Testing...Testing...1,2,3

This week I went in for my bone scans and abdominal and chest CT scans. As my mom, my sister and I walked out from the long day of testing, my sister asked, "So, when will you find out the results?" Oh, the results.....I forgot to ask. I was all geared up to have the tests done, but didn't think to ask about the results. Maybe I've become too used to being a 'pin cushion'......just another day with modern medicine. Or maybe God's peace is so profound in my life right now that it didn't really matter. I do remember saying, "Well, it's not like I'm going anywhere this week.....they'll tell me when they know.....and when they do........then I'll know." Either way, it didn't take long to find out. The next afternoon I had an email from my nurse which said that everything looked fine! Isn't that awesome! Whew!!!

All of this testing reminds me of school days..........There was a time when I would cram information into my "big ol' noggin" up to the very last second before a test. Part of that stemmed from healthy competition with other classmates, and some of it was a reflection of how I viewed my own worth...my own value. In some twisted way, I associated my worth on how well I performed on the test. Gradually, my perspective changed and I began to realize that my value wasn't dependent on the outcome of the test. What a relief!

I wish it were so simple in life. So long paper and pencil tests. Good-bye bubble dots, multiple choice and essay questions. Welcome, Choices Galore!!! I thought I'd worked out all the kinks about my worth and value. But there are times when I can still get my thoughts twisted. And I don't even realize it right away. I fall back into the mentality that my value and worth are wrapped up in my 'performance'.....or, truth be told......the 'performance' of my kids.

Why do I do what I do? To stand out and be noticed? or maybe to blend in and be overlooked? Sometimes it's nice to be noticed.....and sometimes it feels safer to be overlooked. But most times, it just feels right to do what's right. But is my value....my worth....dependent on me doing what's right? My Bible tells me, No. And although I can find myself caught in the 'performance' trap, I know that my worth is not tied up in that. Instead, it is rooted in Jesus Christ.

As I walk through this valley, I wonder....Is this another test, Lord? Are there still more lessons to be learned? Could we take a break for awhile? Is it possible that you got the wrong girl? Hmm....testing....testing....1,2,3....... testing....testing....1,2,3......

Are you there?

Yes. I know you are because I am enveloped in Your perfect peace. I am sheltered by your wings. Sure, there are days that I would like this all to vanish in an instant, like waking up from a terrible dream. I do not enjoy this trial, and yet I find joy and peace in the midst of it. That.....that is how I know you are with me, O Lord.

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Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls. 1 Peter 1:8,9.

But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions--it is by grace you have been saved. Ephesians 2:4

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God--not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:8-10.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34

Splendor and majesty are before him; strength and joy in his dwelling place. Ascribe to the Lord, O families of nations, ascribe to the Lord glory and strength. 1 Chronicles 16: 27, 28