting in a new location, and we took our junior high and high school group in a new direction. There were plenty of reasons why it could have been a rocky start.
But...
But, God....
Our co-op has witnessed each parent using the unique gifts God has given her, and we've been blessed by 'the various parts of God's family working together for His glory.' And it is a beautiful thing. I am truly thankful for all the families who make up our group.
Recently, I attended a women's retreat from my sister's church. The ladies who met together and planned the retreat did such a great job. It was another example to me of each one using the unique gifts God has given her. I watched as 'the various parts of God's family worked together for His glory' and I was encouraged. It was a beautiful thing.
We were meant to live our daily lives with 'the various parts of God's family working together for His glory.' Can you imagine if each member in a family was able to live his or her life in this manner? It would be a beautiful thing.
********
My prayer is that those who are seeking would seek even more,
That those who are looking would look past the shore,
That the gifts that You've given would show themselves true,
And not lie unnoticed from lack of good use.
Give us strength to go forward, though mistakes, they will come.
May we give grace to all men, and not just to some.
Lord, strengthen the family...What a beautiful thing!
When we work for Your glory and crown you as King.
********
Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. I Peter 4:8-10
Monday, November 3, 2008
He is Our Help
Talking about finances is not something I like to mention on this blog. But I must share the goodness of my God and how he has provided for our family in this area during this year.
The diagnosis of cancer can affect much more than the body. It certainly has the potential to affect the pocketbook. Yet, I am once again reminded that God is our provider.....in all things.
At the beginning of this year, anticipating the extra expenses and the decrease in income, we readjusted our mortgage so that our property taxes were no longer included in the monthly payment. That certainly helped get us through the many months that I was not working. But of course, November was approaching. That's when the property taxes were due....and we owe on two properties (which is another long story). Every time we set aside money for that payment, a new medical expense would come through and deplete our savings.
My mom and dad gave us an unexpected monetary gift in the spring. That helped pay for many of the expenses that we had been putting on our VISA and lifted a heavy load.
Sean has great insurance through his company. I praise God for that provision. But even with his insurance, our out-of-pocket expenses have been hefty. For the most part, we have been able to stay on top of them. How? Well, by God's provision, of course. Sean had submitted a resume months ago for an adjunct teacher's position at a local technical college. He was surprised to get a call just a couple of weeks before the fall session started. Within days, he taught a mock class in front of the administrators of the school and was offered the teaching job. In fact, they asked him to teach the same class in two of their locations. Of course, this did not get in the way of Sean's day job! He has worked diligently and been able to work his regular job AND teach two classes each week! God has been so good to work this out for him.....for us. It's been a sacrifice on all of us, but through his second job, we have been able to keep up with most of the medical bills that have come through.....but we still haven't been able to put anything back for those pesky property taxes.
How did God provide for those? Well, he sent the Sweet Melissa Foundation. Two weeks ago, Sweet Melissa came to our house with a check for $3000. WOW!!! That's really all I can say.....WOW!!! We were so humbled and appreciative of this gift for we know that it took many hands many hours to put it all together.....and even more hands and more generous hearts to bring it to fruition. WOW!!!
We did all that we could do to get through this tough year......but all we could do was not enough. It was God who orchestrated everything and took care of us. He provided us the opportunity to re-finance at the beginning of the year, He provided through my Mom and Dad, He provided through Sean's teaching job, and He provided through the Sweet Melissa Foundation. He has provided in soooooooooo many other ways. I give Him the glory and I say, "Thank You, Lord!"
***********
We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even as we put our hope in you. Psalm 33:20-22
The diagnosis of cancer can affect much more than the body. It certainly has the potential to affect the pocketbook. Yet, I am once again reminded that God is our provider.....in all things.
At the beginning of this year, anticipating the extra expenses and the decrease in income, we readjusted our mortgage so that our property taxes were no longer included in the monthly payment. That certainly helped get us through the many months that I was not working. But of course, November was approaching. That's when the property taxes were due....and we owe on two properties (which is another long story). Every time we set aside money for that payment, a new medical expense would come through and deplete our savings.
My mom and dad gave us an unexpected monetary gift in the spring. That helped pay for many of the expenses that we had been putting on our VISA and lifted a heavy load.
Sean has great insurance through his company. I praise God for that provision. But even with his insurance, our out-of-pocket expenses have been hefty. For the most part, we have been able to stay on top of them. How? Well, by God's provision, of course. Sean had submitted a resume months ago for an adjunct teacher's position at a local technical college. He was surprised to get a call just a couple of weeks before the fall session started. Within days, he taught a mock class in front of the administrators of the school and was offered the teaching job. In fact, they asked him to teach the same class in two of their locations. Of course, this did not get in the way of Sean's day job! He has worked diligently and been able to work his regular job AND teach two classes each week! God has been so good to work this out for him.....for us. It's been a sacrifice on all of us, but through his second job, we have been able to keep up with most of the medical bills that have come through.....but we still haven't been able to put anything back for those pesky property taxes.
How did God provide for those? Well, he sent the Sweet Melissa Foundation. Two weeks ago, Sweet Melissa came to our house with a check for $3000. WOW!!! That's really all I can say.....WOW!!! We were so humbled and appreciative of this gift for we know that it took many hands many hours to put it all together.....and even more hands and more generous hearts to bring it to fruition. WOW!!!
We did all that we could do to get through this tough year......but all we could do was not enough. It was God who orchestrated everything and took care of us. He provided us the opportunity to re-finance at the beginning of the year, He provided through my Mom and Dad, He provided through Sean's teaching job, and He provided through the Sweet Melissa Foundation. He has provided in soooooooooo many other ways. I give Him the glory and I say, "Thank You, Lord!"
***********
We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even as we put our hope in you. Psalm 33:20-22
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Popping-Up
My second son, Trevor, celebrated his ninth birthday this week. I can't believe how quickly time has gone by, how quickly he has grown. Of all my boys, he seems to have his growth roots dug into the richest soil.
To celebrate his special day, we started with our tradition of daddy taking the birthday boy out to breakfast. Then a few days later, on Friday night, Trevor had some of his friends come over for a birthday party/sleep over.
We were supposed to be camping this weekend with some friends and their church family, but Spencer had a play-off football game on Saturday afternoon. It's been a tradition for the last few years to go camping in October with these friends. We only see them once or twice a year, but they are like family. I was the most bummed for having to miss the camping trip. "We can do it, Sean. We can still camp and then drive back for the game. " I tried, but I knew he was right. Yes, I'm whining and complaining. It's not an attractive quality. I should stop.
Anyway, we decided to pop up our camper next to the house and let Trevor and his buddies spend the night in it. We stocked the refrigerator with Gatorade and put out some yummy snacks. After pizza, presents, cupcakes, ice cream, and a few hours of playing outside, the boys went right into the camper for a game of Risk while watching Star Wars IV (on the smallest TV/VCR set possible....I think it's a 9 inch screen!!!) Most of them were up by 6:30 this morning, but they just hung out in the camper playing games. Sean and I slept until 8:15!!! It was time for pancakes and sausage, and then a few rounds of 'Capture the Flag.' Those boys had a blast!!! Sean and I decided this was the best way for the boys to celebrate with their friends.
Tomorrow, we'll have our final celebration for Trevor's ninth birthday (and his cousin's thirteenth birthday). My mom is cooking up a mighty fine lunch for everyone at her house. It's not every year that the boys get to celebrate their birthday three times.....but it's not every year that you turn nine, either!
Happy Birthday to My Treasure!
To celebrate his special day, we started with our tradition of daddy taking the birthday boy out to breakfast. Then a few days later, on Friday night, Trevor had some of his friends come over for a birthday party/sleep over.
We were supposed to be camping this weekend with some friends and their church family, but Spencer had a play-off football game on Saturday afternoon. It's been a tradition for the last few years to go camping in October with these friends. We only see them once or twice a year, but they are like family. I was the most bummed for having to miss the camping trip. "We can do it, Sean. We can still camp and then drive back for the game. " I tried, but I knew he was right. Yes, I'm whining and complaining. It's not an attractive quality. I should stop.
Anyway, we decided to pop up our camper next to the house and let Trevor and his buddies spend the night in it. We stocked the refrigerator with Gatorade and put out some yummy snacks. After pizza, presents, cupcakes, ice cream, and a few hours of playing outside, the boys went right into the camper for a game of Risk while watching Star Wars IV (on the smallest TV/VCR set possible....I think it's a 9 inch screen!!!) Most of them were up by 6:30 this morning, but they just hung out in the camper playing games. Sean and I slept until 8:15!!! It was time for pancakes and sausage, and then a few rounds of 'Capture the Flag.' Those boys had a blast!!! Sean and I decided this was the best way for the boys to celebrate with their friends.
Tomorrow, we'll have our final celebration for Trevor's ninth birthday (and his cousin's thirteenth birthday). My mom is cooking up a mighty fine lunch for everyone at her house. It's not every year that the boys get to celebrate their birthday three times.....but it's not every year that you turn nine, either!
Happy Birthday to My Treasure!
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
What's in a Name?
This weekend I was blessed to take part in a baby shower for my cousin, Laura.
I love baby showers! I love babies! I especially love looking in Baby Name books to see the meaning behind the names. You know, God knew us before we were born. He calls us by name.
Today, my Parker found the Baby Name book and was browsing through it to find out the meanings of the names in our family. Besides being a good school lesson (searching alphabetically for a word), it was an encouragement to me. After going through every one's first and middle name, we came to my middle name....Kimberly.
I don't think I've ever looked at the meaning of my middle name before.
Kimberly: Seeker of Truth. Blessed are those who keep His testimonies, who seek Him with the whole heart! Psalm 119:2.
Thank you, Lord, for this blessing today. I needed these encouraging words which came through the curiosity of my seven year old; but were directed through you. Thank you, Lord, for your perfect timing!
So, what's in your name?
*******
A good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold. Proverbs 22:1
"I tell you the truth, the man who does not enter the sheep pen by the gate, but climbs in by some other way, is a thief and a robber. The man who enters by the gate is the shepherd of his sheep. The watchman opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice. But they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do not recognize a stranger's voice." John 10:1-5
For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile--the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, for, "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved." Romans 10:12-13
I love baby showers! I love babies! I especially love looking in Baby Name books to see the meaning behind the names. You know, God knew us before we were born. He calls us by name.
Today, my Parker found the Baby Name book and was browsing through it to find out the meanings of the names in our family. Besides being a good school lesson (searching alphabetically for a word), it was an encouragement to me. After going through every one's first and middle name, we came to my middle name....Kimberly.
I don't think I've ever looked at the meaning of my middle name before.
Kimberly: Seeker of Truth. Blessed are those who keep His testimonies, who seek Him with the whole heart! Psalm 119:2.
Thank you, Lord, for this blessing today. I needed these encouraging words which came through the curiosity of my seven year old; but were directed through you. Thank you, Lord, for your perfect timing!
So, what's in your name?
*******
A good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold. Proverbs 22:1
"I tell you the truth, the man who does not enter the sheep pen by the gate, but climbs in by some other way, is a thief and a robber. The man who enters by the gate is the shepherd of his sheep. The watchman opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice. But they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do not recognize a stranger's voice." John 10:1-5
For there is no difference between Jew and Gentile--the same Lord is Lord of all and richly blesses all who call on him, for, "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved." Romans 10:12-13
Monday, October 6, 2008
Letting the Wind Out
Thank you, friends, for your prayers today. That balloon was knocked clear out of the sky! I got a call around 4:30 from my oncologist's nurse. My bone scan was normal!!! Not only am I excited for the good news, I'm also grateful for the speediness in getting the results.
Hear my prayer, O Lord;
Let my cry for help come to you.
Do not hide your face from me
when I am in distress.
Turn your ear to me;
when I call, answer me quickly.
(Psalm 102:1-2)
Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth.
Worship the Lord with gladness;
come before him with joyful songs.
Know that the Lord is God.
It is he who made us, and we are his;
we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.
Enter his gates with thanksgiving
and his courts with praise;
give thanks to him and praise his name.
For the Lord is good and his love endures forever;
his faithfulness continues through all generations.
(Psalm 100)
Hear my prayer, O Lord;
Let my cry for help come to you.
Do not hide your face from me
when I am in distress.
Turn your ear to me;
when I call, answer me quickly.
(Psalm 102:1-2)
Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth.
Worship the Lord with gladness;
come before him with joyful songs.
Know that the Lord is God.
It is he who made us, and we are his;
we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.
Enter his gates with thanksgiving
and his courts with praise;
give thanks to him and praise his name.
For the Lord is good and his love endures forever;
his faithfulness continues through all generations.
(Psalm 100)
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Tut-Tut, It Looks Like Rain
Could you pray for me?
My energy level has picked up and as a result I've done more things. I've worked a few Saturdays. I played in the softball tournament. I rode some roller coasters. Slow down, slow down. That's easy to say, but when you've been limited for so long, it's hard to do. Well, maybe I have overdone it a bit because I've had some back pain that hasn't gone away for the past six weeks. So, my oncologist scheduled a bone scan for tomorrow morning.
I want to say, "Oh, I'm sure everything will be fine." But the truth is that I don't know what tomorrow will bring. I pray that everything will be fine and that with some further core strengthening exercises, my back will get stronger and the pain will go away. That is my prayer. I place that before my God.
The emotional ups and downs after major treatment for cancer can be hard. Every headache, every bone ache, every twinge or irregularity gets scrutinized by one's imaginings. It's like having a rain cloud over one's head. From day to day the cloud rarely changes, but one's perspective of the cloud can change from hour to hour.....if one let's it. Some days the cloud is just a passing thought, but on other days it encircles above, looming like a hurricane.
I refuse to let this cloud fester and grow within my mind. So, today whenever it's tried to gather strength, the picture I see is Edward Bear....."Who?" you ask. Well, Pooh, of course. I picture Pooh floating along with his blue balloon. Silly? Maybe. That's okay, God has given me a unique perspective and way of taking my thoughts captive...and it works for me! :)
Do you remember that story of Pooh trying to trick the bees in hopes of getting a little smackerel of honey. He disguises himself as a cloud and floats along while holding onto his big blue balloon. Christopher Robin walks beneath him wearing a raincoat, carrying an umbrella, and saying, "Tut-Tut, it looks like rain." In the end, Pooh's deception fails and he misses out on the honey. Christopher Robin eventually shoots the 'cloud' out of the sky to save Pooh.
So, I thank you for your prayers. Just because it looks like rain and smells like rain.....doesn't mean it always rains. Let's knock this cloud out of the sky!
*******
James 1:2-5 (Message)
Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way. If you don’t know what you’re doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You’ll get his help and won’t be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believing without a second thought.
My energy level has picked up and as a result I've done more things. I've worked a few Saturdays. I played in the softball tournament. I rode some roller coasters. Slow down, slow down. That's easy to say, but when you've been limited for so long, it's hard to do. Well, maybe I have overdone it a bit because I've had some back pain that hasn't gone away for the past six weeks. So, my oncologist scheduled a bone scan for tomorrow morning.
I want to say, "Oh, I'm sure everything will be fine." But the truth is that I don't know what tomorrow will bring. I pray that everything will be fine and that with some further core strengthening exercises, my back will get stronger and the pain will go away. That is my prayer. I place that before my God.
The emotional ups and downs after major treatment for cancer can be hard. Every headache, every bone ache, every twinge or irregularity gets scrutinized by one's imaginings. It's like having a rain cloud over one's head. From day to day the cloud rarely changes, but one's perspective of the cloud can change from hour to hour.....if one let's it. Some days the cloud is just a passing thought, but on other days it encircles above, looming like a hurricane.
I refuse to let this cloud fester and grow within my mind. So, today whenever it's tried to gather strength, the picture I see is Edward Bear....."Who?" you ask. Well, Pooh, of course. I picture Pooh floating along with his blue balloon. Silly? Maybe. That's okay, God has given me a unique perspective and way of taking my thoughts captive...and it works for me! :)
Do you remember that story of Pooh trying to trick the bees in hopes of getting a little smackerel of honey. He disguises himself as a cloud and floats along while holding onto his big blue balloon. Christopher Robin walks beneath him wearing a raincoat, carrying an umbrella, and saying, "Tut-Tut, it looks like rain." In the end, Pooh's deception fails and he misses out on the honey. Christopher Robin eventually shoots the 'cloud' out of the sky to save Pooh.
So, I thank you for your prayers. Just because it looks like rain and smells like rain.....doesn't mean it always rains. Let's knock this cloud out of the sky!
*******
James 1:2-5 (Message)
Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way. If you don’t know what you’re doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You’ll get his help and won’t be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believing without a second thought.
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