It wasn't but a week ago, I noticed something new.
Instead of hair upon my head, my scalp was showing through.
A knitted cap or fancy scarf could cover up the sight.
But they did make my head to ache and itch and scratch at night.
I'd had enough the other night and wanted to be brave.
and contemplated for a time, if it was time to shave
the straggly hairs upon my head that stuck out all about,
or should I wait another week before I tried that out.
Sean looked at me, and smiled so sweet, not wanting to persuade.
He knew the choice was up to me, and let me contemplate.
And finally at a half past ten, I knew just what to do.
And Sean took out his little kit and bid my hair adieu.
I couldn't look. I feared the worst. What was I soon to see?
A bumpy, knobby, wrinkly head, a scar or two, or three.
I asked my man to step outside, to give me time alone
That I may peer upon my head in private.....on my own.
With eyes shut tight, I reached up high and felt my prickly hair.
Then slowly, peeked...then quickly looked...and finally stood and stared.
It's not so bad. I see no bumps or scars or wrinkly skin.
In fact, the lone hair that stuck out's no longer on my chin.
What unexpected freedom came! What unexpected joy!
If I could have but one wish now, I'm sure that I'd employ
That every woman have this chance to feel the freedom of
A barren head, a hairless chin, and love from up above.
It's hard to lay aside our pride. It's hard to lay things down.
To things we've had for oh so long, like hair upon our crown.
If hair, or job, or child, or dream, before the Lord you've placed...
I pray that God will fill you up with his unending grace.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Testing...Testing...1,2,3
This week I went in for my bone scans and abdominal and chest CT scans. As my mom, my sister and I walked out from the long day of testing, my sister asked, "So, when will you find out the results?" Oh, the results.....I forgot to ask. I was all geared up to have the tests done, but didn't think to ask about the results. Maybe I've become too used to being a 'pin cushion'......just another day with modern medicine. Or maybe God's peace is so profound in my life right now that it didn't really matter. I do remember saying, "Well, it's not like I'm going anywhere this week.....they'll tell me when they know.....and when they do........then I'll know." Either way, it didn't take long to find out. The next afternoon I had an email from my nurse which said that everything looked fine! Isn't that awesome! Whew!!!
All of this testing reminds me of school days..........There was a time when I would cram information into my "big ol' noggin" up to the very last second before a test. Part of that stemmed from healthy competition with other classmates, and some of it was a reflection of how I viewed my own worth...my own value. In some twisted way, I associated my worth on how well I performed on the test. Gradually, my perspective changed and I began to realize that my value wasn't dependent on the outcome of the test. What a relief!
I wish it were so simple in life. So long paper and pencil tests. Good-bye bubble dots, multiple choice and essay questions. Welcome, Choices Galore!!! I thought I'd worked out all the kinks about my worth and value. But there are times when I can still get my thoughts twisted. And I don't even realize it right away. I fall back into the mentality that my value and worth are wrapped up in my 'performance'.....or, truth be told......the 'performance' of my kids.
Why do I do what I do? To stand out and be noticed? or maybe to blend in and be overlooked? Sometimes it's nice to be noticed.....and sometimes it feels safer to be overlooked. But most times, it just feels right to do what's right. But is my value....my worth....dependent on me doing what's right? My Bible tells me, No. And although I can find myself caught in the 'performance' trap, I know that my worth is not tied up in that. Instead, it is rooted in Jesus Christ.
As I walk through this valley, I wonder....Is this another test, Lord? Are there still more lessons to be learned? Could we take a break for awhile? Is it possible that you got the wrong girl? Hmm....testing....testing....1,2,3....... testing....testing....1,2,3......
Are you there?
Yes. I know you are because I am enveloped in Your perfect peace. I am sheltered by your wings. Sure, there are days that I would like this all to vanish in an instant, like waking up from a terrible dream. I do not enjoy this trial, and yet I find joy and peace in the midst of it. That.....that is how I know you are with me, O Lord.
********
Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls. 1 Peter 1:8,9.
But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions--it is by grace you have been saved. Ephesians 2:4
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God--not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:8-10.
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34
Splendor and majesty are before him; strength and joy in his dwelling place. Ascribe to the Lord, O families of nations, ascribe to the Lord glory and strength. 1 Chronicles 16: 27, 28
All of this testing reminds me of school days..........There was a time when I would cram information into my "big ol' noggin" up to the very last second before a test. Part of that stemmed from healthy competition with other classmates, and some of it was a reflection of how I viewed my own worth...my own value. In some twisted way, I associated my worth on how well I performed on the test. Gradually, my perspective changed and I began to realize that my value wasn't dependent on the outcome of the test. What a relief!
I wish it were so simple in life. So long paper and pencil tests. Good-bye bubble dots, multiple choice and essay questions. Welcome, Choices Galore!!! I thought I'd worked out all the kinks about my worth and value. But there are times when I can still get my thoughts twisted. And I don't even realize it right away. I fall back into the mentality that my value and worth are wrapped up in my 'performance'.....or, truth be told......the 'performance' of my kids.
Why do I do what I do? To stand out and be noticed? or maybe to blend in and be overlooked? Sometimes it's nice to be noticed.....and sometimes it feels safer to be overlooked. But most times, it just feels right to do what's right. But is my value....my worth....dependent on me doing what's right? My Bible tells me, No. And although I can find myself caught in the 'performance' trap, I know that my worth is not tied up in that. Instead, it is rooted in Jesus Christ.
As I walk through this valley, I wonder....Is this another test, Lord? Are there still more lessons to be learned? Could we take a break for awhile? Is it possible that you got the wrong girl? Hmm....testing....testing....1,2,3....... testing....testing....1,2,3......
Are you there?
Yes. I know you are because I am enveloped in Your perfect peace. I am sheltered by your wings. Sure, there are days that I would like this all to vanish in an instant, like waking up from a terrible dream. I do not enjoy this trial, and yet I find joy and peace in the midst of it. That.....that is how I know you are with me, O Lord.
********
Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls. 1 Peter 1:8,9.
But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions--it is by grace you have been saved. Ephesians 2:4
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God--not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:8-10.
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34
Splendor and majesty are before him; strength and joy in his dwelling place. Ascribe to the Lord, O families of nations, ascribe to the Lord glory and strength. 1 Chronicles 16: 27, 28
Saturday, February 23, 2008
'WhatNot' and Updates
My mom has always had an interesting and colorful vocabulary using words like 'whatnot,' 'doodge-a-ma-flops,' and 'thing-a-ma-jigs.' They are comforting words to me....reminders of days gone by. They feel at home in my mouth but I've tried for years to keep a 'lid' on them. Typically, words like that are met with chuckles and strange looks when uttered by a younger generation. (I still include myself in the 'younger' generation, whether I really am or not!) Yet the older I get, the more I find those words slipping out during conversations. It just can't be helped.
This past month I've had a whirlwind of activity with doctor's appointments, chemotherapy infusions, tests and whatnot. Since finding out that I would need a double mastectomy on my thing-a-ma-jigs, I've been researching my options for reconstruction. The Wellness Center, near Keystone at the Crossing, had a panel discussion of women who'd had mastectomies and who'd chosen various options for reconstruction. Very timely for me! After the discussion, there was a private show-n-tell session for women who wanted to see the results of the surgeries. Now that may sound odd to you, but for someone like me who's looked at hundreds of pictures of reconstruction, it was a great opportunity. Pictures just don't tell the whole story. I tip my hat off to those brave ladies who humbly showed me their new 'thing-a-ma-bobs.'
Based on my circumstances, I've decided to delay reconstruction. Whether that will be for 2 months or 10 years.....I do not know. Initially, I felt this HUGE pressure to figure it all out before I had my surgery. But now I realize that this decision can wait for as long as I want it to. That's a relief to me. One main reason for delaying reconstruction is that I may need to undergo radiation therapy on my right side after my surgery. Radiation has a powerful effect on the skin and underlying tissues in which it is directed. This has the potential of deforming any reconstruction that has taken place.
Okay, enough talk about that! On to other 'what-cha-ma-call-its' and 'do-hickeys'.....
Considering the unexpected results of my breast MRI (with the involvement of my lymph nodes on my right side), my oncologist and I have decided that it would be wise to have some further tests run. Next week I will have a bone scan and some CAT scans to have a better 'look-see' at the rest of my body. We are praying that no abnormalities, anomalies or doodge-a-ma-flops will show up.
And what about my hair? Well, it is 'fur sure and fur certain' ....(I just finished listening to Part 1 of Beverly Lewis' novel, The Parting....which is about an Amish family).... that I will be losing it all in the next week or two. The thinning out process began on day 17 and has continued ever since. I've always maintained that I was born for the '80's. I have an ENORMOUS amount of hair on my head. I never had to work for 'big hair,' never had to tease my 'bangs' or any part of my hair to make it full. Once the 80's ended, I was in trouble. For the past 18 years I've tried everything I could to get my hair to look thinner. Well, I couldn't do any of the time consuming things, like using a straightening iron......there's no time for that when you're raising four boys AND when enjoy an extra hour of sleep every morning. I never thought of chemotherapy as the solution. But here I am, thinning out every day. It'll grow back.....eventually. In the mean time, I'll be composing my third rendition of 'Ode to My Hair.'
Well, that's about it for me today. Let me know if you have other expressions that your mother or grandmother used to say so I can add it to my repertoire (but, keep it clean! :)).
*********
Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
Isaiah 40: 28-31
This past month I've had a whirlwind of activity with doctor's appointments, chemotherapy infusions, tests and whatnot. Since finding out that I would need a double mastectomy on my thing-a-ma-jigs, I've been researching my options for reconstruction. The Wellness Center, near Keystone at the Crossing, had a panel discussion of women who'd had mastectomies and who'd chosen various options for reconstruction. Very timely for me! After the discussion, there was a private show-n-tell session for women who wanted to see the results of the surgeries. Now that may sound odd to you, but for someone like me who's looked at hundreds of pictures of reconstruction, it was a great opportunity. Pictures just don't tell the whole story. I tip my hat off to those brave ladies who humbly showed me their new 'thing-a-ma-bobs.'
Based on my circumstances, I've decided to delay reconstruction. Whether that will be for 2 months or 10 years.....I do not know. Initially, I felt this HUGE pressure to figure it all out before I had my surgery. But now I realize that this decision can wait for as long as I want it to. That's a relief to me. One main reason for delaying reconstruction is that I may need to undergo radiation therapy on my right side after my surgery. Radiation has a powerful effect on the skin and underlying tissues in which it is directed. This has the potential of deforming any reconstruction that has taken place.
Okay, enough talk about that! On to other 'what-cha-ma-call-its' and 'do-hickeys'.....
Considering the unexpected results of my breast MRI (with the involvement of my lymph nodes on my right side), my oncologist and I have decided that it would be wise to have some further tests run. Next week I will have a bone scan and some CAT scans to have a better 'look-see' at the rest of my body. We are praying that no abnormalities, anomalies or doodge-a-ma-flops will show up.
And what about my hair? Well, it is 'fur sure and fur certain' ....(I just finished listening to Part 1 of Beverly Lewis' novel, The Parting....which is about an Amish family).... that I will be losing it all in the next week or two. The thinning out process began on day 17 and has continued ever since. I've always maintained that I was born for the '80's. I have an ENORMOUS amount of hair on my head. I never had to work for 'big hair,' never had to tease my 'bangs' or any part of my hair to make it full. Once the 80's ended, I was in trouble. For the past 18 years I've tried everything I could to get my hair to look thinner. Well, I couldn't do any of the time consuming things, like using a straightening iron......there's no time for that when you're raising four boys AND when enjoy an extra hour of sleep every morning. I never thought of chemotherapy as the solution. But here I am, thinning out every day. It'll grow back.....eventually. In the mean time, I'll be composing my third rendition of 'Ode to My Hair.'
Well, that's about it for me today. Let me know if you have other expressions that your mother or grandmother used to say so I can add it to my repertoire (but, keep it clean! :)).
*********
Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
Isaiah 40: 28-31
Saturday, February 16, 2008
Look Good.....Feel Good
Being the youngest of four girls, I grew up with the notion that I would be the 'boy' my daddy never had. Not that I wanted to be a boy, mind you, but I was naturally drawn to more 'boy' things. I loved to play football and dig for potato bugs (also known as rollypollys) with my buddy, Bradley, who lived down the street. As I grew, sports were a great fit for me. I have many wonderful memories playing summer softball with my dad as my coach. (Around junior high age, I really wanted to be a cheerleader like my sister, Angie.....but unfortunately I didn't have the 'spring' necessary to make my jumps look graceful or pretty! So I continued with my sports.)
The point I'm trying to make: I never really paid attention to the things that my sisters were doing.....putting on make-up, styling hair, dressing fashionably. For me, getting 'beautified' was something you did on Sunday mornings or special occasions. It felt more like a chore....almost as bad as cleaning the toilets!! Not much has changed for me over the years. I 'put on my face' for Sunday mornings and special occasions, but on any other day I put aside the 'chore' of applying make-up, or I just put on the bare minimum. Truly, I wish I could enjoy the process a bit more, especially as I get older and see my face slowly succomb to aging.
This past Monday, I had the unique opportunity to 'get educated' on the finer things of make-up application through a class sponsored by the American Cancer Society (ACS), called "Look Good....Feel Good." It provides instruction for women undergoing treatment for cancer: how to take care of your hair, your skin and your nails AND how to apply make-up. (I was a little embarrassed that I was the only one asking LOTS of questions during the make-up application portion!!!). I came home with a bag FULL of FREE make-up products. So, you might be surprised the next time you see me....that is if you can recognize me under all of those products! I'd still prefer throwing the football and digging up bugs, but I suppose it doesn't hurt to 'Look Good' while I do it!
In general, though, the things that make me 'feel good' have little to do with 'looking good.' (I say, 'in general,' because I'm fully aware of the temporary sense of well being that comes from being dressed nicely and groomed well, and thereby 'looking good.') For instance, when I clean my house I get more satisfaction from cleaned closets and cabinets, than I do from clean carpets, floors and counters. I'm not sure why that is. It's not like anyone's going to see my clean closets or cabinets. But I do see this thinking reflected in how I view my life. I feel much better about myself when I can bring ALL of my emotional stuff out in the light of God. You know, that stuff that can get stuffed in the 'closets and cabinets' of our souls; stuff that seems easier to ignore and hide than to expose and clean up; stuff like unforgiveness, fear, bitterness, anger, guilt, sin.
I'm still in process. There are many areas in my life that I need to have 'exposed.' When I get real with God, allowing myself to be vulnerable and transparent before the Lord.... willing to open up the 'cabinets and closets' that contain my fears, my sins, my guilt, my shame.....THAT is when I am truly free. That is when 'feeling good' is real and eternal.....not just a temporal covering over. The enemy would love for me to continue to conceal and to cover myself, just as Adam and Eve did in the Garden of Eden after they sinned. But God says to me...he says to you..."I've got you covered. There is no shame, there is no fear, when you walk with Me."
I am grateful for the wonderful gift the ACS provided me and the other precious ladies who attended the class. I appreciate the temporal sense of feeling good in the midst of all the side effects with which I am daily confronted. Yet, I am even more grateful for the precious gift that God has given me. The gift of faith, of hope, and of love. The gift of freedom. THESE are the gifts which truly make me 'feel good.'
*******
Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. Psalm 42:5
Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. Psalm 62:5
Know also that wisdom is sweet to your soul; if you find it, there is a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off. Proverbs 24:14
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Proverbs 31:30
Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And the now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. I Corinthians 13:12-13
The point I'm trying to make: I never really paid attention to the things that my sisters were doing.....putting on make-up, styling hair, dressing fashionably. For me, getting 'beautified' was something you did on Sunday mornings or special occasions. It felt more like a chore....almost as bad as cleaning the toilets!! Not much has changed for me over the years. I 'put on my face' for Sunday mornings and special occasions, but on any other day I put aside the 'chore' of applying make-up, or I just put on the bare minimum. Truly, I wish I could enjoy the process a bit more, especially as I get older and see my face slowly succomb to aging.
This past Monday, I had the unique opportunity to 'get educated' on the finer things of make-up application through a class sponsored by the American Cancer Society (ACS), called "Look Good....Feel Good." It provides instruction for women undergoing treatment for cancer: how to take care of your hair, your skin and your nails AND how to apply make-up. (I was a little embarrassed that I was the only one asking LOTS of questions during the make-up application portion!!!). I came home with a bag FULL of FREE make-up products. So, you might be surprised the next time you see me....that is if you can recognize me under all of those products! I'd still prefer throwing the football and digging up bugs, but I suppose it doesn't hurt to 'Look Good' while I do it!
In general, though, the things that make me 'feel good' have little to do with 'looking good.' (I say, 'in general,' because I'm fully aware of the temporary sense of well being that comes from being dressed nicely and groomed well, and thereby 'looking good.') For instance, when I clean my house I get more satisfaction from cleaned closets and cabinets, than I do from clean carpets, floors and counters. I'm not sure why that is. It's not like anyone's going to see my clean closets or cabinets. But I do see this thinking reflected in how I view my life. I feel much better about myself when I can bring ALL of my emotional stuff out in the light of God. You know, that stuff that can get stuffed in the 'closets and cabinets' of our souls; stuff that seems easier to ignore and hide than to expose and clean up; stuff like unforgiveness, fear, bitterness, anger, guilt, sin.
I'm still in process. There are many areas in my life that I need to have 'exposed.' When I get real with God, allowing myself to be vulnerable and transparent before the Lord.... willing to open up the 'cabinets and closets' that contain my fears, my sins, my guilt, my shame.....THAT is when I am truly free. That is when 'feeling good' is real and eternal.....not just a temporal covering over. The enemy would love for me to continue to conceal and to cover myself, just as Adam and Eve did in the Garden of Eden after they sinned. But God says to me...he says to you..."I've got you covered. There is no shame, there is no fear, when you walk with Me."
I am grateful for the wonderful gift the ACS provided me and the other precious ladies who attended the class. I appreciate the temporal sense of feeling good in the midst of all the side effects with which I am daily confronted. Yet, I am even more grateful for the precious gift that God has given me. The gift of faith, of hope, and of love. The gift of freedom. THESE are the gifts which truly make me 'feel good.'
*******
Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. Psalm 42:5
Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. Psalm 62:5
Know also that wisdom is sweet to your soul; if you find it, there is a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off. Proverbs 24:14
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Proverbs 31:30
Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And the now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. I Corinthians 13:12-13
Saturday, February 9, 2008
Goodbye "Ben" and "Dex"
Parting really is sweet sorrow. I've only known 'Ben' and 'Dex' for a few weeks, but they really were nice companions. 'Ben' was good at keeping me relaxed in the midst of chaos and 'Dex' had a knack for picking me up and getting me going.
If you're a little confused....let me explain. I'm referring to the wonderful medicinal 'cocktail' I received prior to my chemo drugs, which consisted of benadryl and dexamethasone. Both of these drugs were administered to help prevent allergic reactions to Taxol. But apparently, I gave them a run for their money (whew, ain't that the truth!) since I continued to have allergic reactions despite their ever-presence coursing through my veins.
With the switch to Abraxane, there is no risk for allergic reactions....hence, no need for the pre-med-'cocktail.' I thought I would be able to say goodbye to 'Ben' and 'Dex' without looking back. But today (one day after my infusion) I'm realizing that there were some benefits, especially with 'Dex.' True, Dex kept me up most of the night, but rather than feeling tired and sleepy, I was always ready to go the day after chemo. Apparently, one of the 'bonus' side effects of dex is the somewhat 'euphoric' state it temporarily provides.
I will miss that extra 'pick me up' I get the day after chemo......but in the long run, it sure was nice to sleep ALL night last night. AND, I am very, very, very, VERY relieved that I shall not have to face another allergic reaction to Taxol.
If you're a little confused....let me explain. I'm referring to the wonderful medicinal 'cocktail' I received prior to my chemo drugs, which consisted of benadryl and dexamethasone. Both of these drugs were administered to help prevent allergic reactions to Taxol. But apparently, I gave them a run for their money (whew, ain't that the truth!) since I continued to have allergic reactions despite their ever-presence coursing through my veins.
With the switch to Abraxane, there is no risk for allergic reactions....hence, no need for the pre-med-'cocktail.' I thought I would be able to say goodbye to 'Ben' and 'Dex' without looking back. But today (one day after my infusion) I'm realizing that there were some benefits, especially with 'Dex.' True, Dex kept me up most of the night, but rather than feeling tired and sleepy, I was always ready to go the day after chemo. Apparently, one of the 'bonus' side effects of dex is the somewhat 'euphoric' state it temporarily provides.
I will miss that extra 'pick me up' I get the day after chemo......but in the long run, it sure was nice to sleep ALL night last night. AND, I am very, very, very, VERY relieved that I shall not have to face another allergic reaction to Taxol.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
That Perfect Peace
When first diagnosed with breast cancer, I welcomed the peace that God gave me in the midst of the turmoil. It's not something I could 'muster' up on my own. It's not easy to desribe, but that hasn't kept me from trying.........
It's kind of like being a hamster in one of those big round balls and running all over the place.......bumping into this and that without coming to any harm. The dog can't eat it, the kids can't squeeze it, and it won't get lost. Hmmmm....not the greatest analogy. It's hard to get past the whole idea of being a hamster, isn't it? I'm sure a hamster, if it could, would have a hard time describing its ' forced containment' in the ball as anything similar to peace.
Thankfully, my friend, Cara, sent me a letter from Bill Bright, founder of Campus Crusade for Christ, in which he describes 'that perfect peace.' I connected with his analogy and today I'd like to share that picture with you. Many people that I know have recently experienced much turmoil in their own lives....the death of loved ones, health issues, relationship issues, work issues.......you name it....And my prayer is that they will experience 'that perfect peace' that Mr. Bright describes below:
*****
Dear friends:
Long ago a man sought the perfect picture of peace. Not finding one that truly satisfied, the man announced a contest to produce this masterpiece.
This challenge stirred the imagination of artists everywhere, and paintings arrived from far and wide. Finally, the great day of revelation arrived. The judges uncovered one peaceful scene after another, while the viewers clapped and cheered.
The tensions grew. Only two pictures remained veiled. As a judge pulled the cover from one, a hush fell over the crowd. A mirror-smooth lake reflected beautiful, green birches under the soft blush of the evening sky. Along the grassy shore, a flock of sheep grazed undisturbed. Surely this was the winner.
Finally, the very last entry was uncovered by the artist himself, and the crowd gasped in surprise. Could this be peace?
The painting showed a tumultuous waterfall cascading down a rocky precipice. The crowd could almost feel its cold, penetrating spray. Stormy, gray clouds threatened to explode with lightning, wind and rain. In the midst of the thundering noises and bitter chill, a spindly little tree clung to the rocks at the edge of the falls. One of its branches reached out in front of the torrential waters as if foolishly seeking to experience its full power. In the elbow of that branch, a little bird had built a nest. Content and undisturbed in her stormy surroundings, she rested on her eggs. With her eyes closed and her wings ready to cover her little ones, she manifested a peace that transcends all earthly worry.
Like that little bird, we live in a world of great turmoil and stormy surroundings. Strife, violence, and uncertainty are all around us, constantly threatening to overwhelm us. We are tiny and we seem so vulnerable to the powerful and destructive forces of the world.
Yet in the midst of that, God gave us His supernatural peace. Our Lord tells us, "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid" (John 14:27, NIV).
We know that peace is God's will for us. Most of the New Testament letters, each word inspired by the Holy Spirit, begin with something like "Grace and peace to you."
Always remember, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:6-7).
Yours for fulfilling the Great Commission
each year until our Lord returns,
Bill Bright
(Taken from: http://www.crosswalk.com/1148922/
*********
The picture of that mother bird on her nest is a much closer image of God's perfect peace (Adios, little hamster!). I'm thankful that He continues to be faithful to me in his provision. I've had some moments of anxiety....that is true. But when I follow the prescription of Philippians 4:6-7, I find myself in a place that I long to be. And I can only thank my Lord for it. And I pray that you would experience His peace in the midst of the difficulties that you are facing.
This week, I return for my 5th chemotherapy infusion. My oncologist has switched my Taxol to a different form...Abraxane....which does not produce allergic reactions. So, NO MORE 'elephants' on my chest!!!
It's kind of like being a hamster in one of those big round balls and running all over the place.......bumping into this and that without coming to any harm. The dog can't eat it, the kids can't squeeze it, and it won't get lost. Hmmmm....not the greatest analogy. It's hard to get past the whole idea of being a hamster, isn't it? I'm sure a hamster, if it could, would have a hard time describing its ' forced containment' in the ball as anything similar to peace.
Thankfully, my friend, Cara, sent me a letter from Bill Bright, founder of Campus Crusade for Christ, in which he describes 'that perfect peace.' I connected with his analogy and today I'd like to share that picture with you. Many people that I know have recently experienced much turmoil in their own lives....the death of loved ones, health issues, relationship issues, work issues.......you name it....And my prayer is that they will experience 'that perfect peace' that Mr. Bright describes below:
*****
Dear friends:
Long ago a man sought the perfect picture of peace. Not finding one that truly satisfied, the man announced a contest to produce this masterpiece.
This challenge stirred the imagination of artists everywhere, and paintings arrived from far and wide. Finally, the great day of revelation arrived. The judges uncovered one peaceful scene after another, while the viewers clapped and cheered.
The tensions grew. Only two pictures remained veiled. As a judge pulled the cover from one, a hush fell over the crowd. A mirror-smooth lake reflected beautiful, green birches under the soft blush of the evening sky. Along the grassy shore, a flock of sheep grazed undisturbed. Surely this was the winner.
Finally, the very last entry was uncovered by the artist himself, and the crowd gasped in surprise. Could this be peace?
The painting showed a tumultuous waterfall cascading down a rocky precipice. The crowd could almost feel its cold, penetrating spray. Stormy, gray clouds threatened to explode with lightning, wind and rain. In the midst of the thundering noises and bitter chill, a spindly little tree clung to the rocks at the edge of the falls. One of its branches reached out in front of the torrential waters as if foolishly seeking to experience its full power. In the elbow of that branch, a little bird had built a nest. Content and undisturbed in her stormy surroundings, she rested on her eggs. With her eyes closed and her wings ready to cover her little ones, she manifested a peace that transcends all earthly worry.
Like that little bird, we live in a world of great turmoil and stormy surroundings. Strife, violence, and uncertainty are all around us, constantly threatening to overwhelm us. We are tiny and we seem so vulnerable to the powerful and destructive forces of the world.
Yet in the midst of that, God gave us His supernatural peace. Our Lord tells us, "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid" (John 14:27, NIV).
We know that peace is God's will for us. Most of the New Testament letters, each word inspired by the Holy Spirit, begin with something like "Grace and peace to you."
Always remember, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:6-7).
Yours for fulfilling the Great Commission
each year until our Lord returns,
Bill Bright
(Taken from: http://www.crosswalk.com/1148922/
*********
The picture of that mother bird on her nest is a much closer image of God's perfect peace (Adios, little hamster!). I'm thankful that He continues to be faithful to me in his provision. I've had some moments of anxiety....that is true. But when I follow the prescription of Philippians 4:6-7, I find myself in a place that I long to be. And I can only thank my Lord for it. And I pray that you would experience His peace in the midst of the difficulties that you are facing.
This week, I return for my 5th chemotherapy infusion. My oncologist has switched my Taxol to a different form...Abraxane....which does not produce allergic reactions. So, NO MORE 'elephants' on my chest!!!
Saturday, February 2, 2008
How Can I Not Sing Praise?
I've been rather quiet on the blog this week. I've had many things happen but really haven't had the time to sit down and put my thoughts together. So, this one may be longer than most as I have a lot on my heart to share with you. I'll break it down by days (and this is but a glimpse):
SUNDAY: After church, I had a good looooooooooong nap. I woke up in time to get picked up by a friend and past co-worker, Celia. Every year she and I and some of our other past co-workers try to get together for dinner. What a wonderful group of therapists (speech, physical, and sometimes occupational, too)!!! What a wonderful group of friends!!! It's always good to catch up on the latest news and events in each other's lives. So, thank you to Ann, Andrea, Eric, Julie, Kristen and Celia for coming out! And a special thank you to Celia for getting us all together.....and to Julie for being so real with me as you relate your journey with breast cancer.
MONDAY: I've been involved in a Beth Moore study with other homeschooling moms since September. We've taken it slowly (rather than the typical every week meeting) so that we can still have time to work through her lesson plans in our very busy schedules. WOW! She is such a gifted teacher! She made the comment at the beginning that you know if God has given you the gift of teaching, if after hearing something yourself, you just can't wait to share those 'new' truths with someone else. Well, here are the wonderful truths that I 'just can't wait to share' with you. As much as these apply in my life.....I believe they apply in all of our lives.
First, let me give some background. This study is called, "A Woman's Heart: God's Dwelling Place." In this study we have briefly traveled through creation and on to Abraham's life when God called him out of Ur of Chaldees and into Canaan. Then we went on to Moses's life and the subsequent journey that the Israelites took into the 'wilderness' for 40 years. The entire study is meant to teach much about the tabernacle of the Old Testament and how it is a shadow of things eternal AND how it (along with the duties of the priests) is a foreshadow of Jesus Christ in the New Testament. Yes, it is a very in-depth look......oh, how I love it!!!
So, after finishing school with my boys and then taking another long nap, a friend picked me up and we went to the Beth Moore study. Monday's lesson was taught from Hebrews 7:25. Beth always goes back to the original Greek to help better understand scripture. In this verse we learn that Jesus THRIVES in interceding for us. Yes, he already has life......but in interceding for us, he has it MORE ABUNDANTLY. Think about it.....What is it you do in life that you just 'thrive' on?....What gives you 'more abundant life?'...... To me, it was such a revelation to consider my Savior, sitting at the right hand of His father.....doing what he longs to do most.....interceding for ME!!!.....interceding for YOU!!! Friends, I know some of the struggles you are going through right now, but I know someone who knows them completely. Not only that, but he 'goes to bat' for you EVERYDAY! 'Christ is the only one who can hang with you for the length and the depth of your need.' (a quote from Beth Moore). Hang onto Him!
"What has you bent over? (What has kept you completely unable to straighten up at all?....okay think spiritually here.....What 'monkey' is on your back?) Have you come to a place where you believe that this is WHO YOU ARE & that you CAN NOT CHANGE! God's release has come to you!!!! Your past does not get to prophecy your future. God's release has come to you!!!" ......another Beth quote, minus the ( )'s.
Okay, I'd better lay my passion aside for a bit......and move on.
TUESDAY: My hubby made plans for us to go out Tuesday night with another couple to celebrate my birthday. This would not have been possible without the wonderful gift of babysitting provided by Uncle Mike! My boys just LOVE him! When we left the house around 6:30 the temperature was around 55 degrees. 4 hours later.....it was 15 degrees! As we sat down for dinner, a HUGE cold front/storm/rain/snow/tornado weather system came through. We wondered if we'd be eating our dinners in the bathroom!!! But we had a lovely dinner together with Tiffini and Tom.
WEDNESDAY: I've considered asking God for a miracle (okay, truth is, I already did, but I'm pretty sure what the answer is). I've wondered if he could just get rid of Wednesday's entirely. He made the sun stand still for Joshua in the battle at Gibeon.....so I believe it's something utterly within His power to do. Still, I think my prayer is a little more selfish......I just want to avoid the 'bad news' days.
Something else I've been learning through Beth Moore: God stays consistent with our purpose! AND God allows our trials and tribulations if they fit into His purpose. Just as David served God's purpose in his own generaion (Acts 13:36), we are called to serve God's purpose in our generation. And in the midst of the trial, in the midst of the tribulation, God will prove himself completely trustworthy, completely faithful.......And remember....Jesus 'ever liveth' to make intercession for us as we face our trials and tribulations.
So, this Wednesday, I got a call from my surgeon regarding the biopsy that was taken last Friday. If a doctor calls with results, you automatically know that the news is not good. There were cancer cells in the lymph node in my right axillary area. Although not completely certain, my surgeon and the radiologist believe this is another primary cancer.....not a metastasis from the left side. I'm not sure if I'm sold on that theory, but regardless, once I finish my weekly treatments of Taxol/Herceptin, I am tentatively scheduled for a double mastectomy. They will have to remove about 2/3rds of the lymph nodes in my right axilla as well.
What do I do when I hear news like this? I cry. I look for the hand of God upon my life. I praise him in the midst of the storm and I thank Him for He is completely trustworthy and faithful. And do you know what, I have a lot to be thankful for in this situation. You see, my oldest sister Kelly has been 'pushing me/pressuring me/lovingly nudging me' (you pick) to get a breast MRI done. But, according to my doctors and even in my own 'research', doing this breast MRI seemed like an extra expense that was not necessary since my mammogram was so clear. Then when I had to undergo two surgeries on my left side, with still another surgery looming in the distance, I came to the point where I did want more information.
So, how is it I see God's hand on me? What was your point, Michelle? The point is....I am stubborn. And God is patient. Thankfully, God gave me a more stubborn sister (I say that with my heart filled with love, Kelly!) and he made sure my margins were not clear on the two surgeries I had. HE KNEW WHAT WAS GOING on when nobody else did. You know, sometimes I pray and ask God for things, forgetting that He is sovereign and that everything works out so much better when HIS WILL is done. Had I received my answer to my prayer, "Lord, let me just have to do this one surgery," then all of this 'other stuff' would have gone unseen for a very long time. Then what? Now, I don't want to give the impression that it's not right to pray and ask God for stuff. That's not true. He desires that we come to Him with EVERY need and desire of our heart. But we have to accept that at times the answer is 'Yes,' sometimes it is 'No,' and sometimes it is 'Wait.' And in the process, we discover that He walks with us through it all. He is completely trustworthy and faithful. Just like the Footprints in the Sand poem.....sometimes He walks beside us and sometimes He carries us. He never leaves us nor forsakes us.
THURSDAY: I had some songs from church lingering in my head all day on Wednesday, so I tracked down the CD's on Thursday and played them over and over and over again. I wrote down some of the lyrics to share with you......sorry, I can't remember the names of these songs......
SONG 1:
The name of the Lord be lifted up. The name of the King be glorified.
Your banner above the earth is great. The love for your people deep and wide......
Beautiful Jesus.........How can I not sing to you?
Beautiful Jesus.........How can I not sing to you?
You have opened up my mouth to tell all that you have done.
What kind of love is this that you gave your only son............
Beautiful Jesus......How can I not sing to you?
Beautiful Jesus......How can I not sing to you?
(Repeat all of the above)
How can I not sing praise to Jesus who delivered me?
How can I not sing praise for my redeemer rescued me?
(Repeat several times)
SONG 2:
I cry to you.........My spirit's overwhelmed.
I long for you......The words I want to say are gone.
I search for you..........I feel so distant from your touch.
I bring to you.......All I have, this broken praise.
Hear me in my silent cry......And as you lift me up.......you tell me......
I am free.....Free from these chains of silence
I will shout your name 'cause it was me that you redeemed!
I am free.....in the freedom that only comes from you.
I will worship you. 'Cause I am free.
(Repeat song)
You are freedom. You are freedom. You are freedom.
I am free. I am free.
You are freedom. You are freedom. You are freedom.
I am free. I am free.
SONG 3 (bits and pieces):
Take my faith to another place in you.
Open my mind....to dream the dreams you have for me.
I want to see this world the way you do.
Open my eyes....to all that you want me to be.
*****
Thursday night, friends from my homeschooling family and church family came over and cleaned our house. What a blessing to us! Sean and I took the boys out to dinner and a movie.....a rare treat! When we got home the boys ran all over the house to see all that had been done and then came back to give me a full report! How sweet! They particularly loved their magna-doodle notes, special treats, and clean sheets!
FRIDAY: Chemo day. Well, I'd like to report that it was smooth sailing..................but I can't. After receiving the pre-meds, my nurse stayed with me as she started the Taxol. Fairly quickly into it, I started feeling pressure in my chest and my throat began to swell. The pressure built up to the point that it felt like an elephant was standing on me. I couldn't even raise my chest muscles to take in a breath. But my nurse was 'johnny on the spot' and took care of everything and even sat with Sean and I for about 45 minutes after she gave me more benadryl and eventually restarted the Taxol. All I can say is.......ARGH.......
And I'm glad today is Saturday, a new day!!!! I'd better say 'Adeiu.' ADEIU....to you and you and you! :)
**********
**********
Jeremiah 29:11-14. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord.
Psalm 139: 17-18. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you.
Isaiah 55:8-12. "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. You will go out in JOY and be led forth in PEACE; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands."
Psalm 46:10. "Be still, and know that I am God."
SUNDAY: After church, I had a good looooooooooong nap. I woke up in time to get picked up by a friend and past co-worker, Celia. Every year she and I and some of our other past co-workers try to get together for dinner. What a wonderful group of therapists (speech, physical, and sometimes occupational, too)!!! What a wonderful group of friends!!! It's always good to catch up on the latest news and events in each other's lives. So, thank you to Ann, Andrea, Eric, Julie, Kristen and Celia for coming out! And a special thank you to Celia for getting us all together.....and to Julie for being so real with me as you relate your journey with breast cancer.
MONDAY: I've been involved in a Beth Moore study with other homeschooling moms since September. We've taken it slowly (rather than the typical every week meeting) so that we can still have time to work through her lesson plans in our very busy schedules. WOW! She is such a gifted teacher! She made the comment at the beginning that you know if God has given you the gift of teaching, if after hearing something yourself, you just can't wait to share those 'new' truths with someone else. Well, here are the wonderful truths that I 'just can't wait to share' with you. As much as these apply in my life.....I believe they apply in all of our lives.
First, let me give some background. This study is called, "A Woman's Heart: God's Dwelling Place." In this study we have briefly traveled through creation and on to Abraham's life when God called him out of Ur of Chaldees and into Canaan. Then we went on to Moses's life and the subsequent journey that the Israelites took into the 'wilderness' for 40 years. The entire study is meant to teach much about the tabernacle of the Old Testament and how it is a shadow of things eternal AND how it (along with the duties of the priests) is a foreshadow of Jesus Christ in the New Testament. Yes, it is a very in-depth look......oh, how I love it!!!
So, after finishing school with my boys and then taking another long nap, a friend picked me up and we went to the Beth Moore study. Monday's lesson was taught from Hebrews 7:25. Beth always goes back to the original Greek to help better understand scripture. In this verse we learn that Jesus THRIVES in interceding for us. Yes, he already has life......but in interceding for us, he has it MORE ABUNDANTLY. Think about it.....What is it you do in life that you just 'thrive' on?....What gives you 'more abundant life?'...... To me, it was such a revelation to consider my Savior, sitting at the right hand of His father.....doing what he longs to do most.....interceding for ME!!!.....interceding for YOU!!! Friends, I know some of the struggles you are going through right now, but I know someone who knows them completely. Not only that, but he 'goes to bat' for you EVERYDAY! 'Christ is the only one who can hang with you for the length and the depth of your need.' (a quote from Beth Moore). Hang onto Him!
"What has you bent over? (What has kept you completely unable to straighten up at all?....okay think spiritually here.....What 'monkey' is on your back?) Have you come to a place where you believe that this is WHO YOU ARE & that you CAN NOT CHANGE! God's release has come to you!!!! Your past does not get to prophecy your future. God's release has come to you!!!" ......another Beth quote, minus the ( )'s.
Okay, I'd better lay my passion aside for a bit......and move on.
TUESDAY: My hubby made plans for us to go out Tuesday night with another couple to celebrate my birthday. This would not have been possible without the wonderful gift of babysitting provided by Uncle Mike! My boys just LOVE him! When we left the house around 6:30 the temperature was around 55 degrees. 4 hours later.....it was 15 degrees! As we sat down for dinner, a HUGE cold front/storm/rain/snow/tornado weather system came through. We wondered if we'd be eating our dinners in the bathroom!!! But we had a lovely dinner together with Tiffini and Tom.
WEDNESDAY: I've considered asking God for a miracle (okay, truth is, I already did, but I'm pretty sure what the answer is). I've wondered if he could just get rid of Wednesday's entirely. He made the sun stand still for Joshua in the battle at Gibeon.....so I believe it's something utterly within His power to do. Still, I think my prayer is a little more selfish......I just want to avoid the 'bad news' days.
Something else I've been learning through Beth Moore: God stays consistent with our purpose! AND God allows our trials and tribulations if they fit into His purpose. Just as David served God's purpose in his own generaion (Acts 13:36), we are called to serve God's purpose in our generation. And in the midst of the trial, in the midst of the tribulation, God will prove himself completely trustworthy, completely faithful.......And remember....Jesus 'ever liveth' to make intercession for us as we face our trials and tribulations.
So, this Wednesday, I got a call from my surgeon regarding the biopsy that was taken last Friday. If a doctor calls with results, you automatically know that the news is not good. There were cancer cells in the lymph node in my right axillary area. Although not completely certain, my surgeon and the radiologist believe this is another primary cancer.....not a metastasis from the left side. I'm not sure if I'm sold on that theory, but regardless, once I finish my weekly treatments of Taxol/Herceptin, I am tentatively scheduled for a double mastectomy. They will have to remove about 2/3rds of the lymph nodes in my right axilla as well.
What do I do when I hear news like this? I cry. I look for the hand of God upon my life. I praise him in the midst of the storm and I thank Him for He is completely trustworthy and faithful. And do you know what, I have a lot to be thankful for in this situation. You see, my oldest sister Kelly has been 'pushing me/pressuring me/lovingly nudging me' (you pick) to get a breast MRI done. But, according to my doctors and even in my own 'research', doing this breast MRI seemed like an extra expense that was not necessary since my mammogram was so clear. Then when I had to undergo two surgeries on my left side, with still another surgery looming in the distance, I came to the point where I did want more information.
So, how is it I see God's hand on me? What was your point, Michelle? The point is....I am stubborn. And God is patient. Thankfully, God gave me a more stubborn sister (I say that with my heart filled with love, Kelly!) and he made sure my margins were not clear on the two surgeries I had. HE KNEW WHAT WAS GOING on when nobody else did. You know, sometimes I pray and ask God for things, forgetting that He is sovereign and that everything works out so much better when HIS WILL is done. Had I received my answer to my prayer, "Lord, let me just have to do this one surgery," then all of this 'other stuff' would have gone unseen for a very long time. Then what? Now, I don't want to give the impression that it's not right to pray and ask God for stuff. That's not true. He desires that we come to Him with EVERY need and desire of our heart. But we have to accept that at times the answer is 'Yes,' sometimes it is 'No,' and sometimes it is 'Wait.' And in the process, we discover that He walks with us through it all. He is completely trustworthy and faithful. Just like the Footprints in the Sand poem.....sometimes He walks beside us and sometimes He carries us. He never leaves us nor forsakes us.
THURSDAY: I had some songs from church lingering in my head all day on Wednesday, so I tracked down the CD's on Thursday and played them over and over and over again. I wrote down some of the lyrics to share with you......sorry, I can't remember the names of these songs......
SONG 1:
The name of the Lord be lifted up. The name of the King be glorified.
Your banner above the earth is great. The love for your people deep and wide......
Beautiful Jesus.........How can I not sing to you?
Beautiful Jesus.........How can I not sing to you?
You have opened up my mouth to tell all that you have done.
What kind of love is this that you gave your only son............
Beautiful Jesus......How can I not sing to you?
Beautiful Jesus......How can I not sing to you?
(Repeat all of the above)
How can I not sing praise to Jesus who delivered me?
How can I not sing praise for my redeemer rescued me?
(Repeat several times)
SONG 2:
I cry to you.........My spirit's overwhelmed.
I long for you......The words I want to say are gone.
I search for you..........I feel so distant from your touch.
I bring to you.......All I have, this broken praise.
Hear me in my silent cry......And as you lift me up.......you tell me......
I am free.....Free from these chains of silence
I will shout your name 'cause it was me that you redeemed!
I am free.....in the freedom that only comes from you.
I will worship you. 'Cause I am free.
(Repeat song)
You are freedom. You are freedom. You are freedom.
I am free. I am free.
You are freedom. You are freedom. You are freedom.
I am free. I am free.
SONG 3 (bits and pieces):
Take my faith to another place in you.
Open my mind....to dream the dreams you have for me.
I want to see this world the way you do.
Open my eyes....to all that you want me to be.
*****
Thursday night, friends from my homeschooling family and church family came over and cleaned our house. What a blessing to us! Sean and I took the boys out to dinner and a movie.....a rare treat! When we got home the boys ran all over the house to see all that had been done and then came back to give me a full report! How sweet! They particularly loved their magna-doodle notes, special treats, and clean sheets!
FRIDAY: Chemo day. Well, I'd like to report that it was smooth sailing..................but I can't. After receiving the pre-meds, my nurse stayed with me as she started the Taxol. Fairly quickly into it, I started feeling pressure in my chest and my throat began to swell. The pressure built up to the point that it felt like an elephant was standing on me. I couldn't even raise my chest muscles to take in a breath. But my nurse was 'johnny on the spot' and took care of everything and even sat with Sean and I for about 45 minutes after she gave me more benadryl and eventually restarted the Taxol. All I can say is.......ARGH.......
And I'm glad today is Saturday, a new day!!!! I'd better say 'Adeiu.' ADEIU....to you and you and you! :)
**********
**********
Jeremiah 29:11-14. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord.
Psalm 139: 17-18. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you.
Isaiah 55:8-12. "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. You will go out in JOY and be led forth in PEACE; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands."
Psalm 46:10. "Be still, and know that I am God."
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