The results are in! No mutation was detected in the BRCA 1. Yippee! The BRCA 2 was a bit different, but not alarming. It was not a yes, nor a no, but a 'genetic variant of uncertain significance.' That's quite a mouthful. I do not carry the specific code for the BRCA 2 gene, which is good news for me and my family. If I understood the geneticist correctly, I am the first person tested to have this specific variant. So that means 'the contribution of this variant to the relative risk of breast or ovarian cancer cannot be established solely from this analysis.' .....That's another mouthful!!
My wonderful, darling husband has speculated to what my genetic variant is contributing. (He's made several suggestions, but I shall only mention this one......) He thinks it has something to do with my need to see my favorite TV programs, of which there are only two. Survivor and Lost. I tape them and watch them after the kiddos are in bed.
Last week, I forgot to record Survivor. I'm not sure which upset me more......forgetting to tape Survivor or being upset with myself for being upset for forgetting to tape Survivor. That probably doesn't make sense, but I get upset when unimportant things frustrate me...."Michelle, it's just a show. Who cares who was voted off? It doesn't matter who went to exile island or what new alliances were made. It's JUST a show." Whew, at least I didn't forget to tape Lost. That would be a tragedy!
If Sean is right, then it wouldn't take long to find my gene variant in other people. I could trace it in my family tree. I'd start with my sister Kelly. She's certainly a carrier of the 'need for TV gene,' especially of the 'Survivor and Lost' variant. We can thank our Dad for passing it to us. And without a doubt, I know where my Dad got it. (I love you, Grandma Keva!!!)
I could easily get tied up in the details of this genetic test. I could question the uncertainties and allow my thoughts to overtake me. But I am determined to keep my thoughts captive and to continue to trust in my Lord for He is forever faithful. A little bit of odd humor seems to help, too!
*******
I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. Ephesians 1:17
Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth. Worship the Lord with gladness; come before him with joyful songs. Know that the Lord is God. It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture. Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations. Psalm 100:1-5
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Friday, March 14, 2008
BRCA 1/BRCA 2
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5,6
A few weeks ago I visited a genetic counselor. They looked at my family tree and any history of cancer. After a lengthy discussion of the possibilities, my blood was drawn and sent off for testing to see if I'm a carrier for the BRCA 1 or BRCA 2 gene. Based on my family tree, I'm no different than the general population of women, which makes my initial risk 5%. But since I already have breast cancer, my risk increases to 10%.
When a woman carries the BRCA1/BRCA2 gene her risk for ovarian cancer increases to 40-60%. So most women opt for a hysterectomy if they are a carrier.
Today, Sean and I are returning to the geneticist. We'll find out the results of the test which could fall under these three categories: Yes, No, or Indeterminate. (I know I'm not using the proper word for that last one....but you get the idea). I placed the results in God's hands weeks ago when I submitted my blood because I believe He is sovereign over my life. He knew what the results would be before my blood was even drawn. Of course, I've pleaded my case with Him and shared my heart, but I know that ultimately He is in control. And through Jesus Christ who gives me strength, I can do all things.
So I trust in the Lord with all of my heart. I lean not on my own understanding. I acknowledge Him in all of my ways and know that regardless of the results, God will lead me down the path that I am to follow.
*********
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5,6
A few weeks ago I visited a genetic counselor. They looked at my family tree and any history of cancer. After a lengthy discussion of the possibilities, my blood was drawn and sent off for testing to see if I'm a carrier for the BRCA 1 or BRCA 2 gene. Based on my family tree, I'm no different than the general population of women, which makes my initial risk 5%. But since I already have breast cancer, my risk increases to 10%.
When a woman carries the BRCA1/BRCA2 gene her risk for ovarian cancer increases to 40-60%. So most women opt for a hysterectomy if they are a carrier.
Today, Sean and I are returning to the geneticist. We'll find out the results of the test which could fall under these three categories: Yes, No, or Indeterminate. (I know I'm not using the proper word for that last one....but you get the idea). I placed the results in God's hands weeks ago when I submitted my blood because I believe He is sovereign over my life. He knew what the results would be before my blood was even drawn. Of course, I've pleaded my case with Him and shared my heart, but I know that ultimately He is in control. And through Jesus Christ who gives me strength, I can do all things.
So I trust in the Lord with all of my heart. I lean not on my own understanding. I acknowledge Him in all of my ways and know that regardless of the results, God will lead me down the path that I am to follow.
*********
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Can I 'Fix' That?
Last week Sean and I went to part one of a three part clinical study focused on educating couples who are going through cancer. After finishing our first session on 'Effective Communication,' Sean came up with a great joke about 'fixing' problems. I'll do my best to re-tell it, but I know he would do a better job.
A lady walks into an Auto Shop. Her head is hanging low as if the weight of the world is on her shoulders.
Mechanic: Good morning, can I help you?
Lady: Yes, do you see that red car outside? The one with the dented fender and rust stains around the wheel doodga-ma-flops.
Mechanic: Mm-hmmm.
Lady: Well, it is giving me fits. I've noticed that it clangs when I turn my steering wheel right and it clunks when I turn it the left.
Mechanic: Really?
Lady: Yes, and for at least a week the driver's window won't go down. Do you have any idea what I have to go through to get my Starbucks at the drive through every morning?
Mechanic: I'm sure that is frustrating. Are there any other problems?
Lady: Well, now that you mention it, I do have to use sticky tape to keep my rear view mirror in place. Every fourth day, the 'stickyness' gets loose and I have to get MORE sticky tape. Ugh, what a headache!
Mechanic: Well, ma'am, I can fix all of those problems. I can have it ready for you by 5:00 tonight. Would that be alright with you?
Lady: Fix it? What? You want to fix it?
Mechanic: Well, ma'am, this is an auto shop and it is obvious your automobile has some issues.
Lady: Oh........No, I don't want you to FIX it! I just needed to tell you about it.
Mechanic: You don't want me to fix it?
Lady: Of course not. Don't be silly. I must say that just having you listen... ....well....... I'm feeling much better already. Thank you so much.
The lady leaves the shop with head held high and a new spring in her step, while the mechanic, wondering what in the world just happened, just sits and shakes his head.
A lady walks into an Auto Shop. Her head is hanging low as if the weight of the world is on her shoulders.
Mechanic: Good morning, can I help you?
Lady: Yes, do you see that red car outside? The one with the dented fender and rust stains around the wheel doodga-ma-flops.
Mechanic: Mm-hmmm.
Lady: Well, it is giving me fits. I've noticed that it clangs when I turn my steering wheel right and it clunks when I turn it the left.
Mechanic: Really?
Lady: Yes, and for at least a week the driver's window won't go down. Do you have any idea what I have to go through to get my Starbucks at the drive through every morning?
Mechanic: I'm sure that is frustrating. Are there any other problems?
Lady: Well, now that you mention it, I do have to use sticky tape to keep my rear view mirror in place. Every fourth day, the 'stickyness' gets loose and I have to get MORE sticky tape. Ugh, what a headache!
Mechanic: Well, ma'am, I can fix all of those problems. I can have it ready for you by 5:00 tonight. Would that be alright with you?
Lady: Fix it? What? You want to fix it?
Mechanic: Well, ma'am, this is an auto shop and it is obvious your automobile has some issues.
Lady: Oh........No, I don't want you to FIX it! I just needed to tell you about it.
Mechanic: You don't want me to fix it?
Lady: Of course not. Don't be silly. I must say that just having you listen... ....well....... I'm feeling much better already. Thank you so much.
The lady leaves the shop with head held high and a new spring in her step, while the mechanic, wondering what in the world just happened, just sits and shakes his head.
Monday, March 10, 2008
Couples and Cancer
True to form, I've enlisted Sean and myself into a clinical study. This one is for women who are in the midst of treatment for breast cancer and their spouses. Before you start thinking that I've begged or manipulated my husband into doing this with me, the truth is that he is a willing participant. Reluctant? Okay, maybe reluctant. But he is willing. He is SO good to me!
We will meet with the Principal Investigator three times to discuss the following issues: effective communication, intimacy and sexuality, and coping with stress and seeking social support. Prior to each meeting, we each have to fill out a survey with a multitude of questions. As contemplative as I am, it took me over an hour to fill out my first survey. I'm not sure about Sean, but I'm guessing he breezed right through his. Of course, I have to laugh at his logical way of looking at things. Before we left to go to our first meeting, I asked how he was doing with his survey....
Michelle: Are you enjoying your survey questions, honey? (Having already completed the survey myself, I was guessing that for Sean the survey was close to the equivalence of torture.)
Sean: I don't like them. All of the questions are leading questions.
Michelle: What do you mean?
Sean: Well, like this one......Since I feel that my body has betrayed me, ya-da-ya-da-ya-da...(I can't remember the rest of the question)......This question is already making the assumption that you feel betrayed by your body.......What if you don't?
Michelle: (feeling a bit confused as to why his survey would have that question....but thankful that he was at least making an attempt to do his homework and that we were having this dialogue....I pressed forward.) Are there other leading questions?
Sean: They're ALL leading questions. (Sean is not prone to exaggeration, but having already completed the survey, I knew they weren't ALL leading questions.....I think he was getting a bit frustrated.)
Michelle: I'm not so sure they're ALL leading questions. But you make a good point. So, how are you answering those?
Sean: (With imaginary pen in his hand, he starts writing in the air).....I'm just writing 'leading question'.....'leading question'......'leading question'......next to all of them.
Michelle: (A grin on my face as I imagine the principal investigator reading through Sean's packet.....and wondering if he's truly such a logical/concrete thinker......a lawyer......or just avoiding the questions) Well, honey, I guess that makes sense. (And then I think to myself..."They're going to have to re-write the whole thing now....if they want any info from Sean.")
Our first meeting was last week. The topic: Effective Communication. The points that I remember were: 1) Try to make alone time for each other so that you can keep communication going. Sometimes we make the assumption that our spouse knows what we're thinking, knows how we're feeling, knows our anxieties. But the truth is that good communication requires that we say what we are feeling in a constructive helpful way. We've got to make time for each other ....uninterrupted, alone time.....for this to happen effectively; 2) Both partners have to adapt during this time....Men have to listen and express their feeling more often and give up the desire to 'fix' the problem....Women have to turn to friends and other support systems when their husbands are 'maxed out' on listening; 3) Good communication requires listening.....listening without interrupting the other shows respect and builds trust.
Whether dealing with breast cancer or just dealing with every day life, I think these tips are valid for any couple. Something Sean and I have done for awhile now....although not as often as we could....is something called, 'Couch Time.' It's a time for us to sit on the couch and discuss our day or whatever is on our mind. The time can range from 10 minutes to 30 minutes and we do this when the kids are home, running all about. But the 'rule' is that the kids are not allowed to interrupt us or sit on the couch with us. (Because we have a couple of kids who are 90% followers of rules....always looking for ways to test the boundaries....we had to change that rule to.....nobody can touch the couch except for mommy and daddy). We had heard about this 'couch time' at a weekend marriage retreat we went to about 9 years ago. We found that as hard as it was for the kids to 'give' mommy and daddy time to themselves, it was good for them to see that mommy and daddy wanted to be together. That our relationship was IMPORTANT. And eventually, even the smallest learned to go and entertain himself during mommy and daddy's 'couch time.' Having a house full of young kids for 10 years now, it has been a good addition to our marriage. Waiting until the end of the day, when both of us are exhausted, just isn't the same and doesn't show the kids how important we are to one another.
Sean and I have been challenged by the other two points our whole marriage. Breast cancer has just allowed us to face those issues more head on.....no more sweeping them under the rug for another day. He is learning to share his feelings more and trying not to 'fix' the problems and I'm learning to be a better listener and encourager. It has been said that cancer is not good for relationships, but good relationships can be made stronger by hardship. I definitely see the latter to be true for us. I absolutely LOVE my husband. Sean is a wonderful treasure to me and God continues to unlock more treasures in the man that I married nearly 13 years ago. And I am grateful that in the midst of our hardship, we are growing together.
********
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. Ephesians 4:32, 5:1
Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Colossians 3:12-14
We will meet with the Principal Investigator three times to discuss the following issues: effective communication, intimacy and sexuality, and coping with stress and seeking social support. Prior to each meeting, we each have to fill out a survey with a multitude of questions. As contemplative as I am, it took me over an hour to fill out my first survey. I'm not sure about Sean, but I'm guessing he breezed right through his. Of course, I have to laugh at his logical way of looking at things. Before we left to go to our first meeting, I asked how he was doing with his survey....
Michelle: Are you enjoying your survey questions, honey? (Having already completed the survey myself, I was guessing that for Sean the survey was close to the equivalence of torture.)
Sean: I don't like them. All of the questions are leading questions.
Michelle: What do you mean?
Sean: Well, like this one......Since I feel that my body has betrayed me, ya-da-ya-da-ya-da...(I can't remember the rest of the question)......This question is already making the assumption that you feel betrayed by your body.......What if you don't?
Michelle: (feeling a bit confused as to why his survey would have that question....but thankful that he was at least making an attempt to do his homework and that we were having this dialogue....I pressed forward.) Are there other leading questions?
Sean: They're ALL leading questions. (Sean is not prone to exaggeration, but having already completed the survey, I knew they weren't ALL leading questions.....I think he was getting a bit frustrated.)
Michelle: I'm not so sure they're ALL leading questions. But you make a good point. So, how are you answering those?
Sean: (With imaginary pen in his hand, he starts writing in the air).....I'm just writing 'leading question'.....'leading question'......'leading question'......next to all of them.
Michelle: (A grin on my face as I imagine the principal investigator reading through Sean's packet.....and wondering if he's truly such a logical/concrete thinker......a lawyer......or just avoiding the questions) Well, honey, I guess that makes sense. (And then I think to myself..."They're going to have to re-write the whole thing now....if they want any info from Sean.")
Our first meeting was last week. The topic: Effective Communication. The points that I remember were: 1) Try to make alone time for each other so that you can keep communication going. Sometimes we make the assumption that our spouse knows what we're thinking, knows how we're feeling, knows our anxieties. But the truth is that good communication requires that we say what we are feeling in a constructive helpful way. We've got to make time for each other ....uninterrupted, alone time.....for this to happen effectively; 2) Both partners have to adapt during this time....Men have to listen and express their feeling more often and give up the desire to 'fix' the problem....Women have to turn to friends and other support systems when their husbands are 'maxed out' on listening; 3) Good communication requires listening.....listening without interrupting the other shows respect and builds trust.
Whether dealing with breast cancer or just dealing with every day life, I think these tips are valid for any couple. Something Sean and I have done for awhile now....although not as often as we could....is something called, 'Couch Time.' It's a time for us to sit on the couch and discuss our day or whatever is on our mind. The time can range from 10 minutes to 30 minutes and we do this when the kids are home, running all about. But the 'rule' is that the kids are not allowed to interrupt us or sit on the couch with us. (Because we have a couple of kids who are 90% followers of rules....always looking for ways to test the boundaries....we had to change that rule to.....nobody can touch the couch except for mommy and daddy). We had heard about this 'couch time' at a weekend marriage retreat we went to about 9 years ago. We found that as hard as it was for the kids to 'give' mommy and daddy time to themselves, it was good for them to see that mommy and daddy wanted to be together. That our relationship was IMPORTANT. And eventually, even the smallest learned to go and entertain himself during mommy and daddy's 'couch time.' Having a house full of young kids for 10 years now, it has been a good addition to our marriage. Waiting until the end of the day, when both of us are exhausted, just isn't the same and doesn't show the kids how important we are to one another.
Sean and I have been challenged by the other two points our whole marriage. Breast cancer has just allowed us to face those issues more head on.....no more sweeping them under the rug for another day. He is learning to share his feelings more and trying not to 'fix' the problems and I'm learning to be a better listener and encourager. It has been said that cancer is not good for relationships, but good relationships can be made stronger by hardship. I definitely see the latter to be true for us. I absolutely LOVE my husband. Sean is a wonderful treasure to me and God continues to unlock more treasures in the man that I married nearly 13 years ago. And I am grateful that in the midst of our hardship, we are growing together.
********
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. Ephesians 4:32, 5:1
Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Colossians 3:12-14
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Ode To My Hair (Part 3)
It wasn't but a week ago, I noticed something new.
Instead of hair upon my head, my scalp was showing through.
A knitted cap or fancy scarf could cover up the sight.
But they did make my head to ache and itch and scratch at night.
I'd had enough the other night and wanted to be brave.
and contemplated for a time, if it was time to shave
the straggly hairs upon my head that stuck out all about,
or should I wait another week before I tried that out.
Sean looked at me, and smiled so sweet, not wanting to persuade.
He knew the choice was up to me, and let me contemplate.
And finally at a half past ten, I knew just what to do.
And Sean took out his little kit and bid my hair adieu.
I couldn't look. I feared the worst. What was I soon to see?
A bumpy, knobby, wrinkly head, a scar or two, or three.
I asked my man to step outside, to give me time alone
That I may peer upon my head in private.....on my own.
With eyes shut tight, I reached up high and felt my prickly hair.
Then slowly, peeked...then quickly looked...and finally stood and stared.
It's not so bad. I see no bumps or scars or wrinkly skin.
In fact, the lone hair that stuck out's no longer on my chin.
What unexpected freedom came! What unexpected joy!
If I could have but one wish now, I'm sure that I'd employ
That every woman have this chance to feel the freedom of
A barren head, a hairless chin, and love from up above.
It's hard to lay aside our pride. It's hard to lay things down.
To things we've had for oh so long, like hair upon our crown.
If hair, or job, or child, or dream, before the Lord you've placed...
I pray that God will fill you up with his unending grace.
Instead of hair upon my head, my scalp was showing through.
A knitted cap or fancy scarf could cover up the sight.
But they did make my head to ache and itch and scratch at night.
I'd had enough the other night and wanted to be brave.
and contemplated for a time, if it was time to shave
the straggly hairs upon my head that stuck out all about,
or should I wait another week before I tried that out.
Sean looked at me, and smiled so sweet, not wanting to persuade.
He knew the choice was up to me, and let me contemplate.
And finally at a half past ten, I knew just what to do.
And Sean took out his little kit and bid my hair adieu.
I couldn't look. I feared the worst. What was I soon to see?
A bumpy, knobby, wrinkly head, a scar or two, or three.
I asked my man to step outside, to give me time alone
That I may peer upon my head in private.....on my own.
With eyes shut tight, I reached up high and felt my prickly hair.
Then slowly, peeked...then quickly looked...and finally stood and stared.
It's not so bad. I see no bumps or scars or wrinkly skin.
In fact, the lone hair that stuck out's no longer on my chin.
What unexpected freedom came! What unexpected joy!
If I could have but one wish now, I'm sure that I'd employ
That every woman have this chance to feel the freedom of
A barren head, a hairless chin, and love from up above.
It's hard to lay aside our pride. It's hard to lay things down.
To things we've had for oh so long, like hair upon our crown.
If hair, or job, or child, or dream, before the Lord you've placed...
I pray that God will fill you up with his unending grace.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Testing...Testing...1,2,3
This week I went in for my bone scans and abdominal and chest CT scans. As my mom, my sister and I walked out from the long day of testing, my sister asked, "So, when will you find out the results?" Oh, the results.....I forgot to ask. I was all geared up to have the tests done, but didn't think to ask about the results. Maybe I've become too used to being a 'pin cushion'......just another day with modern medicine. Or maybe God's peace is so profound in my life right now that it didn't really matter. I do remember saying, "Well, it's not like I'm going anywhere this week.....they'll tell me when they know.....and when they do........then I'll know." Either way, it didn't take long to find out. The next afternoon I had an email from my nurse which said that everything looked fine! Isn't that awesome! Whew!!!
All of this testing reminds me of school days..........There was a time when I would cram information into my "big ol' noggin" up to the very last second before a test. Part of that stemmed from healthy competition with other classmates, and some of it was a reflection of how I viewed my own worth...my own value. In some twisted way, I associated my worth on how well I performed on the test. Gradually, my perspective changed and I began to realize that my value wasn't dependent on the outcome of the test. What a relief!
I wish it were so simple in life. So long paper and pencil tests. Good-bye bubble dots, multiple choice and essay questions. Welcome, Choices Galore!!! I thought I'd worked out all the kinks about my worth and value. But there are times when I can still get my thoughts twisted. And I don't even realize it right away. I fall back into the mentality that my value and worth are wrapped up in my 'performance'.....or, truth be told......the 'performance' of my kids.
Why do I do what I do? To stand out and be noticed? or maybe to blend in and be overlooked? Sometimes it's nice to be noticed.....and sometimes it feels safer to be overlooked. But most times, it just feels right to do what's right. But is my value....my worth....dependent on me doing what's right? My Bible tells me, No. And although I can find myself caught in the 'performance' trap, I know that my worth is not tied up in that. Instead, it is rooted in Jesus Christ.
As I walk through this valley, I wonder....Is this another test, Lord? Are there still more lessons to be learned? Could we take a break for awhile? Is it possible that you got the wrong girl? Hmm....testing....testing....1,2,3....... testing....testing....1,2,3......
Are you there?
Yes. I know you are because I am enveloped in Your perfect peace. I am sheltered by your wings. Sure, there are days that I would like this all to vanish in an instant, like waking up from a terrible dream. I do not enjoy this trial, and yet I find joy and peace in the midst of it. That.....that is how I know you are with me, O Lord.
********
Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls. 1 Peter 1:8,9.
But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions--it is by grace you have been saved. Ephesians 2:4
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God--not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:8-10.
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34
Splendor and majesty are before him; strength and joy in his dwelling place. Ascribe to the Lord, O families of nations, ascribe to the Lord glory and strength. 1 Chronicles 16: 27, 28
All of this testing reminds me of school days..........There was a time when I would cram information into my "big ol' noggin" up to the very last second before a test. Part of that stemmed from healthy competition with other classmates, and some of it was a reflection of how I viewed my own worth...my own value. In some twisted way, I associated my worth on how well I performed on the test. Gradually, my perspective changed and I began to realize that my value wasn't dependent on the outcome of the test. What a relief!
I wish it were so simple in life. So long paper and pencil tests. Good-bye bubble dots, multiple choice and essay questions. Welcome, Choices Galore!!! I thought I'd worked out all the kinks about my worth and value. But there are times when I can still get my thoughts twisted. And I don't even realize it right away. I fall back into the mentality that my value and worth are wrapped up in my 'performance'.....or, truth be told......the 'performance' of my kids.
Why do I do what I do? To stand out and be noticed? or maybe to blend in and be overlooked? Sometimes it's nice to be noticed.....and sometimes it feels safer to be overlooked. But most times, it just feels right to do what's right. But is my value....my worth....dependent on me doing what's right? My Bible tells me, No. And although I can find myself caught in the 'performance' trap, I know that my worth is not tied up in that. Instead, it is rooted in Jesus Christ.
As I walk through this valley, I wonder....Is this another test, Lord? Are there still more lessons to be learned? Could we take a break for awhile? Is it possible that you got the wrong girl? Hmm....testing....testing....1,2,3....... testing....testing....1,2,3......
Are you there?
Yes. I know you are because I am enveloped in Your perfect peace. I am sheltered by your wings. Sure, there are days that I would like this all to vanish in an instant, like waking up from a terrible dream. I do not enjoy this trial, and yet I find joy and peace in the midst of it. That.....that is how I know you are with me, O Lord.
********
Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls. 1 Peter 1:8,9.
But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions--it is by grace you have been saved. Ephesians 2:4
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God--not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:8-10.
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34
Splendor and majesty are before him; strength and joy in his dwelling place. Ascribe to the Lord, O families of nations, ascribe to the Lord glory and strength. 1 Chronicles 16: 27, 28
Saturday, February 23, 2008
'WhatNot' and Updates
My mom has always had an interesting and colorful vocabulary using words like 'whatnot,' 'doodge-a-ma-flops,' and 'thing-a-ma-jigs.' They are comforting words to me....reminders of days gone by. They feel at home in my mouth but I've tried for years to keep a 'lid' on them. Typically, words like that are met with chuckles and strange looks when uttered by a younger generation. (I still include myself in the 'younger' generation, whether I really am or not!) Yet the older I get, the more I find those words slipping out during conversations. It just can't be helped.
This past month I've had a whirlwind of activity with doctor's appointments, chemotherapy infusions, tests and whatnot. Since finding out that I would need a double mastectomy on my thing-a-ma-jigs, I've been researching my options for reconstruction. The Wellness Center, near Keystone at the Crossing, had a panel discussion of women who'd had mastectomies and who'd chosen various options for reconstruction. Very timely for me! After the discussion, there was a private show-n-tell session for women who wanted to see the results of the surgeries. Now that may sound odd to you, but for someone like me who's looked at hundreds of pictures of reconstruction, it was a great opportunity. Pictures just don't tell the whole story. I tip my hat off to those brave ladies who humbly showed me their new 'thing-a-ma-bobs.'
Based on my circumstances, I've decided to delay reconstruction. Whether that will be for 2 months or 10 years.....I do not know. Initially, I felt this HUGE pressure to figure it all out before I had my surgery. But now I realize that this decision can wait for as long as I want it to. That's a relief to me. One main reason for delaying reconstruction is that I may need to undergo radiation therapy on my right side after my surgery. Radiation has a powerful effect on the skin and underlying tissues in which it is directed. This has the potential of deforming any reconstruction that has taken place.
Okay, enough talk about that! On to other 'what-cha-ma-call-its' and 'do-hickeys'.....
Considering the unexpected results of my breast MRI (with the involvement of my lymph nodes on my right side), my oncologist and I have decided that it would be wise to have some further tests run. Next week I will have a bone scan and some CAT scans to have a better 'look-see' at the rest of my body. We are praying that no abnormalities, anomalies or doodge-a-ma-flops will show up.
And what about my hair? Well, it is 'fur sure and fur certain' ....(I just finished listening to Part 1 of Beverly Lewis' novel, The Parting....which is about an Amish family).... that I will be losing it all in the next week or two. The thinning out process began on day 17 and has continued ever since. I've always maintained that I was born for the '80's. I have an ENORMOUS amount of hair on my head. I never had to work for 'big hair,' never had to tease my 'bangs' or any part of my hair to make it full. Once the 80's ended, I was in trouble. For the past 18 years I've tried everything I could to get my hair to look thinner. Well, I couldn't do any of the time consuming things, like using a straightening iron......there's no time for that when you're raising four boys AND when enjoy an extra hour of sleep every morning. I never thought of chemotherapy as the solution. But here I am, thinning out every day. It'll grow back.....eventually. In the mean time, I'll be composing my third rendition of 'Ode to My Hair.'
Well, that's about it for me today. Let me know if you have other expressions that your mother or grandmother used to say so I can add it to my repertoire (but, keep it clean! :)).
*********
Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
Isaiah 40: 28-31
This past month I've had a whirlwind of activity with doctor's appointments, chemotherapy infusions, tests and whatnot. Since finding out that I would need a double mastectomy on my thing-a-ma-jigs, I've been researching my options for reconstruction. The Wellness Center, near Keystone at the Crossing, had a panel discussion of women who'd had mastectomies and who'd chosen various options for reconstruction. Very timely for me! After the discussion, there was a private show-n-tell session for women who wanted to see the results of the surgeries. Now that may sound odd to you, but for someone like me who's looked at hundreds of pictures of reconstruction, it was a great opportunity. Pictures just don't tell the whole story. I tip my hat off to those brave ladies who humbly showed me their new 'thing-a-ma-bobs.'
Based on my circumstances, I've decided to delay reconstruction. Whether that will be for 2 months or 10 years.....I do not know. Initially, I felt this HUGE pressure to figure it all out before I had my surgery. But now I realize that this decision can wait for as long as I want it to. That's a relief to me. One main reason for delaying reconstruction is that I may need to undergo radiation therapy on my right side after my surgery. Radiation has a powerful effect on the skin and underlying tissues in which it is directed. This has the potential of deforming any reconstruction that has taken place.
Okay, enough talk about that! On to other 'what-cha-ma-call-its' and 'do-hickeys'.....
Considering the unexpected results of my breast MRI (with the involvement of my lymph nodes on my right side), my oncologist and I have decided that it would be wise to have some further tests run. Next week I will have a bone scan and some CAT scans to have a better 'look-see' at the rest of my body. We are praying that no abnormalities, anomalies or doodge-a-ma-flops will show up.
And what about my hair? Well, it is 'fur sure and fur certain' ....(I just finished listening to Part 1 of Beverly Lewis' novel, The Parting....which is about an Amish family).... that I will be losing it all in the next week or two. The thinning out process began on day 17 and has continued ever since. I've always maintained that I was born for the '80's. I have an ENORMOUS amount of hair on my head. I never had to work for 'big hair,' never had to tease my 'bangs' or any part of my hair to make it full. Once the 80's ended, I was in trouble. For the past 18 years I've tried everything I could to get my hair to look thinner. Well, I couldn't do any of the time consuming things, like using a straightening iron......there's no time for that when you're raising four boys AND when enjoy an extra hour of sleep every morning. I never thought of chemotherapy as the solution. But here I am, thinning out every day. It'll grow back.....eventually. In the mean time, I'll be composing my third rendition of 'Ode to My Hair.'
Well, that's about it for me today. Let me know if you have other expressions that your mother or grandmother used to say so I can add it to my repertoire (but, keep it clean! :)).
*********
Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
Isaiah 40: 28-31
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