Just wanted to update that my x-ray was normal!!! My ribs and my lungs looked good. Thank you to so many who have prayed with me and for me during these past two days.
It is amazing how many emotions one goes through in the waiting. Thank you, HoneySean, for helping me keep my thoughts captive AND for reminding me that no matter what, our hope is secure. It is an anchor, even when the waves of life feel like they are crashing all around us.
Thank you, Jesus.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Friday, March 20, 2009
No Matter What!
Recently, I've been wondering what the purpose of this blog is and I've come to the conclusion that what it all comes down to is hope and trust. Breast cancer and its treatments are difficult to walk through no matter who you are. But breast cancer isn't the only difficult thing to walk through. So if in some way, big or small, I can encourage someone out there who is walking through a difficult time, big or small, then I've accomplished the purpose of this blog.
Hope is something that every person needs. Of course, my hope is not in my doctors, or my treatments, or the people whom I love and cherish. My hope is in Jesus Christ. My hope tells me that no matter what may come, no matter what I may face, that He will never leave me.
What good is that? It's not just good. It is powerful. It is life changing. It is EVERYTHING!!!
Trust is something that only God can do 100% of the time. Trustworthiness. I trust a lot of people, but even so, those people will let me down from time to time. Not intentionally, of course, but by the sheer fact that they are imperfect human vessels, they will fail me now and then. (Just as I will fail them now and then). But God is 100% trustworthy. His Word provides a list of promises that He will keep, no matter what.
What good is that? It's not just good. It is powerful. It is life changing. It is EVERYTHING!!!!
So, today, I write this blog to encourage myself. To remind myself where my hope rests and to whom I can place my trust.
I had a chest X-ray on Wednesday, and have yet to get the results. I've had some chronic pain in three areas of my right rib cage and I've been experiencing a decline in my pulmonary function (which basically means, I'm getting short of breath with some basic tasks). It could be a number of reasons, and most have nothing to do with breast cancer.
But I wait, I hope, I trust. No matter what.
Hope is something that every person needs. Of course, my hope is not in my doctors, or my treatments, or the people whom I love and cherish. My hope is in Jesus Christ. My hope tells me that no matter what may come, no matter what I may face, that He will never leave me.
What good is that? It's not just good. It is powerful. It is life changing. It is EVERYTHING!!!
Trust is something that only God can do 100% of the time. Trustworthiness. I trust a lot of people, but even so, those people will let me down from time to time. Not intentionally, of course, but by the sheer fact that they are imperfect human vessels, they will fail me now and then. (Just as I will fail them now and then). But God is 100% trustworthy. His Word provides a list of promises that He will keep, no matter what.
What good is that? It's not just good. It is powerful. It is life changing. It is EVERYTHING!!!!
So, today, I write this blog to encourage myself. To remind myself where my hope rests and to whom I can place my trust.
I had a chest X-ray on Wednesday, and have yet to get the results. I've had some chronic pain in three areas of my right rib cage and I've been experiencing a decline in my pulmonary function (which basically means, I'm getting short of breath with some basic tasks). It could be a number of reasons, and most have nothing to do with breast cancer.
But I wait, I hope, I trust. No matter what.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Personal Responsibility
Last week Sean gave my oldest two sons a writing assignment: write down, neatly and without spelling errors, twenty things that you can do to demonstrate personal responsibility. They took the assignment with much enthusiasm.
What a great idea! I was impressed. What I hadn't expected was that our third son, Parker, would be just as excited about it.
"Can I do one, too?" he asked me. Well, I wasn't going to rain on his parade! I also didn't want to interfere with his creative ideas, or overwhelm him with too big of a project.
"Alright, Parker, why don't you write down ten things? You don't have to worry about spelling, just put the words down the way they sound to you."
So here it is.....Ten Things Parker Can Do to Demonstrate Personal Responsibility:
1 U shoold be vere nis to uthrs.
2 Oba yor muthr and Fothr.
3 Oba The bibol
4 God Es Vere nis to us.
5 U shoold be nis to the speret.
6 U shoold not stel Dimens or uthr thes.
7 Brush yor teth.
8 Mak yor BeD.
9 Get Drest.
10 Klen yor room.
Some may look at this list and cringe at the spelling abilities of my 7 year old. That's okay. I was impressed that he got sixteen words right and that he punctuated each sentence. More than that, I was impressed that the first 5 things dealt with relationships. That wasn't really what daddy was referring to when he gave the assignment. Parker always has, and always will be, my 'out of the box' kind of thinker and doer.
*********
One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, "Of all the commandments, which is the most important?"
"The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' The second is this: 'Love, your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these." Mark 12:28-31
What a great idea! I was impressed. What I hadn't expected was that our third son, Parker, would be just as excited about it.
"Can I do one, too?" he asked me. Well, I wasn't going to rain on his parade! I also didn't want to interfere with his creative ideas, or overwhelm him with too big of a project.
"Alright, Parker, why don't you write down ten things? You don't have to worry about spelling, just put the words down the way they sound to you."
So here it is.....Ten Things Parker Can Do to Demonstrate Personal Responsibility:
1 U shoold be vere nis to uthrs.
2 Oba yor muthr and Fothr.
3 Oba The bibol
4 God Es Vere nis to us.
5 U shoold be nis to the speret.
6 U shoold not stel Dimens or uthr thes.
7 Brush yor teth.
8 Mak yor BeD.
9 Get Drest.
10 Klen yor room.
Some may look at this list and cringe at the spelling abilities of my 7 year old. That's okay. I was impressed that he got sixteen words right and that he punctuated each sentence. More than that, I was impressed that the first 5 things dealt with relationships. That wasn't really what daddy was referring to when he gave the assignment. Parker always has, and always will be, my 'out of the box' kind of thinker and doer.
*********
One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, "Of all the commandments, which is the most important?"
"The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' The second is this: 'Love, your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these." Mark 12:28-31
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Turning a Corner
If you've ever been lost (whether literally or figuratively), then you know that awful feeling that can settle in the pit of your belly.
I started this blog with 'A Curve in the Road.' That curve has taken me to many places that I never knew existed before.....places I'd rather not visit again. All of that 'traveling', all of those unwanted experiences, all of those uncertainties. Well, all of 'that' really did get the best of me. Stripped it away and threw it in an alley with unknown coordinates. I've been looking for that 'me' for quite awhile.
Since August of '08, I've been searching....sometimes actively...sometimes passively. Where did I go? Who was this 'she' that I was becoming? Sometimes numb, sometimes angry, sometimes sad, sometimes grieving, sometimes apathetic....yet always hoping. Always hoping. Time.... Prayer..... Medication..... Diet..... Exercise....... Waiting..... Changing Medication..... More Time...... More Waiting..... More Prayer....More Exercise. Yet, still plugging away: still waking up each day (though much later than usual); still homeschooling the boys (though it took much longer than usual); still putting one foot in front of the other, still putting in another load of clothes and another load of dishes behind the last. Mentally held up in a cave of hibernation, cloaked in a self-made cocoon. Physically going through the motions. Yet always hoping that I'd eventually find that corner of unknown coordinates where 'the me that I once was' was tossed.
Early February 2009. Is that her? I saw a glimpse. I know I did. Who just loaded the dishwasher without much mental effort? Ugh, if only there was some magic boost to get me up this ladder. God, help me. I don't want to be in this pit anymore, but I don't know how to get out. A phone call. Unexpected. "How are you doing?" was the simple question. And as I shared my desperation, the receiver heard my heart. She heard the yearning of my soul. Led by the Holy Spirit....I know without a doubt....she made arrangements for Merry Maids to come and clean my house.
I had no idea that was what I needed. A clean home....a fresh start. Would this be the impetus needed to boost me up that ladder? Would it work? Had it been one week earlier, I think the answer would have been, "No!" But God's timing is perfect. Just perfect. And yes, through the kindness and insight of a friend, He did boost me back up that ladder. He did lead me around the corner and I found familiarity. I found her.....I found me.
I was beginning to think she didn't exist anymore. Maybe she doesn't, not entirely. Maybe the better parts of her were spared, and maybe the weaker parts of her were refined. She may not be who she was, but she's ready to move forward again. She's turned the corner and found herself once more. Always cradled in the sheltering wings of her Lord and Savior. Always loved and adored by her Creator. She just had to believe it again. To know it was true. She is blessed.......
I am blessed.
*******
But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. 2 Corinthians 3:16-18
I started this blog with 'A Curve in the Road.' That curve has taken me to many places that I never knew existed before.....places I'd rather not visit again. All of that 'traveling', all of those unwanted experiences, all of those uncertainties. Well, all of 'that' really did get the best of me. Stripped it away and threw it in an alley with unknown coordinates. I've been looking for that 'me' for quite awhile.
Since August of '08, I've been searching....sometimes actively...sometimes passively. Where did I go? Who was this 'she' that I was becoming? Sometimes numb, sometimes angry, sometimes sad, sometimes grieving, sometimes apathetic....yet always hoping. Always hoping. Time.... Prayer..... Medication..... Diet..... Exercise....... Waiting..... Changing Medication..... More Time...... More Waiting..... More Prayer....More Exercise. Yet, still plugging away: still waking up each day (though much later than usual); still homeschooling the boys (though it took much longer than usual); still putting one foot in front of the other, still putting in another load of clothes and another load of dishes behind the last. Mentally held up in a cave of hibernation, cloaked in a self-made cocoon. Physically going through the motions. Yet always hoping that I'd eventually find that corner of unknown coordinates where 'the me that I once was' was tossed.
Early February 2009. Is that her? I saw a glimpse. I know I did. Who just loaded the dishwasher without much mental effort? Ugh, if only there was some magic boost to get me up this ladder. God, help me. I don't want to be in this pit anymore, but I don't know how to get out. A phone call. Unexpected. "How are you doing?" was the simple question. And as I shared my desperation, the receiver heard my heart. She heard the yearning of my soul. Led by the Holy Spirit....I know without a doubt....she made arrangements for Merry Maids to come and clean my house.
I had no idea that was what I needed. A clean home....a fresh start. Would this be the impetus needed to boost me up that ladder? Would it work? Had it been one week earlier, I think the answer would have been, "No!" But God's timing is perfect. Just perfect. And yes, through the kindness and insight of a friend, He did boost me back up that ladder. He did lead me around the corner and I found familiarity. I found her.....I found me.
I was beginning to think she didn't exist anymore. Maybe she doesn't, not entirely. Maybe the better parts of her were spared, and maybe the weaker parts of her were refined. She may not be who she was, but she's ready to move forward again. She's turned the corner and found herself once more. Always cradled in the sheltering wings of her Lord and Savior. Always loved and adored by her Creator. She just had to believe it again. To know it was true. She is blessed.......
I am blessed.
*******
But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. 2 Corinthians 3:16-18
Monday, February 2, 2009
Grieving the Me that I Once Was
During treatment, my focus was two-fold: get through it and make sure that my kids' lives were as normal as possible.
Then, treatment ended. One would think that the end of treatment would be like a breath of fresh air. So, why don't I have that minty fresh breath feeling? (a little humor never hurts!) What is this sorrowful feeling that consumes me? I think I am grieving.
I'm grieving the time lost in the past year.
I'm grieving those parts of me that I have lost....forever.
I'm grieving the loss of who I once was.
Grieving has it's place. I never allowed myself that process in the midst of my treatment. So, I must walk through it now, in order to be whole again. So rather than rushing to get through it and being only partially whole, I think I will linger a bit longer.
*******
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to serch and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
A song I remember from my childhood (taken partially from Acts 17:28):
In Him we live and move and have our being.
Make a joyful noise. Sing unto the Lord. Tell Him of your love. Dance before Him.
Hallelujah!
Then, treatment ended. One would think that the end of treatment would be like a breath of fresh air. So, why don't I have that minty fresh breath feeling? (a little humor never hurts!) What is this sorrowful feeling that consumes me? I think I am grieving.
I'm grieving the time lost in the past year.
I'm grieving those parts of me that I have lost....forever.
I'm grieving the loss of who I once was.
Grieving has it's place. I never allowed myself that process in the midst of my treatment. So, I must walk through it now, in order to be whole again. So rather than rushing to get through it and being only partially whole, I think I will linger a bit longer.
*******
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to serch and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
A song I remember from my childhood (taken partially from Acts 17:28):
In Him we live and move and have our being.
Make a joyful noise. Sing unto the Lord. Tell Him of your love. Dance before Him.
Hallelujah!
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Friendship
Last night was supposed to be Beth Moore study group with four of my fellow homeschooling moms. But they had other plans.....and I am so glad they did!
You see, yesterday was my birthday. The girls brought an incredibly yummy cheesecake and homemade salsa. We put on some coffee. (I sent my boys upstairs to watch some long awaited TV shows that we'd recorded in the last week...that kept them busy).
There we sat, all 5 of us women. Eating, laughing, sharing, sipping coffee and laughing some more. It was grand.
A memorable moment was when Parker, my seven year old, came down. Parker loves to be a part of the grown-up fellowship whenever he can get a chance. He said something like, "Oh, chocolate and ladies. It doesn't get any better than this."
Friendship. It's priceless.
You see, yesterday was my birthday. The girls brought an incredibly yummy cheesecake and homemade salsa. We put on some coffee. (I sent my boys upstairs to watch some long awaited TV shows that we'd recorded in the last week...that kept them busy).
There we sat, all 5 of us women. Eating, laughing, sharing, sipping coffee and laughing some more. It was grand.
A memorable moment was when Parker, my seven year old, came down. Parker loves to be a part of the grown-up fellowship whenever he can get a chance. He said something like, "Oh, chocolate and ladies. It doesn't get any better than this."
Friendship. It's priceless.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Just Keep Swimming!
Look out Dori!
It wasn't long ago that I took up swimming....or was it that swimming took me up? Hmm.....maybe both.
I started with a floaty around my middle, a kickboard under my hands, and flippers on my feet. Taking the advice of that lovable blue fish from Finding Nemo, I went back every week and just kept swimming.
A few weeks ago the unthinkable happened. Without my floaty and without my kick board I swam an ENTIRE MILE in the pool. That's 34 downs....and 34 backs. Wow!!!
Is this bragging? It's not meant to be. (Though I don't mind a pat on the back....oh, thank you!)It's meant to encourage. Someone out there needs to hear the message. "Just keep _______!" Maybe it's swimming, maybe it's praying, maybe it's loving your teenager, maybe it's folding laundry, maybe it's praising God in the midst of the storm.
It wasn't long ago that I took up swimming.....or maybe it was swimming that took me up.
It wasn't long ago that I took up swimming....or was it that swimming took me up? Hmm.....maybe both.
I started with a floaty around my middle, a kickboard under my hands, and flippers on my feet. Taking the advice of that lovable blue fish from Finding Nemo, I went back every week and just kept swimming.
A few weeks ago the unthinkable happened. Without my floaty and without my kick board I swam an ENTIRE MILE in the pool. That's 34 downs....and 34 backs. Wow!!!
Is this bragging? It's not meant to be. (Though I don't mind a pat on the back....oh, thank you!)It's meant to encourage. Someone out there needs to hear the message. "Just keep _______!" Maybe it's swimming, maybe it's praying, maybe it's loving your teenager, maybe it's folding laundry, maybe it's praising God in the midst of the storm.
It wasn't long ago that I took up swimming.....or maybe it was swimming that took me up.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)