The high on Saturday was in the mid-40's. BUT it's April!!! Time to say good-bye to winter and hello to spring. So, I spent most of last week de-winterizing. The spring coats and swim trunks (Yes, I'm hopeful!) and all the boys' spring clothes have come out of hiding, and all-things-winter have been laundered and tucked away. Some may call this spring cleaning, but I have a hard time saying that when its still soooooo cold outside.
There is no easy way to muddle through de-winterization. During most of the process my house looked as if a tornado came through the front door, wound its way upstairs into every room and then back down. Since so much time was spent with clothes, the dishes were neglected and the washer and dryer worked over-time, allowing the tornado to make a quick stop in the kitchen and laundry room before heading back out through the garage door. With mommy swallowed up in clothes, the boys found a creative way to satisfy their need for spring. Throughout the week, bikes, balls, soccer shoes, buckets for the creek, and water boots were scattered over the lawn and driveway. What a happy mess! And somewhere in the middle of that my Parker learned to ride his bike without training wheels!!!
As tiring as the whole de-winterizing process was, it feels so good to have it all done!!! That wouldn't have been possible without the help of three wonderful people. My Mom, Uncle Dennis and Aunt Mary. On Thursday, my mom came over after school to help keep the boys busy while I got the process started. Then on Saturday, Uncle Dennis and Aunt Mary drove down from the Chicago area. They'd planned on spending time with us and wanted to help out any way they could. I had no idea I'd be de-winterizing when they offered to come down. But the timing was perfect! Dennis and Mary happily and lovingly kept those four boys busy for me.
The boys will not remember this weekend as the time mommy was swallowed by the 'whale of clothes,' and then 'resurrected' on the third day. No, this will be the time their funniest Great Uncle and sweetest, most patient Great Aunt came to town and entertained them with Horton Hears a Who, McDonald's, The Game of Life, Wallace and Grommet, and lots of smiles and fun!!
*****Conversation of the Week:
As we awaited the arrival of Dennis and Mary, I said to Sean, "This will be great! The boys are so excited about Aunt Mary and Uncle Dennis coming. They'll keep the boys out of our hair and we'll get stuff done." Sean responded, "Honey, neither of us has any hair." I immediately frowned and nudged his arm and said, "That's not funny!" But it was funny and I couldn't help but laugh with him.
*****
Be very careful, then, how you live--not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity...... Ephesians 6:15
I thank my God every time I remember you. Philippians 1:3
And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. Colossians 3:17
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Top 10 Silver-Linings
Okay, yesterday I was feeling a bit blue...which is to be expected. Today, I'm feeling.....hmm.....let's say I'm feeling silver. That may not be the right color, but I'll go with that. As I drifted off to sleep last night (which took forever with two cups of coffee in my system) I started looking for the silver lining in my present circumstances. So I thought to myself, "What good things do I have to look forward to as a result of my double mastectomies?" Hmm.......think, think, think. Okay, I came up with a few and thought I'd share them in David Letterman style.
Here are "The Top Ten Silver Linings in Having a Double Mastectomy!"
Number "TEN": I needed some good reason to start getting those abs back in shape.
Number "NINE": Just think how freeing it will be to not have to reach for a bra every morning.
Number "EIGHT": I can purchase any size prosthesis that I want to.....Hmm....Do they make a Dolly Parton size?
Number "SEVEN": I'll sleep more comfortably on my belly.
Number "SIX": No more sports bras during exercise.
Number "FIVE": Less bra-time means less laundry! (Always looking at the practical side of things)
Number "FOUR": Should I decide to become a tree-hugger, I'll have more room to hug bigger trees!
Number "THR3E": When I'm older and in a Rehab Unit, the Occupational Therapist won't have to teach me how to put my bra on independently! (That one's for you, Julie!)
Number "TWO": No more headlight jokes and no more mammograms.
AND the Number "ONE" Silver Lining in Having a Double Mastectomy : This just may be what I need to improve my handicap on the golf course!
Here are "The Top Ten Silver Linings in Having a Double Mastectomy!"
Number "TEN": I needed some good reason to start getting those abs back in shape.
Number "NINE": Just think how freeing it will be to not have to reach for a bra every morning.
Number "EIGHT": I can purchase any size prosthesis that I want to.....Hmm....Do they make a Dolly Parton size?
Number "SEVEN": I'll sleep more comfortably on my belly.
Number "SIX": No more sports bras during exercise.
Number "FIVE": Less bra-time means less laundry! (Always looking at the practical side of things)
Number "FOUR": Should I decide to become a tree-hugger, I'll have more room to hug bigger trees!
Number "THR3E": When I'm older and in a Rehab Unit, the Occupational Therapist won't have to teach me how to put my bra on independently! (That one's for you, Julie!)
Number "TWO": No more headlight jokes and no more mammograms.
AND the Number "ONE" Silver Lining in Having a Double Mastectomy : This just may be what I need to improve my handicap on the golf course!
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
What to Expect When You're Expecting......?
I'm guessing that most women have heard of the book, What to Expect When You're Expecting. Whether you've read it is another story. It seems everyone plans for things differently. Some like to read up on every bit of information they can find, some prefer to ask lots of questions to those who have 'been there and done that,' and others tend to take the 'let's wait and see what happens' approach. However you plan, life happens....one day at a time. There's always something ahead on the horizon.
At this moment, I'm trying to figure out what to expect when you're expecting major female surgery all at one time. I've already tried the 'read up on every bit of information I can find' tactic. That was a pretty scary Internet search because most of the information was not cancer related, but more for someone interested in changing who God created them to be. Well, that's not where I'm headed. I did find some helpful information here and there on cancer websites about menopause and its unwelcoming side effects, but I had to stop searching.
So, I tried option number 2: ask lots of questions to those who have 'been there and done that.' I've had several friends and mentors who've had cancer who have been present with me during my journey with cancer. They've been my prayer warriors, my confidants, my shoulders to lean on, my examples to follow. There are many out there: Missy, Julie, Ronda, Tillie, Karen, Theresa, the woman at the children's museum, the ladies at YSC, the list goes on. There are certainly many similarities that we all share, but many variants that come into play in our treatments.
What was that third option? I've gathered all the information I can, and I've asked a ton of questions. Now it's time to 'wait and see.' All the planning in the world cannot completely prepare me for what's ahead. As the day of surgery approaches (which is three weeks away) I find myself more emotional than I've been through this entire process. I feel as if I'm about to say good-bye to some dear life long friends who have been with me from the beginning of my life as a woman. On a very practical side, they nurtured and fed all 4 of my boys, helping to develop that wonderful bond between mother and child. Currently, they're masking the bulging tummy that I never took time to slim down after having those 4 boys (Oh My!!) They also provide the contour that makes one 'feel' like a woman. But they are about to go. And I must let them. And it will be difficult.
There's another option I failed to mention. I will trust in the Lord with ALL of my heart and lean NOT on MY OWN understanding. I will ACKNOWLEDGE Him in ALL things and HE will DIRECT my path.
What do I expect when I'm expecting a major change in my life? I'm expecting to see the wonderful and mighty hand of God. My ways are not His ways. My thoughts are not His thoughts. How can I begin to understand what great and mighty things He has for me? I will trust in Him. I've already experienced a better relationship with God, with my husband, with my children, with my friends and family.......I've already experienced some growth in my character and in the gifts God has given me.....I wait in anticipation to see what else God is preparing for me. The world may not define these 'things' as great and wonderful. But I'm not concerned with what the world thinks.
Expect great things in your life....no matter what your circumstances are....no matter what trial or tribulation you are facing. For God is faithful!
At this moment, I'm trying to figure out what to expect when you're expecting major female surgery all at one time. I've already tried the 'read up on every bit of information I can find' tactic. That was a pretty scary Internet search because most of the information was not cancer related, but more for someone interested in changing who God created them to be. Well, that's not where I'm headed. I did find some helpful information here and there on cancer websites about menopause and its unwelcoming side effects, but I had to stop searching.
So, I tried option number 2: ask lots of questions to those who have 'been there and done that.' I've had several friends and mentors who've had cancer who have been present with me during my journey with cancer. They've been my prayer warriors, my confidants, my shoulders to lean on, my examples to follow. There are many out there: Missy, Julie, Ronda, Tillie, Karen, Theresa, the woman at the children's museum, the ladies at YSC, the list goes on. There are certainly many similarities that we all share, but many variants that come into play in our treatments.
What was that third option? I've gathered all the information I can, and I've asked a ton of questions. Now it's time to 'wait and see.' All the planning in the world cannot completely prepare me for what's ahead. As the day of surgery approaches (which is three weeks away) I find myself more emotional than I've been through this entire process. I feel as if I'm about to say good-bye to some dear life long friends who have been with me from the beginning of my life as a woman. On a very practical side, they nurtured and fed all 4 of my boys, helping to develop that wonderful bond between mother and child. Currently, they're masking the bulging tummy that I never took time to slim down after having those 4 boys (Oh My!!) They also provide the contour that makes one 'feel' like a woman. But they are about to go. And I must let them. And it will be difficult.
There's another option I failed to mention. I will trust in the Lord with ALL of my heart and lean NOT on MY OWN understanding. I will ACKNOWLEDGE Him in ALL things and HE will DIRECT my path.
What do I expect when I'm expecting a major change in my life? I'm expecting to see the wonderful and mighty hand of God. My ways are not His ways. My thoughts are not His thoughts. How can I begin to understand what great and mighty things He has for me? I will trust in Him. I've already experienced a better relationship with God, with my husband, with my children, with my friends and family.......I've already experienced some growth in my character and in the gifts God has given me.....I wait in anticipation to see what else God is preparing for me. The world may not define these 'things' as great and wonderful. But I'm not concerned with what the world thinks.
Expect great things in your life....no matter what your circumstances are....no matter what trial or tribulation you are facing. For God is faithful!
Monday, April 7, 2008
Frozen Meals and Bald Heads
We're home from vacation and I've had so much on my heart I've wanted to share. But there just never are enough hours in a day........I'm in the middle of warming up a yummy frozen meal and thought that now was as good a time as any to share some of my random thoughts.
- Just before we left for vacation I was blessed by some fellow homeschooling moms. They'd had a fun evening of cooking together, making all sorts of freezer meals. They blessed my family with several of those meals. One of them is what I'm cooking tonight....Meatball sub sandwiches! Yummy!!!
- Entering the world as a woman with a bald head takes courage. Right now, my courage is limited. It's boundaries include my home and Tennessee. Last week while on vacation I opted to go bald during many of our outings. It's just impossible to wear a wig all day long. I may share more on that adventure at a later date. Funny how I can spend hours at a time out in the unknown world with my head exposed, but I can't find the strength to walk to my mailbox in the same way.
Well, the sub-sandwiches are done! And they smell good! The boys are flocking around for a bite.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
A Most Wonderful Gift
A few weeks ago, my mom and dad asked Sean and I and our boys if we wanted to join them on their spring break vacation to Pigeon Forge/Gatlinburg, Tennessee. We were thrilled to accept. What a great way for us to celebrate the end of chemo! And it's a nice break from the daily grind of homeschool.
So here we are in good ol' Tennessee. Last night we went to a wonderful dinner and show. The boys were mesmerized by the production. Parker even had his hair tossled by one of the performers who had come off stage for part of her song/dance. You can imagine the huge smile on his face when she waved back to him as she turned to go back on stage. The best part for me was one of the songs sung at the end. I Can Only Imagine.
We've got two more productions to see this week. One is called, The Miracle. The other is a comedy show. I'm looking forward to the rest of this week.
I only have 15 minutes of internet access here where we are staying. And I see the next fellow in line is getting anxious for me to finish. So, that's it for today.
So here we are in good ol' Tennessee. Last night we went to a wonderful dinner and show. The boys were mesmerized by the production. Parker even had his hair tossled by one of the performers who had come off stage for part of her song/dance. You can imagine the huge smile on his face when she waved back to him as she turned to go back on stage. The best part for me was one of the songs sung at the end. I Can Only Imagine.
We've got two more productions to see this week. One is called, The Miracle. The other is a comedy show. I'm looking forward to the rest of this week.
I only have 15 minutes of internet access here where we are staying. And I see the next fellow in line is getting anxious for me to finish. So, that's it for today.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Conversations Here and There
Here are the current ages of my boys. Spencer is 10, Trevor is 8, Parker is 6, and Brenner is 4.
And here are some thoughts we've had the last couple of weeks:
With a new 12-year old neighbor visiting, the boys were eager to get to know him and started asking all kinds of questions. Trevor asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up. The boy replied, "I don't know. Haven't really thought of it." Here's the rest of the conversation:
Trevor: When I grow up, I want to be a Christian or a zookeeper.
Spencer: You can be a Christian no matter what you decide to be.
Trevor: No, I mean a Christian like Amy Carmichael.
Mommy: You mean you'd like to be a missionary?
Trevor: Yeah, but not just like Amy Carmichael and the other ones we've read about. I want to go around and preach, too.
(Hearing this come from the quietest of my four boys was quite a revelation.....and another treasure to tuck into my heart. )
*******
Parker: (While laying on my lap with a 102 fever Saturday night......) Mommy, I want ice on my head. Why do I want ice on my head?
Mommy: Because you have a cold or the......
Parker: I don't have a cold, mommy. I have a warm. That's why I need ice on my head.
*******
Parker: My mommy's not sick, she just has cancer.
*******
Trevor: I know God made everything. But what I'm trying to figure out is who made God.
Spencer (without hesitation): God has neither beginning nor ending, but always has been and always will be.
*******
Brenner: I like your bald head, mommy! You are so beau-ti-ful!
*******
But Jesus called the children to him and said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these." Luke 18:16
And here are some thoughts we've had the last couple of weeks:
With a new 12-year old neighbor visiting, the boys were eager to get to know him and started asking all kinds of questions. Trevor asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up. The boy replied, "I don't know. Haven't really thought of it." Here's the rest of the conversation:
Trevor: When I grow up, I want to be a Christian or a zookeeper.
Spencer: You can be a Christian no matter what you decide to be.
Trevor: No, I mean a Christian like Amy Carmichael.
Mommy: You mean you'd like to be a missionary?
Trevor: Yeah, but not just like Amy Carmichael and the other ones we've read about. I want to go around and preach, too.
(Hearing this come from the quietest of my four boys was quite a revelation.....and another treasure to tuck into my heart. )
*******
Parker: (While laying on my lap with a 102 fever Saturday night......) Mommy, I want ice on my head. Why do I want ice on my head?
Mommy: Because you have a cold or the......
Parker: I don't have a cold, mommy. I have a warm. That's why I need ice on my head.
*******
Parker: My mommy's not sick, she just has cancer.
*******
Trevor: I know God made everything. But what I'm trying to figure out is who made God.
Spencer (without hesitation): God has neither beginning nor ending, but always has been and always will be.
*******
Brenner: I like your bald head, mommy! You are so beau-ti-ful!
*******
But Jesus called the children to him and said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these." Luke 18:16
Friday, March 28, 2008
When Waiting Takes Forever
I'm happy to report that yesterday I finished my 12th weeks of chemotherapy and herceptin. Although it was a very long day with unexpected twists and turns, God was faithful.
We started with our homeschool co-op day. This has been the highlight of the week for my boys and for me. It has been one of our constants during this time. And God has been ever so good to our co-op. We have a creative and loving group of moms with servants' hearts, and we have about 80 energetic and wonderful kids who participate each week. I've really enjoyed watching their friendships bloom. Here's what everyone enjoyed:
Spencer: Playing sharks and minnows in Gym, Figuring things out in Creative Communications, Seeing Abraham Lincoln's cabin in Indiana History.
Trevor: Drawing a tree in Art Class, Playing Freeze Tag in Gym, Sharing his poster about the White House in Geography.
Parker: Playing cool instruments and listening to music in Music class, Making Cards in Schoonerville, and Playing in Gym.
Brenner: Well, he opted to stay home with daddy that morning and I didn't have the strength or gumption to make him go.
Mommy: Seeing every one's efforts come together for a wonderful day, Seeing the smiles on the kid's faces, Listening to a few of our mom's teach and watching the classroom interaction take place.
We had to leave the co-op before lunch. After a quick zip through McD's drive-thru, I took the boys and their lunch to my house where my mom waited for us. We exchanged quick hugs and instructions before Sean and I left for my last treatment.
Here's where my patience was tested. I had to decide to 'trust in the Lord with all of my heart and lean not on my own understanding.' I had to accept by faith that 'all things work together for good.' And, above all things, I had to acknowledge there are a lot of hurting and sick people in this world and only so many hours in a day. I needed to extend grace to my physicians and their staff, even when the waiting seemed to take forever.
The gist of the story is that my chemo day took twice as long as it normally would. Also, a week had passed since decisions about my upcoming surgeries had been made, and yet important communication to get my surgery date scheduled hadn't taken place. I had done all that I could to get the process rolling. And now all I could do was wait. Waiting takes forever sometimes. Can anyone relate?
So, I've chosen to do what works best. I trust in the Lord. I put my faith in Him. I realize that my option to do bilateral mastectomies and oopherectomies (removal of my ovaries) in one surgery requires more planning than a normal surgery. So, I pray that my two doctors and their staff will be able to work out the details. Things don't always work out in the way or in the time frame that we hope, but God is sovereign and He is faithful. Can I get a witness?!!!
*****
Addendum: I tried to post my blog earlier today, but there was something wrong with my connection. But I see it as a God's timing. Since writing this morning, I've had two calls from one of my doctor's offices. The ball is rolling. I still don't know for certain when my surgery will be or where it will happen, but communication has started. God's still in control. So, once again, I'll keep on waiting. And even if it takes forever, I'll know that it's okay.
*****
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. This is what the ancients were commended for. By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God's command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible. Hebrews 11:1
And God said, "Let there be light," and there was light. Genesis 1:3......(God spoke our visible world into existence. Not only do we serve an omnipotent Creator, but we are also loved and treasured by Him. Did you know that the words, "And God said," or their equivalent, are found over 2,500 times in the Bible?)
In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps. Proverbs 16:9......(This proverb assures us that even when our plans fail, God will ultimately bring about his purposes. Lord, may my plans reflect your desires.)
We started with our homeschool co-op day. This has been the highlight of the week for my boys and for me. It has been one of our constants during this time. And God has been ever so good to our co-op. We have a creative and loving group of moms with servants' hearts, and we have about 80 energetic and wonderful kids who participate each week. I've really enjoyed watching their friendships bloom. Here's what everyone enjoyed:
Spencer: Playing sharks and minnows in Gym, Figuring things out in Creative Communications, Seeing Abraham Lincoln's cabin in Indiana History.
Trevor: Drawing a tree in Art Class, Playing Freeze Tag in Gym, Sharing his poster about the White House in Geography.
Parker: Playing cool instruments and listening to music in Music class, Making Cards in Schoonerville, and Playing in Gym.
Brenner: Well, he opted to stay home with daddy that morning and I didn't have the strength or gumption to make him go.
Mommy: Seeing every one's efforts come together for a wonderful day, Seeing the smiles on the kid's faces, Listening to a few of our mom's teach and watching the classroom interaction take place.
We had to leave the co-op before lunch. After a quick zip through McD's drive-thru, I took the boys and their lunch to my house where my mom waited for us. We exchanged quick hugs and instructions before Sean and I left for my last treatment.
Here's where my patience was tested. I had to decide to 'trust in the Lord with all of my heart and lean not on my own understanding.' I had to accept by faith that 'all things work together for good.' And, above all things, I had to acknowledge there are a lot of hurting and sick people in this world and only so many hours in a day. I needed to extend grace to my physicians and their staff, even when the waiting seemed to take forever.
The gist of the story is that my chemo day took twice as long as it normally would. Also, a week had passed since decisions about my upcoming surgeries had been made, and yet important communication to get my surgery date scheduled hadn't taken place. I had done all that I could to get the process rolling. And now all I could do was wait. Waiting takes forever sometimes. Can anyone relate?
So, I've chosen to do what works best. I trust in the Lord. I put my faith in Him. I realize that my option to do bilateral mastectomies and oopherectomies (removal of my ovaries) in one surgery requires more planning than a normal surgery. So, I pray that my two doctors and their staff will be able to work out the details. Things don't always work out in the way or in the time frame that we hope, but God is sovereign and He is faithful. Can I get a witness?!!!
*****
Addendum: I tried to post my blog earlier today, but there was something wrong with my connection. But I see it as a God's timing. Since writing this morning, I've had two calls from one of my doctor's offices. The ball is rolling. I still don't know for certain when my surgery will be or where it will happen, but communication has started. God's still in control. So, once again, I'll keep on waiting. And even if it takes forever, I'll know that it's okay.
*****
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. This is what the ancients were commended for. By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God's command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible. Hebrews 11:1
And God said, "Let there be light," and there was light. Genesis 1:3......(God spoke our visible world into existence. Not only do we serve an omnipotent Creator, but we are also loved and treasured by Him. Did you know that the words, "And God said," or their equivalent, are found over 2,500 times in the Bible?)
In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps. Proverbs 16:9......(This proverb assures us that even when our plans fail, God will ultimately bring about his purposes. Lord, may my plans reflect your desires.)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)