What a glorious day! My heart is full. We just returned from Easter Sunday services. I am always amazed how God reveals himself fresh and anew in my life. Walking with Him brings hope and joy in the midst of any circumstance. I pray that you will find new revelations of His love in your life as you seek Him.
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him." John 3:16,17
"I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord." Psalm 40:1-3
"Seek the Lord while he may be found; call on him while he is near. ..... As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:6,9
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28
"Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:13b,14
May you know God's love for you which extends in every direction.
"I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in our inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge--that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." Ephesians 3:16-19
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Friday, March 21, 2008
Happy Feet
Yesterday I finished my 11th chemo treatment. It was a relatively painless ordeal.
Today I awoke to my 6 year old, Parker, holding a flower pot with purple flowers and Sean carrying a breakfast tray. Parker was extremely excited in serving me in this way, so it was impossible to be mad at him for waking me up. Sean left to get back to his work while Parker lingered. He was ready for some one-on-one mommy time. Noticing one of my unopened Christmas art sets on my bedside dresser, he asked when I was going to paint something. I'm not sure if it was the fresh coffee and buttered toast or the sweet smile of my dear boy, but I said that today seemed like a good day to get started.
Finding no directions in the kit, I decided to look some information up on the Internet. So Parker ran downstairs to get my laptop and brought it up to me. He jumped under the covers and patiently watched as I took a short detour and replied to a few e-mails first. As I was typing, he said the cutest thing. "Hey, Mommy, your fingers sound like happy feet! You know that show where they tap their feet."
What a precious boy with a wonderful imagination! His sweetness turned my happy finger tapping into a happy heart. Just think what I would have missed if I'd been upset with him for waking me up in the first place!
Only one Abraxane/Herceptin treatment to go. I will continue with Herceptin for the rest of the year, but I'll only have to go once every 3 weeks. That's pretty manageable.
********
May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer. Psalm 19:14
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23
Today I awoke to my 6 year old, Parker, holding a flower pot with purple flowers and Sean carrying a breakfast tray. Parker was extremely excited in serving me in this way, so it was impossible to be mad at him for waking me up. Sean left to get back to his work while Parker lingered. He was ready for some one-on-one mommy time. Noticing one of my unopened Christmas art sets on my bedside dresser, he asked when I was going to paint something. I'm not sure if it was the fresh coffee and buttered toast or the sweet smile of my dear boy, but I said that today seemed like a good day to get started.
Finding no directions in the kit, I decided to look some information up on the Internet. So Parker ran downstairs to get my laptop and brought it up to me. He jumped under the covers and patiently watched as I took a short detour and replied to a few e-mails first. As I was typing, he said the cutest thing. "Hey, Mommy, your fingers sound like happy feet! You know that show where they tap their feet."
What a precious boy with a wonderful imagination! His sweetness turned my happy finger tapping into a happy heart. Just think what I would have missed if I'd been upset with him for waking me up in the first place!
Only one Abraxane/Herceptin treatment to go. I will continue with Herceptin for the rest of the year, but I'll only have to go once every 3 weeks. That's pretty manageable.
********
May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer. Psalm 19:14
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23
Monday, March 17, 2008
Slow to Speak, Quick to Listen
Why do some lessons in life have to be learned over and over and over and over again? Earlier, I mentioned my need and desire to be a better listener. Well, I see that my opportunity has come......
This weekend I developed my first very bad, very aggravating mouth sore. Ouch! It is most aggravated by eating and speaking. It would take more than a mouth sore to keep me quiet, but I've definitely become more selective in choosing to speak.
I've had some interesting discoveries through this process:
Not every argument needs to be settled by mommy. I've had to let some of the bickering between brothers go longer than I would normally tolerate. And surprisingly, they often end up working it out on their own.
My husband has some interesting things to say. Interrupting is a very, very, very, very bad habit of mine (and not just with conversations with my husband). I do try to keep myself from 'jumping' in with my thoughts when they pop up, but I still have some growing to do in that area. I know for myself it can take a while to formulate an idea in my head to answer some one's questions. Why would it be any different for someone else?
One can learn a lot by listening. That seems pretty basic, but the truth of it seems to elude many of us, including me. Here's a tidbit from the class Sean and I attended on Effective Communication: "Silence allows the speaker to become aware of his or her own feelings, to explore more deeply and to proceed at his or her own pace. Because many listeners become self-conscious with silence, they feel the need to 'break' it by talking or asking questions. Unfortunately, this usually disrupts and derails the speaker."
Despite my painful mouth, I'm glad for the lessons learned on listening. I hope they stick once my mouth improves. It's also a good reminder to continue to listen to what God is speaking to me. He speaks, you know. Through his Word, during prayer, through a friend, and often in a still small voice. But we have to pause and be still before we can listen.
********
My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. James 1:19
My son, pay attention to what I say; listen closely to my words. Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart; for they are life to those who find them and health to a man's whole body. Proverbs 4:20-22
Now then, my sons, listen to me; blessed are those who keep my ways. Listen to my instruction and be wise; do not ignore it. Blessed is the man who listens to me, watching daily at my doors, waiting at my doorway. Proverbs 8:32-34
Be still, and know that I am God. Psalms 46:10a
This weekend I developed my first very bad, very aggravating mouth sore. Ouch! It is most aggravated by eating and speaking. It would take more than a mouth sore to keep me quiet, but I've definitely become more selective in choosing to speak.
I've had some interesting discoveries through this process:
Not every argument needs to be settled by mommy. I've had to let some of the bickering between brothers go longer than I would normally tolerate. And surprisingly, they often end up working it out on their own.
My husband has some interesting things to say. Interrupting is a very, very, very, very bad habit of mine (and not just with conversations with my husband). I do try to keep myself from 'jumping' in with my thoughts when they pop up, but I still have some growing to do in that area. I know for myself it can take a while to formulate an idea in my head to answer some one's questions. Why would it be any different for someone else?
One can learn a lot by listening. That seems pretty basic, but the truth of it seems to elude many of us, including me. Here's a tidbit from the class Sean and I attended on Effective Communication: "Silence allows the speaker to become aware of his or her own feelings, to explore more deeply and to proceed at his or her own pace. Because many listeners become self-conscious with silence, they feel the need to 'break' it by talking or asking questions. Unfortunately, this usually disrupts and derails the speaker."
Despite my painful mouth, I'm glad for the lessons learned on listening. I hope they stick once my mouth improves. It's also a good reminder to continue to listen to what God is speaking to me. He speaks, you know. Through his Word, during prayer, through a friend, and often in a still small voice. But we have to pause and be still before we can listen.
********
My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. James 1:19
My son, pay attention to what I say; listen closely to my words. Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart; for they are life to those who find them and health to a man's whole body. Proverbs 4:20-22
Now then, my sons, listen to me; blessed are those who keep my ways. Listen to my instruction and be wise; do not ignore it. Blessed is the man who listens to me, watching daily at my doors, waiting at my doorway. Proverbs 8:32-34
Be still, and know that I am God. Psalms 46:10a
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Genetic Variants of Survivor and Lost
The results are in! No mutation was detected in the BRCA 1. Yippee! The BRCA 2 was a bit different, but not alarming. It was not a yes, nor a no, but a 'genetic variant of uncertain significance.' That's quite a mouthful. I do not carry the specific code for the BRCA 2 gene, which is good news for me and my family. If I understood the geneticist correctly, I am the first person tested to have this specific variant. So that means 'the contribution of this variant to the relative risk of breast or ovarian cancer cannot be established solely from this analysis.' .....That's another mouthful!!
My wonderful, darling husband has speculated to what my genetic variant is contributing. (He's made several suggestions, but I shall only mention this one......) He thinks it has something to do with my need to see my favorite TV programs, of which there are only two. Survivor and Lost. I tape them and watch them after the kiddos are in bed.
Last week, I forgot to record Survivor. I'm not sure which upset me more......forgetting to tape Survivor or being upset with myself for being upset for forgetting to tape Survivor. That probably doesn't make sense, but I get upset when unimportant things frustrate me...."Michelle, it's just a show. Who cares who was voted off? It doesn't matter who went to exile island or what new alliances were made. It's JUST a show." Whew, at least I didn't forget to tape Lost. That would be a tragedy!
If Sean is right, then it wouldn't take long to find my gene variant in other people. I could trace it in my family tree. I'd start with my sister Kelly. She's certainly a carrier of the 'need for TV gene,' especially of the 'Survivor and Lost' variant. We can thank our Dad for passing it to us. And without a doubt, I know where my Dad got it. (I love you, Grandma Keva!!!)
I could easily get tied up in the details of this genetic test. I could question the uncertainties and allow my thoughts to overtake me. But I am determined to keep my thoughts captive and to continue to trust in my Lord for He is forever faithful. A little bit of odd humor seems to help, too!
*******
I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. Ephesians 1:17
Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth. Worship the Lord with gladness; come before him with joyful songs. Know that the Lord is God. It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture. Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations. Psalm 100:1-5
My wonderful, darling husband has speculated to what my genetic variant is contributing. (He's made several suggestions, but I shall only mention this one......) He thinks it has something to do with my need to see my favorite TV programs, of which there are only two. Survivor and Lost. I tape them and watch them after the kiddos are in bed.
Last week, I forgot to record Survivor. I'm not sure which upset me more......forgetting to tape Survivor or being upset with myself for being upset for forgetting to tape Survivor. That probably doesn't make sense, but I get upset when unimportant things frustrate me...."Michelle, it's just a show. Who cares who was voted off? It doesn't matter who went to exile island or what new alliances were made. It's JUST a show." Whew, at least I didn't forget to tape Lost. That would be a tragedy!
If Sean is right, then it wouldn't take long to find my gene variant in other people. I could trace it in my family tree. I'd start with my sister Kelly. She's certainly a carrier of the 'need for TV gene,' especially of the 'Survivor and Lost' variant. We can thank our Dad for passing it to us. And without a doubt, I know where my Dad got it. (I love you, Grandma Keva!!!)
I could easily get tied up in the details of this genetic test. I could question the uncertainties and allow my thoughts to overtake me. But I am determined to keep my thoughts captive and to continue to trust in my Lord for He is forever faithful. A little bit of odd humor seems to help, too!
*******
I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. Ephesians 1:17
Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth. Worship the Lord with gladness; come before him with joyful songs. Know that the Lord is God. It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture. Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. For the Lord is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations. Psalm 100:1-5
Friday, March 14, 2008
BRCA 1/BRCA 2
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5,6
A few weeks ago I visited a genetic counselor. They looked at my family tree and any history of cancer. After a lengthy discussion of the possibilities, my blood was drawn and sent off for testing to see if I'm a carrier for the BRCA 1 or BRCA 2 gene. Based on my family tree, I'm no different than the general population of women, which makes my initial risk 5%. But since I already have breast cancer, my risk increases to 10%.
When a woman carries the BRCA1/BRCA2 gene her risk for ovarian cancer increases to 40-60%. So most women opt for a hysterectomy if they are a carrier.
Today, Sean and I are returning to the geneticist. We'll find out the results of the test which could fall under these three categories: Yes, No, or Indeterminate. (I know I'm not using the proper word for that last one....but you get the idea). I placed the results in God's hands weeks ago when I submitted my blood because I believe He is sovereign over my life. He knew what the results would be before my blood was even drawn. Of course, I've pleaded my case with Him and shared my heart, but I know that ultimately He is in control. And through Jesus Christ who gives me strength, I can do all things.
So I trust in the Lord with all of my heart. I lean not on my own understanding. I acknowledge Him in all of my ways and know that regardless of the results, God will lead me down the path that I am to follow.
*********
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5,6
A few weeks ago I visited a genetic counselor. They looked at my family tree and any history of cancer. After a lengthy discussion of the possibilities, my blood was drawn and sent off for testing to see if I'm a carrier for the BRCA 1 or BRCA 2 gene. Based on my family tree, I'm no different than the general population of women, which makes my initial risk 5%. But since I already have breast cancer, my risk increases to 10%.
When a woman carries the BRCA1/BRCA2 gene her risk for ovarian cancer increases to 40-60%. So most women opt for a hysterectomy if they are a carrier.
Today, Sean and I are returning to the geneticist. We'll find out the results of the test which could fall under these three categories: Yes, No, or Indeterminate. (I know I'm not using the proper word for that last one....but you get the idea). I placed the results in God's hands weeks ago when I submitted my blood because I believe He is sovereign over my life. He knew what the results would be before my blood was even drawn. Of course, I've pleaded my case with Him and shared my heart, but I know that ultimately He is in control. And through Jesus Christ who gives me strength, I can do all things.
So I trust in the Lord with all of my heart. I lean not on my own understanding. I acknowledge Him in all of my ways and know that regardless of the results, God will lead me down the path that I am to follow.
*********
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Can I 'Fix' That?
Last week Sean and I went to part one of a three part clinical study focused on educating couples who are going through cancer. After finishing our first session on 'Effective Communication,' Sean came up with a great joke about 'fixing' problems. I'll do my best to re-tell it, but I know he would do a better job.
A lady walks into an Auto Shop. Her head is hanging low as if the weight of the world is on her shoulders.
Mechanic: Good morning, can I help you?
Lady: Yes, do you see that red car outside? The one with the dented fender and rust stains around the wheel doodga-ma-flops.
Mechanic: Mm-hmmm.
Lady: Well, it is giving me fits. I've noticed that it clangs when I turn my steering wheel right and it clunks when I turn it the left.
Mechanic: Really?
Lady: Yes, and for at least a week the driver's window won't go down. Do you have any idea what I have to go through to get my Starbucks at the drive through every morning?
Mechanic: I'm sure that is frustrating. Are there any other problems?
Lady: Well, now that you mention it, I do have to use sticky tape to keep my rear view mirror in place. Every fourth day, the 'stickyness' gets loose and I have to get MORE sticky tape. Ugh, what a headache!
Mechanic: Well, ma'am, I can fix all of those problems. I can have it ready for you by 5:00 tonight. Would that be alright with you?
Lady: Fix it? What? You want to fix it?
Mechanic: Well, ma'am, this is an auto shop and it is obvious your automobile has some issues.
Lady: Oh........No, I don't want you to FIX it! I just needed to tell you about it.
Mechanic: You don't want me to fix it?
Lady: Of course not. Don't be silly. I must say that just having you listen... ....well....... I'm feeling much better already. Thank you so much.
The lady leaves the shop with head held high and a new spring in her step, while the mechanic, wondering what in the world just happened, just sits and shakes his head.
A lady walks into an Auto Shop. Her head is hanging low as if the weight of the world is on her shoulders.
Mechanic: Good morning, can I help you?
Lady: Yes, do you see that red car outside? The one with the dented fender and rust stains around the wheel doodga-ma-flops.
Mechanic: Mm-hmmm.
Lady: Well, it is giving me fits. I've noticed that it clangs when I turn my steering wheel right and it clunks when I turn it the left.
Mechanic: Really?
Lady: Yes, and for at least a week the driver's window won't go down. Do you have any idea what I have to go through to get my Starbucks at the drive through every morning?
Mechanic: I'm sure that is frustrating. Are there any other problems?
Lady: Well, now that you mention it, I do have to use sticky tape to keep my rear view mirror in place. Every fourth day, the 'stickyness' gets loose and I have to get MORE sticky tape. Ugh, what a headache!
Mechanic: Well, ma'am, I can fix all of those problems. I can have it ready for you by 5:00 tonight. Would that be alright with you?
Lady: Fix it? What? You want to fix it?
Mechanic: Well, ma'am, this is an auto shop and it is obvious your automobile has some issues.
Lady: Oh........No, I don't want you to FIX it! I just needed to tell you about it.
Mechanic: You don't want me to fix it?
Lady: Of course not. Don't be silly. I must say that just having you listen... ....well....... I'm feeling much better already. Thank you so much.
The lady leaves the shop with head held high and a new spring in her step, while the mechanic, wondering what in the world just happened, just sits and shakes his head.
Monday, March 10, 2008
Couples and Cancer
True to form, I've enlisted Sean and myself into a clinical study. This one is for women who are in the midst of treatment for breast cancer and their spouses. Before you start thinking that I've begged or manipulated my husband into doing this with me, the truth is that he is a willing participant. Reluctant? Okay, maybe reluctant. But he is willing. He is SO good to me!
We will meet with the Principal Investigator three times to discuss the following issues: effective communication, intimacy and sexuality, and coping with stress and seeking social support. Prior to each meeting, we each have to fill out a survey with a multitude of questions. As contemplative as I am, it took me over an hour to fill out my first survey. I'm not sure about Sean, but I'm guessing he breezed right through his. Of course, I have to laugh at his logical way of looking at things. Before we left to go to our first meeting, I asked how he was doing with his survey....
Michelle: Are you enjoying your survey questions, honey? (Having already completed the survey myself, I was guessing that for Sean the survey was close to the equivalence of torture.)
Sean: I don't like them. All of the questions are leading questions.
Michelle: What do you mean?
Sean: Well, like this one......Since I feel that my body has betrayed me, ya-da-ya-da-ya-da...(I can't remember the rest of the question)......This question is already making the assumption that you feel betrayed by your body.......What if you don't?
Michelle: (feeling a bit confused as to why his survey would have that question....but thankful that he was at least making an attempt to do his homework and that we were having this dialogue....I pressed forward.) Are there other leading questions?
Sean: They're ALL leading questions. (Sean is not prone to exaggeration, but having already completed the survey, I knew they weren't ALL leading questions.....I think he was getting a bit frustrated.)
Michelle: I'm not so sure they're ALL leading questions. But you make a good point. So, how are you answering those?
Sean: (With imaginary pen in his hand, he starts writing in the air).....I'm just writing 'leading question'.....'leading question'......'leading question'......next to all of them.
Michelle: (A grin on my face as I imagine the principal investigator reading through Sean's packet.....and wondering if he's truly such a logical/concrete thinker......a lawyer......or just avoiding the questions) Well, honey, I guess that makes sense. (And then I think to myself..."They're going to have to re-write the whole thing now....if they want any info from Sean.")
Our first meeting was last week. The topic: Effective Communication. The points that I remember were: 1) Try to make alone time for each other so that you can keep communication going. Sometimes we make the assumption that our spouse knows what we're thinking, knows how we're feeling, knows our anxieties. But the truth is that good communication requires that we say what we are feeling in a constructive helpful way. We've got to make time for each other ....uninterrupted, alone time.....for this to happen effectively; 2) Both partners have to adapt during this time....Men have to listen and express their feeling more often and give up the desire to 'fix' the problem....Women have to turn to friends and other support systems when their husbands are 'maxed out' on listening; 3) Good communication requires listening.....listening without interrupting the other shows respect and builds trust.
Whether dealing with breast cancer or just dealing with every day life, I think these tips are valid for any couple. Something Sean and I have done for awhile now....although not as often as we could....is something called, 'Couch Time.' It's a time for us to sit on the couch and discuss our day or whatever is on our mind. The time can range from 10 minutes to 30 minutes and we do this when the kids are home, running all about. But the 'rule' is that the kids are not allowed to interrupt us or sit on the couch with us. (Because we have a couple of kids who are 90% followers of rules....always looking for ways to test the boundaries....we had to change that rule to.....nobody can touch the couch except for mommy and daddy). We had heard about this 'couch time' at a weekend marriage retreat we went to about 9 years ago. We found that as hard as it was for the kids to 'give' mommy and daddy time to themselves, it was good for them to see that mommy and daddy wanted to be together. That our relationship was IMPORTANT. And eventually, even the smallest learned to go and entertain himself during mommy and daddy's 'couch time.' Having a house full of young kids for 10 years now, it has been a good addition to our marriage. Waiting until the end of the day, when both of us are exhausted, just isn't the same and doesn't show the kids how important we are to one another.
Sean and I have been challenged by the other two points our whole marriage. Breast cancer has just allowed us to face those issues more head on.....no more sweeping them under the rug for another day. He is learning to share his feelings more and trying not to 'fix' the problems and I'm learning to be a better listener and encourager. It has been said that cancer is not good for relationships, but good relationships can be made stronger by hardship. I definitely see the latter to be true for us. I absolutely LOVE my husband. Sean is a wonderful treasure to me and God continues to unlock more treasures in the man that I married nearly 13 years ago. And I am grateful that in the midst of our hardship, we are growing together.
********
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. Ephesians 4:32, 5:1
Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Colossians 3:12-14
We will meet with the Principal Investigator three times to discuss the following issues: effective communication, intimacy and sexuality, and coping with stress and seeking social support. Prior to each meeting, we each have to fill out a survey with a multitude of questions. As contemplative as I am, it took me over an hour to fill out my first survey. I'm not sure about Sean, but I'm guessing he breezed right through his. Of course, I have to laugh at his logical way of looking at things. Before we left to go to our first meeting, I asked how he was doing with his survey....
Michelle: Are you enjoying your survey questions, honey? (Having already completed the survey myself, I was guessing that for Sean the survey was close to the equivalence of torture.)
Sean: I don't like them. All of the questions are leading questions.
Michelle: What do you mean?
Sean: Well, like this one......Since I feel that my body has betrayed me, ya-da-ya-da-ya-da...(I can't remember the rest of the question)......This question is already making the assumption that you feel betrayed by your body.......What if you don't?
Michelle: (feeling a bit confused as to why his survey would have that question....but thankful that he was at least making an attempt to do his homework and that we were having this dialogue....I pressed forward.) Are there other leading questions?
Sean: They're ALL leading questions. (Sean is not prone to exaggeration, but having already completed the survey, I knew they weren't ALL leading questions.....I think he was getting a bit frustrated.)
Michelle: I'm not so sure they're ALL leading questions. But you make a good point. So, how are you answering those?
Sean: (With imaginary pen in his hand, he starts writing in the air).....I'm just writing 'leading question'.....'leading question'......'leading question'......next to all of them.
Michelle: (A grin on my face as I imagine the principal investigator reading through Sean's packet.....and wondering if he's truly such a logical/concrete thinker......a lawyer......or just avoiding the questions) Well, honey, I guess that makes sense. (And then I think to myself..."They're going to have to re-write the whole thing now....if they want any info from Sean.")
Our first meeting was last week. The topic: Effective Communication. The points that I remember were: 1) Try to make alone time for each other so that you can keep communication going. Sometimes we make the assumption that our spouse knows what we're thinking, knows how we're feeling, knows our anxieties. But the truth is that good communication requires that we say what we are feeling in a constructive helpful way. We've got to make time for each other ....uninterrupted, alone time.....for this to happen effectively; 2) Both partners have to adapt during this time....Men have to listen and express their feeling more often and give up the desire to 'fix' the problem....Women have to turn to friends and other support systems when their husbands are 'maxed out' on listening; 3) Good communication requires listening.....listening without interrupting the other shows respect and builds trust.
Whether dealing with breast cancer or just dealing with every day life, I think these tips are valid for any couple. Something Sean and I have done for awhile now....although not as often as we could....is something called, 'Couch Time.' It's a time for us to sit on the couch and discuss our day or whatever is on our mind. The time can range from 10 minutes to 30 minutes and we do this when the kids are home, running all about. But the 'rule' is that the kids are not allowed to interrupt us or sit on the couch with us. (Because we have a couple of kids who are 90% followers of rules....always looking for ways to test the boundaries....we had to change that rule to.....nobody can touch the couch except for mommy and daddy). We had heard about this 'couch time' at a weekend marriage retreat we went to about 9 years ago. We found that as hard as it was for the kids to 'give' mommy and daddy time to themselves, it was good for them to see that mommy and daddy wanted to be together. That our relationship was IMPORTANT. And eventually, even the smallest learned to go and entertain himself during mommy and daddy's 'couch time.' Having a house full of young kids for 10 years now, it has been a good addition to our marriage. Waiting until the end of the day, when both of us are exhausted, just isn't the same and doesn't show the kids how important we are to one another.
Sean and I have been challenged by the other two points our whole marriage. Breast cancer has just allowed us to face those issues more head on.....no more sweeping them under the rug for another day. He is learning to share his feelings more and trying not to 'fix' the problems and I'm learning to be a better listener and encourager. It has been said that cancer is not good for relationships, but good relationships can be made stronger by hardship. I definitely see the latter to be true for us. I absolutely LOVE my husband. Sean is a wonderful treasure to me and God continues to unlock more treasures in the man that I married nearly 13 years ago. And I am grateful that in the midst of our hardship, we are growing together.
********
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. Ephesians 4:32, 5:1
Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Colossians 3:12-14
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)