Catch and Release

(I wrote this for WeGrowMinistries, Parents Encouraging Parents Blog on Family Enrichment on October 10, 2010. 


“Come, follow me,” Jesus said, “and I will make you fishers of men.”

I thought I understood this verse……and then I took up fly fishing. There is more depth in Jesus’ words than I ever imagined.

1. A fisherman knows what kind of fish he’s trying to catch. He knows, according to the season, what interests the fish.
2. He understands his equipment. He knows where to cast the line and when to cast the line.
3. He appreciates that there are times to wait, times to pull the line in, and times to re-cast. He must be patient. When one lure doesn’t work, he’ll choose another.

We are all called to be fishers of men, but as parents our kids are our first priority. To understand the privilege of introducing Jesus to our kids, let’s apply these fly fishing principles to our parenting.

First, know your kids. Each child is unique with his own set of God-given interests and abilities that can change over time and with maturity.

Second, understand your limitations and God’s provision. No parent is perfect and no parent has all of the answers. Ask the Lord to give you wisdom and discernment. Seek Him for direction in how and when to reach the heart of your child.

Third, appreciate the process, be patient, and wait upon the Lord. I’m only just beginning to understand this aspect as my oldest son reaches his teen years. There are certainly times to speak into your child’s life. But as they grow and mature, you want them to recognize God’s voice above your own.

Share Jesus with your kids, everyday. Whether it be through His Word, through a story about what God has done in your life, through prayer, by your example or with your love…there are all kinds of ways to share Jesus with your kids. They will catch the vision of what it is to walk with Jesus as they watch you.

In many ways, Godly parenting is like the “catch and release” method of fishing. We are to “catch” our kids and reach their hearts for Jesus. Then, we must “release” them back into the world and continue modeling for them what it is to recognize Jesus-- each time they see Him. This is a daily process. The sooner we appreciate this fact, the more patient we will be with the process….and with ourselves….and with our kids.

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“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” Deuteronomy 6:4-7

“Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.” Psalm 34:8

Thanksgiving

It was three years ago that I really appreciated Thanksgiving for the first time.  That was when I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  In fact, I had my first appointment with my surgeon the day before Thanksgiving in 2007 and we scheduled my (first) surgery for the following Tuesday.  Has it really only been three years?  It seems like ten years have been added to my life since then.

Prior to that, it was always the time of family and togetherness that I looked forward to the most on Thanksgiving.  Of course, that is still important to me, but now I am just so thankful to be here.

I don't care if the stuffing is just right, or if the turkey is big enough to feed everyone.  Who cares if there are enough pies, or if decaf or caffeinated coffee is being served?  I'm just so thankful to be here. 

Why do we worry about whatever family tension may be a brewing?  We are together.  Can't we be thankful that we are together--whatever that looks like for me....for you. 

I can just see Jesus interceding for us and cheering us on as we come together with family! 
"You can do it!"       "Love your brother."        "Forgive your sister." 
     "Let it (whatever "it" is) go."       "Lay down your pride."      "Hug your mother."       
"Kiss your father."         "Play with your children."       "Engage with your grandparents."

There are so many things we can be thankful for!

Well, Happy Thanksgiving!  And pass the turkey, please!

The Dragonfly

(The following is something I wrote back in July for the Parents Encouraging Parents section of We Grow Ministries.  I thought I'd share it with you.  Since writing this, God has really been working in my life to help me respond better to my kids.  Praise the Lord!)

While sitting in the backyard, my ten year old came rushing up to me with a poor helpless dragonfly dangling from a stick. Its wings were drenched.

“Can you save him, Mommy?” asked my hopeful child.

Who knows what caused the demise of this dragonfly? Maybe it took a wrong turn. Maybe it zigged when it should have zagged. Regardless, the dragonfly had made a bad decision and was now paying the consequences.

I could relate. I was burdened down from poor choices I had been making as a parent. After some consistent wrong turns, I felt like a failure. Though God had blessed me with the job of parenting four boys, lately it felt more like a burden. Who was going to come and rescue me?

While the dragonfly rested in my care, I considered my current situation:

Why have I been so impatient with the boys? Over and over and over again, I find myself reacting to situations rather than responding. God calls me to respond with a gentle and quiet spirit (1 Peter 3:4). Yet often, my words have been harsh and my responses have been soaked in tones of irritation. Instead of ‘soaring on wings as eagles’ (Isaiah 40:31), or even flittering as a dragonfly, I’m drowning in regrets. It’s obvious by their constant nagging and berating of each other that I’ve set a poor example for them to follow.

Thirty minutes later, the dragonfly still clung to the stick upon my lap. I had never seen a dragonfly so close for such a long stretch of time. What beauty was in the creature’s shimmering wings and body! At every angle against the sunlight, the unmoving dragonfly glistened in colors of green, blue, and black.

Then an incredible thing happened. In slow motion, the wings opened and closed. Then the dragonfly walked off of the stick and onto my pant leg. Soon, it was flittering along the creek bank again.

There are times when I become burdened down as a parent. I can feel helpless, or even hopeless. Just as my son came to me to save the dragonfly, I come to God in desperation and I ask, “Can you save me from the mess I’ve made? Is there any hope?” Often my frustrations are the greatest when I recognize that my children’s shortcomings—those attitudes, behaviors, or sentiments that push my “I can’t take it anymore” buttons—are a mere reflection of my own shortcomings.

God is waiting for me to take some time and to come and to sit in His presence. As I unload my burdens and confess my sins, He is faithful and just to forgive me (1 John 1:9). It’s really, really hard for me to set apart time to pray and to read God’s Word. But when I do, I always find hope. I always find strength. I always find rest. I can just see God looking at me from every angle while I rest in His presence. I wonder, “Is the beauty that He created in me more evident in those times?” I’m sure it is, especially in my actions and in my responses. And I’m sure it is more evident to my children and to my husband.

When I come before the Lord with true transparency, He gives me the forgiveness and the grace I need to get up and to try again. Before long, I have the strength and the desire to ‘flitter’ down the path of Godly parenthood once again.

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Instead, it [your beauty] should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 1 Peter 3:4

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. I John 1:9

Casting for Recovery

Mid-Flex........Tippets.....

Clinch Knot.....Dry and Wet Flies.....Caddis......

These words, and many more, were added to my vocabulary over the past weekend in which I attended a retreat for women who have or have had breast cancer.  This was no ordinary weekend.

Fourteen women from all walks of life across the state of Indiana were "randomly" selected from a pool of applicants.  And I was one of them! 

Though it is true that our applications were randomly chosen by human hands, I believe that this particular weekend was meant for each one of us.  I could provide a list of examples that, to me, confirm that God's hand was in this orchestrating every detail; but for the sake of confidentiality, that will have to stay out of this blog entry.  From attendees to program coordinators and from medical professionals to fly-fishing and river helpers, this weekend was truly exceptional. 

Yes, I said FLY FISHING.

This weekend used the beautiful art and rhythm of fly fishing, combined with counseling and medical expertise, to bring each participant one step further in her road to recovery.  It was truly a tapestry of grace, love, compassion, respite, and healing. 

There are a few moments in life when you can walk away from something and know that the hands and feet that served you faithfully and lovingly were extensions of your Lord.  That is what this weekend felt like to me.

A huge thank you goes out to the hundreds of volunteers who make this retreat possible.  An even bigger one goes out to the women and men who made this specific weekend possible.  Thank you so much!

Now that I'm home I see that there are a few more words in my vocabulary whose depth of meaning were expanded because of Casting for Recovery.  Words like......

Compassion......Love......Servant's Heart.

Guidance........Graciousness.......Friendship.

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Casting for Recovery was founded in 1996 by a professional fly fisher and a reconstructive surgeon.  To find out more, or to tell a breast cancer survivor about this retreat, check out their website by clicking here.
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I lift up my eyes to the hills--where does my help come from?  My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.  Psalm 121:1-2

School Begins

One of my blogger and homeschool friends came up with a great way to start off her school year.  Seeing that I was lacking a great way to start mine, I borrowed some of her ideas 

Tomorrow, our oldest heads off for public school for the first time.  We are very excited for him.  So today, we officially kicked off our school year, for homeschool and public school, together. 

We started with the borrowed idea of having a time capsule.  So, as the boys sat at our round table for nearly two hours, they filled out four blank pages with the following information:

What are three things you are good at?
A self-portrait.
What do you dream about doing?
What will you do this year to improve in one area?

The answers were varied in thoughtfulness and creativity.  Some were completed with words and some with pictures.  You just never know what you're going to get with an assignment like this.  I decided not to interfere with their creative processes and was pleasantly surprised by most of their ideas (and as you will see, a little concerned about a few!)  So, in random order (to keep their anonymity) here are the answers I got to the above questions:

What are three things you are good at?  Soccer, climbing, thinking up ideas, art, reading, math, sports, camping.
A self-portrait.  Oh, I wish I could show you these.  The boys had so much fun and really worked hard on them.
What do you dream about doing?  Designing things for the Army, Becoming a Regional Service Manager, Being a Wizard (What?), Making Shoes, and Racing Cars. 
What will you do this year to improve in one area?  read more (YAY, he thought this up on his own!!), riting (boy, did he hit the nail on the head with that one!), brotherly love (Thank you, Jesus!), laying on the floor to do my math (hmm, maybe that will make all the difference!  Pun intended.)

After completing all the answers, we rolled up the papers and stuck them in our "time capsule"--a modified cardboard Sensodyne toothpaste box--to be opened on our last day of school.

Oh, yes, and during this process two of my boys decided to change their names.  Brenner would like to be called by his middle name, Isaiah.  Parker would like to be called Bubba--which is the name of a friend I had in high school.  (After my high school reunion last year, the boys asked me lots of questions about who I saw.  I mentioned seeing Bubba--who no longer goes by that name, but it's hard to think of him as anything else.  Well, apparently the boys loved the name and have debated for awhile as to who among them should be called Bubba.  I guess Parker won).   We'll see how long that lasts. 

We wrapped up our morning by brainstorming ideas for our daily schedule, our classroom rules, our chore rotation, quick lunch/snack ideas, and field trips.  During the field trip discussion, ideas like "a trip to Disney World, to the Grand Canyon, and to Kansas to see their cousins," kept coming up. I had to remind them that a field trip is a day trip, not a destination vacation.

May God's hand continue to be upon us this school year.  Teaching us, prodding us, growing us, speaking to us, and showing us how to live this life for Him!

Parents Encouraging Parents

It was through this blog that I discovered my love of writing. The jumbled thoughts inside my head line up and make more sense when I put them down. Though I don't blog as much as I used to, it's still therapeutic for me.

This summer a friend from church asked if I would consider writing some articles for the "Parents Encouraging Parents" section of her website, WeGrowMinistries.com. http://wegrowministries.com/

I decided to give it a try. Why not? So, let me know what you think. And if you have a moment, check out my friend's website.

Here is my first one:


When Rhonda Haslett, creator of WeGrowMinistries.com, asked if I would consider writing some articles in the "Parents Encouraging Parents" section of her ministry website, I was initially very honored and excited. Then, on my way home from church, panic set in.

"Who am I to encourage other parents? What could I say that would be helpful, or inspirational or encouraging, for that matter? I'm probably not a good example to follow, anyway? What's the use?"

Before the car turned into our neighborhood, I had dashed any hopes of producing one shred of encouragement...ever. The other five passengers in the car, which included my husband and four sons, were oblivious to the battle that had engulfed my mind during that twenty minute ride home from church. I consciously noted each bad choice I made throughout the rest of the day...which added to the reasons why I COULD NOT write encouraging articles to other parents. In fact, by the end of the day, it was official. I was the worst parent that had ever walked on this earth.

As a parent, can you relate to the battle that can take place within your soul? Do you desire to be Christ-like and to demonstrate the love of God to your children, yet feel like maybe God made a mistake when He choose you for this awesome role of parenting?

Did I handle that discipline issue the right way?

Have I failed in training my child to be a good steward...to be responsible...to show respect....to be kind...to know and to love God?

Why do I always have to tell him the same thing over and over and over and over and over again?

I promised myself I wouldn't react with anger today, and yet I just yelled at my child before I even got out of bed!

Can I just buy a T-shirt for the boy that reads, "Really, my parents are trying, but I have a free will AND I'm willing to use it!"

Argh! Parenthood has its challenges.

Honestly, I've wondered often in the last month if Rhonda picked the wrong mom. The idea of encouraging other parents may be difficult, especially when there are many days in a week when I'm the one who needs the encouragement. I mess up everyday as a parent. Every single day.

I suppose that is the beauty of "Parents Encouraging Parents." We are regular, ordinary parents just like you. We have not perfected parenthood, but we are willing to be transparent in both our failures and our successes. We are willing to learn and to grow and to apply God's Word to our lives. As we share what God is teaching us, we pray that you are encouraged along the way.

May each of us grow to become parents after God's own heart!

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But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness. Hebrews 3:13

All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work {including parenthood}. 2 Timothy 3:16

The Music Man

This summer has been super busy for my youngest two boys. In May they auditioned for Hendricks Civic Theatre's production of "The Music Man" and were asked to join the cast.

Initially practices were about three times a week for 2 to 3 hours at a time. But with the first performance coming up this Friday night, everyone has had to be there almost every night for the past two weeks. Now we're there for 4 hours at a stretch!! Four hours!!

There was a point about three weeks ago where I'd hear the boys say, "We have to go to practice again." But now that we are in Tech Week, which is the week that everything starts coming together with costumes, set, orchestra, and props, the boys are excited to be there--for four hours at a stretch....without any snacks! Whew!

"The Music Man" will be a two-hour performance, including an intermission. There are around 60 people in the cast. The boys are seeing first hand all of the work that goes into making the show a success.

Last night they came out in their costumes wearing derby hats, knickerbockers, long sleeve, buttoned-down shirts, suspenders, long socks and dark shoes. They were so adorable!!

If you're in the area and would care to enjoy some family entertainment, consider coming to see "The Music Man." Yes, I know, a shameless plug! The cost is $12/adults and $8/seniors and children. You can purchase tickets at the door. The performances are at Plainfield High School, starting at 8:00 p.m. on Friday and Saturday, and 2:30 p.m. on Sunday. The show is this weekend and next weekend.

If not for any other reason, you should come just to see two of the cutest River City Kids you've ever seen!!!